raped and 3 years on still suffering

[co-okie]

three years ago i got raped repeatedly by someone i thought i could trust with my life, one of my friends realised something was wrong and managed to got me to tell her what happened she begged me to go to the police but i didnt want to, i was scared that something awful would happen. eventualy i went to the police and he got taken in and questioned but denied it all, he was realed due to lack of evidence, they took my clothes and i got an examination (which i would never wish on any female) and still nothing.
My friends and family didnt believe my story they thought i was looking for attention so i was left alone even my boyfriend left me i was alone. and i was terrified with him walkeing around because there was no evidence to convict him. i was housebound and only ever when out to go shopping for food and even then i got threatened and once i got attacked. i stayed in the house for over 4 months then one day a friend called and apolagiesed i didnt know what to do i was craving human contact so she came round and we talked for ages, eventually things went back to normal kindof, i didnt trust anyone and i always felt like an outcast but all the trouble that had been caused had just seemed to fade away.
the man who done it moved away to america i think. that was what i was told anyway.
but even until today i cannot open up and trust anyone fully. i feel like there is a blackness inside me eating me alive, i feel unhuman. and i dont know what to do.
co-okie

[kendo59]

I am so sorry to hear that you suffered such a horrific experience at such a young age (I note that according to your profile, you are 11 years old). Such an ordeal must be terrible at any age, but being so young must have been especially traumatic. Have you spoken with Victim Support or received any counselling?

[co-okie]

oh no sorry my profile was wrong i was born in 1987 not 1997 sorry.
But no iv nevr been my friends and my mum when she finaly spoke to me said i didnt need to go it was only for people with serious problems.
so i never went
co-okie
x

[diane07]

Aww sorry to hear about your awful ordeal,

Trust has to be earned, and since it was taken away from you, it is understandable that you find it difficult to trust again.
I found for me personally the best way of dealing with this is through selp therapy, but i would certainly say have counselling with a therapist. Once you open up and tell someone about your terrible ordeal it will get easier in time to talk about it.

You also need to be able to talk in great detail about the fact that nothing was done about it and basically this guy got away, that in itself is a hard thing to cope with.

It is good to hear that you had your friend round and that you are getting better.
Please don't shut yourself away from the world, this evil prat has done enough damage to you without the after effects of it torturing you for years to come.

Stay strong and feel free to pm me if you need any help

di xx

[celia davies]

Iv been through somethin very simular 2 u ur not alone i was abused as a child by my father up intil the age of 8 i cant trust any1 either i think we will b like this the rest of our lifes how can we trust any1 after people so close did this 2 us?
And 4 people sayin that ur problem wasnt serious enough 4 u 2 seek help i would advice u 2 do what u feel is right i wonder if they would think the problem was serious enough if it would of happened 2 them??x

[co-okie]

thank you for your support, and your right celia and im sorry about what happened to you.
i think i will go and see someone
thank youxx

[celia davies]

Be strong xxx:flowers:

[gary_2.0]

oh no sorry my profile was wrong i was born in 1987 not 1997 sorry.
But no iv nevr been my friends and my mum when she finaly spoke to me said i didn't need to go it was only for people with serious problems.
so i never went
co-okie
x

"only for people with serious problems" - A completely inexcusable comment to make. Nobody has the right to judge others in this way. Only you know how it feels to be you, so do yourself a favour and ignore comments that ignore you.

Anything that prevents you living the life you want, is worth seeking help for.

I won't pretend it's easy to talk about such personal issues - but posting on here is a positive first step - some of us can blank out sections of our lives and 'get on with it', in a manner of speaking. Although I think we probably kid ourselves that technique works fully.

It's far better to deal with things now than let them become a constant simmering problem later on.

It's nothing that you have to rush. It's something that you can do at a pace you feel comfortable with. But I hope you do at least consider talking to someone who is professionally trained to help you. Then you can build the confidence to choose your own friends.

Remember you have options and that you are not alone, stay true to yourself, and good luck :)

[bottleblond]

Hi Co-okie

Sweetheart i can't begin to know what you are feeling but i think you did a very bave thing in posting about it. I have been through some god damn horrific things in my life that have had a huge impact and i do still believe that talking about it, either face to face on a place this this is a step in the healing process.

Good luck to you huni
Love Lisa
xxx

[marie1974]

talking will really help u to deal with this hun, please keep posting and we will support u all we can xxxx hugs xxxxx

[co-okie]

thank you soo much for your supposrt i really do feel alot better alothoigh there was one other thing i failed to mention in my story, the man who done it gave me chlomidea and i feel anhilliated. i got pills to take it away but i still feel horrible and a bad person.
but you support is immense and i thank you soo much
co-okie
x

[titch]

I am so sorry to hear about your awful experiance...i think you need to go to a councillor and tell them what you told us hun...i had a simalar situation and im know undergoing councillin with RASASC it is really helpful hun..xxx

[Stressed92]

Awwh that must have been awful
sending you some hugs :bighug1:
I think you should have counselling or something to help you get through this
You are not alone, we are all here for you and I'm sure you will build trust with people on here:)
Good luck
Amy
x

[Lynnann]

Hi Co-okie,

You are not alone with this, I have been through very similar circumstances, however I have recieved the full support from my family, you need to seek counselling for the trauma that you have been through. You were not to blame and you deserve the help that you recieve.

Hugs to you

Lynnann

[co-okie]

hey thankyou for all your help. yesterday i got a letter through from the police saying that i was able to go and pick up the clothes that i was wearing the day i got raped. it was a ery emotional time for me.
i i dont know what to do with them. it was just like when the police man handed me over them all the mempries flooded back and i feel sick everytime look a them.
co-okie
x

[marie1974]

oh hun, poor u, i would dispose of them matey, u dont need more reminders.

u are very brave, stay strong hunny xxx

[andie73]

Awe Hun I'm so sorry to hear you have had this awful crime inflicted upon you. You must not feel that you are a bad person, you did not ask for this to happen to you. I don't have any experience of this but other stuff has happened in my life, so I understand lonliness and isolation. It may sound mad and if it does ignore me, but you could destroy the clothes, cut them up or burn them, or bury them, it may be symbolic in a way of your need to put this behind you. This might not be the right time for that though as you still carry alot of pain, and quite understandably so. But I do silly little gestures like that as a way of drawing a line and mentally trying to take control.

Just ignore, I'm probably being crazy, but my thoughts are with you.

[alihud]

Firstly Cookie my heart goes out to you and to all the others on here that have been affected by abuse,i too have faced abuse in my life but by my first husband rather than a family member but that was enough.
I agree with Andie that maybe burning the clothes would be a good way of moving forward along with some counselling.Can you afford private or will it be nhs?I found my nhs counsellor one of the best ive seen and ive seen private too,what i'm saying is you might need to shop around for a counsellor you really get on with.
Anyway stay strong becuase you can get through this with help and support and belief in yourself.
Ali xxx

[co-okie]

thank you all. andie i think your right, i should do something like that to show that he hasnt got that same control over me. thank you.
xxx

[tracy1972]

i am sorry to hear of your ordeal and i can say i know what your going through i wasnt believed by my family either and now i have nothing to do with any of them and it still affects me to this day i am very suspicious of who i trust and it takes a long tme to build friendships with me my went on for 8 yrs and when i told my parents they laughed but keep posting and we will listen and reply good luck keep your chin up

[Michellem]

Co-oke...I fully understand...you are going through "normal" emotions...I was raped as a child by my father...and his friends....later by a man when I was vunerable after divorce (went to trial)he got off...10 said guilty...3 were"nt sure !! then 2 yrs ago again by my removel guy....vunerable again!! I have no family and have become accustamed to NOT being able to talk to ANYONE...but thats not good ..you need to get counselling....not everyone on here can be wrong...they"ve all suffered and suffering one way or another...you MUST make the effort cos u cud effect your whole life if not...dont give him that!!! good luck babe x

[Lynnann]

Hi Michellem,

Welcome to NMP, I understand some of the things that you have endured and hope you find the strength to talk about what has happened to you in a secure and safe environment, you really have had a rough time and my heart goes out to you.

Here for you in any way I can,

Lynnann

[Duckie]

I can relate to you 100%, I am not really ready to tell the details but I made a decision that I don't know if many people would after that happened to me.

I don't regret what I did because it was my decision and every day I thank god that somehow made the right decision.

Hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Duckie xx