please :(

[nikk_dolittle]

hi,

sorry
Sorry
Sorry

I was sitting on her own on the raised up bit of pavement in a corner of the playground, near the shed where all the PE equipment was, when she came up to me. I was playing with the pebbles and bits of gravel that lined the pavement. I was taken into the shed, and her face showed what she had planned. I didn’t know that though. She took me into a corner, and grabbed at my wrists. She forced me to the back against the wall, and then….

I’m Sorry.

I doubt I’ll be able to say anymore to this. I feel so ashamed and dirty when I even think about it. No one knows about it hardly.

Sorry
The flashbacks and nightmares are terrible. I havent the power to release anyhting anymore.

Why?.... Am I little Nikk or Adult Nikk? I guess in a child...


having lost my counsellor, I cant let it out. I need to let go of the detail. I cant have no more nightmares and flashabcks.

It hurts to much... my gulit is too much... i dont know anymore. I feel stupid for saying when I first did. More pain caused..

Im Sorry....
N xxx:weep:

[keepemlaughing]

Aww Nikk, I feel your pain in your words. Please feel free to send me a private message. I can lend a helpful ear. Please don't feel guilty over someone else's actions.
Blessings,
Sheryl

[lostsoul]

Nikki

That must be such a hard thing to carry around with you - Can you find another councillor to talk things through with?- Never ever feel ashamed it wasnt your fault.

There are good people out there and there are certainly plenty on here who can help.

Take care XXXX

[marie1974]

hiya hun, gosh i cant imagine the pain your are in sweetie, but like dave says can u try and talk to another counsellor? you will get lots of support on here from people who will try and help u, u r not alone ever hun. xxxx

[bottleblond]

Nikk


You know i would never lie to you so here goes.

You are the ADULT Nikk. You were a kid when this happened to you and it was the actions of an adult that did you wrong! This is NOT your fault, it never has been and it never will be.


Yeah it's hard sweety, and it may always be hard but you have to remember that you have grown into a young woman, a different person and one who has guts and stamina to fight back.

Stand up strong mate and prove to yourself and everyone else that you will no longer be the victim but the strong, independant, sweet and caring person that we all know and love.

Love you loads SMALL fry
Lisa
xxxx

[nikk_dolittle]

thank you for the replies.

I have tried to get one but they have about a 6 month waiting list and I cant afford to go private as I dont have no income at the moment either. I have put on to the list, and my old one is going to tell them, ive started talkng but I cant stop.

I guess its having to wait for that to happen, Ness is also on the case about moving it all on quicker.

the words mean alot. ness has said the same words and Although I cant see that now, I know I will see them when things improve. I have just got out loads of things by writing it down and im going to email them to my old counsellor as we still have contact abit.

Lisa....small fry? :ohmy: only becasue you cant admit your short.
n x

[Cathy V]

Nikk, ive never answered your posts before because ive never known what to say to you, still dont, but ive read them...all of them, and whenever i read them i think to myself that i dont know why my anxiety started..it started from nothing, from a small thing, a health thing that wasnt really a health thing, not from anything anyone ever did to me, and its kept on going for all of these years. When i read what you have been through, are still going through...you and other members who had to go through these things as children my heart bleeds for you. Stay strong nikk. You're in my thoughts.

Cathy xxx

[titchjd]

Nikk big big hugs 2 u m8 ..u know im eya weneva u need and letting things out is a very very big step .....sumtyms we keep them so hidden and so well gaurded that they eat away at us by letting them out u r saying F**k u u rnt gna control me anymore (excuse the language ) but just doin that thread is a big step hun xxxx

Big big hugs Titchjd xxxx

[sandramick]

hey nik . lisa post says everything i think . it soo hard i no but u have got to put the past to rest shug . u cant let her ruin your life for ever be strong nik get the fight back . u no where i am .
big hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[ade]

nikk
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((nikk)))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
nikk,you are the adult nikk but you need also to care for little nikk
to cherish her,believe her voice and let it speak.
always felt instinctively fond of you
an ocean of love ade xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[milly jones]

aww nikk

im so frustrated that i cant help u more

its so good that u are strating to speak out hunny

i know how hard this all is for u but until its all out u cant heal

i hope that u can continue to get some professional help sweetie cos u need to continue on ur journey

always here by pm, text or msn hunny

milly xxxx

[jodie]

nikk

not sure what to say hun ,but wanted to give you a :hugs: .
things will get better for you now your older you can make your own choices and your own life now and get help with what you have gone through

jodie xx

[co-okie]

you are the adult nikk and what hppened is NOT YOUR FAULT. you shouldnt feel guilty although i know how you feel i went though something similar. i know how hard it is to get through this sort of thing. you are a good person. you should not be feeling dirty it should be her.
co-okie
if you need to talk message me ill always be here if you need to talk.
always
x

[Leslie]

Nikk, I'm impressed that you have revealed some of what is hurting you, I know that it must have been difficult to do that. It shows me that you are beginning to take control and not letting the other person win. You are the winner Nikk not the other person who damaged you. Lots of love and empathy.

Les