should i go or not

[titch]

ok so today all my family are having a little get together because on the 17th of this month my cousin leaves to go to afganistan with the army...i dont want to be selfish but i dont feel like sitting there playing happy families pretending everything is all right when its not...in the past my family disowned me due to a sexual abuse from my uncle and they took is side..even at xmas im just sat there no one talks to me anymore..i really want to see my cousin before he goes and i dont want to be selfish but it really puts me down...what should i do?!

[Dazza]

Hello dear,

Sorry to hear about your past experiences.

I can only give you advice based on how i deal with things. At the end of the day, if you are not happy in that situation, then there is no obligation for you to go. We should not be forced to do things through guilt. I really don't like it when people try to 'guilt me' into doing things. I normally decline, saying that it is totally my choice whether i go or not, and that if the other people are not happy about it, then it's for them to deal with it. But i would have stated clearly that that is how i feel and that is why i am doing what I am doing (ie by not going).

I used to go out fo parties and things through guilt at not letting my friends down. but it used to make me feel awful when i was there, so through counselling, i learnt how to say no, and to no longer do things through a feeling of guilt.

you could call your cousin, and arrange to see him alone before he leaves. give him a call and explain how you feel, I'm sure he will understand, and he will be delighted to get to spend some quality time with you before he leaves, even if it's for a coffee or lunch.

[kategavin]

Hi Titch,
I am a newbie too so welcome!
My advice is..........DONT GO IF YOU DO NOT WANT AND DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! I would not want to sit in a room full of people who did not believe me either and I think that is a totally natural feeling to have. I agree that you should arranged a private meeting with your cousin and spend some quality time with him. You have to do things because you choose to and not because you feel you have to.
Kate.x

[spotty socks]

Hi Titch
from another newbie , my advice would be 'don't go if i make you feel uncomfortable. You could place a boundry, you are your own person who can decided for yourself. If you wanted to give your cousin a few words before he went , you could phone or write a letter. Again this would be choice but a letter , phonecall would mean just as much to the recipient.
Take care
spotty socks

[marie1974]

hi ya titch, my advice would be dont go if u feel that bad, it is very unfair that your family sided with this awful vile person, so why should you have to sit there and be ignored hun.

i would prob send your cousin a card and write a letter in it, just saying sorry you couldnt be there for obvious reasons, but tell them how much u care and want to wish them well., atleast then they will know that u do care.

DO NOT FEEL GUILTY and u r not being selfish, BUT i think u are entitled to be selfish and think of yourself anyway after wot this person did to u.

you concentrate on yourself being strong and positive and dont worry wot other people think, you know in your heart u are truthful so if other people want to think otherwise then let them, but best revenge is to show people you can make a life for yourself and that this is not bothering you anymore, so u show them hun. hugs xxxx

[titch]

Thank u all so much for the replies...i havent gone...i jsut couldnt do it...who cares what they think of me for not going...i think im gonn message him on faceboo..thanks all again..xxx

[marie1974]

well i think u made the right decision hun and why should you put yourself through that when nothing is your fault.

facebook is a great idea and u stay postive and strong and power to us women hun . hugs xxxxx

[CONS]

Good for you titch,

Happy you didnt go, you took control, its your life do what you want,

CONS x

[Dazza]

Well done titch!! You made the right decision by not going. why put yourself through that torture!

[spotty socks]

it is so nice to hear that you have followed your heart and done what you wanted, that takes strenghth. well done
spotty socks

[titchjd]

Hiya hun hope u are ok .....you made the right choice hun you don't have 2 ever do anything that would make u so uncomfortable.

i should have gone 2 my bro inlaws 40th meal but feel so depressed havent gone ...I know family think its all excuses but Ive learnt from past mistakes and Ive done whay I wanted and not what every1 else wants me 2 xxx

Big Big hugs sweetie xxx
Titchjd xxxxxxxxxxx