Lydie
05-10-08, 18:28
Last year i sufferd very very bad dp/dr and manic depression after a very bad reaction to cannabis.
It lasted for months and it was terrifying,
Id have the most bizzare dreams and the days when i was at my worst i couldnt even tell the difference between them and reality.
I didnt know who i was,
i hated everyone around me my whole world just fell apart.
The doctors put me on prozac sertaline dizapam none of which helped in the slightest,
In october last year my parents put me into care due to my anger issues and severe emotional problems my mom was suffeing with breast cancer and she just simply couldnt cope
In december that year my aunty decided to let me love with her this was great i saw my mom and dad i was back near home and my boyfriend of 3 years and i decided to give it another go (he also ended it with me due to my problems which i took all out on him).
In january i started college made new friends life was great,
and because id been so busy and happy i didnt even recognise that my dp/dr had drasticlly faded.
I was fine,
perfect i moved back with my family end of january and id never been happier,
But i was still very very OC about cannabis i washed my hands every hour just incase i had some on my hands from touching a seat on the bus or a chair at college but even that calmed down
Then 3 weeks ago i went to a party,
Id hugged somone outside who had been smoking weed then came back in and had a cigarette
and suddenly all those feelings of that bad reaction to that cannabis started coming on strong i was hyperventalating i was paranoid everyone seemd distant and i was scared to death i tried so hard to try and calm down and i did incredibly well at it considering how bad iwas the last time (i threw myself out of a second floor window from fear)
I went home,
and tried to relax,
i had very shaken sleep,
i was waking up every hour and having very bizzare dreams,
In the moning that horrible horrible feeling was back,
the dp/dr.
I took omega 3 a few times and it seemed to help abit and after a few days i was feeling ok abit shaken but ok.
Yesterday i went to my friends house whos brother is a big cannabis smoker,
i got very nervous as of this,
but he left after 5mins as we were going out.
In the car id asked her mom for a cigarette,
she gave me one.
And those same feelings came back after id smoked it.
My head was everywhere i just wanted to jump out the carinto the road it was horrible,
itwasnt so much the physical symptoms but more the horrible panicy heart racing teryfying feelings.
Today i am back to square one,
i feel as bad as i did last year.
I dont know HOW this has happend,
im conviced ive inhailed cannabis on both occasions somhow,
even if it was the smallest amount it does not make a differnce because i am highly allergic to it.
I just dont know what to do,
im scared out of my wits.
I want to be me again,
ive just started my first job last week and i love it.
How am i going to carry on with it?
I cant let everyone down again.
I cant loose everyone again.
I want to be me again,
and see the world though my eyes.
Im so scared =[
It lasted for months and it was terrifying,
Id have the most bizzare dreams and the days when i was at my worst i couldnt even tell the difference between them and reality.
I didnt know who i was,
i hated everyone around me my whole world just fell apart.
The doctors put me on prozac sertaline dizapam none of which helped in the slightest,
In october last year my parents put me into care due to my anger issues and severe emotional problems my mom was suffeing with breast cancer and she just simply couldnt cope
In december that year my aunty decided to let me love with her this was great i saw my mom and dad i was back near home and my boyfriend of 3 years and i decided to give it another go (he also ended it with me due to my problems which i took all out on him).
In january i started college made new friends life was great,
and because id been so busy and happy i didnt even recognise that my dp/dr had drasticlly faded.
I was fine,
perfect i moved back with my family end of january and id never been happier,
But i was still very very OC about cannabis i washed my hands every hour just incase i had some on my hands from touching a seat on the bus or a chair at college but even that calmed down
Then 3 weeks ago i went to a party,
Id hugged somone outside who had been smoking weed then came back in and had a cigarette
and suddenly all those feelings of that bad reaction to that cannabis started coming on strong i was hyperventalating i was paranoid everyone seemd distant and i was scared to death i tried so hard to try and calm down and i did incredibly well at it considering how bad iwas the last time (i threw myself out of a second floor window from fear)
I went home,
and tried to relax,
i had very shaken sleep,
i was waking up every hour and having very bizzare dreams,
In the moning that horrible horrible feeling was back,
the dp/dr.
I took omega 3 a few times and it seemed to help abit and after a few days i was feeling ok abit shaken but ok.
Yesterday i went to my friends house whos brother is a big cannabis smoker,
i got very nervous as of this,
but he left after 5mins as we were going out.
In the car id asked her mom for a cigarette,
she gave me one.
And those same feelings came back after id smoked it.
My head was everywhere i just wanted to jump out the carinto the road it was horrible,
itwasnt so much the physical symptoms but more the horrible panicy heart racing teryfying feelings.
Today i am back to square one,
i feel as bad as i did last year.
I dont know HOW this has happend,
im conviced ive inhailed cannabis on both occasions somhow,
even if it was the smallest amount it does not make a differnce because i am highly allergic to it.
I just dont know what to do,
im scared out of my wits.
I want to be me again,
ive just started my first job last week and i love it.
How am i going to carry on with it?
I cant let everyone down again.
I cant loose everyone again.
I want to be me again,
and see the world though my eyes.
Im so scared =[