gramit
05-10-08, 19:45
I came across this forum on google.
I'm not a big fan of counselling as I find it hard to open up but for some reason find it easy to write it down.
I'm only 21 and already going through my 2nd nervous breakdown. I had an OK childhood nothing special or sinister, my brother died 2 days before my 19th birthday and it spiralled from there. My girlfriend at the time got pregnant and had an abortion, I started University while working a full time job to pay off my 5 year finance on a new car which was a big mistake as it has been a ball and chain round my feet ever since. My brothers pub was running into debt which I used my student loan to pay off for which my brother is still paying me back when he feels like it. I was an assistant manager for a betting shop which was very stressful and it was while working here I had my 1st breakdown. I worked my way through several types of anti-depressents and sedatives to no avail.
I also suffered from multiple drug addictions during my 1st and 2nd years at University ranging from just marijuana and alcohol to coke, ecstacy, ketamine, laughing gas... anything I could get my hands on really to forget about my problems. Luckily I am a clever sod so still got good grades in all my modules so it hasn't affect my degree yet. I am now clean.
After last christmas where my depression/anxiety was peaking I didn't sleep, eat, work, I couldn't do anything really and eventually my ex had enough and left me. I met a new girl shortly after and gave up my meds and drugs and I rapidly got better and though I had put all of this behind me.
Recently I discovered my new girlfriend is pregnant and keeping the baby, I am in my final year of University and need to concentrate on my studies as this is going to be a tough year. My anxiety and depression has come back big time and bitten me on the rear. I feel isolated and alone as my family have their own problems to deal with so I cannot turn to them, I have always refused to talk to my friends about things as I don't want to harm any social relationships or to be part of idle gossip.
My girlfriend does not understand why I am like I am right now. She thinks I am just being an ******* and lazy for not wanting to get out of bed most days, or for keep needing to leave her flat to be on my own. She says she has had enough of it and I need to stop now. It makes me angry that she can just expect me to change overnight. I would love that to be the case but as you all probably know that is not possible.
After my 1st breakdown I know the signs and I can see I am in the early stages of another breakdown. I am a very rational person so find it hard watching this happen to myself as to me it never makes sense why I feel like this. I guess I am posting this is because deep down I just want someone to accept that this is not my fault, I am not doing this because I want to, but because I am ill.
Thank you for reading me rabble on.
Grant
I'm not a big fan of counselling as I find it hard to open up but for some reason find it easy to write it down.
I'm only 21 and already going through my 2nd nervous breakdown. I had an OK childhood nothing special or sinister, my brother died 2 days before my 19th birthday and it spiralled from there. My girlfriend at the time got pregnant and had an abortion, I started University while working a full time job to pay off my 5 year finance on a new car which was a big mistake as it has been a ball and chain round my feet ever since. My brothers pub was running into debt which I used my student loan to pay off for which my brother is still paying me back when he feels like it. I was an assistant manager for a betting shop which was very stressful and it was while working here I had my 1st breakdown. I worked my way through several types of anti-depressents and sedatives to no avail.
I also suffered from multiple drug addictions during my 1st and 2nd years at University ranging from just marijuana and alcohol to coke, ecstacy, ketamine, laughing gas... anything I could get my hands on really to forget about my problems. Luckily I am a clever sod so still got good grades in all my modules so it hasn't affect my degree yet. I am now clean.
After last christmas where my depression/anxiety was peaking I didn't sleep, eat, work, I couldn't do anything really and eventually my ex had enough and left me. I met a new girl shortly after and gave up my meds and drugs and I rapidly got better and though I had put all of this behind me.
Recently I discovered my new girlfriend is pregnant and keeping the baby, I am in my final year of University and need to concentrate on my studies as this is going to be a tough year. My anxiety and depression has come back big time and bitten me on the rear. I feel isolated and alone as my family have their own problems to deal with so I cannot turn to them, I have always refused to talk to my friends about things as I don't want to harm any social relationships or to be part of idle gossip.
My girlfriend does not understand why I am like I am right now. She thinks I am just being an ******* and lazy for not wanting to get out of bed most days, or for keep needing to leave her flat to be on my own. She says she has had enough of it and I need to stop now. It makes me angry that she can just expect me to change overnight. I would love that to be the case but as you all probably know that is not possible.
After my 1st breakdown I know the signs and I can see I am in the early stages of another breakdown. I am a very rational person so find it hard watching this happen to myself as to me it never makes sense why I feel like this. I guess I am posting this is because deep down I just want someone to accept that this is not my fault, I am not doing this because I want to, but because I am ill.
Thank you for reading me rabble on.
Grant