sensitive subject

[kathylou26]

Hi,

Something that is a really awful side effect of health anxiety has been the effect it has had on my love-life. Does any one else find it really hard to be intimate with their partners when they are convinced they are dying? I think that this had a lot to do with the breakdown of my last relationship (although in the end it was me who finished it.) I don't want make the same mistakes with my current, wonderful boyfriend, but he often comments that sometimes he feels like I'm 'not really there'. This is when I am worrying about my health. On a slightly different train of thought, I often worry about the burden I must put upon my friends and family, especially my mum, as she the one I ring the most to 'talk me down' when I'm really bad. She is wonderfully understanding but I feel guilty for making my problem her problem. I know that they would rather me talk to them than suffer in silence but its just another destructive facet of this evil affliction.

Kathy

[Dazza]

Hi Kathy,

I'm glad that you have brough up this subject, as it is one that I have been affected by.

When all this anxiety started about four months ago, i was still enjoying a full sex life with my boyfriend.

As time went on, i became more and more physically ill, and more and more trapped in my own mind... i felt like everything was shutting down, and that death would happen at any moment.

I'd lay in bed and want to hug him, but daren't are i would feel palpitations when i lay on my side. i was terrified this wuld leave to a heart attack. then i'd get these horrible feelings, like rushes of electricity up my whole upper body just as i was going to sleep, making me feel like i was dying as at the same time they would make me feel like my breathing and heart had stopped. for this reason also, i culd not even hug my bf in bed. i used to lay in bed, semi rigid with fear about what would happen.

We did still have sex - but less frequent and i could not completely relax, and i noticed that it went from wonderful love making to more quick sex.

i'm now apart from my partner, as he is in Asia - I was flown back by my travel insurance company at the end of Aug. As i was saying goodbye to him, i was crying my eyes out as i said to him -''i'm sorry darling, i haven't even been able to hold you in bed over the past few weeks..i've so wanted to, but i just feel so crap and scared, i can't'' (i've got tears in my eyes just typing this as it really upsets me that this anxiety has taken that away from me - the pleasure of holing my partner) :weep:

So, i totally sympathise with you. it really can affect intimacy and sexual relationships.

I think that time is the healer really. It's ironic, as sex is one thing that is proven to improve our wellbeing and release all those wonderful good hormones like endorphines. That's the bugger about anxiety - it wants to starve us of anything that is good for us, it wants to suffocate every part of our lives.

We won't let it!!!

Thanks again for bringing this subject up.

[CONS]

Most people feel like a burden to someone with our health probs and this is normal, we care for our closest people so much we worry.

We also beat ourseleves up about the impact we have on others even though its out of our control, were not drunks or purposefully neglectfull, we just do what we can.

Explaining the fullness of our disorders and illnesses is paramount when in any relationship, they should read up as much as possible to try to understand what makes us who we are now. Hearing it from someone and reading it reinforces the facts.

Be thankfull you have someone,

im still looking,

CONS

[LeeBee]

I'm not in a relationship right now so can't totally relate, but... I do wonder how much my anxiety and depression effected my relationship that ended last year/beginning of this year. My partner and I just drifted further and further apart over the years though we still loved one another, our sexual relationship becoming less and less until finally it was nothing. At times I craved physical closeness but when very depressed or anxious I was indifferent, didn't want to be touched and had no libido. I was a pain in the a**.

here were other problems, with sex and apart from sex, but my attitude didn't help. And when I was feeling anxious about my health (heart, initially) I desperately wanted to be comforted and cuddled but was too worried and distracted to want sex. I don't know. There's an element of chicken-and-egg to my situation - did my anxiety effect my relationship, or did my troubled relationship exacerbate my anxiety? Probably a bit of both.

Wow. Your posts have really made me think, and have moved me. I would agree with Darren, anxiety can definitely effect intimacy in a relationship. Hm.

[berkshiregirl]

i too am like this with my partner is so hard to get close at the moment it is like i am scared to relax and enjoy what is a natural thing

[Simply Red]

I hadn't experienced any problems like this until a couple of days ago. I was feeling really anxious before sex and even during, i had to concentrate really hard and let the nice feelings take over. It did work eventually, anxiety is not going to wreck EVERY part of my life!

Take care

Red xx

[Cathy V]

Yes i can also relate to the physical side of this. Especially what darren said about not wanting to lie on my side even for a hug as i feel the ectopics more...we even changed sides of the bed coz i dont feel them so much on my left side, so that was my compromise!

The meds have slowed me down so my energy levels arent the same, and ive put on weight which doesnt help how i feel about myself, although he seems to love my curves even more than before. Im just physically so uncomfortable these days, and the feeling of him ontop of my body makes me feel like im suffocating and i never got this feeling before.

So im pleased that people are opening up about this here, and shows that once again we're not alone....:blush:

Cathy V xxxx

[Laylag]

I can completely relate to this, am scared to have sex in case I bleed afterwards,am scared to let my husband touch me in case he feels a lump or something,its hell,I crave to feel normal.

[worriedGrace]

Since the menopause my interest in sex has been zero mainly because it is so painfull. The doctor prescribes oestrogen cream which works but to be truthfull I just don't fancy it anymore it just seems pointless at my age, 60.
Sometimes I would like a cuddle but I feel I would be leading him on. I have tried to explain how I feel in terms of"Would you feel like having sex if you had been sentenced to death?Well that's how my anxiety makes me feel."