Fed Up!

[vti2007]

This is gonna be a moan so please bear with me.

I went back to work 2 weeks ago after 6 months off. It was hard but got easier. By last thursday when I finished for the week I was feeling great. Did a few bits around the house Friday and then went out Saturday morning. Still fine.

Then I went to go out Saturday lunchtime, got halfway to where I was going and had to stop the car and then go home again. Felt awful, Dizzy, Painful arms and legs, hot sweats etc etc. Since then it has got a little easier but still having waves of feeling awful.

I had to come home early from work today 'cos I felt so bad.

This is driving me mad. Everytime I think I am getting back to normal it comes and knocks me over again. I am so fed up with it. I can't work out if something triggers it or it comes on its own.

I am trying to stay positive but it is getting harder. How can you have two weeks of feeling really good and then back to feeling so bad again for 3 days? Does it ever completely go away?

Sorry, Just needed to blow off steam.

[lorac]

Hi

I was just about to write a post exactly the same as yours.

I wish I had the answer to this one, I am exactly the same as you, been doing so well for the last couple of months, even posted a success story on the board and now it feels like I have gone back to the start.

I think with me it is becuase when I am feeling better I push myself too hard to get back to normal and I overdo things then I get tired and the tension and anxiety return. Trying to stay positive is really hard but don't forget we had better days before and will again.

I hope you improve soon.

Carol

[vti2007]

Hi Carol,

Sorry to hear you are in the same boat as me. I hope you feel better soon, I expect you are as sick of this as I am!

I think perhaps there is something in what you say, perhaps if I hadn't done so much on Friday I would be OK. Trouble is when you feel good you want to get out there and live a bit don't you?

I know I have had better days and they will come again and I also know I am nowhere near as bad as I have been over the last few months but I think when you have tasted "normality(?)" for a few days it almost hits you harder when you slide a bit.

I get so dam**d angry at myself, I know I shouldn't and I know it doesn't help but I can't help it. I just wanna get back to life as it was before all this started.

I could handle a cold or the flu or something but this makes me feel iller than I have ever felt before and it just keeps coming back for another bite.

Oh boy - I really am feeling sorry for myself tonight :weep:

[lorac]

Hi

Yes I am as sick of it as you are and I too am feeling really sorry for myself and I know I gotta be more positive and just let it be.

You are right we nearly reach our goals and then they seem so far away again and I just can't handle that dissapointment and I know this is all part of the recovery. I don't know about you but I just don't know when to stop and rest I think this is my downfall. I also know that usually when I come out of these setbacks I feel a stronger person but for some reason I always let these setbacks get topside of me instead of just accepting them.

You can always pm me if you want a chat at anytime.

Carol

[vti2007]

Carol,

You are so right - I did my jobs around the house on Friday and then I thought I would "just" wash down the garage doors, Frames and roof boards 'cos I was feeling OK. A case of Camels Back and Straw I think!!

I hate sitting around though. When I am bad I feel like a caged animal - I end up pacing around the house so when I feel a bit better it is so tempting to get out there and get on with everything.

I suppose I've just gotta learn.

It is so hard not to let it get to you isn't it? You can tell yourself a thousand times you will be OK again in a day or two but it doesn't seem to help at the time :)

Thanks for the offer to PM you - I might well take you up on that.

[titchjd]

Hi m8y ..
sorry 2 hear u have had a bad few days ........me 2 must be something in the air lol.

What you have 2 think m8 is you will get these blips ....your body has learnt 2 be anxious and it wont just go over nyt or even in 2 weeks ......what you have 2 now do is deal with the anxiety when you have bad days and think well I did ok yesterday ...todays a bad day but 2 morra will be ok ...other wise if you start 2 stress about it it will make you more anxious .

What I have found since going back 2 work is Im having different symptoms than before ...my councellor has said its very normal and very normal 2 have bad days but whats important is that I dont let the negative thoughts take over again .

It is frustrating I totally agree and I know what its like after having a weekend from hell where I couldnt go 2 my Bro-inlaws 40th bday yest but 2 day I carried on and thought new day xxx

Pm me anytym u need xx
Titch xxxxxxxxxxx

[mandie]

Hi

Just wanted to say well done for going back to work.

Iv been off work 4 months and am petrified of going back.

I have a good week or two and think im ready and then i feel like im back at square one again.

love mandie x

[vti2007]

Thanks Titchjd,

You are right as usual but it is frustrating as hell isn't it? Hope today has been a bit better for you

Mandie,

You are exactly where I was a while ago. Everytime I tried to think about going back I seemed to go back to square one. In the end I think it was the fear of going back to work that was setting me off. If I was signed of for 3 weeks I got better and better for a couple of weeks and then everytime I got within a week of going back I fell over again big time. In the end it took 4 days of Valium to get me back in :ohmy:

Carol,

Hope you are feeling a bit better today :)


Today wasn't as bad. I felt pants when I got up (after 14 hours straight sleep - whats going on with that!!!) I eventually dragged myself in and then managed to stay for 4.5 hours today - sounds silly but I am well pleased with myself 'cos when I left this morning I didn't think I was even gonna get there before I turned round and came home :yesyes:

[lorac]

Hi

You have every right to be pleased with yourself, well done. Glad you had a better day today and I hope it continues for you, just pace yourself more. I have also had a much better day today thanks.

Carol

[kenboon]

Its horrible isnt it, all the ups and downs with this disorder :( You can feel almost normal for a few hours then it can creep back on you without much notice at all. From what i see you have done a good job fighting it and in fact so good that you are now back at work :) You should be mighty proud of how you have fought it.

Keep going kid :) your doing a fine job and you have made so many positive steps. And if you yourself look back to how you once where, i'm sure in reflection you too will realise just how well you have done :)


All the best

Ken

[vti2007]

Thanks Ken :)

I am so pleased I found you all on here. You are all so encouraging. It really does help.

:) :) :) :) :) :)

BTW I am not up at 4.30 stressing - Baby woke me lol

[titchjd]

Hi m8 ....
hope work goes well 2 day and you are feeling better x

Titchxxxx

[vti2007]

Thanx Titchjd,

No work today, 140 mile round trip to the bl**dy hospital!!

All went OK tho. Apparently I am serviceable for a few thousand more miles yet :D

Hope you're OK :) :) :)

[mandie]

Well done, u are doing great

I hope to be where u are soon

love mandie x