View Full Version : Why me and not others
Hello all,
I've been having anxiety/pamic attacks for the past 8 months, 3 months after my father died. I lost my job, I don't go to public places anymore. Recently from reading the websites MEG provides I've gotten rid of panic attacks (Thanks MEG!). I thought I was going to die of a heart attack. I went to three different doctors and was told the samething, my heart is healthy. Now what I can't get rid off is anxiety unless I grab a beer. I was an alcoholic, used to drink up to a six pack daily before bed time. Now that I don't drink, I've felt a lot better in a way. Then again nothing is better than anxiety. What I'm trying to get to is that whenever I'm with my brothers and a grab a beer I feel free from anxiety. I can't drink one night with them and not wake up with anxiety at it's max. I know people who drink more than a six pack daily and don't suffer from anxiety.
I don't wish panic/anxiety disorder to anyone but my question is "Why me and not others?" I had a well paying job, 2 beautiful daughters, my house is paid, there's no worries, only this anxiety that haunts me. It's upsetting agreed?
VG Rivera
You're very welcome Val - Glad to have been of use !!
As to why me.. we each have the potential to panic and fret endlessly - attitude and circumstance have a lot to answer for.
Mine was bereavements- 6 months after Dad died and a couple of other losses and work stress at once. I was totally fine until the day I wasn't ....
Mind the alcohol ..A big contributor to anxiety but well done for already cutting down so much
Hypoglycemia (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=189)
Gi Diet (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3179)
Alcohol : alcohol and panic-do they mix? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2409)
Are you starting to out in public places again ?
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hi Val
A question i have asked a thousand times. What did i do so wrong to feel and suffer how i have.
Not many answers have come into my head and regardless of that i dont question it anymore i accept it and although at times it is hard i know that i have moved on.
Drink helps me at the time but the next day i suffer but not like my friends, so again why me. Life i guess but as you know it does get better and we learn to understand it and i just thank myself that it isnt my friends who i love to bits that arent suffering as i will cope with it and although they dont understand i would never want them to go through it.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Thanks for the reply Sal & Meg!!
Meg, regarding your question if I've started to go out in public. I do go out but will not enter public places. Here's in the USA there's this well known stores called Wal-Mart, if you've heard of them believe me they're like roaches (everywhere) that's the place to shop for clothing, food etc. I had many panic attacks in those stores and since then I don't even go to them. I do go into gas stations but the moment I enter I want to leave. I guesss this is what they called agoraphobia. It makes me feel like a coward most of the time when I getting anxiety while waiting in line. You gotta understand I'm 2 meters, and about 145 kilos. I'm a large person that's why I feel like a coward.
VG Rivera
Val,
Being anxious in crowds does not make you a coward.
Try not to avoid going out as this will soon turn into full blown agorophobia. Continue to visit places, even if only for a few minutes at a time.
The alcohol helps to suppress the anxiety, but it's effects are short lived. Has your GP offered you any help with the anxiety?
Love Kate x
Val..
As Kate says I don't think there are any cowards here, everyone by being here is trying to help themselves to a better understanding and onto a recovery path.
You size is of no 'real' consequence. I was brought up in a country where I was always (and often still am) head and shoulders above everyone else . I've heard every grow bag, greenhouse joke, had thousands of people turn and stare, kids saying kids truthful comments to a background of shh's .. It my response that is the real teller and whilst my appearance may not have been what I would have chosen, I'm healthy, it all works well and I know I could do some tidying up round the edges if I wanted to enough..
It is certainly not worth developing agoraphobia over.. stand tall and proud.
**I do go out but will not enter public places**
This is a very definate comment. I would like to think that now as you're improving you might like to try a bigger challenge .. As Kate suggests just go and stand 3 feet away from the doorway and stay just 5 mins and reassess..and go from there.
Remember the panic starts from your thoughts, attitude and responses - not from Walmart..
We do have a link between our Asda supermarkets and Walmart . I prefer Costco of which there are only about 8 in the UK.
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Thank you Kate and Meg. All this advice and information you are giving me is very helpful.
As I mentioned having agorophobia. My wife needs to do something and I started getting anxious. She needs to leave the house and I told her not to leave kids with me, but then again when she leaves and takes the kids and takes longer than usual I'll get all anxious. She told me to go with her, and still I have anxiety. This feeling is what I suffer the most.What can I do??
VG Rivera
I always preferred being with people than being alone when I was panicky but I do know some members prefer to be in private.
Personal choice
It is hard when you dont know which situation is the best for you.
I hated being alone but also struggled being alone with Sam but had no choice as got divorced 9 years ago. Some days i coped with her and others i gave her to anyone that would help me. But at the time i needed that space alone, dont get me wrong i hated it as i had too much time to think but i was also free from the guilt that i might let Sam down.
Its working out what is best for you that counts and i do understand how hard that is.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
Now that I feel I'm talking to professionals, Meg, Sal, Kate and if there are others I missed. See if you can help me out with this.
My wife who I've been with 7 years keeps saying she's tired of me not wanting to help myself. When I start having anxiety or like most hear say "having the panicky feeling". She takes it as if I'm weak and attacks me. I mean, I already know I won't die from panic attack but if we need to go out somewhere she forces me and insults me. I told her to allow me to take the first step but she's very impatient. What can I do, any help you can give me???
VG Rivera
Your wife WILL get frustrated with you, she WILL get tired of you not "helping" yourself, the reason is because she doesn't understand any of it!
You have given her the right reply. YOU have to take the first step and only you can do this.
Keep taking small steps each day. Instead of visiting Wal Mart, visit the corner shop. Big supermarkets can wait until you feel more comfortable with much smaller shops.
Panic and anxiety is hard for the whole family to deal with. It affects the sufferer and everyone they are close to. The sufferer doesn't understand it and nor do the family who have to sit back and watch. Have you shown your wife this site or any other information about anxiety?
And yes, I'm definately a professional panicker!!
Thinking of you
Love Kate x
Hi Val,
Noone really understands what someon else is going through unless they've had similar experiences.
Before I was affected I was sympathetic, but had no clue really what a panic attack was like or how to help apart from handing over a paper bag.
Why should your wife be any different to us pre panic.
Equally there is no call for her to be angry or insulting, but I'm sure its her frustrations emerging as she doesn't know how to help..
Now that you're better informed and have more resources at your finger tips here, it might be helpful to have a talk and commit yourself to pushing for your recovery but that you need her help and show her how she is important in this path to you.
You could pick an manageable objective to overcome first and break it down into small progressive steps and set about reaching for it.
NB - do not set dates or a fixed schedule as you may both be disappointed and cause more angst.
Once you both see a chink of sustainable progress, it gets better.
This is a good place to start for her.
First Steps : First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)
Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
Hi Val
Everynight I used to curl in to a ball and pray.
"why me? What have I done that is so terrible to deserve this? Please tell me so I can do whatever I can to put it right."
The thing is, this doesn't just happen to us, it happens to everyone.
The difference is that some people cope better to stress than others.
Alcohol is a relaxant, so when you grab a few beers, it calms you and so you feel better. The problems start the next moring when the chemicals wear off and you feel the anxiety kick in.
If you can learn to relax without the chemicals in the beer, then when you do drink they will not affect you so much the following morning.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Hi Val
You can only be you and noone can change that.
It is hard if you dont suffer to understand how we feel and althoug she doesnt understand, you thank yourself that she doesnt feel like you.
Its hard and when people judge how you feel we get angry and feel like no one cares.
I took a deep breath and remember it was me suffering and those by me who loved me would be there although they didnt understand.
And it suddenly became me that had to explain and reason when i had no stength, so in the depth of it i sat back and whoever wanted to ride it with me was welcome and those who didnt i wanted them at the end of the road. They were all there and they still dont understand what i went through. People wont understand and it is through not cariing it is through not suffering, give them a chance and when you are stronger you will know who was there and helped you.
Until then whilst feeling how you do dont push people away, if you feel like that at the end of the road when you are strong then do so but please dont judge too soon.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
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