DebraC
07-10-08, 20:33
I have suffered from OCD since my early teens but didnt kmow what it was until my mid to late 20,s. I just knew my behaviour was "odd" and driving me to distraction.
I started counting. Everything had to be counted to 12 and I got frustrated and having panic attacks if they didnt. Then it was smaller things, getting worked up if my hair wasnt straight at the back, or if my bra strap(?) wasnt straight amongst the hundred of little things.
Then it developed into checking. I couldnt leave the house without checking the doors were shut, windows shut, fridge door closed, cooker knobs off....not the once, twice but dozens of times. Leaving the house was like a tiresome chore and the panic attacks when I had ledt the house had me ill.
Today I still check more than a "normal" person would but not to the point it rules my life and the way I recovered from that was with help from my hubby. He used to do the checking for me and make me leave the house after I,d checked the once. Gradually ,when I realized the house was as I left it when we got back, i started to accept that once is enough and nothing disasterous was going to happen if I didnt do it repeatedly.
I,m by no way cured of my OCD though. There are still many aspects of my life that are affected by it. I have to clean my house in a certain way, some things have to be done to perfection. I also have little phrases I have to say to myself in order to give me a sense of calm. If I dont say them they I get the feelings of dread. The amount of times a day I repeat these very much depends on how stressed I am that day....I guess this makes sense to another sufferer as I know it doesnt to anybody else. I have tried to tell hubby about this but I feel silly, embarrassed and ashamed. It came up once when I was very drunk and I havent...and WONT speak to him about it again.
I am a recovering alcoholic and now I am sober I know I wont to overcome these feelings. I,ll maybe never recover from OCD but being able to talk freely here will help me live with it and make new friends.
Just knowing you,re not alone is a huge help:D
Thanks for reading,
Debs
I started counting. Everything had to be counted to 12 and I got frustrated and having panic attacks if they didnt. Then it was smaller things, getting worked up if my hair wasnt straight at the back, or if my bra strap(?) wasnt straight amongst the hundred of little things.
Then it developed into checking. I couldnt leave the house without checking the doors were shut, windows shut, fridge door closed, cooker knobs off....not the once, twice but dozens of times. Leaving the house was like a tiresome chore and the panic attacks when I had ledt the house had me ill.
Today I still check more than a "normal" person would but not to the point it rules my life and the way I recovered from that was with help from my hubby. He used to do the checking for me and make me leave the house after I,d checked the once. Gradually ,when I realized the house was as I left it when we got back, i started to accept that once is enough and nothing disasterous was going to happen if I didnt do it repeatedly.
I,m by no way cured of my OCD though. There are still many aspects of my life that are affected by it. I have to clean my house in a certain way, some things have to be done to perfection. I also have little phrases I have to say to myself in order to give me a sense of calm. If I dont say them they I get the feelings of dread. The amount of times a day I repeat these very much depends on how stressed I am that day....I guess this makes sense to another sufferer as I know it doesnt to anybody else. I have tried to tell hubby about this but I feel silly, embarrassed and ashamed. It came up once when I was very drunk and I havent...and WONT speak to him about it again.
I am a recovering alcoholic and now I am sober I know I wont to overcome these feelings. I,ll maybe never recover from OCD but being able to talk freely here will help me live with it and make new friends.
Just knowing you,re not alone is a huge help:D
Thanks for reading,
Debs