buttercup123
08-10-08, 11:24
I have Health Anx and I have been about 90% well for a few months now, and I recently got married back in May and my husband and I were then trying for a baby.
I got pregnant and then at 6 weeks I had some mild bleeding, they sent me for an ultrasound and they said everything was okay.
Then a few days later I had a bigger bleed and I went to the doctors who said as long as I hadn't passed any clots I had not miscarried but they call a bleed like that a 'threatened miscarriage' and he arranged for me to have another scan.
I went for a scan and they said the baby's heartbeat had gone but the pragnancy sac and the foetus was still inside me. They gave me three options, one was to go home and wait for my body to reject the baby and have a full miscarriage, but that could take a couple of weeks, the other option was for them to give me some tablets to dissolve the lining of my womb and force a miscarriage, and the other was the surgical option, which was to basically suck it out of me.
I panicked at the time and went for the surgical option as I didn't feel I could cope with seeing it all coming out of me, and it's supposed to be really painful and heavy bleeding anyway.
But now I keep thinking what if they made a mistake and the baby was still alive and I basically chose to have an abortion.
I can't cope with the thought and I keep thinking it was my fault because before I found out I was pregnant I was eating things I wasn't supposed to and smoking and drinking, and what if I damaged it in the process, but I didn't know I was pregnant.
And then I saw this girl in the supermarket who had a toddler who was running around in dirty clothes and she was swearing at it to come back and it really upset me, because it made me feel like she didn't care about her child and we wanted this so badly and it gets taken away from us.
The day the hospital discharged me there was a girl on the gynae ward who had come in to have an abortion, she only looked about 15, and I know everyone makes mistakes in their life but I felt like saying to her, do you know what you're doing? I wanted my baby so badly and it got taken from me and there's this girl who would porbably have had a prefect pregnancy and she was choosing to throw it away.
I haven't slept in about 5 nights cuz I lie awake at night thinking irrational thoughts.
Jo x
I got pregnant and then at 6 weeks I had some mild bleeding, they sent me for an ultrasound and they said everything was okay.
Then a few days later I had a bigger bleed and I went to the doctors who said as long as I hadn't passed any clots I had not miscarried but they call a bleed like that a 'threatened miscarriage' and he arranged for me to have another scan.
I went for a scan and they said the baby's heartbeat had gone but the pragnancy sac and the foetus was still inside me. They gave me three options, one was to go home and wait for my body to reject the baby and have a full miscarriage, but that could take a couple of weeks, the other option was for them to give me some tablets to dissolve the lining of my womb and force a miscarriage, and the other was the surgical option, which was to basically suck it out of me.
I panicked at the time and went for the surgical option as I didn't feel I could cope with seeing it all coming out of me, and it's supposed to be really painful and heavy bleeding anyway.
But now I keep thinking what if they made a mistake and the baby was still alive and I basically chose to have an abortion.
I can't cope with the thought and I keep thinking it was my fault because before I found out I was pregnant I was eating things I wasn't supposed to and smoking and drinking, and what if I damaged it in the process, but I didn't know I was pregnant.
And then I saw this girl in the supermarket who had a toddler who was running around in dirty clothes and she was swearing at it to come back and it really upset me, because it made me feel like she didn't care about her child and we wanted this so badly and it gets taken away from us.
The day the hospital discharged me there was a girl on the gynae ward who had come in to have an abortion, she only looked about 15, and I know everyone makes mistakes in their life but I felt like saying to her, do you know what you're doing? I wanted my baby so badly and it got taken from me and there's this girl who would porbably have had a prefect pregnancy and she was choosing to throw it away.
I haven't slept in about 5 nights cuz I lie awake at night thinking irrational thoughts.
Jo x