JM8454
09-10-08, 01:41
My name's Johnny and I found this whilst googling a recently returning fear.
Depression and anxiey can trap you into a world that, although I dont think can be understood unless experienced, can turn your whole life into nothing but a horrible disaster.
I had a career change a few years back and after a little while worked up to a management role in retail, and one day we got held up at gunpoint. This coupled with my partner cheating on me pushed me into a way of life I never even knew existed, which was I guess a mixture of fear, anxiety and depression.
I would sit up all night because I couldnt possibly feel safe enough to sleep when it was dark, every car that went past Id jump up and look out the window, duno why . . as soon as the daylight hit I could relax, then Id wake up just as it was getting dark and it would all start over again. Few weeks later it got worse to the extent that I was feeling severe pains in my chest accompanied by a frightening sensation all over my body. That developed into dizzyness and breathlessness, combine them all and you've got a panic attack. Anyone who has experienced these will know that when you suffer from an attack you actually DO think that you're going to die.
I got to the point where panic attacks were a regular occurance in my day to day life and although could never be accepted due to the severe uncomfortableness and fear that they brought, it started to become normal, which was terrifying.
One day I went down to the doctors and told him about everything and he put me on Fluexotine, which is prozac. Few weeks after that I was becoming a totally different person, snapping at my family, not talking to anyone . . although the anxiety/panic side of things had died down greatly, it appeared as though it just made way for depression to emerge.
My mum ended up taking me up to the doctors and telling him how much I had changed etc and we then ended up giving something called sertraline a go, they were horrible but stopped my strange and uncharacteristic mood swings. I ended up back on Fluexotine before not too long due to drinking too much with the sertraline.
Around 18 months ago I woke up one day and just stopped taking them, put on a suit, went for an interview and got the job - was for a call centre. Never went back to the doctors, just suddenly and totally out of the blue woke up confident and alive for the first time in over a year.
My point is that anyone that knows me could tell you about me, I was that guy at school that thought he was a player, gods gift, full of confidence and energy. I was that guy, always thought positive, always making people laugh, always being the centre of attention and deffinetly the life and soul of the party.
For my life to suddenly swing upside down into the most frightening experience Ive ever had to deal with was horrible but it was real.
Well I worked my butt off and now I actually manage said company with a salary I could only dream of 2 years ago and am doing very well for myself.
I just feel it creeping back - I know Im not powerless, Im a strong 25 year old man now - I can get through it.
But we all know more than most that just even for that split second the panic can still assert it's dominant status and take over -- it just seems to be more and more often at the moment.
Stress at work and a cheating girlfriend(who had previous - im an idiot for staying . . . .) I think may be the issue right now.
I dont have time to go to the doctors, Im not sure I want to anyway. He'd just fill me up with chemicals again which I dont want. . . so this is just kinda bulding up and building up and building up.
Anyways yeh, thats me. I just need to ramble sometimes - preferably with someone/people who know how I feel.
-J
Depression and anxiey can trap you into a world that, although I dont think can be understood unless experienced, can turn your whole life into nothing but a horrible disaster.
I had a career change a few years back and after a little while worked up to a management role in retail, and one day we got held up at gunpoint. This coupled with my partner cheating on me pushed me into a way of life I never even knew existed, which was I guess a mixture of fear, anxiety and depression.
I would sit up all night because I couldnt possibly feel safe enough to sleep when it was dark, every car that went past Id jump up and look out the window, duno why . . as soon as the daylight hit I could relax, then Id wake up just as it was getting dark and it would all start over again. Few weeks later it got worse to the extent that I was feeling severe pains in my chest accompanied by a frightening sensation all over my body. That developed into dizzyness and breathlessness, combine them all and you've got a panic attack. Anyone who has experienced these will know that when you suffer from an attack you actually DO think that you're going to die.
I got to the point where panic attacks were a regular occurance in my day to day life and although could never be accepted due to the severe uncomfortableness and fear that they brought, it started to become normal, which was terrifying.
One day I went down to the doctors and told him about everything and he put me on Fluexotine, which is prozac. Few weeks after that I was becoming a totally different person, snapping at my family, not talking to anyone . . although the anxiety/panic side of things had died down greatly, it appeared as though it just made way for depression to emerge.
My mum ended up taking me up to the doctors and telling him how much I had changed etc and we then ended up giving something called sertraline a go, they were horrible but stopped my strange and uncharacteristic mood swings. I ended up back on Fluexotine before not too long due to drinking too much with the sertraline.
Around 18 months ago I woke up one day and just stopped taking them, put on a suit, went for an interview and got the job - was for a call centre. Never went back to the doctors, just suddenly and totally out of the blue woke up confident and alive for the first time in over a year.
My point is that anyone that knows me could tell you about me, I was that guy at school that thought he was a player, gods gift, full of confidence and energy. I was that guy, always thought positive, always making people laugh, always being the centre of attention and deffinetly the life and soul of the party.
For my life to suddenly swing upside down into the most frightening experience Ive ever had to deal with was horrible but it was real.
Well I worked my butt off and now I actually manage said company with a salary I could only dream of 2 years ago and am doing very well for myself.
I just feel it creeping back - I know Im not powerless, Im a strong 25 year old man now - I can get through it.
But we all know more than most that just even for that split second the panic can still assert it's dominant status and take over -- it just seems to be more and more often at the moment.
Stress at work and a cheating girlfriend(who had previous - im an idiot for staying . . . .) I think may be the issue right now.
I dont have time to go to the doctors, Im not sure I want to anyway. He'd just fill me up with chemicals again which I dont want. . . so this is just kinda bulding up and building up and building up.
Anyways yeh, thats me. I just need to ramble sometimes - preferably with someone/people who know how I feel.
-J