djaneyc
09-10-08, 10:48
This is very long, a bit garbled and graphic – be warned!!!
Here’s a prime example that I think many of you will identify with. I was feeling fine yesterday morning (no health worries so to speak of), but had a sense of ‘what’s going to go wrong’ and impending doom of some sort (because my mind had no specific health worry to work on I guess!)
I have had health anxiety worries since I was 16, I’m 43 now. I know the reason why but won’t bore you with it.
Here’s the history of one of my latest worries (there’ve been loads and loads, way too numerous to go into) …
I’ve had frequent urination problems for several years now – started with two or three bouts of bacterial cystitis back in 2004 which never really left me – not that I now have bacterial cystitis, the doc says it is overactive bladder. Anyway – I can go loads in the day, and also have the sensation whereby I ‘go’, but then as soon as I finish and am washing my hands, I feel that I could go again! Most annoying (and for me, being what I am, worrying)!
Back in 2005, I had BUPA cover through work, so went for an ultrasound and cystoscophy (spelling, sorry). All was well and I was diagnosed with over-active bladder, but me being me, part of me has never really accepted that diagnosis. Anyway, have put up with it ever since. It hasn’t got worse or better really – just persists and has been a little bit worse this year if anything.
In June last year I saw what I thought was blood in my stool so went dashing off to the docs and announced that I had bowel cancer. It turned out to be kidney bean shell (yes – really!) I suffer from constipation and slight IBS, so last year, went to see my lovely acupuncturist and nutritionalist (and she has also become my unofficial counsellor too). She tested me and found I was intolerant to certain foods – and since managing my diet better, the constipation, although it hasn’t gone, it has been a lot better, and I am now regular, although sometimes suffer from hard stools (sorry about the subject, way too much information I know!)
Back to the docs last year – to be on the safe side (well, to put my mind at rest really) he sent me for a CEA test (which is a tumour marker test for those of you who don’t know this, and I’m sure lots of you already do if you’re anything like me)! It was clear.
This year, since watching Jamie Oliver and various other scare programmes, at home, we’ve really tried to sort our diets out; part of this being that I now eat loads of fruit at work. Start the day with porridge and prunes, then eat about three pieces of fruit and drink lots of water. A sandwich at work then a dinner at night with lots of veg. But only in the week – at the weekend it is far more relaxed.
So it will come as no surprise that I suffer from quite a bit of bloating – but only during the day. It builds up in the morning and gets worse, before fading off at night. I do go to the loo to pee a lot and have a bowel movement most days, sometimes twice a day.
I have recently started Ashtanga yoga, which is quite a dynamic form of yoga and gets the blood flowing, having tried running and spinning (cycling in the gym) for over a year and hated it soo much. I think when I get going with the yoga it will be as beneficial and cardio as the running, but right now I’m still learning so am probably not burning off as many calories as I was. So perhaps unsurprisingly, I’ve put on a few pounds around the middle (well I’ve gone from a 10/12 to a definite 12 shall we say) – I am 43 though and I guess everything slows down. I’d definitely recommend the yoga though – certainly calms me down and rebalances everything.
So there you have it – not really a problem is there? Or not that you’d think…..
I visited this site yesterday, with nothing in particular wrong, apart from, as I said before, this nagging sense of doom going on in my head. I looked up ‘frequent urination’ on the forum, (have an app at the Urology clinic after my holiday next month which I’m not looking forward to), and there it was – the source of my next flip out……!!!!
A lady had posted something that went like this ‘well at least now I know I haven’t got Ovarian Cancer, because it says that in the advanced stages, you get bloating, constipation and frequent urination’. THERE IT WAS – IN BLACK AND WHITE FOR ME – MY DIAGNOSIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The rest of the day was a write off I’m afraid. I was at work, and will probably get the sack if my internet use is being monitored in any way – because all I googled was signs and symptoms of Ovarian Cancer and convinced myself I had it.
No matter that my poor husband to be has torn a muscle in his back and can hardly walk at the moment. No matter that my son is having headaches. This was ALL ABOUT ME – as usual. My mind could not focus on anything else…….
We have a fantastic holiday of a lifetime coming up (next Saturday 18th to be precise) – but was I looking forward to it yesterday? Oh no! Not one tiny iota. Zilch.
Anyway – I googled all day, feeling sweaty, acidic stomach, heart pounding, weeing for England every five minutes, not being ‘in the room’ with everyone else – you know the feeling I’m sure. I eventually called a friend who works as a Gynacologist’s PA and told her my fears about constipation, bloating and frequent urination. Her words were something like ‘yes Jane, so you’re in common with nearly all my friends then, we all get stuff like this, you are probably peri-menopausal too and let me tell you, the older you get, the more you will get stuff like this going on. You don’t have OC. If you had it your stomach would be permanently bloated and you would be dead by now! So stop worrying about every little symptom in your body and concentrate on being healthy. Look what you have to live for, your lovely husband to be, your gorgeous son, your holiday and enjoy your life’. (I know a lot of us are told stuff like this regularly by our friends and family – to ‘focus on what we have and enjoy life’ – how desperately do we wish we could eh?!
I was ok for a little while after the conversation – felt a bit better. Still worried though. Had an appointment for my son last night as it would happen with my Acupuncturist. She knows about my health anxiety. I was able to spend ten minutes or so with her after his appointment and she listened to my woes. She said that nothing I had told her about my symptoms rang red flags to her, and that she would definitely send me to the docs if she thought there was a problem, and to remember that I had the frequent urination and constipation for a long time and that if there was anything serious going on, I wouldn’t be here by now. Also told me to remember that the doctor would always be looking out for danger signs and would have referred me on by now. (Mind you – I don’t really trust doctors so that one didn’t work).
So again, felt a little better.
Went home and told my lovely fiancé what was going on – tried not to tell him but he could see in my face there was a problem. I feel so stupid and weak having these irrational fears – especially as the poor bloke is currently in agony with a REAL problem in his back, which he is desperately trying to get rid of before we go away so we can all have a good time. Anyway, he was lovely and rationalised everything for me (which I had been trying to do with limited success).
Still felt worried though – if better than earlier in the day.
So this morning (under orders from my fella), phoned and asked the doc to call me. He did, and he reminded me of the following:
I have had constipation for over a year (which has incidentally improved due to my diet). I would be dead or nearly dead by now if it was OC.
Have had frequent urination for four years – ditto as above.
I had a clear ultrasound scan which included my ovaries 3.5 years ago when I also went for the cystoscophy.
I had a clear tumour marker test 1 year ago (for aforementioned bowel scare)
My stomach bloats only at certain times of the day after eating fruit – if it was OC it would be like a ball.
My general health is very good and I’d be feeling ill by now if there was something going on.
He said I was welcome to come in for an internal, but that in his opinion, I did not have anything to worry about. He told me to enjoy my holiday, and if I was still worried, to mention it at the Urology clinic next month.
So – to bring the story up to right this moment. I’m NEARLY ok….nearly…….I think my rational side is now stronger than the irrational side of me. Part of me wants to go for that internal prior to my holiday to be told 100% that there’s nothing, but of course there’s the irrational side that doesn’t want him to turn round and admit he might have been wrong and that he can feel something. I want to be clear in mind and spirit on holiday.
So I have the internal battle going on, and need to calm everything down and relax. I’m off to Hawaii, Las Vegas and San Francisco next week – it has cost us a fortune and we have been saving for two years to do this. I don’t want to spoil it for me or my family.
I am almost 100% decided that there is no need to go for the internal – the doc said I could if I was still worried but he didn’t feel there was anything to worry about. I think/know it’s my head that needs treatment, not my body! But you name it and I’ve tried it – support groups, counselling, hypnotherapy, I even spoke to a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist who told me I was half way there because I was aware of my behaviour patterns and there wasn’t all that much he could do for me!
I know I do have a problem with frequent urination but that it is a minor ailment that the clinic will help me to manage (by the way it comes and goes so there are times when I hardly notice it – if it was OC I don’t think it would do that would it?!)
See! I’m at it again – seeking reassurance (or am I being sensible and rationalising)!
Anyway I digress. What I have to do now, is stop focusing on perceived or imagined health worries – and enjoy my holiday!
It’s been really good to put this down on paper – I can see how irrational I have been now. I thought it might be good for others to read to see how the mind of a health anxiety sufferer works! It certainly helps me to know I’m not alone.
My only slight worry about posting this is that someone will say something like ‘well I know someone who was just like you and it turns out they DID have OC – that will send me into a spin all over again, so be careful when you reply – please!’ Trying to get my head together here!!!!
Thanks for reading and sorry if it was a bit like War and Peace.
Here’s a prime example that I think many of you will identify with. I was feeling fine yesterday morning (no health worries so to speak of), but had a sense of ‘what’s going to go wrong’ and impending doom of some sort (because my mind had no specific health worry to work on I guess!)
I have had health anxiety worries since I was 16, I’m 43 now. I know the reason why but won’t bore you with it.
Here’s the history of one of my latest worries (there’ve been loads and loads, way too numerous to go into) …
I’ve had frequent urination problems for several years now – started with two or three bouts of bacterial cystitis back in 2004 which never really left me – not that I now have bacterial cystitis, the doc says it is overactive bladder. Anyway – I can go loads in the day, and also have the sensation whereby I ‘go’, but then as soon as I finish and am washing my hands, I feel that I could go again! Most annoying (and for me, being what I am, worrying)!
Back in 2005, I had BUPA cover through work, so went for an ultrasound and cystoscophy (spelling, sorry). All was well and I was diagnosed with over-active bladder, but me being me, part of me has never really accepted that diagnosis. Anyway, have put up with it ever since. It hasn’t got worse or better really – just persists and has been a little bit worse this year if anything.
In June last year I saw what I thought was blood in my stool so went dashing off to the docs and announced that I had bowel cancer. It turned out to be kidney bean shell (yes – really!) I suffer from constipation and slight IBS, so last year, went to see my lovely acupuncturist and nutritionalist (and she has also become my unofficial counsellor too). She tested me and found I was intolerant to certain foods – and since managing my diet better, the constipation, although it hasn’t gone, it has been a lot better, and I am now regular, although sometimes suffer from hard stools (sorry about the subject, way too much information I know!)
Back to the docs last year – to be on the safe side (well, to put my mind at rest really) he sent me for a CEA test (which is a tumour marker test for those of you who don’t know this, and I’m sure lots of you already do if you’re anything like me)! It was clear.
This year, since watching Jamie Oliver and various other scare programmes, at home, we’ve really tried to sort our diets out; part of this being that I now eat loads of fruit at work. Start the day with porridge and prunes, then eat about three pieces of fruit and drink lots of water. A sandwich at work then a dinner at night with lots of veg. But only in the week – at the weekend it is far more relaxed.
So it will come as no surprise that I suffer from quite a bit of bloating – but only during the day. It builds up in the morning and gets worse, before fading off at night. I do go to the loo to pee a lot and have a bowel movement most days, sometimes twice a day.
I have recently started Ashtanga yoga, which is quite a dynamic form of yoga and gets the blood flowing, having tried running and spinning (cycling in the gym) for over a year and hated it soo much. I think when I get going with the yoga it will be as beneficial and cardio as the running, but right now I’m still learning so am probably not burning off as many calories as I was. So perhaps unsurprisingly, I’ve put on a few pounds around the middle (well I’ve gone from a 10/12 to a definite 12 shall we say) – I am 43 though and I guess everything slows down. I’d definitely recommend the yoga though – certainly calms me down and rebalances everything.
So there you have it – not really a problem is there? Or not that you’d think…..
I visited this site yesterday, with nothing in particular wrong, apart from, as I said before, this nagging sense of doom going on in my head. I looked up ‘frequent urination’ on the forum, (have an app at the Urology clinic after my holiday next month which I’m not looking forward to), and there it was – the source of my next flip out……!!!!
A lady had posted something that went like this ‘well at least now I know I haven’t got Ovarian Cancer, because it says that in the advanced stages, you get bloating, constipation and frequent urination’. THERE IT WAS – IN BLACK AND WHITE FOR ME – MY DIAGNOSIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The rest of the day was a write off I’m afraid. I was at work, and will probably get the sack if my internet use is being monitored in any way – because all I googled was signs and symptoms of Ovarian Cancer and convinced myself I had it.
No matter that my poor husband to be has torn a muscle in his back and can hardly walk at the moment. No matter that my son is having headaches. This was ALL ABOUT ME – as usual. My mind could not focus on anything else…….
We have a fantastic holiday of a lifetime coming up (next Saturday 18th to be precise) – but was I looking forward to it yesterday? Oh no! Not one tiny iota. Zilch.
Anyway – I googled all day, feeling sweaty, acidic stomach, heart pounding, weeing for England every five minutes, not being ‘in the room’ with everyone else – you know the feeling I’m sure. I eventually called a friend who works as a Gynacologist’s PA and told her my fears about constipation, bloating and frequent urination. Her words were something like ‘yes Jane, so you’re in common with nearly all my friends then, we all get stuff like this, you are probably peri-menopausal too and let me tell you, the older you get, the more you will get stuff like this going on. You don’t have OC. If you had it your stomach would be permanently bloated and you would be dead by now! So stop worrying about every little symptom in your body and concentrate on being healthy. Look what you have to live for, your lovely husband to be, your gorgeous son, your holiday and enjoy your life’. (I know a lot of us are told stuff like this regularly by our friends and family – to ‘focus on what we have and enjoy life’ – how desperately do we wish we could eh?!
I was ok for a little while after the conversation – felt a bit better. Still worried though. Had an appointment for my son last night as it would happen with my Acupuncturist. She knows about my health anxiety. I was able to spend ten minutes or so with her after his appointment and she listened to my woes. She said that nothing I had told her about my symptoms rang red flags to her, and that she would definitely send me to the docs if she thought there was a problem, and to remember that I had the frequent urination and constipation for a long time and that if there was anything serious going on, I wouldn’t be here by now. Also told me to remember that the doctor would always be looking out for danger signs and would have referred me on by now. (Mind you – I don’t really trust doctors so that one didn’t work).
So again, felt a little better.
Went home and told my lovely fiancé what was going on – tried not to tell him but he could see in my face there was a problem. I feel so stupid and weak having these irrational fears – especially as the poor bloke is currently in agony with a REAL problem in his back, which he is desperately trying to get rid of before we go away so we can all have a good time. Anyway, he was lovely and rationalised everything for me (which I had been trying to do with limited success).
Still felt worried though – if better than earlier in the day.
So this morning (under orders from my fella), phoned and asked the doc to call me. He did, and he reminded me of the following:
I have had constipation for over a year (which has incidentally improved due to my diet). I would be dead or nearly dead by now if it was OC.
Have had frequent urination for four years – ditto as above.
I had a clear ultrasound scan which included my ovaries 3.5 years ago when I also went for the cystoscophy.
I had a clear tumour marker test 1 year ago (for aforementioned bowel scare)
My stomach bloats only at certain times of the day after eating fruit – if it was OC it would be like a ball.
My general health is very good and I’d be feeling ill by now if there was something going on.
He said I was welcome to come in for an internal, but that in his opinion, I did not have anything to worry about. He told me to enjoy my holiday, and if I was still worried, to mention it at the Urology clinic next month.
So – to bring the story up to right this moment. I’m NEARLY ok….nearly…….I think my rational side is now stronger than the irrational side of me. Part of me wants to go for that internal prior to my holiday to be told 100% that there’s nothing, but of course there’s the irrational side that doesn’t want him to turn round and admit he might have been wrong and that he can feel something. I want to be clear in mind and spirit on holiday.
So I have the internal battle going on, and need to calm everything down and relax. I’m off to Hawaii, Las Vegas and San Francisco next week – it has cost us a fortune and we have been saving for two years to do this. I don’t want to spoil it for me or my family.
I am almost 100% decided that there is no need to go for the internal – the doc said I could if I was still worried but he didn’t feel there was anything to worry about. I think/know it’s my head that needs treatment, not my body! But you name it and I’ve tried it – support groups, counselling, hypnotherapy, I even spoke to a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist who told me I was half way there because I was aware of my behaviour patterns and there wasn’t all that much he could do for me!
I know I do have a problem with frequent urination but that it is a minor ailment that the clinic will help me to manage (by the way it comes and goes so there are times when I hardly notice it – if it was OC I don’t think it would do that would it?!)
See! I’m at it again – seeking reassurance (or am I being sensible and rationalising)!
Anyway I digress. What I have to do now, is stop focusing on perceived or imagined health worries – and enjoy my holiday!
It’s been really good to put this down on paper – I can see how irrational I have been now. I thought it might be good for others to read to see how the mind of a health anxiety sufferer works! It certainly helps me to know I’m not alone.
My only slight worry about posting this is that someone will say something like ‘well I know someone who was just like you and it turns out they DID have OC – that will send me into a spin all over again, so be careful when you reply – please!’ Trying to get my head together here!!!!
Thanks for reading and sorry if it was a bit like War and Peace.