Is it possible to change?

[thirtysomething]

I'm 35. My life is going nowhere. I live with my mum. I don't have any friends and I'm too scared to go out make any. I hate my job but I don't know what I want to do.

What I want to know is, has anyone ever completely changed their life? I have not had any real friends since I started school ie since I was 5. I spent most of the school holidays on my own. I never went out on my own.

When I was older I forced myself to go away to university but dropped out because I could n't cope. I went around with some I knew from school for while but I never really enjoyed going to pubs and now they've all moved away.

Now I want to go exploring and walk long distance paths but I've got pain in my feet, knees and back and I can't any shoes or boots that fit. I feel so stupid when I read about disabled people who achieve things and I can't.

I'm wondering if I can ever do anything because I did n't do the exploring and making friends as a kid. I'm tired of just forcing myself to do things. I've tried CBT on the NHS and Transactional Analysis privately. I've asked my GP for an appointment to see a psychiatrist but I'm not holding out much hope. I don't want to be in the same position when I'm 40. Am I just too old to change, when I've been like this for all my life.

Thirtysomething

[sal]

Hi hun

You are never too old to change. That can happen anytime, but firstly you need to get some more support on how you are feeling at the moment and i hope we can do that for you.

No one can predict the future but we can plan how we are selves are going to try and make it better.

What do you want to happen and how do you think you can move forward?

Hard i know but it is possible.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[seh1980]

hi Thirty,

I think anyone can change, no matter what age. Are there any support groups in your area that you could join? They would be a good place to get support and meet new friends..

Sarah :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[Meg]

Hi TS,

I missed your previous posts whilst I was away.

I had a quick whizz through and it became apparant that whilst you've started a few threads some are fairly similar and you seldom return to acknowledge what others have offered as support or advice.

Maybe look to see if this is a a pattern with your interactions with people.

As far as your feet are concerned - I know you had some shoes made that were not a great success. These days the materials used to make shoes can be so supple and soft that you may find something that would be more suitable. I know brousing in shops is not your forte so with mail order you can try and return a few pairs at a time.

Also you can be referred to the orthopods who can assess whether there is any treatment for your conditions.

You can definately change how you interact and thus your life and the fact you are sounding optimistic and know what you would like is very good news and bodes well that you are willing to make those changes.

Do try to visit the chat room here, its a very powerful tool to help you overcome isolation and start to integrate with a group.




Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[thirtysomething]

I'm sorry I've not replied to anyone on this or my other posts. I just don't know what to do with the posts people have made in reply. I think I'm just not interested enough in other people. I've just never liked or trusted other people. I really want to start doing new things so I have something to talk about but it just harder and harder trying to do things.

I just don't know what to say to people.



Thirtysomething

[Meg]

Just admitting it is a good start, Thirty, being honest enough to admit it to yourself as well as us.

It seems like you may go through peaks and troughs of wanting to reach out and understandably its very hard so the motivation is hard to keep up.

Wonder whether you could find a semi solitary volunteering role where you could be helping yourself a bit as well helping others without being in too close contact ..Might inspire some interest in something new

Volunteering ... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3767)



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[nomorepanic]

Thirty

Sometimes all you need to say to people is "thanks for the reply" and nothing more.

It will come in time when you want to say more.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[bluebottle]

I'm sorry if I'm banging on too much about Dorothy Rowe but I'm going to do it again anyway lol.

30something, you are at the start of a new and exciting life everyday. Dorothy Rowe's book "Breaking the Bonds" has a section entitled "Leaving loneliness Behind". I recommend you buy the book and her "Beyond Fear" one.

My history is similar to yours, but thankfully at 18 I made an enormous effort to change my life and started going out with cousins. I didn't particularly like them, they were OK, but it got me out and improved my life, and I discovered girls!

The only person who can end our loneliness is us. It will take effort, and it will sometimes seem as though nothing is changing, but it will and your life will be 100% better as a result.

I think you fear people 30something, and see them as better than you. I know I can be guilty of this at times. Well we don't have to fear them, they are vulnerable, normal, and nice (most of the time) and just like us. I'm 43 and starting from where you are now 30something, except I'm having to do it as a result of my marriage ending. You can do it too, if you want we can even share our successes?

Good luck, you've already started by posting this subject!

--
Blue
"Your truth is better for you than someone else's. Just get to know what it is, so you can finally own it, and speak it."

[Andrew Sinclair]

Hi Thirty, its good to look back, look at things you have enjoyed in the past, those are skills that you have, and these skills can help you to gain confidence, which really can lead you back to the things you would like to achive in the furure.
I have totaly changed my life and achived a lot of the things i would never have been able too five years ago, i still don't make friends easily, but i help others now too, and this has helped me to interact with people better.
Just set yourself small goals, they will give you confidence, but do things for yourself, not for others at the moment, just believe in yourself, goodness knows you too may be helping others without even knowing it, just by coming on to this site.
I think you are very brave, but start enjoying what you can do at the moment, there is a lot of life to live, and things allways change, you really don't know what good things are around the corner!
Friends will come and go in your life, cos thats life, but don't feel that you are a failure, as you have pushed yourself so hard in the past to go to university, all i can say to that is WOW! ,but take smaller bites, and all one day at at time.
I hope this is of help to you.
Take care. Andrew.S.

[jill]

Hi Thirty,

I am pushing myself to write this post because as Meg kindly pointed out ( Thank you soooo much Meg ) I am suffering and have been all my life with lack of confidence and very low self asteem. When I first came here I was having PA and anxiaty attacks, thought that my life was over and I would never get better. I was sooooo wrong. Now I have Nomorepanic and know high anxity.:D I do get angry somtimes becaus I want soooo much to help people who are suffering with PA, but I also know not to beat myself up about this. I stay positve. I am 41 and if I can beat Mr Panic I can beat this too.
When I was dealing with Mr Panic, believing that I would get better helped me move forward.
You CAN change Thirty, it will not happem over night but it IS possible.
Andrew is right, you are helping people without knowing it. The replys to your post have help me sooo much. I read all post, I reply to them in my head but then think mmmm and don't send it:(
I WILL change and so will you, we both have a lot of hard work to do,
BUT WE WILL DO IT[^]:D[^]

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXXXX

[thirtysomething]

Thanks. Everyone is being very encouraging and I hate to feel like I’m throwing it back at people.

The thought of making myself meet people again makes my heart sink.

Anyway, I am trying to move things forward. I don’t whether this is just desperation. I saw a homeopath last week and started taking the tablets. I want to see if they work before I try anti-depressants. A month ago I asked my GP if I could see a psychiatrist. I don’t expect much from it but I just want to have a name for what I’ve got. No-one has ever diagnosed me with depression or whatever I’ve got.

I’ve been looking on the internet about foot pain and I think I know what my problem is (high arches, tight calf muscles). Trouble is I’ve already been to a podiatrist (sold my some orthotics), physios, chiropractor. I really don’t know who I should go to now. I need to see someone who is n’t just going to sell me something but can really persist with me. I feel really stuck with this. I’m sure anyone else would have found a way round this by now.



Thirtysomething

[BrandyK]

Yes you can change just do it slowly and give it time... I might feel like it is hard but if you really want to change then GO for it....

Brandy