not sure where to go from here

[henri]

hi everyone,

i don't know what is wrong with me. i'm doing really well, have pretty much finished my CBT course, am back to work as normal, going to morocco with my boyfriend on friday, haven't had a panic attack in ages, only need to take diazepam in tiny doses every couple of weeks.

the list of good things goes on and i should be feeling strong but i'm not. i wake up feeling okay by but the end of the day i'm a wreck, struggling to not let my panic rage out of control. i've got a few things coming up over the next few weeks (driving test, cousin's wedding etc) and maybe thinking about those things is stressing me out. but what is really worrying me is that i'm going to be like this forever, always having to battle panic and anxiety and what scares me the most is that i won't be strong enough to do it, the older i get.

i just wish i could be 'normal' and didn't have to deal with this. it's almost worse now that i'm better, it's as if i don't have a focus or aim like i did when i was really bad and i'm tired of having to use my coping strategies. i'm running out of patience.

on a separate issue, a couple of people in my family have recently died from or have been diagnosed with cancer and it scares me so much. i'm not scared that i'm going to get it, i'm scared that more people that i love are going to get it and die. i have tears pouring down my face just writing this - i don't know wny it affects me so deeply. even watching someone die on tv just now really upset me (and it's not even my time of the month!!). am i depressed? i just don't know.

part of me knows i'm being ridiculous and a bit self-indulgent but i'm feeling really lost and i don't know what to do. i'm hoping that you lot might be able to cheer me up or give me some tips on where to go from here.

sorry for rambling on and on!

henri x

[sal]

Henri

You are doing great and as you have just posted you have a lot of added stress in your life at the moment that will take affect on your or even others that are not suffering.

Driving test, i nearly passed out with nerves and that was long before i suffered and we all feel like that. Cousins wedding a big event and it is stressful if you suffer from anxiety as suddenly the spot light after the cermony is all over.

Plus losses of people in your family and diagnosis of cancer, take a step back and give yourself credit for how well you are coping with such a lot at the moment.

You will be normal one day and the normal you presume after this episode in your life will show and emerge much stronger than you ever imagined. Trust me on that hun.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[clickaway]

Hi Henri,

Yes, you have a lot to deal with at the moment and that happens to all of us and even 'normal' people faulter at such times, so I can see why you are feeling low and probably a little stressed.

Anxiety and panic certainly lower your emotional thresholds and so the news of the deaths and anything associated with them will cause those tears. I experienced something similar when I was low, but it was just a phase, and it will be with you too.

You just have to let life take its course and accept what it throws at you. As you get older, you will also learn more about yourself and I would say that can only be a good thing on your road to recovery.

Be Strong,

Ray



Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker

[sal]

Henri

Trust me you will find the way and we will all help you all we can. You are not alone and we do understand how you feel.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[stimpy]

Hi Henri

I think you are doing great. [^]

Mr Panic likes to play on your fears, as he knows you have a fear of the deaded C word - that is what is going to be coming to the front of your mind.

I think you are just suffering from stress overload.
As you have a lot of stressful situations coming up, that will not be helping how you feel.

The main thing is to use your coping skills to try and stay on top of things.

These feelings get to all of us at some point. It is perfectly normal.

Hang in there hun

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

[sal]

Henri

We are here for you so never forget that.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[henri]

thanks for your replies everyone, i feel much better after a bit of sleep!
can't write more now, am already late for work, but just wanted to say thanks.
henri x

[Meg]

Hi Henri

I agree that once you're over the ' will I survive' bit the plateau is often harder to deal with .

I found the last 10 % a harder struggle than the first 90%. That was a battle for survival and learning to refunction whereas now the battle was on for quality of normality which takes more courage really, as you don't have so much intensive help around you and peoples ( including your own) expectations are higher. Before you were 'ill' now you're 'better' , so it's up you to find self motivation to push onwards which can be tough when you're still fragile.


Do have times of self pity and have a good howl and an ' its not fair' and then onwards and upwards.

Also, do get a handle on what you'll accept as normality for yourself again.. We are all allowed foibles and if I may be so bold to refer you to an excellent article that talks about a well known actor who has never locked a loo door in 30 years and doesn't care less about his phobia..


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[seh1980]

hi Henri,

I think you are doing great!! As Meg says, the last bit can often be the most difficult. I'm sure it will all come together in time. Have a great time in Morocco!!

Sarah :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[nomorepanic]

Henri

Sorry to hear you are feeling a bit down so I am sending a hug your way.

xx

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[sal]

Hi

Pleased you are feeling a bit better after a good sleep.

Let us know how you are.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[Meg]

Henri,

Have a good holiday ..

[henri]

Thanks for your messages everyone, i'm feeling much better now.
Meg, you are so right, that is exactly how i've been feeling this week. You really hit the nail on the head - that plateau is a total nightmare! I had a good moan about it all last night and a good cry and everything seems a bit brighter now.
I'll report back from Morocco on Tuesday!
Take care till then,
Henri x

[sal]

Have a great time and look forward to hearing from you.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.