New and need help

[Applebomb]

Hello, I've been a member on this site for a while but this is my first ever post. I really need help, I'm absolutely devastated by something I did recently.
I've suffered from anxiety, depression and low self esteem since I was 15, (i'm now 25) and have been on medication for 10 years but recently came off it as I felt I no longer needed it.
At the time I came of the medication I started going out with an amazing guy, the most supporting and caring person I've ever met.
Since coming off the medication there has been a marked difference in my mood, I have been very miserable despite being with an amazing person. My mood over the last few months has got continually lower and my boyfriend was worried it was something to do with him.
In a desperate atempt to gain some sort of happiness I started having very fond nostalgic memorys of my previous boyfriend from when I was a teenager, we were incredibly happy together. I went home back to my childhood home and met up with my ex. I ended up cheating on my current boyfriend in a drunken awful stupor. It was terribly upsetting and made me realise just how amazing my current boyfriend is, and how much I love him. Cheating on him was the biggest mistake of my life, if I told him he would be so unbelivably heartbroken and would leave me and never speak to me again. I've been throwing up for the last couple of days because of my conscience and the absloute fear of what I have done totally ruining something amazing. I'm paying for my actions and if I tell him he will be too, i'm so confused, what should I do? Please don't judge me too harshly, I know what I have done is appauling! :(

[Sibarker]

First of all, dont worry about what you've done, you shouldnt dwell on it too much, everybody makes mistakes! Truthfully, yes what you did was not very nice on your boyfriend but it is done and as i say everyone makes mistakes so don't put yourself down about it.

My suggestion would be to talk to your boyfriend and be honest about what you did and why, if he is any kind of decent boyfriend he will understand and sympathise. Your fears of him leaving you are probably groundless, you are just catastrophising the situation and its the age old story that you will probably find out that telling him the truth is not as bad as you first think at all.

Seriously though, EVERYONE makes mistakes thats just life. Dont put yourself down about it......

Hope this helped x

[Applebomb]

Hello, thanks so much for the advice. It was just what I needed to hear. I've been beating myself up for days (deservedly so!) but it's been making me ill. Deep down I know I should tell him, but I feel it might be selfish, as it is only going to cause me relief to get it off my chest and cause him a great amount of unnecessary pain. I know what I've done is terrible and feel like I've learned something major from my mistake. I'm rambling and coming up with any excuse not to tell him, but I'm absolutely terrified and feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown, I seriously would not be able to cope if I lost him. :weep:

[Sibarker]

I understand where your coming from, and seriously although it seems like you wouldnt be able to cope, you will! Now obviously i have no idea about your specific anxiety/depression but from what it seems, you have coped with it for 10 years! That is actually amazing you should be very proud of yourself seriously, i have suffered from GAD for only 6 months and i am on here winging about it because i feel overwhelmed lol.

Anyway, i would honestly advise you to tell your boyfriend, he would probably greatly admire the fact that you actually had the guts to tell him and be honest with him! Now i'm not great in relationships personally but that would indicate to me that he can trust you to tell him anything, and trust makes a strong relationship....

Tell him as soon as you can otherwise the fear of it will eat away at you and you wont be able to bring youself to telling him and you would seriously beat yourself up about that...

Plus, if you do tell him. You should give yourself a massive pat on the back for bringing yourself the confidence to tell him face-to-face! That seriously takes guts!

Anyway sorry if i rambled on a bit there

[pooh]

Hi there and welcome along to NMP

as long as you are able to deal with the consequences of admitting your actions then by all means say but go into it with your eyes wide open

Pooh x

[milly jones]

welcome to the no more panic site

from milly xxxx :)