Miss Alissa
13-10-08, 17:47
Hi everyone
I have to apologise in advance because this is really just a rant but somehow I do find that it helps to write it down. I’m having a bit of a crappy time – basically a few things are up in the air in terms of jobs and houses and money and all the other dull things about being an adult at the moment – and of course when that happens the healthy anxiety rears its ugly head. I’ve also just had 2 weeks of a nasty cold which left me kind of wiped out and has also made me very conscious of my body – not a great combo! Anyway, I think I’m handling things ok at the moment, I am trying so so hard - but I’m just constantly aware of having to try to be ok if you see what I mean. And although I’m constantly trying to feel and think calmly and rationally, and distract myself - my body just feels so tense. I look terrible – my skin has broken out, I have pins and needles in my feet and legs, shooting pains ALL over, my ectopics are the worst they have ever been (not helped at all by a cough and sore throat), and it seems like I have literally chewed half of my cheek off from grinding my teeth and biting in my sleep. It is like the more conscious I am of things being anxiety-related, the more dramatic my body wants to make the symptoms to try and scare me. Above all else I just feel exhausted by it – I know – or I think I know where it is coming from but it’s just like my brain and my body don’t want to work together – even though I really know it’s the two parts of my brain that don’t want to! Anyway, sorry for complaining – I’m trying to eat well and sleep well and take care of myself but at the moment it just seems like any tiny interruption to that just sets me off – worse than I ever was before. But the weird thing is that the things that should be scary – aren’t – interviews, public speaking etc – it’s the everyday that I find hardest because I have the niggle that something is wrong when the threat isn’t easily identifiable. Does that make sense? Anyway, waffling now – thanks for letting me get it off my chest.
A
xx
I have to apologise in advance because this is really just a rant but somehow I do find that it helps to write it down. I’m having a bit of a crappy time – basically a few things are up in the air in terms of jobs and houses and money and all the other dull things about being an adult at the moment – and of course when that happens the healthy anxiety rears its ugly head. I’ve also just had 2 weeks of a nasty cold which left me kind of wiped out and has also made me very conscious of my body – not a great combo! Anyway, I think I’m handling things ok at the moment, I am trying so so hard - but I’m just constantly aware of having to try to be ok if you see what I mean. And although I’m constantly trying to feel and think calmly and rationally, and distract myself - my body just feels so tense. I look terrible – my skin has broken out, I have pins and needles in my feet and legs, shooting pains ALL over, my ectopics are the worst they have ever been (not helped at all by a cough and sore throat), and it seems like I have literally chewed half of my cheek off from grinding my teeth and biting in my sleep. It is like the more conscious I am of things being anxiety-related, the more dramatic my body wants to make the symptoms to try and scare me. Above all else I just feel exhausted by it – I know – or I think I know where it is coming from but it’s just like my brain and my body don’t want to work together – even though I really know it’s the two parts of my brain that don’t want to! Anyway, sorry for complaining – I’m trying to eat well and sleep well and take care of myself but at the moment it just seems like any tiny interruption to that just sets me off – worse than I ever was before. But the weird thing is that the things that should be scary – aren’t – interviews, public speaking etc – it’s the everyday that I find hardest because I have the niggle that something is wrong when the threat isn’t easily identifiable. Does that make sense? Anyway, waffling now – thanks for letting me get it off my chest.
A
xx