Fear of death?

[Richd]

I had an assessment for my CBT therapy yesterday, and during that assessment the psychiatrist opened up a lot of things for me, really got me thinking about why my anxiety is how it is, what is causing it etc.

It seems to come on through thoughts I have, thoughts about things not feeling real as such, much like depersonalisation, which then comes on, and then the panic attacks begin. It usually happens when I'm just on my own, maybe at home, or at work.

I've also realised that it happens when I think about death (Sorry if this is a bit morbid), and considering what comes after death, i.e, nothing, almost a fear of not existing. This fear really grabs me and won't let me go, as most fear's you can get through because you know they can't hurt you, but with this fear of death and non existance, I know that it will come to me one day, and then all this will just end. It is a horrible thing, and when the terror of it comes upon me, it takes me so long to get out of it.

Most people can just get on with things, find comfort in their friends or loved ones, and make the most of life, living for the moment, but I find this so hard because of a lot of factors in my life, as far as the death things goes, my dad is very ill and has always been, several times he has been in intensive care and we could have so easily lost him, and I guess I always have the fear that something could happen to him always there. And I have to admit I don't have the closet friends circle where I live anymore, so most evenings are spent at home, with the occasional night out.

I guess what I really want to know is, has anyone else had to deal with this fear of death or non existance? I feel it is a key factor in my anxiety, I find myself considering it nearly once a day, and suffering the panic from it. I just want so hard to find a way to come to terms with it, but I can't see it happening. In my mind it seems like the ultimate anxiety that there is no escaping from...

[LisaT]

When I first got anxious I thought about death a lot and would think how would my kids cope etc etc, then my friend said that theres only 1 guarantee in life and that is that everyone dies eventually and why waste your life worrying about it and thats so very true. I know its hard to think rationally when you're in the grip of panic/anxiey but if you can grasp that and hold on to it it'll be a start. Sorry if this is not much help but I'm new to this myself xx

[Richd]

Thanks, I mean I know that, I've considered that, everyone dies, they have done for the whole of time, and they will continue to do so, and I almost find myself accepting it, but then it comes flying at me from another angle, the realisation of non existance, and it strikes such a terror into me. Like deat as in falling asleep and never waking up, always just being in the sleep state and so never experiencing consciousness again.

It scares me, and also makes me think what's the point in anything if it all ends up being nothing?

I've considered religion as some kind of relief, but then the thought of existing in heaven for an eternity scares me as well, and then my mind starts considering a whole host of other warped options, which bring on the depersonalisation feeling, of total unreality, which causes anxiety and panic again.

[Sibarker]

Hye rich, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I think this over in my head every day. What is after death? and how did i come into existence in the first place? Is there a god? and how did i get into the body i am in....why i am not you? or some other person? These thoughts disturb me very often eventually i just find myself doing anything to distract my mind from it. A councellor once told me that when i get over my anxiety then those sort of questions wont matter anymore, and to some extent i believe that. See the thing is i'm so scared of death because i dont want to leave everyone i know and care about i dont want to not exist anymore if there is no life after death, and i think this maybe what you think aswell maybe, and that then triggers the panic.

These kind of thoughts also make me question who i really am, which subsequently makes me feel unreal and i feel out of control of my own body, and also question reality itself.... Do you have these kind of questions as well? Atleast its nice to know that there are other people out there that also think this kind of philosophical stuff.....

[LisaT]

That word again, accept, same as me only mine is physical symptoms. I know they can't hurt me but they still frighten me. Have you read any self help books?

[kazzie]

Just stick me nose in:D

Im an undertaker and I can assure you there is nothing"scarey" about death

Where we go after I dont know:shrug:

I will try and answer anyones questions about the actual funeral process:shrug:

Luv Kaz x x x:hugs:

[Richd]

Thanks guys

That is definitely what I feel sibarker, they are philosophical questions, I just wish they would stay that way for me, but the anxiety grips me so hard and just seems to shake everything. I do actually think I am working my way through it, and yes I do think that once you beat the anxiety around it you can get to understanding it more.

The philosophy around it has always interested me, existentialism, religion, the universe, time, I am a very questioning person in that respect, but it just feels like my mind has wandered across the very core of it all, the realisation of oblivion which scares me so much.

But yes, like you say, once I can beat the fear of it, then hopefully there will be somewhere to go afterwards. I want to start trying to appease myself by maybe building on my spiritual side, weighing up the facts, I can get quite deep on it when I'm not panicking about it.

But when I panic about it it can completely cloud my days for long periods of time, unable to enjoy the moment because I'm pondering that other moment, 40 or 50 years or so into the future probably. Agh, I'm going there again now!

[vicky1971]

hi i know exactly how u feel , think about it constantly with every ache and pain , lost my mum at 47 i am convinced i only have 10 years left to live if im lucky , thats if i stop smoking and drinking so much maybe it will be sooner if i dont stop abusing my mind an body . are you in good health ? x

[Tom_M]

Hi Richd

I know exactly what your going through, I went through the same thing when I was your age, and it made me very depressed. It's getting your head around none-existence after death that's so scary. I don't think about it now Richd, I'm almost 60 and know that if I'm lucky I'll have about 15 years of life left.

Tom

[Franz]

Richd,

I agree that the thought of non-existence is scary. To be honest I'm not as sure as I once was that death is the end. I'm not religious, but I've read about near-death experiences and wonder if one's own experience of time kind of changes when one dies.

I've had a couple of slightly odd experiences that changed my view of what the mind is, for both better and worse. Put in a rather banal way, I think we are all part of a bigger consciousness. But it's no good me just saying that, I know.

F

[nursey4]

I have had all these feelings you all talk about and all these thoughts- they used to scare me into severe panic as well. This was when I first got this disorder 6 and a half years ago. It was so bizarre- it was like, looking in the mirror would freak me out. It was like I was somehow brand new to the world and trying to make sense out of basic reality. Major depersonalization and if you haven't done your research on that, do so! For me, just having a name to put to it made me feel better- I was so glad it actually was something and not just me being insane! Somehow these thoughts dissapated for me- my anxiety seems to mutate like that. Anyways, know you are not alone!! It is very hard, but I am trying, to focus on the moment because that is truly all there is. If you're into reading, I would recommend The Power of Now by Ekhardt Tolle- a little cheesy in some bits but a good read overall.
Take care~

[stace81]

I am exactly the same in fact i was just feeding my baby thought about this and ended up giving him to his dad and i freaked out! Ive had this since my first pa at 12. Sometimes i can be ok but then other times i have pa`s` for days about it. At the min all i want to do is be sick,cant get back to sleep as im scared to shut my eyes. I hope we can all overcome this fear coz it is truly awful.

[Janieb]

yes I am also a person who freaks out at this, so much so that after watching the movie Troy I had a massive panic attack and almost passed out. I avoid death topics or anything like that.

I used to find solice in my religion, but then that fell apart when there was some talk of death once in a service and now I refuse to go back to church! I just have to push it out of my mind but doesn't always work. It still freaks me out. have no idea how I deal with it now, I just keep myself very busy and have been like this since the age of 10.

I hope oneday it will all just go away

[bexy1970]

hi all'
this too is my biggest fear, and can get totally freaked out about its the being told your going to die sort of thing that scares me most..terminal disease sort of thing.. hence my health anx!!! ive had since i was little apparantly!! know my stepdad used to beat me and say i was going to kingdom come so spose it stems from there!! we just lost my ex sister in law who sufferded a long 4 years with cancer and her daughter same age as my little girl, and its knocked me back totally as she was only in her early 40s.. but she was amazing thro it all. i try and and tell myself that people seem to get an inner strength, and also if you know anyone who has had an actual near death experience arent scared of dying!!! i had to ask my friend whos partners an undertaker if they do know your really dead when they bury you!! as thats another of my fears is bein alive in a coffin!! sooo daft i know but these horrid thoughts bother me every day!! just want to be NORMAL!!!! my doc has told me about mindfulness parantly its about living for the now and not worrying about the future. so ive ordered the book.. sorry for a long post im just glad im not alone with this xxx:flowers:

[janeybaby25]

yes I get this fear sometimes of non existance & I know it will happen one day but I just try not to think about it & think whatever will be will be. I have no control over what is going to happen.

[befuddled1]

I seem to have 'episodes' where I am all too aware of death and the terror of it (what you talked about). I am just on the way out of one now. I hope this will not last my whole life and it was comforting to read Tom_M's post and also Franz's. I have though and felt far too much about the meaning of it all etc. You are not alone. I don't want to go into exact details of my fear because then I might think about it and I don't want to do that but it is basically the same as yours Richd - non-existence etc.
Going to look up depersonalisation now.

[Richd]

It's good to hear all of your responses, especially yours nursey4, I get that exact same feeling, when you look in the mirror and you just feel completely brand new. I also have this thing where I look out of my window and don't feel so familiar with where I live, my home etc.

I've read up quite a bit online about Depersonalization so I'm a bit clued up on it, which helps with the anxiety, but it definitely links in with my fear of non-existance. Both existance and non-existance seem equally strange to me sometimes.

And Franz, I know what you're saying as well, I've thought on what comes after life as well, and yeah I've started to wonder about the concept of time in an afterlife, of it's existance in a humanly tangible form....

I just wish I wouldn't have these questions! I could enjoy life so much more without them. But I suppose I have a lifetime now to figure out my answers, and not be freaking out on my deathbed!

[worriedGrace]

I have had a fear of death all my life but for two different reasons. I was brought up in a religious home and I was constantly afraid of the end of the world, a favourite topic with many of the preachers I had to listen to, and the thought of being judged by God filled me with terror. It was bad enough knowing that He saw everything I did.

In later life I gave up on religion so now my fear of death is the idea that there is nothing afterwards. I can't win.

My very bright 9 year old grandaughter recently woke up in the night very distressed and when her mother tried to comfort her she told her that she had just realised that one day she would die and was frightened. I had exactly the same experience at her age so if it's in the genes it's me she has to blame.

[Richd]

I definitely think it's in the genes. My mum is a very strong Christian, but she has mentioned a lot of times how she had a near death experience once in hospital, and then became a Christian after realising there's nothing to fear after death, as if beforehand she had had a fear of it.

Also, anxiety in general, both my gran and my aunt on my Dad's side suffered from agrophobia, and my cousin on my mum's side suffers from depression also. As have my brother and sister.

It's definitley in the genes.

[Franz]

Richd,

You're right I think that it's in the genes. My counsellor keeps telling me that my anxiety is because of my upbringing, i.e. I "learned" my anxiety from my mum, who was anxious and undemonstrative. But I just don't agree. I had a happy childhood on the whole, but my mum tells me that from the moment I was born I was scared of everything, just like her.

As for death... I once hypnotised myself and got a very weird sense of a transcendent consciousness - as though I was seeing things through the eyes of the universe itself. I would not advise this though because the universe does not just contain good things, it also contains enormous amounts of suffering and fear. It takes an expert mystic to "go there" and remain in control.

My ultimate conclusion is that "everything is mind", as the Hindus and Buddhists believe.

I've toyed with Christianity myself but it didn't stop my suffering, so I figured that if God existed he wasn't fulfilling his end of the bargain.

The problem I have with Buddhism is that it says everything is lovely and peace is the natural state of things and I don't believe that.

F

[Captain America]

existential anxiety is awful. i like the comparison to looking in the mirror...it reminds me of my two year old the first time he looked in the mirror and recognized that the person staring back at him was him. he was fascinated...kept pointing and saying his name over and over.

well now that i'm 40, i'm like him except the next phase of my self awareness is acknowledgment of my own demise. it's been hard. i've found very little to comfort myself, as i want to live forever (and have said so bunches of times).

i dunno what can help this. i've googled it but the only cure for existential anxiety seems to be to live a completely authentic life. this is hard for me, as responsibilities prevent me from doing so. i can't quit my job and pursue my dream, for example, because we need money! that's reality.

i guess i've made myself feel better of late in that i know how quickly the last 20 years have seemed to go, and that some day i'll be 50, and then 60, wondering where the last 10 or 20 went. i suppose that way i can keep myself working towards building a better future for myself, and stop the see sawwing back and forth between 'you're going to die any day now' and 'stop damaging yourself before you regret it.'

i know that's off topic probably, but i'm trying to keep an anxiety attack away for the next 2 hours here at work.

so, sorry for rambling.