I kinda cant take anymore...

[KaylaMarie]

I know I make a bunch of new threads but I feel like my life is bobbing up and down..and I am just along for the ride...even if I dont want to be.

I am just bogged down.

I live with my grandmother...Mainly because I am afraid of hurting her...(She has hinted alot since I turned 18 that she needs someone around)
I dont mind helping her at all! But she treats me like total crap and then gets pissy when I get snappy.
Example...I do ALOT of house work and she comes home and gets mad because "I dont do anything around the house"

Also I am my 12 year old sisters temporary legal guardian...Which I am used to...but everytime I ground her for being naughty...my grandmother goes behind my back and lets her do whatever she wants!

How is my sister supposed to respect me as her guardian if Every little thing I do is undermined be her? My sister has gotten to where If I punish her...she gets up in my face and threatens to hit me/ and tells me that she wants me to die.

I cant take much more of this...I have sacrificed so much to be there for my sister, I have stopped going to high school so that I can handle everything and work more hours. ...and I feel like Im just being used...

Not to mention that Everytime I get a panic attack...my grandmother treats me like "Oh here we go again" and completely treats me liek a big waste of time.

I am recently engaged and I want to move out with my fiance (Obviously...) I will not marry him while I am living with my grandmother.

But she makes me feel so guilty about wanting a life of my own.
One last thing I forgot to mention is the just about everytime we get in a fight she pulls out every guilt trip she has..AKA
-Her age
-How stressful her job is
-How I supposedly treat her like crap
-That she is going to die soon (She has also said this along with "How will you feel after that!?")
-Just everything...

I am sorry for the length of whiny-ness of this..But I really needed someone to vent to. My fiance is asleep and I dont want to wake him, haha.
Thanks for reading.

[titchjd]

Hiya hun ...you arent whiney at all ..it helps 2 write thing down.

There comes atime in life when I believe you have 2 stand up for yourself and live YOUR own life and not live for someone elses.

I know its hard as family can be very controlling and make you feel sooooooooo guilty Im sure your nan lived her life they way she wanted and 2 some respect still is by keeping you back 2 help her .

You can move out and still support her hun...you can visit and help with things she genuienly needs help with .

As for your sister she must have alot of things going on in her own head and all you can do is carry on supporting her ....whether she takes your advice or not is her choice but at least you know you have done your best xxxx

How old are u hun ?

I hope you have a good day hun and start looking at your life with your fiance'xxxx


Titchjd xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[gtrgrl3369]

I agree, it is time to take back your life and live t. She was fine before you moved in and will be after you move out. I have given in to guilt trips before and then feel bad about myself afterwards. You need to be with someone who is supportive of the things you do and how you feel. There is no need for abuse from anyone. Your sister sounds like she needs some couseling for anger, before it gets out of control. Move out and live your life you can always visit but you can always leave if it gets to be too much for you also. Be kind to yourself.

[KaylaMarie]

Thanks for both of your answers I appreciate the advice...now If only I could gather up some courage =P =)

And titchjd, I am 18 years old.

[samc100]

Crikes - you have a lot to moan about and a lot to deal with there. And no offense but when I was 18 I found it very hard to be assertive ( and I am not that brilliant at it now).

But I do think you need to write down what you want in life. Compromise is all well and good but do not lose your dreams, hopes and desires because of what is currently happening with your nan etc...If you do it will be just make it harder to move on and life your life. I have sadly seen some of my peer group end up with lives they never wanted because they didn't break out.

Good luck to you - I hope you are planning your wedding very soon xxx

[moonlighta]

Hi, no how you feel.
You're dealing with so much and desserve at least a medal!! I've got my elderly mum living with me - totally dependant but I respect her wishes not to go into a home fulltime even though she has hated me all my life. She doesn't respect me for this (to the contrary) but I do my best not that it does me any good, but talking to people like you makes me feel better. I have taken medication for years, and struggle through. Hope things look up for you :)

[KaylaMarie]

Thank you both for your replies!
Samc100: I still plan on getting my GED and going to college...I just dont have the means right now =K

Moonlighta: I think it is very respectable of you to take care of your mom =)

[kendo59]

Who's house is it? Does the house belong to your grandmother?
How reliant is she on you, or could she take care of herself if necessary?
What would happen if you wanted to go on a vacation, ie, go on a trip for a few days?
Do you have any other family around?

I think it's great that you do have goals of your own, and good luck with your wedding.

[KaylaMarie]

Its a duplex and she pays rent ( Let it be known..I have offered to help with rent but she wont accept my money)
She could take care of herself if need be. Its the guilt thing that stops me from leaving.
I havent had the chance to go out on a trip. =P
the rest of my family either lives up in northern Wisconsin...
or In Ohio.

In the past couple of days I have decided that I need to get out...Its just the matter of one...finding the courage..and two...Bringing it up in a way that doesnt hurt her.

[keepemlaughing]

You have gotten some real good advice here. I agree that moving out is probably best for everyone. My mom used to try the guilt thing on me and my sister constantly. She eventually got better and is now happily living in a senior citizen's complex with loads of friends. Do what is best for you hun. PM anytime if you need to.
Blessings,
Sheryl

[kendo59]

I suspect that no matter how tactfully you tell her about your plans to move out, she will probably resort to all sorts of emotional blackmail & manipulative guilt-trips to make you feel bad. The only thing you can do is not get drawn into a debate where you try to justify yourself, just be strong & stick to your guns. It may take her a while to come around, but eventually she will accept it.

Good luck.