New Member - Same Old Problem

[tommycheadle]

Hi Everyone,

I hope so much to get some help and guidance here.

I suffered a major depressive episode for the first time some ten years ago - it was work related and caused by pretty ruthless bullying.

I underwent a very painful and acrimonious divorce five (nearly six) years ago - and lived pretty much hand to mouth ever since.

I was made redundant twice last year. Both companies went into administration and I was turfed out - both times with less than a few months service.

My current job is under threat and I am terrified. My problem is - I look around the office and others can laugh, and carry on with their lives. I am just obsessing about 'what if' and am utterly convinced that I will be shown the door any day now.

I suffered this before when I lost jobs - and found I handled it - better second time than first. I was prescribed citalopram by my GP - to handle the anxiety and panic I experienced. Now as then, I couldn;t sleep more than a couple of hours, and woke in the early hours, my stomach knotted and with dread and doom laden thoughts dashing round my mind like crazy pirahnas.

I was also prescribed trazadone to help me sleep. Then as now I was having real difficulty dropping off as I kept waking up with a start just as I dropped off - a really alarming and umpleasant feeling. I'm taking the trazadone at present - and find it helps a bit.

I'm doubly full of anxiety because of the current economic situation. I was 50 yesterday - and worry that I'll find gaining any employment impossible.

Does anyone else have the same falling asleep difficulties?
Does anyone else have the same problems with the early morning waking?

Has anyone any tips they can pass on on tackling these sleep problems?
If I could overcome them, I'm sure that things would brighten a good deal.

Love to all,

Chris

[pinkpiglet]

Hi there and :welcome: to NMP.
Sounds as if you've had a tough time over the past years. I struggle to fall asleep every night and always wake up several times during. Money is abig worry in our house. My partner and i were bringing in s good wage when we bought our home, then i fell pregnant (planned) but got made redundant from work. I managed to get another job but the firm went bust when i was on maternity so our income was halved. We have struggled for two years living (like you say) hand to mouth. I'v recently gone back to work part time but because of childcare we are struggling even more. We have now decided our only option is to downsize. Our house goes up for sale next week. I talk to my friends and my colleagues and it seems everyone is in the same boat.
I hope you can hold on to your job and things start to look up for you.
Take Care!

[tommycheadle]

Thanks Pink - I'm sorry to hear of your struggle. How do you cope?
What strategies do you use to keep going and fight the darkness?

[pooh]

Hi there and welcome along to NMP

Pooh x

[davidb37026]

Don't worrry about your jobtill it's gone. There's nothing to worrry about my mom is 65 and she's still working....

[davidb37026]

I'm sorry hearing about you troubles especially the house. Just as long as you've got each other you'll be ok I'll pray for you

[Mistie_In_Oz]

Hi Chris, welcome :)

[keepemlaughing]

Hi Chris. I turned 50 myself recently. I have only been on my current job for almost three years. I still feel inadequate at times and never fully get over the feeling that I am a step away from losing my job. Which is totally untrue. Its just the anxiety taking over. Hope you feel better soon.
Sheryl

[Veronica H]

:welcome: Chris, I really feel for you:bighug1: . The 'what ifs' are a classic symptom of panic/anxiety. The media are in heaven hyping the current economic situation and have us all worried over a situation that we have no control over. The markets will find their level, and the world will keep on turning without our help, but to people with this illness (me included) it is hard to separate today from tomorrow, or the rest of our lives. This of course results in possible future scenarios playing themselves out as we try to get some sleep at night! We lost half the value of our one bedroomed flat and were deep in negative equity in the mid nineties, I also had my son while living there (very cramped). In reality I think we just have a way of adapting to what we have. You have done this before Chris when the need has arose, but you must try not make yourself ill by pre-empting it. You are obviously articulate, and employable.
There is a brilliant book by Dr Claire Weekes called 'Self help for your nerves' published by Thorsons ISBN 978-0-7225-3155-6. I cannot recommend this enough as it really explains what is happening to us, and how we can recover. Her recordings can be downloaded free to your MP3 from the NMP Shop too. Glad that you have found us. You will find comfort and support here.
Veronica

[tommycheadle]

Thanks everyone p Veronica, you have really hit the nail on the head. I am becoming obsessive about the Stock Markets - I keep watching them, as they dip, I start to panic. I was watching them today and the fear started to build.

I actually have £10,000 in the bank. It represents some security to me - and I'm terrified of it dwindling to nothing. I know just how crazy that sounds. I know how selfish it may sound - but I went through a long time of living hand to mouth, and I feel as though I couldn't go there again. Veronica - thankyou so much for that comment - I have blessings in my life now that I didn't have 5 years ago. I have a lovely partner, and I no longer lie alone - she is there. I do feel the need to mask a lot of my fears, she has problems too - she's been off work since July with a back injury from an industrial injury. The employer concerned has admitted liability - and she will get compensation - but her current employer has just stopped paying her as she has run out of 'sick pay entitlement' - so things are very hard. We need to get through the time from now until she settles the case, and please God is cured of her back injury (surgery seems likely).

I'm going to the Docs in 20 minutes - and I hope he can help me. I was on citalopram last year, and it seemed to help a little - I was on Seroxat before that and it - if I remember, seemed to help quite a lot. If I could beat the sleep thing and the lack of appetite (I count my calories - to make sure I get enough!) I'd be 100% better than I am.

I had a close thing to a panic attack today - I thought I'd lost my wallet (I sound like Ernie Wise don't I?) but my lovely Rosie found it for me. Panic is at present something like an animal stalking around the outskirts of the village that is me. A bit like those creatures in 'The Village' . I pray that I can overcome this and become well again - that I can get back to being me.

Thanks to everyone out there. I have got through this before (and far worse) - I hope to do so again. I just get scared of the whole World Financial Crisis thing - I keep thinking of it as the end - that things will never recover, and that this is pretty much doomsday. I hear some pundits say it will all get better, and it relieves me - then of course the little voice says 'what if they're wrong?'.

Love to all,

I'll post again later when I'm back from the Doctor.

Chris xx

[soliveirap]

Hi Chris, wellcome.

The financial situation is affecting all of us, specially here in portugal, a small country and dependent of european money help.
We, me and my husband, struggle to get trought the month, the situation its not critical but sometimes its hard but we never live out our possibilities, do you know what i mean?
We dont have credit cards and the only credit we have is the one from the house we bougth 8 years ago.
We reduced our expenditures to the minimum and we try not to spend beyond the essential.
Fourtunately me and my husband never argue about money, we cant spend what we dont have, we took an ensurance to secure our situation in case of unemployment.
My panic disorder is caused by the concerns with my son, im allways afraid that something happens to him. Thats my problem.
Take care

[tommycheadle]

Dear Friends,

OK - saw the Doctor. I'm back on seroxat and he gave me zopiclone to take every other night. I'm beginning to wonder whether I should have stuck with trazadone. At least trazadone gets me SOME sleep. Still, I'll stick with this for a month and see where it gets me.

The Doctor said that my anxiety was my main problem (after doing a little multi-choice test) - and that I was mildly depressed. He said the anxiety couldn't be taken care of with pills - but the depression could. He told me that I had to ride out the tsunamis of anxiety and learn to deal with them.

He said 'If you can't sleep get up and do something else for an hour. Bed is for sleeping - not trying to sleep - Don't take cat naps during the day. You'll get tired - when your anxiety levels drop, your sleep will return to normal.

You might expect to lose sleep - its par for the course as you're under stress

Go for walks 3-4 times a day. Get out in the air. It will tire you and depression reacts well to exercise.

Play your favourite music - you may not feel like doing it - but you should. Your happy music will lift your mood.

Don't let anxiety stop you from doing anything you would normally do.

Deal with each of your problems (food, sleep, anxiety) as separate - not as one thing.

He also suggested that I make an appointment with a person who is the Surgery Counsellor. The Doctor wants to see me again in about two weeks time.

So. I'm a little puzzled by the idea that anxiety can't be treated by meds. I felt that trazadone does help somewhat. I remember taking zopiclone before and it just about knocked me for six. I still woke early but felt like doing nothing. Just zonked out.

I'm going to try the zopiclone tonight and start the sroxat tomorrow. I'll check in then.

Thanks for everyones messages. It's good to know that I'm not alone.
Much love to Sandra , Veronica, Sheryl, Mistie, David, Pooh and tetley - thankyou for reaching out - I hope we'll get to know each other better.

Love to all,

Chris xx

[Veronica H]

:yesyes: Glad you are getting some help Chris. I am not familiar with these meds as on low dose Citalopram 10mg and Propranalol 10mg x3 per day. Citalopram definitely keeps me out of depression, and Propranolol keeps my heart rate down at 70, therefore I donot get the fight/flight part of a panic attack with racing heart, but still get waves of anxiety.My saviour has been Dr Weekes books. I have got steadily better since reading them, I also listen to the free downloads from the NMP Shop.Hope all goes well for you, and there is always someone here to chat to, if and when you need to.

Veronica

[tommycheadle]

Hi Veronica

I've not been on this forum for long enough yet to access chat - but knowing there are people there on the message boards is great. I'm listening to Dr Weekes talks now - they're good. I use a super resource which is a relaxation tape aimed at anxiety and panic. I can forward it if you'd like a copy. I tried citalopram but it didn't seem to do much for me. Seroxat ironed out my moods pretty much - and I could function pretty well. It's still sleep that bothers me - I never sleep well, with lots of waking - but I can always sleep again. Just at the moment that seems to have gone by the board.

Todays news on the stock markets has me distinctly uneasy. Are we talking about another 1930s?

Love to all,

Chris xx

[milly jones]

welcome to the no more panic site

from milly xxxx :flowers:

[tommycheadle]

Thanks Milly - had a really difficult day early on today. My partner stayed in bed all day and seemed crushed by our situation. She lay and wept and just kept saying 'I don't know....I don't know...' She slept an awful lot. I must say I envy her that. I could barely sit still. I kept myself going by lots of walks. I finally got her out of bed at about 5.30 and we went to have a drink and a chat in a local pub. It was wonderful - we really connected. So tonight is ending up fine. I feel almost hopeful. I am turning to my faith again - something I've walked away from a long time ago. It is full of good, positive and hopeful messages and is like a drink of cool water in a desert.

I'm not going to take seroxat again. The Doc yesterday prescribed it again - but he had first suggested that I stick with the trazadone. I've got a months worth of trazadone. It seemed to be doing the trick - so I'll stick with it. Changing horses mid course isn't a good idea right now. I have zopiclone too for any night when I'm at my wits end. I won't be taking it too often. Very sparingly in fact.

Love to all,

Chris xx

[Kurukulla]

You could ask your doc to change your meds to mirtazipine. They are antidepressants and they make you sleep too. I've been taking them for well over a year. I feel better and I've not had one single sleepless night after taking them. Good luck:)

[tommycheadle]

Hi Kurukulla - thanks for the suggestion. I may give it a go if things stay as they are. As it is, I'm embarking on a new direction in tackling the sleep problem. If I wake (and I did this morning) I'm not lying in bed - but getting up and doing something else for an hour or so, then going back to bed. If nothing else it'll tire me out in the long run - and it takes away the fear of lying alone in the dark (although I was quite enjoying that tonight!)

Love to all,

Chris xx

[leonard]

Hi Tommycheadle.

Have been reading your posts. To solve your financial worry problem of the savings, put the cash into National Savings and Investments. This is the Governments own bank and the cash is 100% guaranteed.
All bank and building society accounts are now covered up to £50,00. Guaranteed by the FSA.
Please do not worry Tommy, about cash. There is always financial help from the income support agency.
Hope this information calms you somewhat.:)

Take care
Leonard

[weeble40]

Hi and a big welcome to NMP its great to have you here, hope to see you in chat sometime,

Take care

Emma xxx

[tommycheadle]

Hi Leonard - who are the Income Support Agency? I've not heard of them....

Love to all,

Chris

[leonard]

Hi Chris

The income support agency is the posh name for social security! PC and all that.

Leonard