On a disctructive path

[Janieb]

I don't know about anybody else, but when I go down, I seriously start heading down wards....Silly things start to annoy me.

I have a serious anx problem today and I have been doing so well and you know what there was no help....no support from anybody around me. my mom moaned my dad moaned and my husband acted like a complete rectum!

Now I am sitting here seething, simply because I had a bad attack and no one would help, so I am getting angry. It's bad and I am finding it hard to control my emotions, I don't even want to be here...heck if I had it my way I would just run off with someone and leave it all behind. Not to sure if this is normal but it is a horrable feeling growing inside of me.

I have a son, and a lovely home but right now I could just run, run far away with someone else. WHY....why the heck do I get like this. My family is wonderful but i am so ungreatful all I can think about it having an affair to make my life more interesting and take away my fears....there must be something wrong with me. I need to fight the bad feelings!

Just needed to talk,
Janieb

[LeeBee]

Hi Janieb, just one thing, really: wherever you go, you take you with you. The desire to escape and run away has been something that I've felt in the past, too. I still feel it. But wherever I've run to, my problems come with me, because I can't run away from myself.

It's up to you to decide whether your relationship is worth sticking around for, or whether you need to end it and move on. But if the main issues are within yourself, going somewhere else with someone else probably won't help much. That's all really... good luck with it. You're not alone in feeling this way.

[Veronica H]

Hi Janieb

I agree with all that Leebee has said. I have had the feelings you describe when I was sinking into depression. Have you been checked out for this or have meds etc. I think the desire for an affair etc comes from wanting to be the old you, where life was less complicated. Remember these are just thoughts, and don't feel guilty about them later when you feel calmer, these thoughts go with the territory when we have this illness.I am sorry your family did not give you the support you needed today. We are here for you, though.

Veronica

[Janieb]

Thank you Leebee and Veronica for your replies they both make sense, and I am happy that there are people that have the same struggle, well not happy yaay but find solice in the fact I am not alone on my battle.

Saturday night was horrable for me, and it has huge knock on effects in my life and it makes things so much harder to bare. Monday is a new day and I have to just start changing my life and stop blaming other people for my short comings.

I appreciate the support from this site, I don't know what I would do without it. :)