View Full Version : This is EXACTLY what i mean.
At work today and i had a couple of comments from blokes, one was "If i was your fella, you'd have to have a bag over your head to get in bed with me!" and the other one "Effing hell you're ugly".
I hate myself SO much.
bottleblond
19-10-08, 18:30
WHAT? Hun don't take that crap! Let me at em? grrrrr
Lisa
xxxx
Awwwww Belle:hugs:
Nobody is ugly, christ Im no oil painting lol:D
Its the person inside that matters:yesyes:
Kaz x x x:hugs:
honeybee3939
19-10-08, 18:56
Aww Belle:hugs:
If thats you on the youtube link i think the guys have a serious problem hun. You are a beautiful looking gal !:yesyes:
Take no notice of them!:ohmy:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Awwww hun, I am so sorry to hear that this has been said to you! And I know exactly how horrible and how much of a negative effect that those comments have had on you.
Dunno if this will help in any way at all but it might?! - I just wanted to remind you that - us humans too easily allow our self-worth to depend on the opinions and value judgements of others and we have to remember that we all have worth and beauty as a person - independently - from how others will judge and value us...If that makes any sense...
What I'm trying to say is you have to see that you're a unique, wonderful, lovely and beautiful person, and you have to try and not take note of those two blokes at your work, who are fecking t**ts and bloody stupid! (hopefully I can say that on here!!), and they have no right - no right at all to make you think of yourself as defective or inadequate. Don't let them tear you down like that. And as Kazzie said above - its the person inside which matters most. Those blokes certainly don't have a nice person inside if they can say those kind of things.
Anyways, I've blabbed on too much lol.
Keep believing in yourself, you're wonderful and you're beautiful.
Sendings lots of hugs,
Chrissy xxxxxxx
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IrishPrincess
19-10-08, 19:06
Heya Belle,
Can I just say I saw your videos and I think you are very pretty.Don't minding them eejits,ppl like that are just insecure fools and feel the need to put others down to feel good,feck them hun xxxx
I have NO idea why the talk to me like it. None of the other girls get any kind of crap.
I asked the main culprit why he hated me so much...he just laughed. I asked him if i'd done something to pi*s him off...he said no.
I've come away feeling fat, disgusting and pathetic.
..and i wonder why no one likes me!
IrishPrincess
19-10-08, 19:16
Hun dont give them your energy feck them,they prob only doing it for a reaction.
What gives these people the right to talk to someone like that, they are nothing but morons and I bet they weren't too hot either. It really makes me mad when blokes think they can talk to a woman like that.
You are so not ugly Belle, you are a very attractive woman so go back out there and be proud of yourself.
Carol
omg hun that is terrible wot idiots, they only saying that cos they have to make there friends laugh cos otherwise they feel like they dont fit in, thats how some pathetic simple minded, immature, insecure men work.
i bet you are lovely, just as well not all men are like them, u much to good for them and they know it, thats prob why they they say it cos they wouldnt stand a chance.
take no notice hun, stiupid idiots
Flipping heck, just remembered the other thing he said. "It's no wonder her husband left, look at it.."
I knew today i looked bad, i have really bad skin at the moment, i think its stress related, but still...i would never dream of being that rude to anyone.
i am sorry hun, i would have walked out by now or made a serious complaint, or decked one of erm.
That is harrassment & abuse. If it bothes you, you should complain to your line manager or HR or your union rep.
fairyloveheart
19-10-08, 19:35
Where do you work? I can't believe those ejjits spoke to you like that. They are just bullies - and they probably sense you are vulnerable. You are nothing like they say.
..I am a barmaid!
Thing is, it was early shift and they'd not even started drinking. I can't even blame alcohol :(
fairyloveheart
19-10-08, 19:47
I think you are very strong sticking it out. They need to grow up these people. Imagine them naked or something (that should make their silly ramblings make you laugh!!)
Belle lass, who is saying this to you? I seen your you tube too, you are pretty.
As Kendo says you should complain.
However, if you get no joy, I will pop over and hang the fecker out the window for you ;)
Nice one Jaco can I come and give you a hand.
Carol
This says so much more about them than it does it you!
Ask yourself a few questions
1. Do I respect these men?:lac:
2. Would I value their opinion on anything really?:lac:
3. Why is it that I am letting their opinion of me bother me?:shades:
Sometimes when you begin to work on your own self esteem you start seeing just who else might need to do the same - your two charming customers for one!
I would feel sorry for them if I were you - how horrible to be that insecure that you need to behave like a tw*t!!!
Love Piglet :flowers:
Lorac sure ;)
My good friend Piglet is right lass, some people have an ignorance that betrays their shortcomings. These muppets are not worth bothering with.
Rise above these idiots, I have never had much time for the dumb lad culture, no brains, no style, no substance, and no balls most of them ;)
I think what made it worse for me was when all the other people in the bar laughed when he said it. Made me feel so small.
I can't complain to my boss because its "part of the job".
I should mention that this guy (ring leader) is a married man of 38 with four children.
Piglet, i know i shouldn't care with what they say, but my crappy history of abuse makes it hard for me not to take it to heart. I wish i was harder and not let it effect me. I feel such an idiot.
Uh, excuse me????? being victimised & bullied is "part of your job"?????
Perhaps i take it because the other girls don't get spoken to like that, so maybe i am doing something wrong to deserve it. I dunno.
You can either continue to let him abuse you, or you can put a stop to it by reporting him to management/HR.
Yep, you are right but there are things you can complain about and things you can't. There are people you can complain about and people you can't. Regulars that come in most days and spend A LOT of money, get the blind eye. You either deal with it yourself (which i did attempt by asking what i have done to make him hate me) or you just ignore it.
This is NOT the first time this sh*t has happened. I do generally walk away, but today, it hurt more, i reckon because of the state of my personal, made me do some thinking....
Well you can the idea out of your head that you are ugly cos you definately aren't!
People only put others down to make themselves feel better and to cover up their own inadequacies. Unfortunately, as they know it upsets them, they continue. Much as the school bully does.
If you really can't make a complaint that will be taken seriously, try playing them at their own game and belittle them in front of everyone :D
No one, no matter what job they do, should be expected to put up with such appalling behaviour :mad:
Kate
Practice a few put-down lines that stand-up comedians use against hecklers.
i dont know how u stay there hun, i would have walked, u dont have to put up with that. hugs
I'm not sure where you work, but if these men are colleagues, then surely you should be complaining about their conduct to your boss?
If they are customers, maybe they could be spoken to by your boss, or asked to leave.
No-one deserves to be spoken to like that. I hope you find the courage to do something about this.
Failing that, I'm sure we can come up with some fabulous put-downs between us.........................;)
Moo x
P.S I missed out some of the post and now realise you work in a bar. The man you describe as the ringleader (married man, 38, 4 kids) JUST BE HAPPY YOU ARE NOT HIS WIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
honeybee3939
19-10-08, 21:32
There are people you can complain about and people you can't. Regulars that come in most days and spend A LOT of money, get the blind eye. You either deal with it yourself (which i did attempt by asking what i have done to make him hate me) or you just ignore it.
Belle this is not acceptable in any employment, if you get bullied you have every right in the world to complain!:ohmy: Im afraid i could not work in those kind of circumstances.
Sounds to me like your boss is a bully himself, it sounds like he is only bothered about the money that goes in the till!:ohmy:
If the job is getting you down hun, could you not get bar work somewhere else that has respect for thier staff.:)
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxxx
Hi Belle
I can see from your post and replies this one has really knocked you hard. If I culd change that for you I would but I can't. what I can do for you however is this... the next time anyone insults you for the amusement of others you get right in their face and tell them one more word and they will be facing abuse charges and tell your boss that if there is no support forthcoming you'll take them all the road for the abuse that you are repeatedly subject to. The boss's refusal to challenge creates an environment in which they are saying it is acceptable in other words it condones it. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. You can't say it yourself? get someone to advocate on your behalf. One other thing.. you tell them next time too..."comments and behaviour like that tells me one thing about you, you have an extremely small penis." trust me it knocks guys for six attack the size of their manhood and they don't like it see how they feel when they have to deal with it.
My blood is boiling on your behalf
Pooh xxxxxx
Perhaps i take it because the other girls don't get spoken to like that, so maybe i am doing something wrong to deserve it. I dunno.
Sarah,
I suspect you give out vibes of being sensitive and that's why t****rs (excuse my French) like this pick on you. It's nothing to do with what you look like.
I agree with Kendo: look around at what comedians etc. do to make other people feel small. Everyone has their weakness and make no mistake, when people behave like this it's because they feel if they don't kick other people first, they'll get hurt.
I have a colleague who is rather a bully and always ready to put other people down. One time on a business trip, another colleague who he'd humiliated - a really gentle, pleasant chap - got his revenge by coming up to him at the breakfast table, running his hand through his hair and saying, "Where have you been, lover?" The bully apparently hardly said a word the rest of the day :)
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eeyorelover
20-10-08, 02:26
Hunny you deserve to be treated with respect and if they won't give it to you then I would say pour a long cool drink in their lap!!!
Maybe it's that they KNOW you have no one to complain to and so they take advantage of that fact!
Be proud of who you are and don't worry about what they think because they are obviously small minded a@@ holes!
xxx
Sandy
Hi beaut ..
Where do you live ? If close 2 me I'l come and sort em out 4 ya x
M8 you are so Pretty Ive seen you on youtube .....These people arent worth the time hun ....
If they are staff you can complain ..if they are customers throw a drink over em lol.
You are a great person m8 and these people hold no importance in your life so just get on being you and ignore these stupid comments ..and next time tell em that yeah you would have wear a bag over your head 2 sleep with THEM but thats never gna happen has you have taste x
Hugs hun xxxxxxxx
Granny Primark
20-10-08, 08:53
I think the best way to deal with people like this is to ignore. It does more good.
Or simply say something like "your funny but looks arent everything"
or
"Ive heard that when you were born you were that ugly the midwife didnt know whether to throw the after birth away or you?"
A sense of humour always helps in situations like this.
Hi Belle,
I am so sorry you have been treated in this way, there are a lot of bullies out there and they were cruel and nasty in their comments; I also looked at your you tube and you are a lovely woman and it seems with a gentle personality.
You should be able to get some support from your boss whether they are regulars or not it is his duty to protect his staff. I worked behind a bar for years so I do understand when you say regulars get special treatment.
However your boss can have a word with them and tell them that their behaviour is out of order and that they can apologise; at the end of the day they don't want to be banned from their favourite bar, do they!
I think you should have a conversation with your boss; it will help you to feel less of a victim and more in control.
Maybe when you feel more confident you will be able to use some of the put downs others have suggested.
Hugs to you
Lynnann
Dr Kong, AKA Wayne
20-10-08, 12:14
At work today and i had a couple of comments from blokes, one was "If i was your fella, you'd have to have a bag over your head to get in bed with me!" and the other one "Effing hell you're ugly".
I hate myself SO much.
That is just so cruel, I can't believe it!
Why do people have to be like that eh?
Hi all. I am completely overwhelmed with all your replies.
I feel stupid to say this, but another reason why i won't say anything to my boss is that i don't think she likes very much. Ugh! She totally ignored me yesterday...didn't say a word the whole shift and when i went into the kitchen for anything, i was glared at. I will talk to her on Wednesday (my next shift) to see if i have done something to upset her. I can't think of anything obvious, apart from being there.
Whenever i am in this kind of situation it raises all those old feelings of when i was a kid being bullied and having b*lls to stop it. I just let them kick the s*it out of me for 2 years and now i'm an adult i am still having to listen to 'adults' call me those same names.
This is one of those times when i think i can justifiably say "why me?"
IrishPrincess
20-10-08, 14:35
Heya hun,
No-one can blame u for feeling like you do,but unfortunely there are them bullies that just never grow up,we all come across them.But that's all they are is bullies.It's awful u have to be treated like that in work,no-one has to take that,u are right to confront your boss.Try not to let them get u down:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
funky chick
20-10-08, 15:04
Hi Belle,
just want send you hugs and to say have seen you on you tube, and you are gorgeous all i can say is your colleagues are the ones with problem and are just jealous. sending you love and hugs Gail xxxxx:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
hun those guys didnt hate you they are just pigs who deserve a good slap.and ive seen your youtube videos as well i think your very pretty and certainly not fat.you need to start to love yourself and get confident in the way you look becuase its your opinion that matters not the opinion of a couple of arses with nonthing better to do than spend there nights in pubs insulting women.
Big hugs belle, don't take their comments personally, people like that are full of crap.
xx
I have a colleague who is rather a bully and always ready to put other people down. One time on a business trip, another colleague who he'd humiliated - a really gentle, pleasant chap - got his revenge by coming up to him at the breakfast table, running his hand through his hair and saying, "Where have you been, lover?" The bully apparently hardly said a word the rest of the day :)
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Haha awesome :D
Its what you think of yourself that matters not what these T*ss**s think of you. Drop the thought of temper and hold your head up hi your very pretty.:yesyes:
Dr Kong, AKA Wayne
20-10-08, 16:31
I would ask for youtube link, but I think my Wife would kick me in the goolies! :D
I can't believe that anyone could be so rude. I hope they have the sh...ts for a week. Don.t let it get you down. Pity you couldn.t have replied to the one that to get into bed with him you'd need to put a paper bag over your head !!!
hi again just seen you on youtube and u are lovely and very slim, they are just jealous mate cos they know u r to good for them, bunch of complete losers.
I would ask for youtube link, but I think my Wife would kick me in the goolies! :D
Lol..its a blogg about anxiety m8 so Im sure yr wife wouldnt mind x
Hi Belle
I don't have any male friends any more. I find must of the guys where I live are crude, animal-like, and morons, just like the guys that said that to you. Gone are the days where men had manners, principles and dignity.
Tom
Haha awesome :D
Yeah - and who's the real man, the one who's terrified of people thinking he's gay, or the one who couldn't care less what people think? (He's actually a happily married family man.)
hiya
i have just seen this thread :hugs:
i think your a very good looking girl and i also think these people have only one reason to be saying this they are jealous of you and how nice looking you are .
you hold your head high lass and show em how bonni and sweet you are thats what i say .....they are not worth a light hun
jodie xxxx:hugs:
Hi Hun,
You are doing better than me, I worked in a pub one night and left the same night, didn't like the so called regulars 'banter'.
You are a nice lookin lass, I know its hard but try and give the couldn't give a s**te impression (even if it hurts, they may get bored and move onto someone else).
Hope things pick up for u hun xxxxxxxx
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...Why do you any of you think that those a*seholes think its okay to talk to ME like that and not the others? I don't show i am upset (apart from yesterday and asking why he hated me.)
Hiya beaut ...
How long have u worked there ?
we never know why people seem 2 pick on certain people hun ....are you quieter than the others ,or have u joked about with them bfore giving them impression you can "take it".......by no means am I saying that thats an excuse 4 the way they are behaving ....just wonderd if u were the new girl or something .
do u know they dont pick on the others on the nights u arent in or is it def justyou xxxxxxx
Hope u are ok hun cus it is bullying and shud be stopped xxxxxxxx
I've worked there for over 3 years and this one fella has always been rude but never as offensive as this. I've had it from other blokes, but there are only so many times you can be called effing ugly before it starts getting to you.
I have NO idea why the talk to me like it. None of the other girls get any kind of crap.
I asked the main culprit why he hated me so much...he just laughed. I asked him if i'd done something to pi*s him off...he said no.
I've come away feeling fat, disgusting and pathetic.
I'm not sure why you feel fat. If that is you in the youtube clip, you actually look very slim. You state that you have an eating disorder, is it Anorexia?
You've had a few suggestions how to cope with the abusive comments, so hopefully you will be able to practice a few positive steps and get more confident.
Some put-down responses:
"Do you come in here so much cos your wife picks on you for having a small d**k?"
'If I wanted to hear from an a55hole I would have farted'
'Is it true that when you were born, you was so ugly, the nurse slapped your mother?'
'Do you know the difference between a barmaid and an a55hole?
About 4 ft. (wotever distance the bar is)'
'What's the matter, don't you get enough attention at home?'
'I see your therapy's coming along just fine'
'You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool'
'Isn't it amazing that such a big head can hold such a
tiny mind'
'I don't have a lot of time for this so let's
get it over quickly - you're ugly, your d**k is small, and everyone f**ks your wife.
'Is the reason you grew up so bitter because your parents wanted a boy?'
'This is my job. I don't come into McDonalds' and give you a hard time when you're at work.'
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