Female, 27, depressed....

[Smiley?]

Was diagnosed with depression in Feb 2007, started on Fluoxetine, GP played about with dosage then stopped it due to nasty side-effects. Went on to Sertraline upped dose, didn't work, changed to Lofepramine also didn't work.

In the mean time changed GP and found a very understanding doctor who has a special interest in mental health. Started on Citalopram 20mg in April this year. I almost didn't start the course as I had found some very useful info on the web and something called the 'learning path' which really helped me to understand, and I actually felt better for just reading it! I started the meds anyway and I continued with this dose until about 8 weeks ago when, sort of by accident, I began to take the dose on alternate days. I thought I was doing ok but after I hit rock bottom again about 2 weeks ago my boyfriend (who is also a sufferer) informed me I'd not been myself for a few weeks!!

It worries me that I can't see how bad I am and what others (paricularly my boyfriend) have to put up with. I went off sick from work (again) and am due back on wednesday after having 3 weeks off (luckily it fell at the time of some annual leave). I have been back to the daily dose since then.

My lack of understanding bothers me and I can't see the end or a life without antidepressants. I don't know if the tablets are working or what they are actually doing to me!

I have been feeling quite zombie like at times and like I can't feel anything. I don't seem to get excited or look forward to anything. Is that the depression or the antidepressants? I didn't even look forward to a week away on holiday and spent 2 days just feeling like crying! My sex drive is also at an all time low and I have put on a lot of weight.

I've been reading up about Citalopram and withdrawal on the internet. Part of me wants to just go cold turkey and get the meds out of my system as I've been reading the horror stories!! It seems that even if you stop them gradually you'll still get the withdrawal symptoms??

Aaaaahhhh!!!!!!!! I'm so confused. Seeing the GP tomorrow morning and I don't know what to say. He knows I hate the tablets but I'm so scared of doing the wrong thing. When I feel like this I just want to hide.

Think I should stop talking now!! Somebody help me, please....

[marie1974]

hiya and welcome to nmp, you will get lots of advice and support here hun so dont worry and u will make new friends too.

hugs xxx

[kendo59]

I was originally prescribed 20mg Citalopram, but I read about the side-effects and asked my GP for something different, and was given 45mg Mirtazapine instead (Feb 2008).

I'm not sure how different or effective it is, my sex-drive has still decreased, and I still feel very depressed/tearful/hopeless,etc.

I've told my GP that I don't feel the meds are helping, and that I don't want to stay on the meds for a long time. He just says to keep taking them.

I feel so trapped.

Gotta take the meds cos I'm depressed.
I'm depressed cos I'm out of work and debts piling up.
Can't work while I'm on meds.

[Smiley?]

I know that feeling kendo, GPs are only about the meds most of the time! I really don't know if mine are helping, but I know they are doing something and I'm not sure if that is a good thing. I want to feel again. It scares me that I can be so numb.

[pooh]

Hi there and welcome along to NMP

sometimes it can take a while and the right doctor to find the right drug therapy what this has to be supported with is some form of counselling or psychologist input eg CBT. I would be pushing for that because meds can mask the problem but dont deal with the root cause which is what you want to be tackling if you can. Talk to your doc again

Pooh x

[Smiley?]

Thanks pooh, i'm interested in CBT but it is so expensive. I've had two different counsellors but still not found the root of the problem. I don't really know what the root cause is (another thing to fuel my confusion!) I feel like I need an exorcist or something to just extract all te bad stuff out!!

[MacAodh]

Big hug to both of you. I started counselling before meds, but don't feel I can trust my counsellor that much, so find it difficult to talk to her. I've kept at it though cos I think its important to talk to someone too. Hope you find something that works.

J x

[pooh]

sometimes there isnt a root cause that can be identified instead you are left with unwanted feelings and you work from there developing skills to manage and cope in addition to drug hterapy there are lots of different styles of counselling and sometimes its a trawl to find the right one for you ( drugs too) but it can be achieved. at the beginning of the year i couldnt go two bustops without having to get off hysterical now i can travel on buses and even the dreaded motorway which was a biggie for me. It may take time patience and determination but you have nothing to lose anyway keep trying and posting on the forum

Pooh x

[Andyroo]

hello im sorry you are having such a hard time... you will find many people in similar situations on this site.. im sure it will he as much help to you as it is to me :hugs:

[weeble40]

Hi and a big welcome to NMP its great to have you here, hope to see you in chat sometime,

Take care

Emma xxx

[Smiley?]

Been back to docs today and he thinks the citalopram isn't working for me. He knows I hate the drugs and he listened to me talking about cold turkey and slowly coming off. I was all set for him to say increase to 40mg so I was really surprised when he said just stop them(!) and see what happens.

Seeing him again in 2 weeks

[pips]

Good Luck hope things feel better for you soon.:hugs:

Take care,

Love Pip's X X

[milly jones]

welcome to nmp hunny
love milly xxx