opened the door and burst into tears

[Chelle1]

Hello all,

I feel like such a wimp today,

I had a counselling appointment this morning. I got ready to go without much thought but about 20 minutes before i had to leave the house, my heart was racing, i felt like i couldnt breath and my legs were tingling and jelly like, I tried to ignore these symptoms and had a few drops of rescue remedy. I was determined i was going, telling myself that i have been before and was ok and can go again and would be ok. Trouble is last week in the counselling session we discussed my fear of death and fear surrounding death and i had a panic attack. Today i was really determined to go although i was very anxious and couldnt stop those negative thoughts and what ifs. I was driving myself crazy with what ifs and trying to turn them into what if nots.

Anyway as soon as i opened the front door i burst into tears and just couldnt go outside. I worked myself up into a right state and didnt end up going.

I have terrible headache now and feel so stupid.

What am i going to do with myself.

How am i going to get help if i cant even get to a counselling app.

xx

[titchjd]

Hiya hun..
Please dont be hard on yourself this has happened 2 me many atime and Im sure many others with anxiety have also suffered .

Its the anticiaption of going and also the constant battle in your head when trying 2 turn negative 2 positive ..I have this often .

Explain to counsellor that you couldnt go this time but dont give up going you will get there m8 just small steps and even with set backs you will get through it xxxxxxx

take care hun xxxx

[Veronica H]

hi chelle

:bighug1: Don't beat yourself up about this. The counsellor will have had this happen before. You will get there.

Veronica

[Chelle1]

Thanks, i did ring and explain when i had calmed down. I have another appointment for next week and i am worrying about it already, still going over what happened today, i think i have made it worse not going today because i failed and felt worse trying to feel better (not panic).

does that make sense?

dont know how i will be able to do it next week...

[diane07]

Hi chelle,

Is there anyone that could go with you hun, so it gives you the bit of encouragement you need to get there.

di xx

[Chelle1]

Hi Di,

Yea having someone with me would make it a lot easier, My partner is at work and cant have time off, i have my mom but she cares for my grandad and lives an hour car drive from me, i also have issues with my mom and she got fed up of keep coming to calm me down a long time ago. There isnt really anyone else.

I think i will have to ask my mom,

Thanks x

[Yvonne]

Chelle

Please don't be so hard on yourself. I thought I was the only one who got tearful with my panic!!!! Of course I know I'm not. I think it's absolutely awful when you have to attend things like therapy and you have no one to go with you when you are feeling so bad. It really is not easy. You need to go to the therapist because you need the help - but sometimes you can't go because you feel so bad!! This happened to me a few times and my therapist at the time understood completely.

I really do think that the NHS should be able to help with this sort of thing, we don't all have mums living down the road, or caring neighbours or a close friend or a hubbie/boyfriend who could take time off work. We have to cope alone and it is hard!!!

I know you're worrying about next week already and that is the essence of anxiety. Of course you are worrying because you feel that what happened today will happen again. If it does happen again next week and you really really feel that you cannot go then tell the therapist exactly how it is for you and tell her in no uncertain terms that you just don't know what to do if you can't get to her. Put the ball in her court!

This really annoys me because there are times when you really cannot face the fear and do it anyway. You can't walk down the road crying! Grrrrrrrrr.

Try to keep focusing on next week and seeing yourself in a positive way, see yourself coping and see yourself feeling more relaxed. Do some relaxation each day for half an hour or so and try to bring your anxiety levels down in general.

I really feel for you cos I've been through this many times. Take carexxxx

Yvonne

[debera]

hi chelle
dont be so hard on yourself i have been in your shoes many time. as soon the therapist starts talking about death and dieing. i always feel like im going to pass out. so you are not alone on that one. and felt so bad before going to the therapist i didnt think i could go at all. but just keep trying it will get easier for you
debera
x x x

[Chelle1]

Thanks everyone for all the supporting comments,

Im feeling a little more positive today, It just gets so frustrating when you have to keep fighting what the symtoms are telling your brain and body.

I phoned my mom last night and she is going to take me next week so hopfully i will get there, it will certainly make it easier.

Thanks again so much for the support and understanding it really does help.

xxx

[bumbles]

Have you got no friends that you couls go with sweetie! Or pay someone to take you its hard to go on your own. X

[jill]

Hi hun :D:hugs:

You have had great advice already as alway :yesyes:

Its good to hear you are feeling a little more positive :hugs:it is dame hard trying to recover, but you are stronger than you think, YOU CAN DO THIS, you know you can.

Remember hunny, there is NO fail in all this, we DO NOT fail no matter what we try to do.

See what you are doing as a step closer towards recovery. Don't dwell on what went wrong, instead, focus on what to do next, spend your energies on moving forward.

YOU TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

[kendo59]

Have you tried taking a valium 30 mins before you go out?

[Chelle1]

Hi,

I have tried diazepam and lorazer(something) but i get scared that i would become addicted to these medicines. When i did try 5mg diazipam it just sent me to sleep for about 14 hours. (It was the best sleep id had in ages lol) .

Do they work?

Im already on Citalorpram 20mg, im not keen on upping that dose either, then again i might have to do something. Ive also thought about betablockers but dont really know much about them.

xxx