Ok is this rock bottom?

[tashbarnes87]

Ok, as a few of you know i have worked myself up in to a complete state over HIV due to some incidents a few years back. Well today it has come to light that the docs might not have sent off the blood to be HIV tested something i clung so dearly to. I am due to see the midwife today to discuss what tests are missing. For the past 2 days i have cried myself to sleep infact if im honest i have cried solidly for the past 2 days i am convinced i have HIV and the worst thing happened last night - Please look away if squemish i have discovered a sore lump down below. I havent been with anyone but my current partner for about 2 years and i am devestated. After obsessingly googling i have discovered it could be herpes. Now i dont know what to do i have hit the lowest point, and i actually think i am depressed i am petrified i have HIV and another STI and i cant believe anything the doctors say to me because it was them that told me the HIV test came back negative. What shall i do?

[pinkpiglet]

You could always make a trip to the G.U clinic and ask them to have a look for your peace of mind but this could be simply a boil or a sore. Bearing in mind that your hormones will be all over the place at the minute and this can cause allsorts of little blips. Speak to your midwife, as she might be able to reassure you. I think you are worrying needlessly!

[Andyroo]

tash im so sorry your having a hard time... i really dont think you have herpies because you would not be able to go 2 years and finally just notice it ... as for HIV that isnt somthing you can get easily... if you have had protected the chances of you having aids are impossible

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

hey there,

urgh, how awful you must be feeling..sorry to hear that.

as said up there ^, HIV isn't as easily transmitted as people make out. Of course its VITAL to use condoms etc but its not quite what the popular conception of it is.

nowadays, people with HIV can expect a decent lifespan too. If worst comes to worst, its not "end of game, finito, now".

But I'm not sure you have anything to worry about..not HIv related anyway. Anxiety, yes!

[joyce1980]

That's it your anxiety and depression has peaked.

Please listen to me and go to the Dr and tell him this is unbearable and please do something.

You shouldn't have to live through this even if it is onlt during pregnancy

The thing I know now is that you need to treat the depression and anxiety to make the "aids/hiv" problem go away and other worries too

good luck matey

[tashbarnes87]

Hi everyone thank you for your kind words ( again) well i just burst in to tears with my boss ans he is letting me leave at 2 today as i have a midwife appointment. He said i should take the rest of the day off and i think i am going to have one of those 90 second HIV tests done. Other wise i will be like this until i have a breakdown. I have a doctors appointment booked for the 31st with my anxiety doc

xx

[LeeBee]

Hi Tash - the sore down there could be anything, very unlikely to be anything other than a cyst or a boil, as others have said. Depends on where it is, what it looks like etc. Very common to get sebaceous cysts or spots in the pubic area, particularly when your hormones are all over the show.

How far along are you now? Just wondering if it would help to be in the company of other mums-to-be in a pre-natal group or similar, might help you to see how many others feel anxious and nervous during the worst of the hormonal phases. Obviously worse for you because you have anxiety anyway, exacerbated by your pregnancy. Glad you're going to see your doctor on the 31st to get some help for the anx. Take care :hugs:.

[tashbarnes87]

Hi Leebee, its just a soft lump but its sore no obvious boil / spot but more or a swelling i will mention to the midwife but i am just panicking. I wonder what the worry is doing to the baby, i would hate to think i am harming him in anyway but i cant help it. I am 27 weeks pregnant now, luckily everything is going well with him and he puts a smile on my face. I just hate feeling like this, i am sitting here and i know i could just burst in to tears. It doesnt help that i cant sleep at the moment as i am so uncomfortable.

xx

[HeatherMc]

:bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bighug1::bigh ug1:

Oh Tash my heart goes out to you sweetheart I am sure you will be fine, but when anxiety is this bad, nothing can reassure you!

Keep your appointments and hopefully your anx doctor can help you sort all this out, don't forget being preganant your hormones will be all over the place and personally I think that hormones have a lot to answer for!

Lots of Love

Heather

[LeeBee]

Sounds like it might be a cyst to me, Tash - soft squishy sore lump - but yep, good idea check with your midwife. We're all thinking of you honey, glad your wee one is doing well, hope you feel better soon :flowers:.

[pink]

hi tash,
am so so sorry for what your experiencing. A few years ago I noticed a small lump down below and like normal, I convinced myself had some awful STI even though it wouldn't of been possible. when plucked up courage to go, it turned out to be a boil, given some antibiotics and that was that. Also a few years ago, I started worrying about HIV, had 1 or 2 accidents in the past and convinced myself must have it as believed I had persistant swollen glands. was truly awful time. I confessed to my boyfriens as was eatting myself up with guilt that I'd given him it. After nearly driving myself into a nervous breakdown I went for a test and thank God it was negative so just wanted you to know your not alone. but honestly you'll be ok, things feel rough at minute but you'll come out the other end of this one I promise. look after yourself lv pinkxxxxxxxxxxx

[joyce1980]

Hi Leebee, its just a soft lump but its sore no obvious boil / spot but more or a swelling i will mention to the midwife but i am just panicking. I wonder what the worry is doing to the baby, i would hate to think i am harming him in anyway but i cant help it. I am 27 weeks pregnant now, luckily everything is going well with him and he puts a smile on my face. I just hate feeling like this, i am sitting here and i know i could just burst in to tears. It doesnt help that i cant sleep at the moment as i am so uncomfortable.

xx


I'm sure your bubba will be just fine, i was told by a nurse that mums with anxiety have babies who cry more in the first few weeks of life but that's about it.

Lucky you all that crying lol

You will be a great mum!!! poor bugga, I really am one person who knows what your brain is d oing to you:hugs:

[skye]

Hi Tash,
Right from one Brit to another...firstly you need to calm yourself down, deep breathes, you are going to be okay, you need to keep strong for your bubba. The sore spot down below sounds to me like a bartholins cyst/absyss. i have suffered from them myslef and they are pretty common and very treatable. there is a small possibility it can be from an sti but highly unlikly. None of the people i know who have had this inc myself had it from an sti just one of those things some people are prone to. Its due to the bartholins glands (which lubricate down below!) getting blocked. they form a swelling or small lump known as a cyst, if it gets infected it becomes an absyss so have it checked out. if its small and not too painful and simple course of antbitics will do the trick. Also lots of hot baths. Stress and being run down is also known to cause bartholins cysts thats what the docs told me. Go and see them and get your test done too, dont sit and worry yourself sick about it, honestly i dont think you have anything to worry about and your be fine. Thinking of you, Skye x

[jojo2316]

Hi Tash,
I just wondered what this latest worry has done to your lung symptoms? Have they gone away/lessoned? I find it is an amazing thing, but the best cure for a health concern seems to be a new health concern!
And I'm sure you don't have HIV, but make sure you get to the bottom of the test thing, just for your own peace of mind.
xx

[tashbarnes87]

hi guys well Im back from the midwife who was lovely. She showed me a photocopy on the HIV results that said negative.she said the HIV tests are done at Warwick hospital not Birmingham like I thought. My tests that went to Birmingham were returned as they wernt labled properly. The hiv test was definitly sent. So we re did all the bloods I missedand she told me to go home and rest which I am doing right now. I don't know how to feel I'm happy but still my stupid head doubts it. Do you think I should get retested? I really don't want to. The only bit of bad news is that the baby is measuring too small so I have to go for another scan. I was tiny before getting pregnant 7.5 stone and size 6. I don't want to worry about my little boy to. Hey jojo I have to admit my lung things went away and have just this week returned. It must be anxiety :(. Oh guys please help x