Warning feeling sorry for myself day

[alihud]

Ok everyone hide.I am having a miserable time again at the moment,i feel totally horrid.I am going to have a right bitch whinge and moan now and please please don't anyone tell me i could have it worse.
I suffer appalling anxiety and depression like most of you on here.I have just gone back into counselling cos my brain isn't doing what i want it to again.I'm not being that incredbily coping person that everyone expects me to be and frankly i want to shout scream and rant and rave,i want to beat myself to a pulp to stop my stupid stupid head.Life is not working out as i had hoped(does it ever?)infact its been ****** damn ****ty but if it wasn't for my stupid head and my stupid panic attacks i would be FINE.I have my own house<i run my own business,i have two children,a philandering ex husband,a long list of failed relationships,rejections like you wouldn't believe.I am pain in the arse,know wonder no one wants to be with me.This morning i was called a weirdo and that i needed a shrink by a guyy i have been talking to on msn.That really did it!!!!!Why do i have to conform with what other people want?????WHY SHOULD IIIIIIIII.Why have i put up with bullying,abuse and such like.From appalling behaviour from my mother??Why have both my husbands been total ****s???Why have i chosen these people??Why have ALL the men i've met since wanted to muck with my head,treat me like ****??????
Sorry sorry sorry,it must be this counselling,cos its like its unleashed something in me and this huge torrent is coming out,i feel like going to trash my lovely florist shop at the mo so i hope you don't mind i came on here instead to try and release some of this???
But hey still i have got a nice house and a nice car,i should be grateful really?
Can anyone understand where i'm coming from?Or am i really going to loose my mind?
Ali

[seh1980]

hi Ali,

Things could be a lot worse - just kidding LOL

No hun you are not losing your mind. You are just pissed off with life and I think we can all relate to that. You also seem to be mad at yourself for being in the situation that you're in. Well, just because your husbands have been ****s doesn't mean that the next guy you have a relationship with will be. You need to stay positive and plan for the future instead of going over the past..hope you feel better soon!!

Sarah :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

[bluebottle]

You sound really normal to me Ali. That guy on MSN is nuts.

--
Blue
"Your truth is better for you than someone else's. Just get to know what it is, so you can finally own it, and speak it."

[LisaD]

Hi Ali,


I agree with Bluebottle...this experience has taught me that there are some very opiniated but completely ignorant people out there. I know its hard, but just ignore them!! They have absolutely no idea...

Good for you for coming on here instead of dealing with your pain in destructive ways. Sometimes we all just need a good rant eh??? Counselling always makes me feel a little off for a while because it unearths so much that I have to process. Maybe try to look at this in a positive light....it sucks right now, but once you've dealt with these issues, they will be gone!!! I agree with Sarah about not dwelling in the past, but maybe looking at why you have chosen these types of partners will be useful in that you'll never do it again!

Take care Ali, we're all here for you!!!
xxxLisa

[alexis]

Hi Ali, I think its great you can come on here and rant, hopefully that releases some of the tension.
I have missed you in chat lately, you can rant in there it saves me getting a build up.
We are all here to help as you know.
i cannot say Ive been where youve been because I have had good parents,got a good partner, a pain in the neck at times but still together after 24 years.
Hopefully the councelling will help you.
i know you will get good answers on here and support, dont talk to him on msn again, talk to one of us, Im on msn .


Just think Ali, we could have it worse,,,,, we could be where Kairen is and laid on a beach with a jug of sangria, like I keep saying I am not jealous of her, [Sigh...]take care Ali, Love Alexis, xxxx

[Karen]

Hi Ali

Sorry you are having a tough time at the moment. No one has the right to tell you that things could be worse and that guy on MSN obviously doesn't understand what it is like to suffer from anxiety/depression. He is wrong - you are NOT a freak and many of us can empathise with what you are experiencing.

You do not need to conform with what anyone wants or expects you to be. It is who you are and what you want that is important. You need to be yourself and do what you need to get through this, and you will get through it.

Focus on your successes. You run a successful business at the same time as bringing up two children alone and this is a great achievement. Your mother's behaviour is not your fault, just as it is not your fault that your ex husbands treated you so badly. This doesn't mean that it has to be like this in the future. Things can change.

I can relate to the rejection you feel, especially regarding the behaviour of your mum. I have a very difficult relationship with my dad who is very controlling and a mum who doesn't want to know me, and experience a lot of rejection fears in the rest of my life because of this.

You are not losing your mind Ali. Days like this do come but there will be better days too. I hope the counselling helps you to get back on track.

We are here for you.


Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[sal]

We all have a hard run at it but it does get better and you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself and we will be here to help you.

Dont go it alone and hope we can help you hun.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[clickaway]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Can anyone understand where i'm coming from?</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

In a word yes, but I am totally useless and putting it down in words, so forgive me!

Our present actions are influenced by the stories we have experienced in our past - stories that make us wary, confused and anxious.

I'm really pleased that you are having this counselling - I have therapy and my man is always saying how slowly I ought to open the deeper wounds of my past - that way they will heal better. Some days I go there and leave as free as a butterfly but other days I just get so whacked a couple of hours afterwards.

You seem a naturally open and talkative person and am wondering if you are letting go too much too quickly as you speak to your counsellor.

Start to build your life with some new activities (as we discussed lol) and try to focus on the enjoyment they will bring. You can be in CONTROL of these unlike all those crappy episodes that have gone before where others have taken control, whether it be mothers, husbands or boyfriends.

You have a lot going on in your life and you cope amazingly well - I could never do it!

You are NOT losing your mind - you are just venting just some of that pent up angst.

Keep taking control and you will win, and be the person you really want to be.

And finally, what's this about a birthday? I better wish Many Happy Returns! :D

Ray



Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker

[alexis]

O is it Alis birthday, well if so Happy Birthday, love Alexis,xxx

[sal]

Happy Birthday.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.

[bluebottle]

Just to add Ali, feeling sorry for yourself is something that will happen, but don't allow it to hang about. It is counter-productive and it is far better to remain positive. Yes have a cry and get angry if it helps, but then refocus on your progress. :)

--
Blue
"Your truth is better for you than someone else's. Just get to know what it is, so you can finally own it, and speak it."

[alihud]

Thanks to you all for your wonderful replies and birthday wishes.I am feeling more positive today,when i got home last night the kids were great,in very high spirits and we sat and watch Spring watch which is something i care very much about,the kids loved it too,it really lifted me.Have had some lovely presents,a beautiful butterfly necklace being one.
Work has been extremely quiet the last week,its very unsettling when your self employed and with my mental attitude i get down very quickly,guess cos its all on my shoulders.Isn't it funny tho when you get one of those dreadful moods it is extremely hard to shift it(unless your watching springwatch with the kids!)
I am so glad i have got all of you and that i here for you all too.See you in chat later.
Ali xxxx

[nomorepanic]

Ali

I missed it being your birhtday as you are not in my birthday alarm website so sorry about that.

Happy Birthday!!!:)[:P]

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

[henri]

happy birthday ali!
glad you are feeling better today,
henri x

[Karen]

Happy Birthday Ali.

Glad you are having a better day today.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[zena]

Happy birthday Ali.
Sounds as if you are having a better day.
Kids are amazing aren't they. Pains any other time but boy they cheer you up no end when you need an up liftment.
I found that councelling had the same effect sometimes. They have a habit of bringing things to the surface that you need to face. Unpleasant at times I know, but, the feeling I get from you is that you are a strong person who can cope with things. You have upto now.
Have a big hug from me!


with good wishes

Zena