Inverted social anxiety

[Meewah]

Hi All

This is a strange one. I have found myself reviewing myself when with people. I have found that when I am out in a group situation I tend to try to be the group comic. This can be by making light hearted sarcastic remarks or sometimes coming over as patronising. The problem is that this seems to be a auto defence response to being judged. I have tried to stop it but I become this person I am unhappy with. I try not to come over as average. I have no problem in a group situation just feel incredibly uncomfortable when put on the spot or when in a one to one with someone I don't know. I find small talk difficult as I never liked team sports as a kid and so cant talk football or any of the usual male interests.

The reason for describing it as "inverted" is that I try to project myself as an outgoing boistrous individual which in turn boosts my confidence at that moment but then I regret the way I behaved in a social situation. I would of disliked the individual I was trying to be. Then I beat myself up for not being myself. The problem is that I have done it for so long now that I have forgot how to act naturally when in a social situation. I dislike being with quiet shy individuals as I find it very uncomfortable. I suppose this is my way I have found that attracts the outgoing people to get to know me. The problem is I am not and cannot carry it off. How do I win? Does anyone else suffer in the same way?

Thanks for listening to my moans.

Mee

[lostcause84]

Hey, I totally understand what you mean. Throughout my college/school years I was known as loud, outspoken and confident. In actual fact, it took me ages to will myself to go to my classes etc. I skipped a lot of classes and just got know as "the rebel" because of it. I deal with it differently now and no longer feel able to put on this front. I'm not sure when or why everything changed. When I say "I deal with it differently" I'm not sure if that's entirely true, I don't really "deal with it" at all. I find it increasingly hard to cope now. I'm not sure what I preferred, now or then.

Not sure how much that helps but at least you know you're not the only one.

Wishing you all the best.

K

[Baby_Doll]

I understand what you mean, I'm also alot like that...it's been a while since I've been in a group situation now though :s I also find I do a similar thing in the way I dress (I'm a big fan of 50's fashion :) ) One of my friends told me that I should probably dress more 'normal' whilst out and about seeing as I had a social phobia and am paranoid about people looking at me...I also analysed myself like you Meewah, I realised I intentionally do this to attract attention to myself! The reason is, when people stare at me I know it's because I look a little different...not because they know I'm a 'crazy' lol. Does that make sense? Gee, gotta love the complexities of this stuff huh! It's a toughie...I geuss if you've forced yourself to be this loud boisterous character then in theory you can make yourself be your normal self too? Good luck :) x

[Meewah]

Thanx for the replies.

I think with my current level of Anx I am unable to use Alcahol and drugs as I did as a kid to get me through tough social situations and so My outlandish behaviours cause me to become transparent if I spend too much time with a stranger and my weekness is exposed. I just think if I became reserved and quiet I would end up being classified as that quiet kid or a bit shy, and I would attract others of the same ilk. I pick friend with confident outgoing personalities as they like doing the talking and generally the focus is on them not me.

I think my act is starting to show cracks but I am so far in that I don't know who I really should be when out so I continue the old favourite.

I was called a rebel also. I used to drink a lot and take drugs to ease my situation.

How can I act myself? How can I find a comfortable way to act? Why should I act? I am not comfortable with my problems so how could I act myself again?

Mee.