A bit nervous to write this...

[Cherbear]

Hi everyone,

Sorry if this is long-winded. I do tend to ramble a lot but I am new to this forum and I just want to post a little thread about how I feel in the hope that I can find someone in a similar situation to me. I have to admit I have got to the point where I am struggling to cope so I hope this helps.

I'm 22 and for as long as I can remember I have had anxiety but in different forms. I have been seeing counsellors since I was about 8 so I have probably told this stories a lot of times! Basically my problem right now is what I think is "separation anxiety" although obviously I don't want to label myself.

I live with my boyfriend and my mum, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 1/2 years and we're incredibly close. My boyfriend and my mum are truely my only family. My dad wants nothing to do with me as well as uncles and aunts, my beloved Grandparents passed away and am an only child. So to me my mum and my boyfriend are my lifelines, my reasons for being. So anyway in the past year or so since my boyfriend moving in I have just developed extreme anxiety whenever either of them go out.

With my boyfriend it's when he goes out at night, I have to call him so many times and if he doesn't answer, my mind goes into irrational mode and I get it into my head he's been attacked or something. I worry about my mum being out too, it always comes back to my phone which is weird. I check it constantly, ring them constantly because I am so worried aobut them. It's selfish of me to say the only time I can relax is when they're both here. Likewise if either of them become ill, even with something minor I jump to conclusions and seriously panic.

Thankfully they're incredibly supportive and understanding of my anxiety but there is only so much they can do. I can see it tearing them apart because I never used to be this bad. It takes over my daily life, I have to always plan ahead otherwise I'd breakdown. I just really need to know someone else feels this way or similar. It is a vicious cycle I cannot get out of.

Sorry again for the long post, would love a response from anyone who understands or feels the same.

Cheryl xx

[never2late]

It's selfish of me to say the only time I can relax is when they're both here.

Sorry again for the long post, would love a response from anyone who understands or feels the same.

Cheryl xx

I've always been the same way around home. I'd always feel good when my wife and daughters were around, but felt lost when they weren't. I always tried not to show it too much, so it wouldn't be viewed as an unhealthy dependency.

I meet thousands of people every year, and ten times tens of thousands more that have followed my work in one form or another over the years . . . but, in the end (in my "real" world), it is basically a very small, private, world of immediate family. Period.

Whenever that is interrupted, I am totally alone in my studio, or a walk in the park.

So I understand totally.

And I do find myself on the phone giving my daughters a call a few times a week. But its more because I love them and miss them, than because of loneliness. I could call just about anyone . . . but don't.

And THIS is my 200th Post!

[Cherbear]

It is easy to have them here all the time but it's not good for them. My boyfriend in particular, he has a lot of friends and used to go out at least once or twice a week. He barely does now because he can see what a state I get in. It just makes me feel awful.

This is so hard, I just need to get out of this hole :( xx

[Cherbear]

No-one else who feels the same? :( xx

[pooh]

hi cherbear look up posts on monophobia lots of people on the forum feel the same

Pooh x

[Karen]

Hi Cherbear

You've taken a very big step by writing on here and airing your worries and that is not an easy thing to do.

I also have these kinds of anxieties and I think you'll find it is a fairly common worry. The people I worry about live miles from me and one of them in another country but I still obsess and get increasingly anxious if I'm out of contact with them.

At times my anxiety about this has been worse and at times I can manage it better but I find it depends what is happening in my life at the time. If I am struggling generally then my obsessive thoughts about harm coming to loved ones gets worse.

I'd suggest that every time you have a worrying thought about your boyfriend or your mum, remind yourself of all the more likely reasons why they haven't called or whatever - your boyfriend might not be able to ring at a specific time if he's out, or whatever. This is a hard one to let go of because sometimes things do happen to people, but this is the exception rather than the rule.

I am glad you mum and boygfriend are so supportive.

Karen xx

[emma1980]

Hi,

I'm fairly new here and I have a simialr problem.

I live with my boyfriend but have become unable to cope with being on my own when he is out - and he has to go out to work etc.

I've moved back in with my parents for a while as I feel safer here, and am left on my own a lot less.

I'm seeing a CBT therapist to try and help me find a way to get better - my boyfriend is 150 miles away at our house, and I miss him like crazy. He visits every week or so but I just want to be ok with being on my own, and not needing him or my parents to be really close by.

[Cherbear]

Thank you for all the responses, it's true when you're feeling so down a little positive word or two from someone can lift you up.

Pooh~Thank you I did just that and didn't even know what I felt had a name!

Karen~Thank you for your kind words, I totally agree it depends on the day and what's going on with your life. I will definitely try your advice, thank you *huge hugs*

Emma~ I just posted a reply to you in another friend, you're not alone I feel the same. Good days and bad :( I'm here if you want to chat about it xx

[jenthehen]

Hi everyone,

Sorry if this is long-winded. I do tend to ramble a lot but I am new to this forum and I just want to post a little thread about how I feel in the hope that I can find someone in a similar situation to me. I have to admit I have got to the point where I am struggling to cope so I hope this helps.

I'm 22 and for as long as I can remember I have had anxiety but in different forms. I have been seeing counsellors since I was about 8 so I have probably told this stories a lot of times! Basically my problem right now is what I think is "separation anxiety" although obviously I don't want to label myself.

I live with my boyfriend and my mum, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 1/2 years and we're incredibly close. My boyfriend and my mum are truely my only family. My dad wants nothing to do with me as well as uncles and aunts, my beloved Grandparents passed away and am an only child. So to me my mum and my boyfriend are my lifelines, my reasons for being. So anyway in the past year or so since my boyfriend moving in I have just developed extreme anxiety whenever either of them go out.

With my boyfriend it's when he goes out at night, I have to call him so many times and if he doesn't answer, my mind goes into irrational mode and I get it into my head he's been attacked or something. I worry about my mum being out too, it always comes back to my phone which is weird. I check it constantly, ring them constantly because I am so worried aobut them. It's selfish of me to say the only time I can relax is when they're both here. Likewise if either of them become ill, even with something minor I jump to conclusions and seriously panic.

Thankfully they're incredibly supportive and understanding of my anxiety but there is only so much they can do. I can see it tearing them apart because I never used to be this bad. It takes over my daily life, I have to always plan ahead otherwise I'd breakdown. I just really need to know someone else feels this way or similar. It is a vicious cycle I cannot get out of.

Sorry again for the long post, would love a response from anyone who understands or feels the same.

Cheryl xx


I had the exact same thing and it ruined my life. All i can say is that mine gradually went over time. I hope yours will too. I really have no other explanation than that. You have to let them go. We cannot control what they do, and make sure that they are always safe. You're not selfish, you care too much.

[Cherbear]

I know I know. It's just they're the only two people I have got, I'm scared of being alone. I'm sorry you have had to go through the same thing :hugs:

I had another blip today although I just about coped. I went out shopping with my friend and I was due to ring my mum and couldn't go through to her phone for about 15 mins. Obviously I went into irrational mode and thought something bad had happened. I didn't want my friend to know I was worrying so I went into the toilet to try and ring again. Thankfully I got through in the end and it was because her phone had cut out. I did the biggest sigh of relief.

I just wish these sorts of things didn't happen every few days:weep:

Cheryl xx