Bill
25-10-08, 01:16
I had a memory today about my father who I lost 3 years ago on Monday. Oddly enough, I also passed his old car today going the other way which we sold soon after he died. Hadn't seen it in ages!
Anyway, this memory was of when he used to play cricket and I'd go with him to watch him play. I was in my early teens at the time. I was Very shy, Very quiet, Very intense and Very serious. One day he asked me to play for the opposition as they were short of a player.
I can remember thinking no way would I play against my father and his team! I just couldn't do it but he persuaded me as I felt I'd upset him if I didn't and I'd let him down.
I went into field and the ball was thrown to me. I was in such a state, feeling so upset, that I mistimed the catch and it hit me on the chin. That was it! The tears just flowed as my father came running over to make sure I was ok. We went off the pitch to a water fountain and he bathed my bruise. I'm sure though that he thought I was crying because I'd been hit but it was really because I felt I couldn't play against him. It just felt wrong!!!
Later at another match, my fathers team was a player short and I happily stepped in!
Years later when I was in my late teens, I volunteered to put up the Christmas decorations in the office where I worked. I spent ages on them while the rest went down the pub. When they came back, one bloke made a sarcastic comment which in hindsight was meant as a joke to tease me but I took it really seriously so it felt like an attack after all the hard work I'd put into the decorations while they were busy enjoying themselves. Again I burst into tears because I felt so hurt and rushed out the room. A woman colleague followed me and put her arms around me to console me. She told the bloke off for being so insensitive! It was actually me being Too sensitive and taking things Too serious.
I've been thinking how serious, intense and back/white (right/wrong) I used to be at that age and how my intensity caused me so many problems. If I could have "thought" then as I do now, I would have been a much more laid back person and my anxieties would never have become so much of a problem because my intenseness also made me a perfectionist which later developed into OCD. Also though, I focussed so much on what I read in papers or saw on TV, and then dwelt so deeply on everything, I realise now how my intenseness and sensitivity caused so many of my other anxieties.
One teacher used to say to me if I pressed into the paper any harder with my pen, I'd be engraving the desk!:whistles:
Anyway, this memory was of when he used to play cricket and I'd go with him to watch him play. I was in my early teens at the time. I was Very shy, Very quiet, Very intense and Very serious. One day he asked me to play for the opposition as they were short of a player.
I can remember thinking no way would I play against my father and his team! I just couldn't do it but he persuaded me as I felt I'd upset him if I didn't and I'd let him down.
I went into field and the ball was thrown to me. I was in such a state, feeling so upset, that I mistimed the catch and it hit me on the chin. That was it! The tears just flowed as my father came running over to make sure I was ok. We went off the pitch to a water fountain and he bathed my bruise. I'm sure though that he thought I was crying because I'd been hit but it was really because I felt I couldn't play against him. It just felt wrong!!!
Later at another match, my fathers team was a player short and I happily stepped in!
Years later when I was in my late teens, I volunteered to put up the Christmas decorations in the office where I worked. I spent ages on them while the rest went down the pub. When they came back, one bloke made a sarcastic comment which in hindsight was meant as a joke to tease me but I took it really seriously so it felt like an attack after all the hard work I'd put into the decorations while they were busy enjoying themselves. Again I burst into tears because I felt so hurt and rushed out the room. A woman colleague followed me and put her arms around me to console me. She told the bloke off for being so insensitive! It was actually me being Too sensitive and taking things Too serious.
I've been thinking how serious, intense and back/white (right/wrong) I used to be at that age and how my intensity caused me so many problems. If I could have "thought" then as I do now, I would have been a much more laid back person and my anxieties would never have become so much of a problem because my intenseness also made me a perfectionist which later developed into OCD. Also though, I focussed so much on what I read in papers or saw on TV, and then dwelt so deeply on everything, I realise now how my intenseness and sensitivity caused so many of my other anxieties.
One teacher used to say to me if I pressed into the paper any harder with my pen, I'd be engraving the desk!:whistles: