being an agoraphobic mum!!

[lifeissweet]

hi everyone, im agoraphobic but have managed to get a grip of it to a certain extent..i can go about my daily shopping, take my girl to nursery etc without much thought..but still wouldnt venture out of my town alone...or havent tried as yet...anyway i have 2 small children oldest is 4 and so is too young to know whats going on with me...but im am interested to hear from those with slightly older children to hear how your children deal/feel about you being agoraphobic.

i have this terrible guilty feeling that my children might miss out on stuff because im too scared to go with them..or that ill miss out on seeing them cause others need to take them??

my big problem is travel just now, im ok on buses if its somewhere ive been a lot, but in cars i get an overwhelming feeling i want to jump out and im so scared that one day ill lose my mind and do it cause i feel so trapped...so i tend to avoid being in a car just incase!

can anyone give me an insight into having older children when u have agoraphobia x

[bottleblond]

Hi Laura

I am agoraphobic for the second time in my life. I have a 10yr old boy and he is very good about my situation. My mum takes him alot of places so he doesn't really miss out on things as such.

I think if you be honest with your kids, the normality of it grows with them. Not that i am saying Agoraphobia is normal, but to people like us and our family ect, then we to have to deal with it in our every day lives, so it is a normal part of us.

Keep up the good work hun as you are doing very well.
Love and luck to you
Lisa
xxxx

[freakedout]

Hi Laura,

I am a mum with agoraphobia. My eldest son is 11, my youngest daughter is 4. I don't think I am that bad because I do manage to go out, go shopping, take the children to the park, but there are many things that I would not do in a million years. A couple of years ago I stopped the childrens swimming lessons because of my own issues, we hardly went anywhere and yes I felt tremendously guilty. It didn't help because my husband and other family were useless and very demotivated. I still avoid lots of situations, I hate taking the children to party's, school disco's etc.. My children know that I am not keen to do things because I worry about having panic attacks. They are very supportive and understanding most of the time but it doesn't stop me feeling guilty that they are deprived of opportunities they might otherwise have.

I am not sure my reply will help, but despite the difficulties my eldest son is just fine, and never complains about missing out on things. He does say he would like to go ice skating or swimming more often and I do feel a bit mean because I do fob him off.

Try not to worry about it, you can only do what you can do and the fact that you worry about your children shows that your heart is in the right place.

Take care,

Freaky

[belle]

Hi..
I'm an agoraphobic mother too. My son is ten on Monday. He's only ever known me as being this way. I feel like a terrible terrible person for not being able to the "normal" things with my boy. I struggle to go anywhere and do anything, BUT...i do have a very good ex (his daddy) who takes him out and also my mother is good.

I don't know if he feels like he is missing out, but compared to my childhood, he is. He's barely left the county, but his age i'd been abroad 8 times!

I wish i could be different...

x

[reachersgal]

Hello,

I can relate to this as well, I've just recently realised my problems are a result of agoraphobia mainly because I missed the school trip as I had a mammoth panic attack due to getting on a bus and I think the fact I was not going to be in control of the day. I also had a funny turn and aborted a bus trip with the kids a few months ago, but explained it away that I thought I was going to be sick and perhaps we needed to go home.

I have decided I need to do something about this, I haven't worked out how to explain to the kids.

We have in the past been to fair grounds and stuff and I've tried to be very cheery about them going on the rides, yet I can't even get on a simple merry go round or little slow train ride. They recently went to the seaside and I can just about manage to hide my anxiety at them going somewhere that I feel quite anxious to go.

I can understand the giult feelings, I do think though and try to tell myself that there are more important things than taking children out to places - that love and care and everything they really need can be given at home. There are children I'm sure that go loads of places but don't have love and care at home.
You all sound like such lovely mums and I'm sure your children are very lucky to have you.

Hope this makes sense.

Take Care

[lifeissweet]

hi thanks everyone so much , you have really made me feel better thanks x

[Natural Mystic]

Hi Laura,

I am a mum with agoraphobia. My eldest son is 11, my youngest daughter is 4. I don't think I am that bad because I do manage to go out, go shopping, take the children to the park, but there are many things that I would not do in a million years. A couple of years ago I stopped the childrens swimming lessons because of my own issues, we hardly went anywhere and yes I felt tremendously guilty. It didn't help because my husband and other family were useless and very demotivated. I still avoid lots of situations, I hate taking the children to party's, school disco's etc.. My children know that I am not keen to do things because I worry about having panic attacks. They are very supportive and understanding most of the time but it doesn't stop me feeling guilty that they are deprived of opportunities they might otherwise have.

I am not sure my reply will help, but despite the difficulties my eldest son is just fine, and never complains about missing out on things. He does say he would like to go ice skating or swimming more often and I do feel a bit mean because I do fob him off.

Try not to worry about it, you can only do what you can do and the fact that you worry about your children shows that your heart is in the right place.

Take care,

Freaky
An interesting post, thank you.

I am usually a confident person (still people wouldn't believe that I was suffering from anxiety etc.) and don't actually have this illness. However when I have my "downs/dark days" I go into myself and don't have the will or energy (actually I have the will just not the energy) to do a lot. I am a single working mum of a 7 year old boy and when I am like this I feel so so guilty.

However I am very honest with my son and explain things in a way he can understand (and without scaring him) and actually he's starting to "care" and help me more. His behaviour at school is also improving and I think he is actually thinking about things and how it might affect me, and us.

We DO have to be careful not to frighten our children, they must be able to be happy, secure and safe.