Out of my safety zone!!!!

[andie73]

Hi Guys

Today I was forced out of my safety zone. I can tolerate doing social things now much better than I have ever been able to do. I am comfortable if I take my own car so I know I have an escape route, and that I am in control.

Today I had to face my fears and now several hours on I am still feeling anxious. I had arranged to visit a friend who has been on the sick from work for a year. She is retirement age and is not going to return to work, even though currently she is just on the sick. I have been a few times and have coped well with it.

This time I asked another friend from work if she wanted to go with me. I really get on with this person and really like her company as we have alot in common so I was pleased when she said yes.

I offered to collect her but she insisted on picking me up instead. I was so pleased she was coming to I agreed even though I knew the panic would start. She is quite used to seeing me panic as she has helped me at work before.

I was really anxious before, made worse as I had bad PMT, which always makes me anxious. Anyway after pacing the floor for at least an hour she was at the door. I was soooo anx, I even had a carrier bag in my handbag in case I was sick ( she's just got a new car!!).

Anyway it went ok despite feeling really trapped. We went at 10 and didn't come back till 2, so I suppose I did ok. I just feel like such a freak. I wish I could just be natural with people instead of feeling so uptight when faced with these situations. My face kept flushing red, and I couldn't join in and eat the cakes she had bought as I felt so sick. I could even manage a whole cup of tea.

I feel that they must have noticed as I felt so twitchy and found it hard to sit still or concentrate on the conversation. My husband said I will never get used to doing things like this if I don't try and perservere with it. And I know he's right. I just worry that my friend will not want to go anywhere with me in the car again, and that she may see me as a freak. I just wish it would go away, I'm sick of being ruled by these feelings.

[Veronica H]

:yesyes: Well done for going anyway. Your friend might be thinking that you did really well, since she knows you have panic attacks. I often say when I am out with my husband 'do you think anyone noticed how nervous I was there?', and he will often say that he didn't notice I was nervous and that he thought I was coping well. I think our perception of things is usually much worse than the reality. I agree It would be great if we could banish these feelings, but the fact that you are willing to keep puting yourself out there will bring full recovery a step closer.

Veronica

[titch]

well done for going hun..i know how you feel when you figit and feel so tense and i constantly swollow and mess with my rings on my fingers.if u keep it up you will get use to it hun..i dont think your friend will judge u hun as you said she has helped you in the past..x:bighug1:

[Gregor]

I get the feeling your friend probably won't think you're a freak! she knows about your anxiety, so she will be aware of how it affects you. Also, you should never think of yourself in that way. I have to cope with anxiety every day and know it's a very debilitating problem, but something that's not my fault and none of us who suffer are freaks or anything similar.

The big problem is you have to face those fears in order to get better. I know that's how to do it, but i for one have difficulty doing it too. I think we all just have to keep on at it and one day it'll all come together.

[welovesalc]

Well done for facing your fears, be proud! I'm certain your freind wont think you are freak, I'm positive she thinks what a courageous person you are! Well done.

[andie73]

Thanks everyone.

I went to work this morning and my friend was fine. But I wasn't feeling too well (physically) and the panic started. So I have ended up coming home and now feel like a complete wimp. I do feel unwell, as it's that time of the month again and it's a bad one! My anx has been worse and have had night sweats etc. Worried I might be perimenopausal as I have been trying for a baby for 18 months and no success. I'm only 35 though so I'm worried.

Anyway I got upset and didn't open up the coffee shop as I knew I needed to go. I rang my boss who told me to go home. My friend came in with a cup of tea and had a chat, she was really nice.

Now that I am home though I feel soooo alone. I kind of wish I had just stayed even though I feel sickly. I'm emmetephobic, hence the anx, but enjoy the company at work. My hubby's not in till 7pm, and cos I'm alone the anx is spiralling, keep thinking there must be something physically wrong with me. Please help!!!!!

[Karen]

Hi Andrea

Firstly, well done for last night. You did really well to step outside your comfort zone and you did cope :yesyes:

I am sure your friend will understand and she sounds very supportive. Have you talked to her about your anxiety and panic? Sometimes that helps because it is hard to keep it all inside and then there is the additional worry about whether others have noticed etc. Most of the time people don't notice, as I've found when I've said I was having a panic attack in a situation and no one realised. I am sure your friend will be understanding.

Sorry you are not feeling well today. It's hard dealing with anxiety and panic without feeling ill too. It sounds like you knew you wouldn't be able to cope at work today so probably did the best thing by staying home.

It is harder being alone. Keep posting here if it helps and try to find something to keep you occupied until you hubby returns tonight. Distraction can help to an extent. I find it hard to step out of my issues and do something else but it does help pass time.

I hope you are feeling better soon :hugs:

Karen xx

[andie73]

Hi

Thanks Karen. It's just sooo complicated when ur are trying to get pregnant and it isn't happening but being emmetephobic makes pregnancy a very scary thought. So it's a relief when I'm not. But then I worry why I'm not, and then the health anx starts!!! It's like being on a rollercoaster. I deal with it by just carrying on and going to work. Last time I had a day sick was Christmas Eve, which is really good going for me being so anx all the time.

So now that I'm home and I haven't got my friend at work to chat to I'm feeling quite isolated as i usually manage to shrug anx of if I stay at work. But cos I felt sick, I felt I'd be better at home, now I just want to go back.

I've e mailed my friend at work asking her if she would mind lending me an ear when she's got the time, she hasn't replied, now I feel stupid!!!! I feel like I just mess things up all the time.