HIV/AIDES- a destructive health anx

[richieshealth]

No real symptems at least for many years, No real protection, No real way of knowing, No real way of seeing, No discrimination, No one know's where it is. I'm finding reassurance hard to find with this subject - my life is completely f****ed because of it. I've stopped going to the gym incase of touching coming incontact with sweat and blood etc..(so now no where to realease my frustrations) I slept at a girls house the other night and made no end of excuses to avoid sex, I slept the night without anything happening apart from hugs but I'm still all wound up incase any bodily fluid may have got on me - I can't even show signs of effection with this HIV Demonus thought getting into my head. I'm so depressed and lost, every day is a waste. I don't feel anyone really gets this one..

[london]

have test put your mind at rest mate wish you better

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

All you can do ultimately is be tested (and it isnt a death sentence any more) and if you havn't got it, then some cognitive behavioural therapy or similar would be a good choice. good luck

[davidb37026]

Richie you can't get HIV through sweat and even if someone with HIV got blood on your skin you would have to have a wound for it to transmit to you. However, even if you had a wound on your skin it wouldn't guarantee you would get it. My mother is a nurse and got stuck with a needle three times from a patient who was HIV postitive and she never got HIV. But London is right get tested so it can put your mind at ease.

Best Of Luck

[richieshealth]

Thanks I've been for 3 test already over the past 2to3 years and they have come back okay - but once I feel I may have been exposed in some way the doubts flood back in. It's difficult cause it started about 12 years ago after i went to a blood donation session for the first time, I was trying to do a good deed but once I'd read the leaflet on everything they tested for doubts N worries crept in my mind. I'd prob had about 25 to 30 partners at the time when I racked it all up from the ages of 14 to 22(a bit disgraceful i know) so after reading the leaflet in the que I felt very uneasy. Because I dwelled on it for so long after it became a problem. So I think i need CBT test then more CBT after a test so it ends it all- i hope. I've got tunnle,black/white thinking mind which doen't help. It sarted as a genuine concern now the concern is an illness in itself. Thanks for all replies

[LeeBee]

Hi Richie - I don't know if this will help, but you might want to have a look through the OCD forum, if you haven't already. In your post your description of your thoughts sounds very much like many of those who have unwanted or intrusive thought patterns on the OCD forum. Those who have thoughts about harming their loved ones, for example. They'd never actually do the things they think about and deep down they know they won't, - that's never the issue really. It's all about the thoughts. The more upsetting and disturbing and frightening they find the thoughts, the harder they find it to deal with them and the more they get them. I think there's a a fear of losing control over themselves in there somewhere?

You acknowledge that you know that you do not have HIV but you can't stop the thoughts. CBT and/or psychotherapy sounds like a really good idea. Best of luck, let us know how you get on.

[richieshealth]

Thanks for that Leebee, very good points that I'd never thought of. I suppose in my case thinking about it, the thoughts are intrusive one's, my mind seems to go routing for any doubts and the more I try to dismiss it the more posssible they seem (horrible stuff)

Losing control to rings a bell, as at the time when I gave the blood donation at works years ago, it was just after a 3 year relationship finished and I could safley say, i'd never felt totally out of control in my life till that point - I was very vunerable just after. Till then I'd been a big believer in controling your own destiny and happiness. I think the way i was feeling contributed to the fear and "out of control" feeling I got when I read about the screening of blood. i.e once that blood left my body, (my blue print) i'm totally at the mercy of others.
Well I'll try a thread on the OCD forum and see what comes back.

Thanks again leebee, yours has been the best reply I've had so far(cheers)