Can't cope with anxiety anymore

[Cherbear]

im sorry if this is in the wrong forum please move it if it is, i'm so sorry but i don't know who to turn to. I'm sorry if my spelling isn't too great either my head is everywhere.

i suffer from separation anxiety and it has just got so bad tonight. Everything was fine and i was coping with my day until i was reminded my boyfriend is going to be away at his friends for a few days then suddenly i felt suffocated with anxiety. I locked myself in the toilet because i didn't want anyone to see me get upset but the thought of 3 days of constant suffocation by my anxiety just killed me. I came out after a while because my mum and my boyfriend were so worried about me (this is who my anxiety is about) but then i got upset again and seeing how bad i was, my boyfriend just broke down and started to get a pain in his head because he was stressed...then i realised it's because of ME he is suffering, i am making everyones life a misery and i cannot cope with this anymore.

It consumes me every day and my mind is taken over 24/7 by this...i can barely cope with that but to see my mum and boyfriend suffering breaks my heart...i can't do it. They're the two people i love most in the world and knowing i am doing this to them, makes me feel like i shouldn't even be here.

I don't know what to do, i'm scared of what i might do. I am alone tomorrow and i cannot bear the though of being alone in my thoughts...i just need someone to help me, to make this all go away...it would just be better if i wasn't here at all...I know it. I have to give up fighting this, i can't do it anymore. I can't.

[Gem Can't Switch Off]

Hi, Does your Mum and boyfriend know how you're feeling? Can you stay with your Mum while your BF's away?? Have you spoken to a doctor? Don't give up- talk to everyone on here at least- I honestly believe support will help?

[Kay29]

First of all you have nothing to be "sorry" for. Your feelings are very normal and human. Our bodies are very clever should we choose to listen to them. They tell us if us are meeting our needs or are living a happy life.

O.k I hear you say that your boyfriend is going to be away for a while. That must be hard because you will miss him and feel anxious in his abscence. Perhaps it would be a good idea to make plans to distract your mind while he is away e.g. go see a band, go to the cinema etc. Alternatively, if that is too daunting maybe do things that make you feel good e.g. run a bath for yourself, watch a d.v.d or America's Next Top Model on utube, cook yourself a nice meal, colour your colouring book whatever switches you mind off. I find exercise good because it allows me to connect with my body which I tend to ignore when I'm being obsessive in my head. Have you a friend/teddy to express your feelings to?If not writing them down is also very powerful for getting them out of your head.

You need to be kind to yourself right now. If negative self-talk worked we would all be cured by now. You need to do the opposite and be you best friend.You will got through this. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Use this experience as a learning incident. Only good judgements are made from learning from mistakes.

You are unique person so you must try to find out what is right or fits for you. If we were to read a book and have all the answers to our problems and we all lived the same how boring would that be!

Love XX

[Karen]

Hi Cherbear

Firstly, I agree with others that you have no need to apologise for your feelings :hugs: You feel how you feel and you cannot help that.

I will not pretend that the next few days will be easy because as you say you obsessively worry about your boyfriend. I empathise with the way you feel because I have people that I feel that way about too and I have a very hard time when they are away. In the very beginning I panicked massively if they were out of contact for one day worrying that something had happened to them and that they would never come back. Now I still worry and sometimes I cope better and sometimes worse depending how well or badly I am feeling at the time they go away.

What I can tell you is that you will cope. It won't feel good and you will need support but we will be here and it sounds like your mum will be there. You will get through it and your boyfriend will come home.

The best thing you can do now is make some plans for some things you can do on the days he is away. I know right now you don't feel like doing anything because I never do but it might just help the time pass a little bit faster than counting down every single minute until he comes back.

Another thing I am sure of is that your boyfriend and your mum do not want you to go anywhere so you stay right where you are ok? We are here for you too :hugs:

Karen xx

[donrobo]

My heart goes out to you and if it helps you can pm me tommorrow and i will talk to you,that way it will keep your mind off your distress.

take care!

[Cherbear]

Thank you all so much. I cannot begin to explain how grateful I am for these responses. I won't apoligise for how I feel, I have just come to a point where it is so so hard to cope. I just told my mum and boyfriend how truely bad I feel and the awful thoughts I had been getting. My heart is now breaking because they both burst into tears and I have never seen them like that. I am not sure if it was the right thing to do now because they're not leaving my side.

You are all wonderful people, thank you for all the advice and once my head is straight i will take it on board. I am just at that stage where nothing makes sense and everything is negative.

Cheryl xx

[Cherbear]

Hey everyone,

Thanks again so much for the advice. Just a small update, as it's urgent I have booked an appointment with GP today (I didn't know what else to do and I'm not sure what to say to be honest but my boyfriend is coming with me). Unfortunately it reached a very bad place last night but I'm getting through and I'm determined to get help whatever that will be. Also my boyfriend has refused to go away now and doesn't want to leave my side so ultimately what was making me anxious isn't happening...but obviously it goes a lot deeper than that.

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone, you help me get through an awful night :hugs:

[never2late]

Contrats to you on taking those first steps to victory today. I hope your appointment goes well.

It may not seem possible at the moment, but I really believe that -- maybe not tomorrow, or maybe not next week -- but eventually you WILL be posting on how well you are now getting on.

In the meantime, take advantage of those who have offered their shoulders for support, and continue moving forward. I have a good feeling about it for you (and, believe me, I've been around the block a few times with life to know).

[Cherbear]

Thank you, it's nice to hear you say that. When I'm at my lowest moments I never believe things will get better when I calm down I know it will. I have got through this before I can do it again. I have written out how I feel on some paper, it looks quite scary to see it in writing but it helped slightly.

Cheryl x

p.s: Like the avatar! ;)

[Cherbear]

Sorry to keep posting but thankfully I got an appointment with a lovely counsellor tomorrow morning so fingers crossed it goes well xx

[Karen]

Well done Cherbear for facing those difficult emotions and getting yourself sone help. I'm glad your mum and boyfriend are supportive as that will help.

I know it feels frightening and bewildering now but you can and will come through it.

Good luck for tomorrow :hugs:

Karen xx

[Cherbear]

Thank you hun, that means a lot :hugs: My session went well today, she was a lovely lady and got a lot of my chest. I know it's only the beginning but I can see a way forward and I am going to see her next week.

Thanks for all the support :hugs: xx