I need help

[Peter1988]

Hey,

Thanks for coming to my thread. The situation is this:

Before therapy I was a perfectionists, working really hard to make things 'perfect', studying hard, etc. I pushed myself too hard, but at least I had that aspect of fullfillment. But I was depressed, partly beacuse I was dealing with my homosexuality. Then through therapy I learnt to relax and think less (the meds helped too, lol). Anyway now im the complete opposite. Im very laid back and struggling to motivate myself to do things, like work at uni. More importantly I know that I'll be happy and motivated if I get on top of my work, and feel like everything will go well; feel in control. However I cant seem to get to that stage because it seems too much work, too much effort. The thing is I know I need to grow up and just accept that life wont be perfect and great, but I dont want to. My stubborness is saying that If I accept that things will always be 'messy' then whats the point? (dont worry Im not sucicidal, just down)

I know I probably didnt make much sense but if anyone can help by private message or on here Id be very grateful. Give me this please :hugs:

[bumbles]

Nervous people are always perfectioists, its the very fact that they are like that that makes them so nervous and strung out all the time. Lower your standards to increase your performance and stop being so hard on yourself. How long who cares if everything gets done as long as your happy. Take care:bighug1:

[Oceanblue]

Hey,

Thanks for coming to my thread. The situation is this:

Before therapy I was a perfectionists, working really hard to make things 'perfect', studying hard, etc. I pushed myself too hard, but at least I had that aspect of fullfillment. But I was depressed, partly beacuse I was dealing with my homosexuality. Then through therapy I learnt to relax and think less (the meds helped too, lol). Anyway now im the complete opposite. Im very laid back and struggling to motivate myself to do things, like work at uni. More importantly I know that I'll be happy and motivated if I get on top of my work, and feel like everything will go well; feel in control. However I cant seem to get to that stage because it seems too much work, too much effort. The thing is I know I need to grow up and just accept that life wont be perfect and great, but I dont want to. My stubborness is saying that If I accept that things will always be 'messy' then whats the point? (dont worry Im not sucicidal, just down)

I know I probably didnt make much sense but if anyone can help by private message or on here Id be very grateful. Give me this please :hugs:


Hiya Peter,

Well nobody is perfect, and it takes along time to become well again after falling so low, but in time you will get better. But you do have to be patient, one thing that used to frustrate me, was not being able to get well there and then and be the person I once was.

Now, I can't say I am the same person (I know I am stronger), I know that i'm able to cope better with stress and illness through acceptance, and taking everyday as it comes.

When I was very ill, (I had a severe breakdown ending up on a Psychiatric Ward for months) after suffering from a trauma. When feeling alittle better, all the doc's kept telling me to slow down, and stop running before I could walk. I couldn't do that, I wanted to get better there and then. I feel that this slowed down my healing process.

Now when I fall, (I know for sure, I won't ever be falling as much as I did back then), as I'm able to control the thoughts much better.

The best thing to do is take baby steps, this is all you can do. Try, (although hard) not to push yourself with this. It takes time to become ill, but unfortunately takes longer to become well.

I hope you start to feel much better soon.

Take good care of yourself. :flowers:

[freakedout]

Hi Peter,

Sorry you are feeling so down. Have you been on your medication long? I have tried various anti-depressants and do seem to find that some can make you feel somewhat numb and lacking motivation. I may be wrong, it may actually be the depression that makes me feel like that, but it is difficult to kick start yourself when you feel this way.

You have had some good replies here. Being a perfectionist describes me quite well too, when I am motivated and especially my old well self was always striving to do my best at everything. The only thing with that scenario is that by setting yourself such high standards, you only feel worse if you cannot live up to them.

I think Katie has a great point about acceptance. I struggle to accept my problems with anxiety and depression, or as you say that things will be 'messy'. It is so tough, I wish I had some tips, or answers, but know that we are here for you. PM me anytime if you want to!

Take care,

Freaky

[Peter1988]

thanks everyone for you help :) I'll feel better now, i should point out that I accidently posted in the anxiety and panic section, not sure thats correct. anyway, thanks again

[Yvonne]

Peter

Just to repeat from one of the other posts, the anti depressants can make you feel a bit lazy and lacking motivation - however of course so does depression. You have to fight back and make yourself motivated. It is so so hard. With me, I lack the motivation so I think so being motivated and just do it, whatever "it" may be.

I think you will be fine and as Katie said it takes time and it is gradual back to normality. Each day try to be a little like you used to be, don't push yourself too hard, don't put yourself under enormous pressure. Accept that at the moment you can't be as you were.

Take care