Fear of child birth since 3 years of age

[mabelina]

I dont really know which section to put this in... Anxiety, Health Anxiety or this one? Anyways, im 33 and have always put off having children as im terrifed off pain. Even though i would give absolutely anything to hold my little new born in my arms some day. I also have extreme Health Anxiety and am very tuned in to every little twitch, ache, etc but mainly my heart. I have always convinced myself my heart wouldnt cope with child birth. Four weeks ago i found out i was four weeks pregnant. The shock made me violently shake for days on end and my mood was horrid. I could have easily killed anyone who looked at me the wrong way. (cos i didnt want to be pregnant and plus my boyfriend left me a week later). I started having brown bleeding at five weeks and was told i needed a scan. Great, hospitals!:scared15: When i got there i actually needed an internal scan (by now im bricking it) i could see the sac but it was too early to actually see a fetus but everything looked ok and in its right place. I was told to go back two weeks later (last wednesday). The scan still showed an empty sac and it was confirmed an Enombryonic Preganacy which means a fetus has never grown and never would. I was then told i could either wait to miscarry naturally or under medical supervision in hospital. You can guess what i chose! I have now been miscarrying since wednesday afternoon and my anxiety is off the scale. Im praying i'll complete it and dont need a D&C. I feel really terrible for being relieved its almost over when so many women want children but cant. The thought of being childless terrifies me but i cant find any other way around it. I know if i adopted i would never "bond" with the child. Surrogacy may be my only option.

[seeker]

Oh my goodness, it must all be horribly traumatic for you. Have you ever had any counselling or help to do with this phoobia - it seems like you are letting it grow out of proportion - most women I have spoken to say yes, the pain is awful, but they don't really remember it, and they can totally numb your entire body from the waist down, so you don't feel anything!

Hope you feel better soon. Seeker

[Cathy V]

Maybelina, im sorry you've had to go through this, but when i read your post it sounded so familiar...with the heart phobia i mean. Ive had a fear that my heart will give up on me since i was in my 20s, and im 55 now. Ive lived with ectopics on and off for most of these years, and have had 4 pregnancies during that time.

I well remember having my youngest daughter 20 years ago when i was 34, and being terrified that my heart wouldnt cope and kept asking the midwives if i was ok! they said they could see the ectopics on the monitors but that it was ok. and i went through labour and the birth without having a heart attack or dying.

If you ever get the chance to read any of the books written by Dr.Claire Weekes, you'll see that she says people who live every day with fear and anxiety are some of the strongest people around. We have good hearts, believe it. Your heart wont let you down. I hope you go on to have the baby you want so much in the future. please be reassured that nothing will happen to your heart. They monitor you very closely and if they thought you had a medical problem they would discuss it with you. But you are young and if its only the fear of something happening, then its not real so please believe that your heart will be fine.

I hope you feel well again soon, sorry for your loss...xxx

[flos]

hiya

i am so sorry for wht you are going through

do you know what started this fear? you say it started age 3 did something "set it of"

I have a fear of childbirth but not for the same reasons. This ment with my last baby i had a section (elective)

have you ever talked to anyone about it?

xx

[reachersgal]

I just wanted to send a big hug. You have been through a very difficult time and I hope you'll give yourself time to rest and come to terms as best you can with what has happended.

I can understand your fear of childbirth, I have 2 children and for me it's the pregnancy I have a hard time dealing with, I would love another but have been having panicky episodes thinking oh no I'm pregnant and then relief when I realise I'm not and an overwhelming desire for a baby - mother nature has alot to answer for!)

I realise that right know may not be the most appropriate time to think about another baby but I did want to encourage you for the future - have you had any therapy to help, when I was pregnant there was a lot of information about relaxation / yoga etc that really helped me. Also some people I heard hired doulas who were able to support them wholeheartedly during pregancy and birth.

But for now - be kind to yourself.

Best Wishes