very bad schizo spell!

[leedsmeister]

Hey guys, i was just wondered if anyone could relate to my thoughts at the moment.

For the past 10 months i've had terrible anxiety, starting out with cancer, moving on to HIV/AIDS, heart attacks then on to tumours. I guss thats pretty normal for anxiety sufferers right?

I tend not to have panic attacks about these things, alothough i do sometimes have flushes of panic, like when you realised you've left something. The day for me just seems to be one long anxious episode where i feel almost always depersonalised and foggy in mind.

The thing is... Last week I tried some cannabis as i thought it might chill me out a bit. I had maybe 5 drags on one fairly strong joint and then just freaked out!
I mean i walked out of the house, got on the bus and couldnt find the hospital (ive lived in manchester for 3 years now) and i was out of my mind with panic. I could feel these jolts running through my body and i kept going in and out of periods of intense fear and paranoia, totally uncontrollable.

Anyway since then I've been really bad, keep having panic attacks and am extremely anxious all day. All i can think about is that ive given myself shizophrenia or that i'll develop it from worry like this so much.

I didn't help myself by googling either :lac: .
I read that early warning signs are untidyness and avoidance of chores or menial tasks (lack of motivation) and ive always had a problem with that, especially since the anxiety. I just cant deal with say doing the washing up, or tidying my room or going to uni i feel like ive got more important things to think about (worry about).

does anyone else feel like this? like they just neglect things they shouls be doing?

thanks....and sorry for the rant!

Marc

[bab]

Hey Marc

first of all - im originally from manchester and let me tell you those hospitals are not easy to find.

secondly - you are not schitzophrenic - you have anxiety and cannabis is the worst thing for that my love - i dont think its given you any long term problems and it wont have turned you schitzophrenic but it will have made your anxiety worse at the time andnow you are focussing on that time and convincing yourself you have schitzophrenia. Forget about that and try and sort your anxiety out as thats all it is - go and speak to the doc or have you already?

[LeeBee]

Hi Marc, people who have schizophrenia don't usually know that they have. Their thoughts and behaviours do not usually seem odd to them until someone else points it out, and sometimes not even then.

It really sounds like you are suffering from anxiety. Anxiety and/or depression can make you neglect everyday tasks. As Bab says, probably best to see your doctor in the first instance, and lay off the weed.

[london]

if untidyness and avoidance of chores is a sign me and 95% of guys are not well. dont read to much in to that i think its wrong

[leedsmeister]

Hey guys thanks for the replies, you've calmed me dow quite a lot.

One of the main thngs that gets me down is my fear of going into uni on a morning, which i barely ever do. I just feel like i won't be able t cope with the mental effort of listening for 6 hours+, it's very strange i know. Also i can never get to sleep until about 5am so that doesnt help either!

marc

[anx mum]

Hi Marc yes i can relate to that. Ive been suffering with anxiety for over 2 months now. I find little things so hard to do. I worry about illness.

[Carver]

I've been through the same thing as you. (And I'm still struggling).

Just two important points to bear in mind:

1) Google is not a doctor.
2) Go visit a real doctor.

That's it.

[leedsmeister]

Easier said than done for me! I seem to just google things impulsively, as though once ive done it itll all be ok or something, when in reality it solves nothing, usually makes me more anxious.

To tell you all the truth. im quite worried about havin a breakdown and going off my rocker. I keep thinking how dissapointed my parents will be that I messed my head up experimenting with a few drugs. (ecstacy once, katamine twice, weed not often...each time has caused a catastrophic panic meltdown NEVER AGAIN! and i mean that)

I'm very worried that i'll go crazy and kill myself even though thats not what i want or that i'll hurt someone else.

I was presecribed a months worth of citalopram in the summer which i have in my cupboard as i havent plucked up the courage yet...if i take them and then go back, will they still give me more if they're working??
I just want to get better!!!!!!! :scared15: :shrug:

[Richd]

Hey, I've been in exactly the same place, through drugs also.
I can catagorically tell you that you're not going schizo, you're not going mad, your brain is still functioning perfectly fine, you are still 100% in touch with reality, or basically you wouldn't be here telling us all this stuff, and you wouldn't be scared about losing it. If you lose your mind, you don't get chance to panic about it, it just happens.

If you're going to google anything, I suggest you google a term 'depersonalization'. It's a state that I reckon you may well have stumbled into, just as I have. Kind of like a feeling of being detached from reality, and your senses, yet still knowing you're very much still there. You're not alone in experiencing it, and it is very manageable. As I said, it definitely does not mean you're going mad.

I think now that the drugs caused me to slip into that state. And then once there, I began to panic and grow anxious about it as I felt this way, but didn't know how to define it, or what it was.

The citalopram helped me, it controlled my anxiety and eased my depression, and made the whole depersonalization feeling shrink, and I did feel normal again, it helped me to find my feet again for sure.

The thing is though, with this it's more a case of realising you're not going mad, that nothing is going to happen to you, that you're 100% sane, and no matter what thoughts you have, whatever feelings you get, however anxious you feel, and think your brain is going to explode or you'll have a fit, yadda yadda yadda, YOU'RE NOT. 10 minutes time you'll still be here, tomorrow you'll still be here, next year you'll still be here. And you'll still be totally sane.

[leedsmeister]

wow thanks, didn't realise there was anyone else with exactly my problem what with the drugs and all.

I'll try the meds, im not going to get out of this without them as its been going on since march. My drinking has increased, not to worrying levels, but to around 4-5 pints a night and ive occasionally started hiding drinks from people, something I would regard as a sign of a drinking problem.

Funny thing is, I live in a house with 6 other guys who drink 10+ pints every other night and none of them see anything wrong with that. no anxious hangovers or headaches. man am i jealous!!! :shrug:

[Carver]

Easier said than done for me! I seem to just google things impulsively, as though once ive done it itll all be ok or something, when in reality it solves nothing, usually makes me more anxious.

To tell you all the truth. im quite worried about havin a breakdown and going off my rocker. I keep thinking how dissapointed my parents will be that I messed my head up experimenting with a few drugs. (ecstacy once, katamine twice, weed not often...each time has caused a catastrophic panic meltdown NEVER AGAIN! and i mean that)

I'm very worried that i'll go crazy and kill myself even though thats not what i want or that i'll hurt someone else.

I was presecribed a months worth of citalopram in the summer which i have in my cupboard as i havent plucked up the courage yet...if i take them and then go back, will they still give me more if they're working??
I just want to get better!!!!!!! :scared15: :shrug:


Hey, I've been in exactly the same place, through drugs also.
I can catagorically tell you that you're not going schizo, you're not going mad, your brain is still functioning perfectly fine, you are still 100% in touch with reality, or basically you wouldn't be here telling us all this stuff, and you wouldn't be scared about losing it. If you lose your mind, you don't get chance to panic about it, it just happens.

If you're going to google anything, I suggest you google a term 'depersonalization'. It's a state that I reckon you may well have stumbled into, just as I have. Kind of like a feeling of being detached from reality, and your senses, yet still knowing you're very much still there. You're not alone in experiencing it, and it is very manageable. As I said, it definitely does not mean you're going mad.

I think now that the drugs caused me to slip into that state. And then once there, I began to panic and grow anxious about it as I felt this way, but didn't know how to define it, or what it was.

The citalopram helped me, it controlled my anxiety and eased my depression, and made the whole depersonalization feeling shrink, and I did feel normal again, it helped me to find my feet again for sure.

The thing is though, with this it's more a case of realising you're not going mad, that nothing is going to happen to you, that you're 100% sane, and no matter what thoughts you have, whatever feelings you get, however anxious you feel, and think your brain is going to explode or you'll have a fit, yadda yadda yadda, YOU'RE NOT. 10 minutes time you'll still be here, tomorrow you'll still be here, next year you'll still be here. And you'll still be totally sane.Just like Rchd said, there's no chance at all for you to go crazy. None in a million years. He explained it already and way too better than what I could, so I won't insist in that point.

I have no experience with citalopram. Yet still, I recommend (and surely so will do your doctor) quitting alcohol, at least as long as you are taking meds.

And don't worry about sequels in your nervous system after having experimented with such substances. Anyway, you should consider their effects as a warning sign. You might not go nuts, but suffer from severe anxiety, which leads into more and more depersonalization. Even though it has nothing to do with any damage in your brain, I guess that -at this point- you realised that it's not a worthwhile sensation, didn't you?

One last thing: I used to googlin' in search for answers, too. I've been there before, and maybe it's one of the things I regret the most. There's so many bullsh*t going 'round the net. Be careful with sites such as depersonalization.info or dreamchild.net; they handle a bunch of unreliable and non-cientifical information, but yet they are pretty scary, and you don't need to read that crap.

Hope you are ok. Keep in touch, would you?
And don't EVER stop your treatment. Expect no miracles in what it comes to meds. It takes some time for your body to get used to them.

:hugs: