Dealing with disappointment

[LeeBee]

I went to pick up the results for my essay for my university course today. I had a couple of drinks last night so didn't feel too great first thing, then all morning I felt extremely nervous and jittery, the most panicky I've felt for weeks - sweating, trembling, overbreathing, numb hands and feet.

Then I picked up my results and found that I hadn't done very well. I passed, but only just. I am so, so disappointed. I had worked quite hard on the essay. The first time I went to university 15 years ago I used to leave everything to the last minute and still do OK; sometimes do well. This time I tried to be organised and can't understand why I did so badly.

I know it's ridiculous to react this badly to one poor essay result. Everyone has to deal with disappointment sometimes. But I just feel useless and stupid - this has brought back a lot of negative feelings about myself that I thought I was leaving behind. I've had a pain in my chest all night. Just wanted to vent, I guess. Thanks for reading.

[Janieb]

but hey remember one important point.....YOU PASSED
you actually bothered to do the work and you got it in on time and you passed

But I know how you feel, if I do badly on my course work or exams I spend the time beating myself up wondering why i am so stupid compaired to everybody else LOL

Can you not ask them to remark it if you feel that you should have gotten a better mark...I am sure you are entitled to have that done. Can you not speak to fellow students? what were their marks like? was it generally hard?

Funny enough you mentioned about doing things last minute and getting good marks, I seem to do my best marks doing stuff the nigth before LOL, not wise but something I just stick to for now.

Well done for passing!

[samc100]

LeeBee - I think you should speak to the tutor. Say you worked hard at it so ask for pointers on what they were looking. I know when I was at Uni I would think I had it all covered to find the lecturer was looking for something completely different. Then you won't be so anxious doing the next essay thinking what's the point.

[LeeBee]

Thanks Janie and samc for taking the time to respond :hugs:.

Yes, I will go and talk to my tutor about it. I genuinely want to know what I did wrong (should probably be more positive: what I could do better next time). It's the latent perfectionist in me, I think, making me feel so bad when I should be satisfied that I passed.

Thanks again, appreciate it.

[bab]

Hey LeeBee

can I be nosy - what are you studying? x

[RosieXXX]

Hello LeeBee,

It is disappointing when we feel we have made a good effort and don't do as well as anticipated; most of us have experienced this at some time. No doubt you will have an opportunity to discuss the essay with you tutor, which might make it easier to understand and accept where you may have slipped. I am sure in a day or two you will be feeling more positive about this experience, and realise it isn't worth letting it get on top of you. The good news is you passed, so please don't think you have failed in any way at all.

[Cherbear]

LeeBee, I know how you feel I have often felt very disappointed at my results. Remember though you passed, you didn't fail and you should be really proud :hugs: Uni isn't easy!! xx

[orangeblossom]

Hi Leebee, I'm sorry to hear you weren't so happy with your result - it sounds like your first essay in a very long time - and it takes time to get back into the swing of things. I had a year out before starting my MA and sitting writing even a 3000 essay was mind-boggling! It took a few essays to get back into the right sort of mindset. You definitely will get back to that point and improve immensely. Going to see your tutor to talk through the structure/arguments etc would be very helpful too. I'm studying for a history PhD so if I can help in any way, I would be happy to.

[Cathy V]

Hi leebee. Sometimes i think you can also make the mistake of comparing university results with high school exam results. Its not the same. A pass at uni level is such an achievement, whatever the grade. So even if you think your grade isnt up to much, you passed, and at uni level you did brilliantly to pass. Dont be too downhearted. But i agree that feedback is always useful.

Cathy xxx :)

[LeeBee]

Thanks everyone; orangeblossom it's very kind of you to offer to help :). Bab, I'm studying Media Studies (a "soft" subject!).

I am feeling a bit better about things today, keep telling myself I'm not stupid :blush:. I need to use this as a learning experience and try to stop my perfectionist streak taking over. All the replies and advice here have really helped, thanks guys :hugs:.