View Full Version : feeling really ill
I am totally fed up at the moment, I have been really ill for over 2wks now, my mouth and throat are killing me and I have a cough that only starts at night so I haven't been sleeping very well, I am so tired and my hubbys responce when I need help is to volunteer to work his days off, he didn't have to go in he phoned up yesterday and volunteered so he can look like the brown nose suck up. My house is a tip because I have been getting out more lately and I haven't the energy to do it because going out brings on anxiety symptoms which leave me drained of energy and the only way I am ever going to get over the agoraphobia is to go out .
I am having the p*** taken out of me by my family and I am so sick of it. For the first time in 17yrs of marrage I feel like packing a bag and walking out, something I have never considered doing before, ever, but I am worn out and fed up
What has hurt me the most is that me and my hubby are meant to be going to the florest today to sort out flowers to take to my sons grave as it is the anniversary of loosing him this week, I always get in a flap about doing this but now I have to do this by myself because he wants to look good with his boss.
I am so sick of coming last, my needs never get taken into consideration by my hubby or my kids, I am not a selfish person, I have always put my kids and my hubby first and my needs have been neglected but I honestly thought that being though my hubby and my older kids know how ill I have been the last couple of weeks that they might have cared a bit more about me and given me a hand, a lie in anything but no all I am is used and I really feel the only way I would be missed is that there would be nobody to wait on them.
So sorry for the long post but I really need to get this off my chest
Hugs
Hiya mate, i have emailed you but sounds to me like u need to have serious word with that hubby of yours hun, cant he see how much u are hurting and struggling, you need some support, i struggle at times with 3 kids let alone 6 like u have.
this time of year is gonna b sad too for you, u need support.
u cant b super mum all the time, u need a break and u sound very run down which will make u more prone to illness.
u know i here for ya, just email me and we can talk on msn if u like.
hugs matey xxxxxxxxxx
Thanks Donna,
I am so angry with him I can't even speak to him today, he has phoned me 6 times so far and I won't answer the phone because I don't want to say something that I'm gonna regret, my anxiety has been off the scale because of all the places I have been going to and I really have been trying so hard to deal with my many issues I have but I defo am not super mum but my family, kids included, think I have a never ending supply of energy and nothing bothers me which is not the case ang I really have ran out of it now but if I don't do it s*** will really pile up around me.
My hubby really doesn't think, I don't think he does it intentionally to hurt me but I ofter wonder if he knows me at all, he really is skating in thin ice and the way I am feeling at the moment I could just tell him to go, as much as I love him he is really doing my head in lately and I won't let anything or anybody make me feel as low as I did when I was house bound, I refuse to ever get like that again and if that means being by myself bringing up the kids then that's what it will be, sorry if that sound harsh but I am havin a taste of living again lately and I am not going to lose that.
Thanks Donna for being a friend and listening, you are a good person and one I am glad to have met even if it is only in cyber-world.
Hugs
aww thanku lily, im sure your hubby loves u loads but sometimes they need telling because men dont always get it, even when its obvious (sorry guys)
do u think mayb cos u have been focusing so much on your recovery and going out etc that its taken up all the energy etc.
mayb calm down alittle on that for awhile and just relax, little steps matey u dont have to run all the time.
u need to balance the both, u going out and conquering your fears etc and home and kids etc.
its hard trying to juggle it all so dont feel bad matey, wait till u feel more calm and talk to your hubby and b very honest with him and make him know u r serious but also let him know u love him, then its up to him matey.
I do think that I have been burning the wick at both ends which is probably why I can't seem to shift this virus I have. I am scared that if I slow down and don't go out as much that I will end up right back where I started and that terrifies me as I can't go back to being like that, it wasn't fair on me, my hubby or my kids, it was no life for any of us so I just don't know how to find a happy medium.
I think that I am going to suggest we go out for a drive later without the kids and talk because he can't keep burying his head in the sand and pretending everything is ok because its not and if I continue the way I am I'm gonna crash and burn and I really can't be that way again.
Thanks again Donna, you always have good words to write
Hugs
i think thats a great idea matey, let me know how u get on. men often have different ways of dealing with things and quite often like u say bury there head in the sand, i have one like that hehe.
where as us women love to talk about it and deal with it, which it best way.
u both obviously love each other loads, u just need to communicate with each other more and b open and honest and enjoy life abit more together as a family and also u 2 getting time alone too which i know can b hard.
a lot of relationships fail because of lack of communication, mine nearly did and sometimes we take each other for granted and we all need to feel special sometimes, so we have to remind each other sometimes.
hugs matey xx
freakedout
04-11-08, 18:16
Lilly-lou,
I just want to wish you all the best with your drive, if you go.
It is so easy for our dearly beloved's to take things for granted, and you know us women, apparently we don't say what we mean half the time!!!. Maybe you will clear the air during a drive, I hope so, because it is bad enough being agoraphobic and yes it is exhausting working yourself up to getting out more, no wonder you have little energy. With a virus on top of that, and half term last week (if your kids are school age) who can blame you for feeling so ill.
I hope you manage to sort something out, you are doing well getting out and about, with the support and consideration and a decent lie in here and there I am sure you will feel a hundred percent better.
Take care and get well soon
Freaky
Well didn't get out for a drive, couldn't even bring myself to talk to him, given him the silent treatment all day, not answered the phone or spoke to him since he came home he has gone to the gym now and hasn't even made an attempt to apologise so stuff him, I can't be bothered at the moment with it maybe in the morning after a sleep I will be in a better frame of mind but I doubt it.
Thanks for the reply
i hope u feel better in morning matey, new day and mayb u both can have proper talk, im here if u need me xx
Hi Donna,
I slept in the boys room last night and this morning when I got up he still didn't make an attempt to put things right I've given up, I don't think I have any fight left in me and my mood is at an all time low. I wont see him till Sunday now anyway coz he is working day and night with the exception of tomorrow evening and then he will go to the gym and I will be left to cope with the house and kids and my own c*** too.
I don't think he realises how draining going out can be and now I can manage the shopping and running the kids about he doesn't even make an attempt to help out, just something else I have to do by myself, don't know why I let it bother me so much as I have always been alone trying to cope.
Hugs
hi lil, listen matey, ive said to u before but i know your hubby needs the gym etc like u have said but all the time and not helping u or spending time with u etc is not right.
he should want to spend time with u and kids not stay away, trouble is more u ignore him the angrier u will get and if he dont bother talking either nothing will get resolved.
for the sake of the kids, and your sanity hun i think its got to b sorted out one way or another.
im here always matey, u know that. hugs xxx
You are totally right Donna and I actualy answered the phone to him just and I told him that I am sick of him never listening to aword I say and that I am at the end of trying to cope with my anxiety and depression and all the responserbility that comes along with looking after my lot and that he has got to start helping me out or if he wont at least get somebody in to help me finish the house off as it is driving me crazy, I can't cope with half finished jobs and look after the kids, I'm only human.
Its not as if I am asking for the moon just a little support so I can have a bit of time to myself because my head feels like it is going to explode at the moment and my kids are perfectly capable to tidy up after themselves and not expect me to be there personal assistant.
Sorry for ranting on again but you do give good advice.
Hugs
Hi Lilly Lou,
Just Wanted To Give you a big Hug and wish you well too.
Stay Safe and Well.
Love Trace Xx
Thanks Trace I needed that
hi lil, no sorrys matey, i do understand i was in same postion yrs ago although i only had the boys as babies, but i had very bad dep and no support and couldnt cope.
the only way is through communication, if u both dont talk and listen to each other nothing will change, i found this out with my hubby, we nearly split up and i was ready to go, i couldnt do it anymore, he worked all time, we had debt and he would never talk.
in the end he finally woke up and listened and realised wot he was gonna lose and we worked together and he finally helped support me and i got better.
matey, u not asking much but abit of support is a must and u have got to b firm and tell him exactly how u feel and wot is gonna hapen if it dont change straight away.
going gym is fine but he must spend evening with u and kids and help out more, u cant live like u are hun, i couldnt u both like passing ships in the night, i really feel for u matey and u need a big hug.
b the strong women u r and take a stand, also get the kids to do there jobs and if they dont then no goodies no trips or nice things, may do a chart and reward them for when there chores are done, it will help u alittle.
i also just wanna say that i really feel u r feeling so low because one lack of support around you, but 2 because u have put so much effort into your going out etc its taken up all your energy.
i think only way is calm down alittle on worryin about the going out, take the pressure off yourself for a bit so u can relax alittle. xxxx
Yes Donna the kids have been told no rewards or trips out socialising if they don't start to help out, I think sometimes I feel so guilty for all the years I couldn't do anything with them because my anxiety was so out of control they play on that now as I find it very difficult to say no to them, the one good thing in my hubbys favour has been that he noticed they take advantage of me being guilty so has told them they can't ask me to go anywhere they have to ask him, so at least that has been taken off my shoulders.
I just get so anoyed because I shouldn't have to remind him all the time that I am having a hard time, he knows how down I have been the last couple of weeks but he just doesn't think, so wrapped up in himself to see what is happening around him.
On a lighter note are you doing anything tonight for the kids? any fireworks, I hate it but have to make an effort for the kids, and I'm off swimming with them after school, don't care how down I feel I will still take them
And yes Donna I think that you are right about the going out bit, it has really left me feeling drained, got a busy day today but will be able to relax tomorrow.
Hugs
u r doing so well matey and such a good mum, just remember that and dont feel guilty, kids know exactly the right buttons to push hehe when they want something.
b firm and nothing nice if they cant help u and also men have to always b reminded that we need support sometimes and that we not super women made of steel lol.
hugs xx
Thanks Donna for the advice, I really needed somebody to talk to, you a good person.
Hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
aww im always about if u need me and email me anytime too, if im abit late repsonding im sorry, u know wot its like with kids house and stuff.
if u fancy talkng on msn just mail me and let me know and i on mostly in evenings.
just b strong matey and stand your ground and dont take no crap xxx
Don't worry Donna I am going to stand my ground and I certainly won't take any crap either, I'm stronger than I used to be when I wasanxious morning, noon and night and I know that I don't want to ever go back to being as bad as I was, unable to even get to my gate, I think in some ways I am a stronger person now and a lot less likely to let people walk all over me, It had taken me 4yrs to get to the point where I can do my own shopping now and take my kids to school there's no way I am going back to that life, that existance I was living.
Hugs
well b proud of yourself hun cos u come a long way.
good for u standing your ground and u r right u are alot stronger than u think and u can cope better, when we get low we lose ourselves abit and we have to find our fight and soldier on.
dont put up with anything thats making u feel bad or down, change it, get rid off wotever u need to, to make things better for you.
i had to move in the end too to help us get better.
I think that we have to do what we have to do in order to get things back on track, I know that I'm only having another blip and that things will get easier but at the moment I need help and support to get over it.
I know my hubby loves me even though I question it all the time and he is a good man but I am so insecure at the moment and so down that I just wish he'd think for once instead of letting things get this bad, he can be so selfish at times, stupid bloke
how u doing today matey? here if u need to talk xxxx
Not too bad today, took flowers down had a cry and came home and have sat on my bum for the rest of the day just don't have the energy to do much.
When I got back from swimming my eldest daughter had tidied and mopped all down stairs for me, what a sweetie, she knows how down I have been lately and wanted to do something to cheer me up, the place looked lovely.
How you doing today
Hugs
hi matey, thinking of u today hun, how lovely of your daughter to do that for you, thats really sweet of her just to do that.
i bet seeing things tidy made u feel happier.
im good today i met my friend for coffee in town and had a good old moan and groan hehe and now i feel quite good.
i have been sorting kids bedrooms, god they have so much junk up there and such messy little sods.
hugs to u xxx
My kids so messy too I get sick of sorting out their things each time I thin things out another load appears in its place, I'm sure I've got fairies in my house that keep bringing things into it, oh and ones that bring me washing too.
Glad you had a good old moad over a coffee, does us good to do that. I'm off to parents evening later at the high school, not looking forward to it and I have to take all the kids with me so it should be fun but it's got to be done trying not to think about it too much coz if I do I will start to panic about going.
u have a very good attitude matey, u will b just fine.
i had parents evening while back for mine, although my eldest whos in secondary school hasnt got his till feb.
its a a never ending battle with kids stuff, i was furious today cos i found puzzles and games under there beds, no lids and bits missing so they got jobs tp do when they get home tonight.
i always tell them when they take games etc to put erm back after, then they cant b bothered so they hide them.
it mainly my youngest 2, my eldest is very tidy and gets cross if his stuff moved lol.
My 3yr old messes up his brothers bedroom all the time and they hate it. My boy who has autism loves trains and his brother has broke a load of his train track, I'm hoping he wont notice before I can get to the shop to replace the track because if he notices all hell will break loose and we will all have a dogs life!
awww its very difficult when they share rooms isnt it, the boys share and ryan is very tidy and reece is mega messy, so ryan is not very happy most of time hehe.
shawnee's room is not too bad and she will tidy it if i ask, she quite good.
im sooo cold today and have to go to school soon and get some food too.
im glad u sound abit happier today matey, i hope u and hubby manage to work through things xxx email me anytime u know that xxxx
It's cold and miserable here too and I have to go and do food shopping after I have been to the school, I really hate that job but it has to be done.
I feel a little brighter today but as for hubby I've hardly seen him all week and I am being really stubborn and not backing down so its up to him to realies what an a*** he has been, I'm not going to be walked all over any more, I've had that done to me pretty much all my life because I was too afraid to stick up for myself
woohoo u go girly hehe. u b strong and when u do speak to him, make sure u tell him exactly how u feel, he wont know wots hit him lol.
hugs xxxxx
When I do speak to him I really don't know if I will be able to stop. I know that things haven't been easy for him or my family what with the agoraphobia and social phobia and now the depression and I can be a real pain in the bum at times but all I want is a little support with the things that I am struggling with at the moment. I accepted a while ago that nobody can help me with the anxiety, they can only offer me words of encouragement and advice but I know all the hard work has to come from me which is what I have been doing but I really can't tackle the anxiety and do all that is expected of me just yet as I am so worn out so just until I am feeling more able to do these things they are going to have to help me out, I don't think that is too much to ask is it?
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