Hollytree
05-11-08, 18:56
Hi, I have been suffering from health anxiety since the age of 12 when I came home from school, after a very bad sex education lesson thinking I had HIV!! I thought and obsessed about it day in, day out. Everyday I would check my body for symptoms and convince I had them.....all of them!! This went on for nearly 5 years before I even told my mum, by then it was vey much deep in my thoughts, and every day HIV was all I thought about.
My mum thought at the time it was a bit silly, and kinda dismissed it :( it hurt me at the time and I felt confused, lost and alone. Each year that went past my anxiety just grew with more intensity, to the point that some days I would make myself physically sick from worry. I was more and more convinced that I had HIV and the slightest cough or cold would make me hyper sensetive and aware of my body even more. Can you imagine how I felt when I got Glandular fever!!!
Years rolled by, and by the time I was 30 years old, my doctor after years of telling me that I didn't have HIV convinced me to have a test done. That was the longest week of my life, waiting for the results, and I had told myself they were gonna be positive, 100% convinced!!
As it turns out I was 100% wrong :) I even got a piece of paper with the results on in big black letters, saying NEGATIVE
I felt weird...good weird though, this was something that was in my head for along time and now it couldn't terrorise me anymore.
Thje saddest part of it all is that for me health anxiety is all that I know, so HIV went out of my world and thoughts, and the door opened for other diseases to move in :(
I have good days and days that are'nt so good, I panic, freak out, worry, cry and obsess about my health, however there is a light at the end of the tunnel.......and it isn't an on-coming train!! I suppose if anything, I have learnt is don't believe everything you tell yourself know matter how convincing it may seem at the time, our minds play tricks on us, and it is all very easy to become confused with the rational and irrational parts of our thinking. Lastly ...for all health anxiety sufferers, throw away medical books and stop searching the internet for symptoms, it will only make it worse...talking from experience :) xxxxx
My mum thought at the time it was a bit silly, and kinda dismissed it :( it hurt me at the time and I felt confused, lost and alone. Each year that went past my anxiety just grew with more intensity, to the point that some days I would make myself physically sick from worry. I was more and more convinced that I had HIV and the slightest cough or cold would make me hyper sensetive and aware of my body even more. Can you imagine how I felt when I got Glandular fever!!!
Years rolled by, and by the time I was 30 years old, my doctor after years of telling me that I didn't have HIV convinced me to have a test done. That was the longest week of my life, waiting for the results, and I had told myself they were gonna be positive, 100% convinced!!
As it turns out I was 100% wrong :) I even got a piece of paper with the results on in big black letters, saying NEGATIVE
I felt weird...good weird though, this was something that was in my head for along time and now it couldn't terrorise me anymore.
Thje saddest part of it all is that for me health anxiety is all that I know, so HIV went out of my world and thoughts, and the door opened for other diseases to move in :(
I have good days and days that are'nt so good, I panic, freak out, worry, cry and obsess about my health, however there is a light at the end of the tunnel.......and it isn't an on-coming train!! I suppose if anything, I have learnt is don't believe everything you tell yourself know matter how convincing it may seem at the time, our minds play tricks on us, and it is all very easy to become confused with the rational and irrational parts of our thinking. Lastly ...for all health anxiety sufferers, throw away medical books and stop searching the internet for symptoms, it will only make it worse...talking from experience :) xxxxx