View Full Version : fear of losing loved ones to death
Hi there i have read through alot of the posts on here and find it comforting to know i'm not alone in my anxiety. However i cant seemed to find much about the main subject that troubles me. I dont fear my own death but fear the death or illness of a loved one, especially my mum. Does anyone else have this? I am close to all my family and depend alot on my mum and the thought of losing them just eats me up inside. i get full on anxiety attacks at the thought of being told there's been an accident or a loved one has been told of a terminal disease. I have been diagnosed with OCD and battle hard to fight it. i've had cbt and came off the anti depressents about 3 months ago. But i cant see a way through this particular fear as i know its going to happen. Death and disease seems to happen all around me but not yet in my family which makes me think its bound to happen in my family next. Any advise or comfort would be great as its really upsetting me. Thanks all xxx
hi there and yes i have a huge fear of losing my hubby to death, sometimes is really obsessional.
i worry if he goes out will he have car accident, if he goes pub will he get stabbed, if he carrys on smoking he will die, his diet etc and heart attacks.
its silly i worry if he looks stressed and he always says to me i am fine stop worrying.
i realise i do this because he is the one person who loves me, understands me and is always there for me.
im not close to family so i sometimes feel alone, but i do have him and my 3 kids but i worry about them all.
i just dont want to lose the few important people close to me.
hugs to u xxxxxxxx
I'm exactly the same! if my boyfriend is late home or doesnt text back straight away my heart is in my throat. I'm getting better at challenging these thoughts through cbt, ie looking for reasonable explanations, but my fear of death of a loved one is the one that i just cant deal with. At work the other day my managers mum and dad went on holiday and her mum died suddenly on holiday from a heart attack. i immediately thought what if that happens to my mum and dad?? I cant reasure myself by saying it wont because it might!?! argh!!!
Hi there,
I am going to pm you in a min as I feel EXACTLY the same!! It's like reading my own post. I feel it about my mum and my boyfriend, it gets to the point where I physically feel ill if I can't contact them as I am convinced they have been hurt. I couldn't bear the thought of losing either of them as they are my life so I know how you feel. I have researching a lot on the net about it, whether that is a good thing or not I don't know but it could be "separation anxiety"
Do you live with your family? Do you find it worse when they are out at night? I live with both my mum and my boyfriend and it gets soooo bad when I'm on my own.
You're not alone hun:hugs:
i live with my boyfriend and my mum and dad are just round the corner so see them pretty much everyday. I've not heard of seperation anxiety before but ever since i was little i hated being away from my mum. I couldnt go on school trips or anything like that, i refused!!! Is that what you mean or am i barking up the wrong tree??
Do you have any coping techniques when u hear a story about death or disease and automatically relate it back to your own family? x
No that is what I meant, I was the same I never went on school trips and i was the only one in my whole school year not to go to France as I couldn't leave my mum! I think it is separation anxiety, which is a "fear of losing loved ones" I believe, that is what I have read. Are you seeing a counsellor for it?
I am having problems atm as my irrational side is 80% and rational is 20%. However if I hear about something bad happening, i just have to sit myself down and remind myself it's very unlikely anything like that would happen to my family. It takes a lot of willpower, I just accept i have those thoughts as I can't fight them anymore xx
hiya i can relate so much to this but with my hubby and kids.
i have to keep busy so i dont think to much, prob why i so hyper all the times hehe.
hugs yeppy and cher
Sorry I don't want it to look like I am labelling you with separation anxiety, i suppose I can just see that in myself xx
Thanks for the replies, big hugs back xxxx
Hi guys,
I am new to this forum so just learning but I have joined today as I need help with the exact same thing that you are talking about and have found very little on it. I realise you all posted these in 2008 but I am keen to discuss further. I have an extreme fear of losing my family, I am sooo close to them. I have extreme bouts of anxiety over this and my immediate family (my parents and one brother) know as well as my partner. It is an ongoing battle, I have separation anxiety as a child and then it seemmed to improve at 18-22 years and now its re-appeared within the last 2 years and Im now 25. Its mainly anxiety about my mother but to a lesser extent my father. Not really anyone else in my family or my partner.
I have been diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) which has come about as a result of my fears. Will elaborate once I know you are all still discussing this (sorry Im new so not sure how this works (ie if this discussion is still active or not). Just reading your posts made me upset as it is me too!!! Would love to discuss this and try and help us all out :)
Thanks :)
I have been exactly the same from the time I was probably around 5! For some reason I would carry around a constant fear that something was going to happen to a loved one...at the time my mom, dad and grandparents. I would make myself sick and panic until I spoke to all of them. Years later I find that it has subsided slightly BUT it still creeps into my life from time to time. In fact last night I had a dream about finding my husbands car smashed to bits on the highway as I was leaving to drive my kids to school...needless to say that today has been a bad day full of panic and fear! Unfortunately I have lost many close family members and friends, my grand-mother, my best friend to breast cancer, my step-mom to breast cancer.....it has been a rough year and it has undoubtedly led me back into that dark realm of fear, sadness all associated with anxiety. I have had some of the worst attacks of my life...BUT. The obsessive thoughts that you have mentioned, ones which I have experienced all my life are in every way, shape and form related to our "disease". It's part and parcel of who we are as you know - having been diagnosed with OCD yourself, and even if one has not been diagnosed with OCD it is part of the worrying nature of us Panic/Anxiety peeps. Sometimes medication is part of the answer but I truly believe that CBT plays a strong role in shifting the way we think, shifting our brain activity and not allowing those negative anxiety mongers to live within our heads. That being said...it's much easier to say than practice, I'm on my own path right now and it takes a lot of work but I have had some major breakthroughs :) Hopefully something I have said makes sense to someone.
Thanks, its nice to be able to share these things with others. Its easy to feel like your the only person suffering over these kinds of thoughts! Yeah I have been on medication and seen a counsellor and psychologist in the past and improved as a result but not for good. Your right, these bgahaviouors just creep back in and thats what Im experiencing right now! I think we all have a trigger, just like your dream triggered you to be anxious today. Its hard to see the end of the tunnel when you get overwhelmed with these irrational thoughts!!! I think my trigger at the moment is the fact that I have committed myself to going on a OE soon (April) with just my partner. We are travelling to Europe and it will be the furtherest away Ive been from my family. BIG STEP for me and needless to say its making me extremely anxious and panicky! In fact, I have considered not going but its too late to turn back etc and I know I have to do it. I know I have to do it to try and get over this though:) I would love to continue discussing this with everyone as I have come to realise there are many of us who are experiencing the same fears!
Thanks :)
Hey, yeahhh, I'm the same. I don't have OCD..I don't think so anyway, lol.
But I do always worry about my Mum dying as she's always been there for me an she's never stopped caring for me, I admit I do fear death of myself too but just as much the death of her.
Totally understandable:)
and to the above poster, I'm new here too! So, even if this thread isn't continued we still got us two to solve our problems, eh? Haha.
Cal x
Fear of losing loved ones is really not a pleasing one. Hence, it is necessary to deal with it smartly. This article seemed promising one.
asknrj.com/i-read-your-article-about-dealing-with-fear-and-hence-i-am-posting-this-question-the-fear-that-i
Yeah I think I've gone overboard. I worry about it often, it doesn't really affect me. Well I tell a lie I think I've developed an OCD symptom. If I think any negative thoughts I have touch wood or something- is this OCD I really want to get over that but i can't
Hi I'm the complete same I worry constantly about my whole family but particularly my mum and dad. It drives me and them crazy xD but when I am in one of my "episodes" I just speak to them about it and they really put my mind at ease :)
Try to turn this thought around. You obviously fear losing loved ones. We all have that fear somewhere in our minds. Instead of worrying about this, acknowledge how much you value the people in your life, cherish the time that you spend together, make many happy memories and make sure that they know how much you love and care for them.
We do not have control over eventual loss of loved ones but we very much have control over the quality of time we spend with them :)
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