Please read my story, can you relate to me ? ? ?

[biggy007]

Firstly hello to everyone, my names Ben,

I've been reading the site for about a fortnight now, its helped alot but im still in need of some re-assurance, a chance to get everything off my chest and a good chat with some feedback hopefully,

Im 24 years old and have Health Anxiety, this has been self diagnosed and partly confirmed by my GP, there has been 2 major things that have happened in my life that has caused my health anxiety and its now become an everyday worry for me,

My father died at the age of 44 when I was only 17 years old he died of narrowing of the arteries which is a form of heart disease, straight away this made me aware of my health and aware of my heart and the possibility that I could have problems in later life due to it possibly being hereditary, (especially when you consider that his dad also died young and 2 of his brothers have had heart attacks)

Then when I was 21 years old I was rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack I spent several days in intensive care and came home a week and a half later, it turned out not to be a heart attack but Pericarditis which is an infection of the sack surrounding the heart, so again straight away my train of thoughts were that it could happen again, it could have damaged my heart, I could have heart disease and that im going to die! However I have had every test under the sun done and have been given the all clear

I had:-

*several ECG's
*a scan of my heart (not sure what there called)
*a chest x-ray
*an Angiogram

I was just unlucky in the fact that I got an infection so close to the heart, im no more likely to have another episode than your "average joe", there was no damage what so ever done to my heart. All the tests came back clear and I was told that I am fit and healthy and have nothing to worry about, my blood work was fine and my cholestoral was only 3.8

3 years on and im now 24 I have been back to A&E with 'chest pains' and "heart attack symptoms" 10+ times, to have numerous ECG's done and everything come back fine, A&E told me to speak to my GP about anxiety, I never did go and talk to my gp about anxiety but I have been to see him with 'chest pains' etc several times since, and although he has never diagnosed me with anxiety he has mentioned and hinted at it several times and even told me to research Propranorol on the internet to see if I thought that it would help me, I have never followed him up on this offer though,

I did however go back to see my GP recently for a check up, he took my blood pressure to find that it was through the roof he immediately said that he wanted me to wear a 24 hour monitor to check my blood pressure whilst I was away from the surgery,

I wore it for the 24 hour period and went back to him the next day for him to print the readings out, all 32 of the readings were very high indeed and he said the worrying thing was that even through out the night when I was asleep my blood pressure never dropped which means my heart is constantly working flat out and having no rest, since he has told me this my anxiety has been quite bad and I have now found that I am having eptopic heart beats quite regularly, I did tell him about these but he states they are nothing to worry about

So anyway he has reffered me to a cardiologist for further tests for my blood pressure, my appointment is on the 19th of November, I am very nervous about it incase I get told any bad news but at the same time looking forward to it because the last 3 years I've been constantly suffering from the usual :

*scared of dying
*scared of the unknown (afterlife or nothing?)
*scared of having heart disease
*scared of having a heart attack
*horrible thoughts
*chest pains
*pains in the neck, shoulders, left arm, back, jaw (heart attack symptoms)
*pains in the legs
*light headed / dizziness
*Eptopic heart beat


So if you put together:

*my dad dying young
*my pericarditis infection that I had
*my high blood pressure
*and more recently regular eptopic heart beats

You can see the way my mind works and the reasons I have the anxiety and panick!

I just hope that the cardiologist gives me all the tests again confirms that I am fit and healthy and that I really do have nothing to worry about, and then hopefully I can leave my worries behind me,

I am 24 years old with a well paid job, a beautiful fiance and a baby boy on the way due on the 6th of December, I have everything to live for I really hope I can get over my anxiety and that the cardiologist will put my mind at rest once and for all,

Thanks for taking the time to read my story so far,

Ben . . .

[anx mum]

. Hi Ben im Bev i can relate to u in alot of ways. I have been getting chest pains had ecgs chest xrays blood and they have all come bk normal. My mum died 3 years ago of a bloodclot and i think alot of my anxiety stems from that.

[biggy007]

Hi Bev, thanks for the quick reply, it really helps and re-assures me to know that im not the only one that feels like this,

Its frustrating because im such a strong headed stubborn person and can tackle literally anything in life

apart from the anxiety it almost makes me feel like a scared little boy again !

[anx mum]

Its awful i wouldnt wish it on anyone i have severe anxiety for over 2 months now and finding everyday a stuggle. I also have a wonderful partner and boys. Its hard to believe its anxiety when u feel so bad.

[biggy007]

I know, I have almost managed to deal with the physical pains now although the eptopic heartbeats still scare the life out of me,

Its the fear of dying that gets me the most just lately im only 24 with my whole life ahead of me a lovely fiance and my son due in a few weeks, I should be so excited and happy and to be honest I am, but I can still spend 3 hours a day worrying about dying.

[biggy007]

Can anyone else relate to me?

I know we are all here for the same reason the dreaded Health Anxiety, but what do you beleive the causes of your anxiety are? have you had a past illness or experience that you beleive has triggered your anxiety?

[andie73]

Hi Ben

My mam died of cancer when I was 12, so I think that has caused my anxiety. When she was very ill I developed anorexia. It wasn't that I felt fat, I just was so scared and nauseous all the time food was a big turn off. I ended up ahving to be weighed at a clinic every week, I was also being bullied at the time too.

Since she died, well probably before, I developed a fear of hospitals and being sick, I put that down to her being in hospital so much and being so sick with the treatments. I lost my faith in the medical profession at a very young age, although I am slowly regaining that back. I'm now 35 and have a morbid fear of hospitals that has prevented me from having a baby.

I have lost other people very close to me and that has added to my anxiety. Then a miscarriage two years ago topped it off. I risked myself ( in my head) by getting pregnant, and I lost my baby. I haven't been able to feel happy about the prospect of another baby since. It confirmed all my fears and my anxiety spiralled reaching it's peak this time last year.

This site has really helped me to make sense of all the strange symptoms and I am learning to carry on regardless of the anxiety. I think that it has a very profond affect on you when you lose a parent early in life and I think that's where it all stems from. I think a girl in particular needs a mother, and a boy a dad. That may sound a bit simplistic but that's my experience. My dad brought me up extremely well on his own, but that close relationship of sharing stuff with an older person of the same sex was a void in my life. And still is to this day.

Congratulations with the baby. You may be slightly more anxious too because you are scared of leaving him and your partner, ie if your worst fears came true. It adds another dimension I think when you have dependants, but I think that's normal to feel that.

Take care

[yanksforever]

I've always hated hospitals. The hopelessness, the smell, the prospects of death. Idk if thats what my HA stems from.

I think mine was a combo of boredom, googling, slight depression, inactivity, and a few health concerns.

This site has helped me a lot and it will help you too!