mrd1966
09-11-08, 21:16
Hi, I'm a 42 year old Male who's had problems for most of my life. I was a pretty mixed up child - rather weedy and had difficulty making or keeping friends. My dad died when I was 8 and we never talked about it in the family. As a child I used to steal from my Mother's purse (that's very hard still to write after all of this time), I started developing Emetophobia when I was 10. This fear has pretty much taken over my life ever since. I have always lived alone - I have no friends, and have had only one visit from a relative since I moved here 7 years ago, except for people trying to sell me things. My second decline started in my late thirties. I tried for a long time to survive without anti-depressants since I think that they are a bad idea, but got to the point where I couldn't survive any more without them. You can probably tell I have severe self hatred, but I genuinely think that I am a bad person.
On the plus side, I find work a great salvation, and I am clever. Getting my first job helped me to get over my first real decline when I was a teenager. Keeping busy is a much better cure than any drug. I enjoy working in my garden, but I don't have too much energy for this generally. I am also fortunate that I have a well paid job and no money worries - although it is definately true that money cannot buy happiness.
I have thought a lot in the past about death but (1) I am too scared to do anything silly (2) ultimately life is a miracle and when the sun is shining and you see nature all around you, then you must try to keep going, but it's very difficult.
Please don't think that this is a sob story - I'm just saying who I am and I don't want sympathy. I believe in the old saying that you make your bed and lie in it.
Anyway, that's me ...
On the plus side, I find work a great salvation, and I am clever. Getting my first job helped me to get over my first real decline when I was a teenager. Keeping busy is a much better cure than any drug. I enjoy working in my garden, but I don't have too much energy for this generally. I am also fortunate that I have a well paid job and no money worries - although it is definately true that money cannot buy happiness.
I have thought a lot in the past about death but (1) I am too scared to do anything silly (2) ultimately life is a miracle and when the sun is shining and you see nature all around you, then you must try to keep going, but it's very difficult.
Please don't think that this is a sob story - I'm just saying who I am and I don't want sympathy. I believe in the old saying that you make your bed and lie in it.
Anyway, that's me ...