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alan74
13-06-05, 12:01
At this moment on time I want to be dead, as being dead is far more favourable than the way I am feeling right now. I just wish that I could crawl into a corner, go to sleep and never wake up again. I hate myself, and I have always hated myself since childhood.
I’ve never really been given any encouragement to like myself. My parents split up when I was 7 and I lived with my mum who had her own problems to contend with (alcoholic, on benefits, no maintenance from my dad etc.). I was bullied at school for being the school scruff (no money for decent clothes etc.) and for having a very nasty case of acne which everybody used to beat me up and tease me over. This in turn led me to shying away from people as an adult due to me feeling too ugly to be worthy of going anywhere near them. I used to sit in my room hating myself, wondering why my life was passing me by while everybody else got to enjoy theirs to the full. When I did go out, I used to drink until I was sick so as to calm my fear of being around others and to stem my feelings of awkwardness, vulnerability and self-consciousness. When it came to meeting members of the opposite gender, they used to push me to one side to get to my better looking and more confident friends. This didn’t do much for my self esteem either.
In 1999 I somehow managed to meet someone. Being with her and being able to actually express affection towards somebody validated me as a human being. I was happy; nothing else had ever made me feel like this. We had a child together and we were planning to get married until last summer when I found out that she was seeing a work colleague behind my back (who is much better looking than me etc.) We split up and I have been desolate ever since. Apart from my daughter there is nothing for me to live for. I am too repulsive and boring for anybody to like me, and the world would be a much better place without scum like me populating it. I am simply not good enough to co-exist alongside others, they are far superior to me.
I can’t eat, sleep and I even talk to myself as I get that lonely. When I feel stressed I even argue with myself out loud – that is madness! I don’t know what to do, I just want my life to end. I cry every day, thinking about what I have lost and what I can never have in comparison to others. People say that I have to like myself, but how can I when everybody has looked down their noses at me like I am something they have stepped in for my entire life? I am not worthy of being liked, and that is why I want to die.

Alton
13-06-05, 12:10
Everybody is worthy of being liked. And you are liked and have been liked in the past. Your relationship did not last but you DID have one. Your ex partner must have seen somehting in you to be with you in the first place and want to marry you. OK it did not work out but things don't work out for anyone 100% of the time.
I know how you feel when you say you want to go to sleep and not wake up as I used to have this feeling when I was at my worst. I know you are probably thinking that what if it doesn't get better? But what if it does? You have a daughter that no doubt loves you unconditionally so that in itself is something to carry on for.
I do think you need to go and see your GP and tell them how you are feeling. There are people out there that can help.
There are so many people here too that can help you. I would like to know more about you for a start and I'm sure everyone else here would too. You are not alone. We are all here to help.

alan74
13-06-05, 12:24
What do you want to know about me?

Alton
13-06-05, 14:11
Where are you from? Do you work? Do you have hobbies? Your favorite TV programme? Your favourite music? Anything and everything.

alan74
13-06-05, 14:27
I'm 31, from Merseyside, I go to the gym, I go to watch Liverpool FC and I don't get out much as I have no money. I work in the IT sector. Oh, and I hate myself.

chucklehound
13-06-05, 14:50
I feel really sorry for you because if you feel ugly for so long it is hard to believe anything else. If you were that ugly you would not have had a girlfriend. The reason you are feeling so low is through lack of confidence and that is something most people get with anxiety. You are not mad by arguing to yourself out loud, that is normal when you feel so desperately low. You can get better from this you know but it takes time.

c.jackson

bluesparkle
13-06-05, 14:51
hi...
i do understand where you are coming from as i used to feel the same...
but you are not worthless... or any of the other things you say about yourself... these are thoughts and ones which you have learnt from other people...
people on here are very friendly and im sure they will be willing to chat with you
why dont you try the chat room of an evening...
i have started to pick myself up now and it is good... but i do know that making the first step is hard...
please ask anything you need to know as there is usually someone with the answer around.
you have a daughter... now that has got to be worth everything... so hang on in there it will get better
rach

alan74
13-06-05, 18:22
I've just been to my GP and he has referred me to a psychologist and has signed me off work for Tomorrow and Wednesday. I don't know how I'm going to cope in the meantime though, I can't stop this constant feeling of desolation, hoplessness and self-hatred from overwhelming me.
I wish I was better looking, I really do. Then I would have the happy life that others lead so effortlessly. It's horrible knowing that I can't even conform to nature because 50% of the world's population despise me the moment they set eyes on me for the first time. I panic whenever women are around me and I cover my face to hide from them.

escapology
15-06-05, 16:34
As hard as it is to be happy and go lucky, sometimes is life you ahve to be as that is what attracts people to you. Learn to love yourself, appreciate the good things you can do (you work in IT, so you must have a decent head about you). Have you ever patted yourself on the back for the positive things you ahve done in life? You created a beautiful daughter who is worth living for, giving your love to and focusing your life on. Isn't she worth that 'gift' from you?

You maybe no oil painting but neither are alot of people. What is beautiful to some is ugly to others and vice versa. It is whats inside that counts and beauty shines from within.

Start living a life, small steps, maybe meet people from this site for a drink or a chat, expand that to other sites and accept that people have the right to reject you as much as you do them. Not everyone is your cup of tea to hang out with and they have a right to excersise that opinion too, it doesn't mean to say your ugly or sad.

As for your g/f, without being harsh, people do move on and find new people to be around (partners or friends) because of the mundane. The mundane and daily tasks become less of a challenge the more we do them. If you are with someone who puts themselves down all the time then why are you with them if they are making you unhappy.
Like I said in the begining..... learn to love yourself. Acne can be helped with treatment from the GP and having a proper cleaning ritual at night and in the mornings (IM if you need advise), you can learn to have more self confidence if you read self help books from the libary, maybe seek councelling through your GP too?! Sweetie, if you have been a recluse then you need to learn to meet people, you go to work and speak to people there, so how about you develop that into social too?

I hope I have helped??

Love n' laughter

Esca xx

alan74
16-06-05, 08:20
Escapology, along with everyone else - thanks for the advice. I'll take it onboard and at least try to move forward.

Thanks again.

escapology
16-06-05, 08:35
Good luck..... and take small steps.

My motto; smile and the world smiles with you!


Esca xx

Meg
16-06-05, 12:17
*When I feel stressed I even argue with myself out loud – that is madness!*

No, its not madness its good stuff as it shows you can rationalize and debate and see things from various perspectives

You can do life courses in self esteem which you may benefit from..

Many people have skin problems that they feel very stigmatized through be it severe psoriasis or acne it can be just awful.

Remember just how common it is for people to have affairs- its probably happened to most of us- I know it did me . It took a few months to get over it but I did and moved on.

I am a firm believer that we all have talents and our own strengths that others need and want - as had been said before you are smart and a great Dad.

**I wish I was better looking, I really do. Then I would have the happy life that others lead so effortlessly** Umm I don't think so . Until you address the underlying self esteem stuff you aquired from childhood you will find another excuse to hate yourself instead.

I don't see many beautiful people having an effortless happy life .. Princess Di springs to mind Judy Garland, Chris Reeves, Sinatra etc I only use famous people as we all know them . My colleague Julie is another extremely classically beautiful but very troubled lady.

We all have our own life challenges and our attitude determines some of the outcomes and this you can influence and help change..






Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

escapology
16-06-05, 14:15
Some strong and good advise meg. [8D]

Esca xx

alan74
17-06-05, 12:48
Having a bad one today. I feel really worthless and ugly. How can I like myself when nobody else likes me?

escapology
17-06-05, 14:26
Why do you think you are ugly?

Write down why you think you are ugly, write down next to that list positive things you can see too.... then one by one start to try and work on the negative, making the positive list longer and the negative list shorter... this may take some time!

You have lots of people here who like you, your daughter likes you, your parents like you. Embrace that love and cherish it and use that as your strength to move forward.

Love n' laughter

Esca xx

alan74
17-06-05, 14:35
I think I'm ugly because I've told so pretty much non-stop since I was about 11 years old. Women have always hated me because of the way I look and in turn I have always been intimidated by their standards. This has led me to generally beat myself up non-stop all my life because I don't make the grade.

Good points physically? Don't even go there. Short. Mousey brown hair. Skinny, but with a flabby belly (I train 3 times a week too). No jaw line. Big nose. Eyes too far apart. Greasy skin.

There you have it.

tattybear
17-06-05, 14:36
Hi,

You obviously have a big issue about the way you look, so your focusing all your bad energy into this, so its getting worse.

You need to turn it around - no one is perfect!! it truly is whats on the inside which counts - you are probably a beautiful person.

Everyone hates things about them selfs.

You need to start accepting who you are ...and realise that who you are is a good person!

I hope things improve.

Tatty B xx

alan74
17-06-05, 14:40
That's the thing. I'm really boring and shy as well because I've never really learned to interact properly with people from an early age. So I haven't really developed a personality either.

escapology
17-06-05, 14:55
You are who you are babycakes. Your here talking, interacting, you have a personality. Stop being so hard on yourself and maybe give yourself a little break.

Beauty comes from within.... and it is in the eye of the beholder. People who comment on how ugly you are really have no reason to do so, are they perfection themselves? No, just bullies. Surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are and love you for whats in front of them.

So, you have mousey brown hair?! Go to a funky hair dressers and get a few highlights put in and have a funky cut, rather than trudge to your normal stylists. Your face can be sorted out with a decent cleaning regime, but that can cost a few bucks every few months, the longer you stick to it the better off you will be, take multi vit tabs too (cheap own brand from boots will help). So your short... buy clothes that make you look taller, dont do drain pipe jeans as that esentuates your height, but go for more funky bolder styles, maybe speak to someone who maybe able to help you out?! The rest,.. I didnt realise there was a rule book as to how far apart eyes have to be to be 'normal' and also that no jaw like is a sign of uglyness....

Sweetie, look in the mirror and see a swan rather than that ugly duckling you keep telling yourself you are. Who cares what other people think, you owe them nothing, so why give them the time of day to make you unhappy?!

Esca xx

alan74
17-06-05, 14:58
Wow cheers Esca. Wish I had some of your positive outlook!

escapology
17-06-05, 15:02
You have.... you have just taken on board what I have just said.

I know a beauty therapist that might be able to help you with your skin problem. Where are you based?

Esca xx

alan74
17-06-05, 15:11
Near Liverpool.

escapology
17-06-05, 15:19
Miles away from me.... pants! ;)

Tell me what your skin is like, do you have acne, pitted skin, grease etc. What kind of products do you use currently? You can IM me this... if you feel.

Esca xx

Martin
19-06-05, 11:13
Hey buddy, hang in there.

You mention you go to the gym, this has helped me a lot with my self confidence in the past, and I felt pretty much like you do, but not so anymore. Of course I seem to have acquired a whole different set of issues, but that is pretty seperate. I wouldn't have been able to cope with those at all if I at the same time felt like I did back then.

What kind of exercises do you do? Cardio or weight lifting? I would recommend focusing on weight lifting, as building some muscle really did the trick for me. It is possible to overcome your body type and build a fairly impressive physique with 3x45min sessions a week across 3-6 months, if you do the right exercises. I work in the same industry you do, and know how physically unchallenging it can be, and how you can get stuck in a position where all you do is eat, sleep and type.

If your self confidence keeps you away from the gym, stay away from the posh ones and find a gritty basement one where most hot birds would stay out of, then you can focus on not hiding. Gyms like that are mostly packed with guys who work out hard, and they tend to want to help new members as a kind of project, and not really focus as much on you current physical condition or looks as much as helping you gain.

This will most likely also have a good effect on your skin. The thing I most noticed, is that you start to enjoy your body more, and that in turn gives you a positive attitude that others around you can feel, and suddenly youre more confident.

I would be happy to give you some insights into proper training techniques and exercises, just PM, IM or email me.

-Martin

------------------------------
I'm not insane.. really

chucklehound
19-06-05, 12:42
People who are nice looking still have really bad problems, some probably worse than yours.

All the best

Feel free pm me if you want to chat

steno -x-

chucklehound
19-06-05, 12:44
Those things are just what you see. People who are nice looking still have problems probably alot worse than yours


All the best

Feel free pm me if you want to chat

steno -x-

escapology
20-06-05, 08:04
THAT Steno is all too true!

angieb
20-06-05, 12:35
Hiya

Only just caught this thread and am so amazed that anyone can feel so bad about themselves.

I'd like to flip it here, for the record I actually have a thing about "non convetional beauty" - my first husband had been in a terrible accident and had huge scars all over his face - I never thought of him as ugly once! Aditionally look at some of the georgous celebs with skin issues, Lloyd Owen (Monarch of the glen) - the late Michael Hutchence from INXS to name but two.

Try to find some positives and really feel them, you are a father to a little girl, how can you be worthless when you have one of the the greatest, most worthwhile jobs in the world...A Father!!!!!

Take care...Angie

alan74
21-06-05, 08:17
Feeling bad about myself is all I've ever really known. If I ever dare to feel good about myself, which isn't very often, a voice appears in my head and tells me off for being arrogant!

Meg
21-06-05, 08:36
You learn to contradict and silence that voice.. Its just a habit voice and there to be erradicated .


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

chucklehound
21-06-05, 10:16
I agree with meg and by worrying about the voice you are feeding the anxiety. I think what you could do is try and focus more on other things when you get these voices and slowly the voices will get less and less...

Good luck


All the best

Feel free pm me if you want to chat

steno -x-

alan74
21-06-05, 10:33
Wow - I don't know what to say. Thank you all for taking the time to give me your advice. It's very heartwarming to know that there are people out there who can, and WANT to help others who are feeling very low. Thank you all very much.

Now for the hard part - confronting myself and doing something about it.

Meg
21-06-05, 11:13
First off I think you need to think about changing your username. Everytime you say , read, think these things they get reinforced in your head. Get some positive affirmations and start on those instead.

Then think about what makes you smile, what touches your heart, who you can help a bit and how you can integrate with people who see more than skin deep.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

angieb
21-06-05, 11:26
uglyman74
Marital Status: On the shelf
Occupation: Working class scum!

Good plan Meg - so come on then - what is your actual name (assuming that your name is nothing horrible!!!!!!!) - Like your sense of humour re marital status. And as for working class scum [:O] Shame on you - I would think probably over 90% of us here are working class and unless you are a murderer, child molester or drugs barren I hardly think you have earned the title of scum!!!!

Start today, find a positive and build on it. You will certainly find support here if you need it.

Take care for now.

Ange

alan74
22-06-05, 08:18
Oh no - I wasn't putting working class people down, not at all! I apologise if anybody was offended by that - I was putting myself down, as most people my age are in better jobs than mine!

I don't know - it's been etched into my head as fact since I was a child that I am too ugly, stupid. weak, worthless etc. in comparison to others. How the hell am I supposed to change that? That's 31 years of experience that I'm expected to reverse!

Cheers,
Alan x

angieb
22-06-05, 08:21
Hello Alan

Don't worry, I know you were not trying to offend and you most certainly didn't :D

Start by saying this is the first day of the rest of my life! Look at the beautiful sunny day unfolding and find one small positive to build on.

It is your choice after all - the next 31 years are over to you?

Take care...Angie

escapology
22-06-05, 12:17
*hugs*

Change, if you want change, can only come from within. Your strength to make those changes comes from being here and having the support.

Meg is right, change your name and be proud of who you are. Your still young and obviously want to learn, so being on the shelf at the moment isn't a real problem, your young enough to get out there and have some light fun and maybe find someone who loves you for who you are rather than what you can provide.

Esca xx

alan74
22-06-05, 13:17
I had my daughter round for tea last night, and I had to take her back to my ex gf later on. It's heartrending as it is, having to hand my child over to my ex and her new fella, but last night my daughter started crying as I said goodbye because she wanted to be with me (she's 3). I had to choke back the tears myself and try to reassure her that it was all going to be OK. I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about it, and it's chewing me up in work right now.

escapology
22-06-05, 13:42
Hun, you have to start at the begining.

Do you have some formal agreement of visitation rights?
Do you have the need and want to try and gain your baby back?
Do you have the ability and would you like to to look after your baby alone?

There are many questions you can ask, why don't you go along to your citizens advise beaureu and see what your rights/legal rights are as co-parent. Maybe see if you can get some mediation with your Ex to see if you can repair the relationship together and move on?

Being veru clinical, what do you really want in life?

jill
22-06-05, 13:55
Hi Alan,

I came to this site suffering with PA, anxiaty, and liveing in fear 24/7 thought that I would be like that for the rest of my life. Now I have Nomorepanic and know high anxiaty:(
I PM'd Meg because I thought I had been suffering SA all my life, I was finding it very hard to reply to post. Every time I tryed to reply to a post positivly I would not send it:(
Meg says it's not SA it's low self esteem and lack of cofidence, she is sooo right :D Thank you Meg :(
I have been like this all my life:( I said the same as you { How the hell am I supposed to change that } how can I changed the habbit of a life time.
For me I don't look into the past. I look to the future and tell myself that I CAN change. My mind has been programmed to think this way, but I CAN re-proggram it to think different.
I'm 41 years young Alan and I WILL change.
Start by telling yourself it is possible, we both know thats its going to be hard but WE CAN DO IT.
Look deep inside yourself Alan, You CAN find the strength to beat this.
I bet if I met you I would not see what you are seeing.
There is a kind caring and confident young man trying to get out.

TAKE CARE ALAN

Sending you a big HUG with courage strength and confidence all raped up in it.

LOVE JILLXXX

Meg
22-06-05, 23:39
Alan,

How lovely that your daughter wanted to stay with you some more.

At that time you are the most important and vital person in her life - Wow !! How fabulous ..

Build on this and ensure you teach her well about the importance of self esteem and self confidence and to do that from Now - you need to learn it too..


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

gedgington
23-06-05, 09:34
Hi Alan

the unconditional love of a daughter is the best and most precious thing in the world.Hold onto that and not the negatives.

People in the past who have put you down and made you feel like you do only do it to make themselves feel good because THEY have low self image .You are a better person than they will ever be.

you can get through this

love Gill

alan74
24-06-05, 08:15
I think I may have taken a step forward yesterday. I was going to say that I had trouble talking to people because I know that they hate me. Then I did something that I've never done before; I stopped myself in my tracks and corrected myself and said that I had trouble talking to people because I THINK that they will hate me based on the fact that I hate myself so much. I suddenly realised that I'm transferring my self-esteem onto others and I'm assuming that others have the same opinion of me that I have of myself.

Meg
24-06-05, 10:09
:D:D:D:DHurrah .... [8D][8D]

The first step is done - onwards

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

chucklehound
24-06-05, 12:18
Alan,(much better name)

Glad to hear you are feeling better about yourself.



All the best

Feel free pm me if you want to chat

steno -x-

seh1980
24-06-05, 14:28
Good for you Alan!! Give yourself a big pat on the back hun. There isn o reason for people to hate you - you seem lovely to me!! :) This is the first step in building up your self-esteem. Keep up the good work!!

Sarah :D

"Life is too important to take seriously" Corky Siegal

alan74
24-06-05, 14:31
Thanks! I need to tackle my elf hatred from the root cause of it - i.e. my thinking. Other people don't know me, so how can they hate me? Sure, they probably find me very unattractive (which is another bridge I'll have to cross) but strangers can't hate you!

Donna
24-06-05, 14:37
Weldone Alan! :D

alan74
24-06-05, 14:42
Oh, and I meant self hatred, not elf hatred. I have nothing against elves!!!

Donna
24-06-05, 14:44
Haha! that made me giggle! :D

alan74
24-06-05, 15:16
****** hell, I've just made someone laugh!

Jim
24-06-05, 15:30
Are you saying that anyone who is physically unattractive has a worthless existence? I'm afraid I just can't agree with that and in fact I have met so many 'attractive' people who concern themselves with nothing but themselves and quite frankly are just plain not nice.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but all of your messages are me me me!

If you try for a second to focus your attention on SO MANY people in the world who have severe physical handicaps, deformities and troubled upbringings, it might just change your perspective for a second. Everybody likes praise and recognition but that works both ways, so you have to offer praise too. Looks are superficial and become secondary once a person’s personality shines through. People will love you for who you are or if they don’t, they weren't worth it in the first place.

Please know that I am not trying to undermine what has happened to you, but knowing that there are so many other people with similar or far worse situations puts a different completion on things.

Every day the newspapers are full of people experiencing tragic events, so cling on to life with all your heart and think ofall the wonderful things you can still do with it.


Jim

Meg
24-06-05, 15:45
Shall we change you to Alan or Alan 1 if thats taken - or pick another name ...


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

alan74
24-06-05, 15:49
Cheers Meg - Alan 74 please?
And Jim, I do appreciate what you are saying, but when you are at your lowest you tend to become very self centred and can't see beyond your own world. My upbringing and negative experiences have led me to think the way I do. That is why I am on this site, trying to change myself.

bluesparkle
24-06-05, 16:10
hi alan...
how are you doin?
have looked on msn for you but know you said you dont go on there very much..
you will get there in the end and manage to change how you think... you are doing well and just posting and talking about it is a great step in the right direction.
rach

Meg
24-06-05, 23:35
Just watching and capturing what you say to yourself can teach you masses about what needs changing.

Anyone who always moan ' It always happens to me' - I expect this to go wrong', 'I knew it wouldn't work out' are far more likely to end up with negativity induced depression at some point.

It almost like welcoming these things as a justification of why they can feel crap as they're so hard done by and this shows everybpody else that this is so .

Its much more healthy to see it these unfortunate events as part of the tapestry of life and as a virtual wave to surf - sometimes you get to shore on it and sometimes you have to swim the last bit ...

Of course some people do have dreadfully tragic lives and this is unexplainable to those without any faith and either worse or better for those holding various faiths but to assume from the outset all things won't go well is really encouraging trouble on various fronts.

Watch your own catchphrases and listen to what your personal themes are

Nigel- As we say round here JFDI . It doesn't have to be perfect or comprehensive - you can always add to it later. Say it from the heart and as it is..

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

kate
25-06-05, 11:11
Hi Alan,

Welcome to the site.

I've just had a read through your post and it got me thinking about the "attractiveness" of people that I know.

I work with 12 other people and I have never once given a thought to whether they are "attractive" or not! I have now given it some thought (!) and I realise that I don't give a poo about their physical attributes I love my friends there for the way they make me laugh, the way they care about me and that is what makes them attractive!

How you see yourself, when suffering with low self esteem, is usually not how others see you. They will be drawn to your humour, your kindness and other plus points that you cannot see in yourself. Remember, no one is any more important then you!

Love Kate x

clickaway
25-06-05, 13:10
Hi Alan,

Been very interested reading this thread - I'm pleased to see that you have already made a positive move.

I wasted a good many years by being isolated and suffering from very low self-esteem. But I thought long and hard and how I could tackle that .

I just decided that I had to love myself more and also enquired about the welfare of colleagues more to foster friendships. I decided to take on new goals in my life.

An example here was learning to swim in my late 30's. Not being able to swim was just one of my perceived inadequacies - surely everyone else of my age had learnt to swim? Incorrect! I immediately met a work colleague, a little older than me at my very first lesson at the pool!!

I now find I have a worth, and understand that its only the anxiety that is stopping me from developing a relationship once again.

As for looks, I think you've had some sound advice here but the most important thing to remember is that any meaningful love will be with your soul and not with your looks. From those I used to work with the most stunning woman had the most awkward personality - the one I could least live with!

It would be great to see you in the chatroom - it will do you the power of good I know. You are surrounded by supportive people here and so you don't have to worry about 'normal' people expecting you to be like them. Just be yourself and you will find new pals here.

Cheers,

Ray



Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself.--Alice Walker

nomorepanic
25-06-05, 18:18
Hi Alan

I have change your name now and I think it is much better than the previous one.

Hope you managed to get logged on ok with it.

Nicola

"Nearly all happiness comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember leaving open"

Lottie32
26-06-05, 20:59
Hi Alan

I'm afraid that this post is going to be very brief,and I haven't got time to do justice to a decent reply, but I just want to say hang on in there.

I have had anxiety, panic attacks, depression and now low self esteem, which is as bad as the others, and they are all interlinked.

My self esteem is the final piece of the jigsaw that I have to conquer in order to get myself finally somewhere I want to be.

I am currently writing an article for Nic about Low Self Esteem, it can be as damaging as depression, and as difficult to live with as anxiety and panic.

Whilst this may sound doom and gloom, I really just want you to know that you are not alone. You have a "common" problem, but more importantly a problem that is treatable, curable and recoverable from.

I for one don't find your description of yourself unappealing (apart from the fact you are a Scally of course LOL :D). I never look at "nice" looking men, or indeed "nice" men in general cos I never feel I am good enough to "pull" them. In my head I'll never get Brad Pitt, but Jimmy Nail is possibly obtainable.

Forget about your body image and concentrate instead on the sort of person you are. Don't worry about trying to model yourself as a later day Bob Geldolf, but keep a positive log for ANYTHING that makes you feel good. Helping an old dear across the road, rescuing a kitten, making somebody smile. The little things in life are as important.

My job doesn't earn me a lot of money, but I get a huge rush knowing that I make a difference - however slight - by being thoughtful and considerate. I got a lovely card (and some serious cash) from Kathie when I helped her with her daughters wedding. But more importantly, I know that what I did made her day stress free and much more enjoyable, which is priceless (start looking at life as a Mastercard advert)

Try keeping a positive log. However small, or trivial, if it makes you feel better about yourself it DOESN'T matter what anybody thinks. Focus on what makes YOU feel good, NOT what you think you should be doing to make everybody thing you are good.

Hope you had a good weekend.

Take care

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.