View Full Version : Relationship Anxiety
Hi all,
First of all, I hope I've found the right place to put this!
Ok, I guess I should tell you a little about me and my background...
I'm a 23 year old fun loving guy. I love my family and my friends and love to go out and have a good time. I'm a very happy person and always look for the positives rather the negatives.
I never suffer with anxiety in general (apart from when I took my driving test and it took me 5 times to pass :roflmao: ), but every time I meet a new girl and enter into a relationship with her, I suffer terribly.
What makes it worse this time, is I've met the most unbelievable girl. She's the same age as me and is absolutely brilliant. We've only been together for a couple of weeks and of course I'm not in love with her yet or anything like that, but nonetheless, she blows me away! She's funny, kind hearted, sweet, cheerful, outgoing and we have sooo much in common. Every day since I've met her I've woke up with a smile on my face! :)
Suffering with anxiety when I meet a new girl is something I've always had a little bit of a problem with. I'm not sure why - maybe because the last few haven't worked out too well I guess. It's nothing about my upbringing either as my parents have always shared a very happy marriage and I've been extremely lucky in that department. Furthermore, I'm extremely strong willed - every girl I have liked that hasn't worked out too well for whatever reason I've always got over pretty quickly. I.e. "Ah well, it wasn't meant to be" or "ah well, I'll just get back to going out with my mates all the time now" or "ah well, I was happy before I met her and I'll be happy again". With this in mind (how easily I can get over things) it kind of makes me wonder why I worry about losing anyone anyway? I.e. If you know you can deal with the worst case scenario, then why worry about it happening?! Either way I still do!
The exact problem I have is as follows:
I cover EVERY scenario in my head!!
- If she hasn't text me back in x amounts of minutes - what is every single reason why this might be? (Good and bad) Is she busy or is she losing interest? Etc
- If she even misses a kiss of the end of a text (pathetic I know!) - again, I cover everything this could potentially mean
- If she can't see me one night (not that I want to see her every night anyway as I'm more than happy to have time to myself or with my mates!) - why can't she see me? Does she not want to?
It's always a negative thought too - never a positive one. If I ever try and put a positive spin on things, I quickly counter it with a negative thought/outcome! It does my head in.
Why can't I just enjoy it for what it is? We had a fantastic weekend together and I'm sure she likes me, but it's almost like, through fear of losing her I imagine she will leave me so that it doesn't hurt as much when (see I'm doing it again)... IF... she actually does. The worst part is, I know that this doesn't help my chances of it lasting. Because when I get these thoughts, I get negative and a bit down/depressed and am not my usual bubbly happy self. Furthermore, I start feeling sorry for myself and almost get to the point where I want to sabotage things just to prove a point that I was right about her not liking me (i.e. pick an argument). I really want to learn how to stop over-analysing every situation and stop panicking about thinking I will lose her. I'm absolutely fine when I'm in her company, but a few hours later or the next day etc all those memories about how good things seemed to be when we were with each other suddenly feel like distant memories and the worry creeps in again.
I can't decide whether it's worth telling her about this problem I have. The reason I'm not sure I should tell her is I don't want her to think I'm some kind of freak or maybe scare her off by making her think I'm always going to be worrying etc. Furthermore, the things I want to hear her say may be things she's not ready to tell me or feels comfortable saying right now. I.e. a simple "don't be silly - I really like you and have no intention of going anywhere at the moment" would really, really help things right now. But if I ask her and she doesn't really say anything, I'd probably come out of the conversation feeling worse than when I went into it!
Is there anybody else who suffers in this way and has learnt how to help deal with this problem?
Thank-you to anyone who can help... I just want to be happy and enjoy my time with what seems to be a truly amazing girl.
Ben x
hiya Ben and awwwwwwwww bless i luvved reading about your little almost nearly a love story hehe.
well i know wot u mean cos i have been the same as u with regards to reading into everything far to much, but i think if u really like this lovely lady than i would b honest from the start, cos thats always a good thing.
then once u got that out the way, have some fun matey and try to just go with the flow, just remember that she will have off days, busy days, stressful days etc etc and mayb b alittle forgetful or not as thoughtful as normal or as patient or how she would normally b, but it dont mean its because of u, its just day to day occurances and situations etc etc.
try and just b yourself and u sound so happy at moment try and ignore your bad thoughts and go by how she is with u in general.
hugsxxxxxxxxxx
Hi Ben
She sounds lovely and so do you. I personally would hold back telling her the full details at the moment about your anxiety and the pattern you have with relationships but it might be worth giving her a little warning that you are pants dating girls but you do genuinely enjoy her company and like her alot. Reassure her that you are having great fun being with her.
I used to pick arguments and holes in relationships and its' a horrible habit to break but I think you have to just take it all a day at a time. Take the pressure off yourself and just try to enjoy it for the moment. If you are out at the cinema or pub just focus on enjoying the film or the chat and do not think about the next day or the week after etc...
It's almost like you are wanting some words of committment before you both know each well enough. You might get bored of her in a few months!! So keep yourself holding back abit.
Remember - she'll be going through the giddiness of meeting someone she likes too and she doesn't know if there is a future in this relationship or not..
Aww it sounds like you have found someone amazing:) Tell her how you feel and that you suffer from anxiety, she will understand and then you would have got it off your chest. Maybe when she knows it will ease it off of you a bit. The beginning of a relationship is meant to be the most exciting part!
I suffer from extreme anxiety and I told my boyfriend early on about it all as I was doing the same things as you, analysing every text, why he didn't put kisses etc etc. I was the queen of irrational thoughts! Now I try not to worry about those sorts of things because they are just texts, it's what the person says to you that counts. Anyway I told him all about, got it off my chest and over 2 years later we're still very much loved up:D We both understand eachother.
You can do it! xx
First of all, thank-you for such lovely replies - they really cheered me up.
Unfortunately though, today I've woken up feeling terrible. I actually feel like I'm going to throw up! I'm almost tempted to ask to go home from work because I feel so bad and I am struggling to concentrate... but I know that if I go home, I'll only feel worse as it will be all I can think about.
I hate being this way! Why can't I just enjoy relationships from the off like my mates can? Or produce that kind of "I'm not that bothered" front which seems to make a girl more interested in you? I guess a part of it stems from the fact that I really know what I want - what kind of person I'm looking for. I've been single for a year. To be fair, there have been other offers/opportunities but it just hasn't been right - I know that they're not the type of person I want to be with and hence, I don't want to waste their time or my time. With this girl though, I knew from day one she was exactly what I wanted. The problem is though, because I am so fussy and sure about what I want, when I find it in a person, I can't help but fall in head-first. I hate it as I know it will probably only scare them off or it will mean that despite only a little time passing, because I'll get attached quickly, even if it doesn't work out I'm still going to be really hurt.
Last weekend we spent the most fantastic weekend together. Lots of kissing, cuddling... looking into each other's eyes - it really was magical and I honestly cannot remember the last time I felt like that... if ever.
However, despite seeing her for a couple of hours on Tuesday, since then things seem to have died down. She's not texting me as much and it's usually me who sends the first text. Furthermore, we were going to spend some time together tonight, but she cancelled on me yesterday. I'm trying not to be too negative about her cancelling though as it may have been that she did genuinely forget she had other plans. But take last night for instance, I text her in the evening and she took ages to reply - fair enough - but then I sent another back, she replied, I then sent one more and... nothing. Now, it was about 10:20pm but we had always text to say goodnight to each other and now, for two nights in a row she hasn't. I know how pathetic that sounds, I really honestly do - but I can't help but read into it.
It may all be in my head - with anxiety like this I know that could well be the case. But it DEFINITELY feels like she's cooled her interest at least a bit and baring in mind I suffer with anxiety like this, it really isn't helping things.
I'm scared to ask her what it is/what's going on as I don't want to scare her off by thinking I'm some kind of physco stalker or whatever or put pressure on her to make her think this is something ultra serious if she isn't ready. To be fair, I'm not even saying it's something ultra serious - I know I'm not in love with her, I just like her a lot and very rarely find someone I really, really like.
Something that might be worth mentioning, is that the night we first hit it off, we had a few drinks and she said to me things along the lines of "you'll get bored of me" and "I'm not going to give you my heart"... I want to believe that she's pushing me away because she's scared herself... but I don't think that's the case. I mean, if I had been playing hard to get then I could understand it, but all I've said is nice things to her and I don't think I could make it any clearer that I really like her.
Arrrrgh I don't know what to do! I hate this! I don't know why I bother with relationships?! I mean, I thought they should make you happy? For me, I spend 5% of the time unbelievably happy and the other 95% of the time feeling physically sick with worry. I tell myself "look Ben, just enjoy it!!!"... but I can't. I feel like ending it because I hate feeling this rubbish but I really, REALLY don't want to lose her if it was all in my head and she actually liked me all along.
I've decided I'm not going to email her at work today... I'll let her email me. If she doesn't then I'll be 99% sure she's not interested and prepare for the worst. But I'm worried that if she does, it's still going to be a "we need to talk" message...
Oh god :weep:
hi mate, sounds like from wot she has said, that she has mayb been hurt too and is a little anxious like u r.
matey she is working and if she dont answer then mayb she is busy, there are lots of reasons that has nothing to do with u why she may not get back to u.
please try and relax alittle cos it sounds like u r both happy with each other, u def cant rely on texting as things can b interpreted in the wrong way.
i think u 2 are at a lovely stage at the moment so please go with the flow and stop worrying otherwise u will end up frightening her away.
i bet things will work out just fine hun xxx
janeybaby25
13-11-08, 10:07
Hi Ben, All I can say is I wish they were more blokes in the world like you! If she is taking a while to reply, it might be that she feels so comfortable with you, she doesn't feel like she has to straight away. I mean, when I was first with my man we used to all the time & I was straight on the text's & emails but now we still do that but it doesn't matter if we don't do it straight away. Ok, we have been together for 6yrs but it's good that maybe she feels so comfortable with you. Don't prepare yourself for the worse. To be honest if I was you on your next weekend together I would tell her you suffer from anxiety, if she is right for you then she will understand & it won't put her off. Just tell her you get really nervous at start of reletionships & its only cos you think she is so amazing & beautuful and you really want it work out. Oh & don't worry about the driving test thing, it took me 7 times to pass!!!! lol PM me if you want to talk love & best of luck with your new reletionship. xxx
Thank-you again for some more lovely replies. I'm delighted I've found this site where like-minded people can offer support :)
I've calmed down a little since I posted earlier this morning (mainly due to the kind replies from yourselves). It’s still there nagging deep within, but I'm trying to keep positive and put on a happy front.
The biggest scare for me is that my intuition has always been spot on. It doesn’t help, that when faced with this situation twice before, I've been negative but re-assured myself things will be ok… only to find out my negative thoughts were in fact absolutely spot on and things had ended up as I had feared.
I guess I fear that if I tell myself these worries are just me being silly, if it turns out I was right (again) I'll be heartbroken having got my hopes up that things were actually fine. The thing is, I know deep down that I'll be heartbroken whether I prepare myself for it or not (and therefore why not just wait and see what happens), but it’s like a defence mechanism that I can’t control – I just always expect the worse when it comes to relationships.
I know that if she is the sort of person I want to be with/am meant to be with, that if I sit down with her and tell her the problem and my worries, it won’t ruin things. However, there’s still that nagging thought about “but what if it does?!” and “what if I had just kept my mouth shut, things may have actually worked out ok and we’d still be together”. I don’t want to be left regretting or fearing that I may have ballsed it up for myself. It also doesn’t help that it is EXTREMELY early days… she might be put off thinking I'm taking things way too fast. I have no problems whatsoever with how fast or slow we take things – no problem at all. I just want re-assurance that she wants to see me and be with me and is definitely interested in me – because I just can’t help but feel she’s losing interest. The problem as well is, she may not be ready to say the things I want to hear, and trying to pressure her into saying them may actually scare her off. It feels like a lose-lose situation!
I know I just have to see what happens. The trouble is I get thoughts like:
1. Ok, so she seems like she’s backing off. Back off a bit yourself:
However, this makes me worried, because backing off is that last thing I want to do! And if it ends up putting her off I will have huge regret that I did it, because it wasn’t really what I wanted to do anyway.
2. Ask her exactly how she feels:
See last proper paragraph in the main post above.
3. Play hard to get:
May work an absolute treat, but if it ruins things I'll hate myself as I don’t really want to play hard to get – I just want to be happy and with her.
Anyway, in a round about way, I think I know deep down now what I have to do (and please correct me if I'm wrong). I have to be who I am and, more importantly, behave how I NATURALLY behave. If we’re meant to be together, if I do that then everything will work out? Is that right? Or do girls need to be kept a LITTLE on their toes – even if they REALLY like a guy just so that things don’t get boring?
If I do need to keep her on her toes a little, maybe you could give me some tips/suggestions on how to best go about doing this, as I've never “played games” before. I guess this isn’t as extreme as playing games anyway – it’s just to literally keep her on her toes.
Well, let me know what you think.
Thank-you for such wonderful support – it really means a lot :)
Ben x
hi hun, well being a girly hehe, i would say girls hate games, i had a few guys that have done that, mainly because of there insecurities and we do see through that and it ends up ruining the relationship.
wot u said about being completely yourself and being natural is spot on, cos i would hate to kinda pretend and get 6 months or more into the relationship and realise you r having more problems because u r not being yourself.
u may b right about intuition etc, but sometimes we have to take a gamble on this and go for it, it seems like from wot u have said at moment its all good, so find a good moment and tell her u really like her and wanna have fun with her and have a laugh etc, nothing to heavy but say u feel u want to b straight with her because u like her alot, and just tell her your anxieties etc, she may help to put your mind at ease and help u to act more naturally around her and not worry if texts dont come back straight away or if she dont email u etc, u will just think, ok she busy im sure she will get back to me when she can.
i been with my partner for 16 yrs and i was 18 when we met, my best advice would b, b honest, have a laugh and always always communicate with each other.
hugs xxxxxxxx
Hi ben.........Been reading your story and what i think of it is You really like this person and dont know weather im right in saying but you sound a bit scared to get too involved that something may happen to mess it up. Iv been single for 3 yrs......yes 3 haha through my own choice after being in an 8 yr relationship. I have been on dates though they dont last as long as they should as i feel to scared to commit and start thinking thoughts like what if im not good enough or what if i get hurt e.t.c. The thing is i like a man to chase me and do all the work and i know that might be harsh but i like to see if the man is intrested enough. People may think im playing mind games or messing with emotions but that is the way i am now after being hurt before. Men have said i have a wall around me and i wont let them in, that is true........i wont allow myself to get to involved with anyone. My son has even said [mum why dont you get a boyfriend] haha. I want to but im not letting myself through fear. If you really like this woman you can either tell her how you feel... insecurities and all and risk the outcome and get on with things the way you know how...or not allow her to know and carry on the way you are. I wouldent like you to end up like me 3 yrs down the line and the wall getting bigger with more bricks piling up. Hope you make the right decision. Take care Angie x
God, you people really are amazing! As soon as I read your replies everything feels right as rain!
Going back to what I wrote earlier - I did wait for her to email me. Around half an hour ago she did - but it was a group email - i.e. to a few family, friends and work colleagues. Interestingly enough, the email was a Personality Disorder Test! Of course, it could have been a complete coincidence or it may have been her way of finding out a little about me and telling me a little about herself.
The way the test works, is that it lays out a series of personality disorders:
Paranoid
Schizoid
Schizotypal
Antisocial
Borderline
Histrionic
Narcissistic
Avoidant
Dependent
Obsessive-Compulsive
When the results are displayed, it puts a rating next to each category ranging from "Low", to "Moderate", to "High". She came out as "Low" on everything... except for Schizotypal which she came out as "Moderate". The site then lists various traits this disorder is associated with. Interestingly enough, one of the traits was "suspiciousness and paranoia". It could be me reading too much into it, but with some of the other things she has said (which I mentioned earlier in this thread) I guess it could be possible she is (as someone already said) holding back herself or is nervous of me hurting her.
Right at the start she said she never plays games and hates it when people do so I don't think it's that - although maybe it's possible up until now she has but for an uncontrollable reason she has started to do so with me...? I guess in some ways though, that this could be construed as a good thing? Would I be right in thinking that girls who play games only do so because they actually really care about the bloke? Or could it be for other reasons too?
Even if I am reading way too much into this and she simply sent me the email just because she found it interesting, I guess the important thing to remember is that she did email me nonetheless and, I presume, the very fact she emailed me means she is still interested....!?
Hi Ben
Yes she is interested or like you say she wouldn't have e mailed you. Your anxiety is making you question everything, but in a negative way. I too do this. Not with my bloke, as we are old marrieds lol, but with my friends., the ones I want to keep anyway. I know it sounds a bit odd, but if I dont get a reply to a text or e mail I start to panic. I analyse everything I've said and wonder if they are just too polite to tell me to get lost. I fear my anxiety puts my closest friends off.
I am trying to stop myself from e mailing or texting first because you never get the answer to your question then. So u did really well to resist Ben, well done. I often think it's a bit off OCD or something because sometimes I just can't wait to find out if they are still ok with me.
Hope that doesn't make me sound really weird.
Good luck with the relationship Ben, she sounds lovely.
Dear gawd what a palava lol was she checking out your mental health staus? Or was she just sending out a mail that had been forwarded onto her? Or was it part of her plan to achieve world domination?
I hope that you don't feel offended by my humour and I honestly am not trying to dismiss or diminish how you feel. Self fullfilling prophecy is an expression that comes to mind reading your posts. Because you are scared to be hurt your anxiety has a sabotaging nature.
People will disagree with me I am sure but heres my take....
you break up with someone after a couple of months, for me, there isnt all that much to be hurt about, but break up after years and it is gonna hurt but you can recover.
You see the true colours of someone and then you are really gonna know if you like them. And seeing those colours only happens after a good wee while believe me.
So when you think of your parents relationship, does the possibility exist that you are scared that you wont have what you believe they have? If I were you I'd try to kick back and enjoy the moment. there are some relationships that are meant to last for a short period and some people you are going to meet that you can forge a life out with and if you are really lucky you will put the love and hardwork into a relationship with one of those people and gain what you seek.
Until then enjoy laugh and have some fun!
Pooh x
:) i think this sounds similar to me but not regarding intimate relationships, but with the way you describe your inner turmoil over your own thoughts? you dont seem to want to trust your own instinct? why? if youve been right before maybe your right again, maybe you are so intuitive becaause you are sensitive, this is a good quality. you may be very good at picking up non-verbal communication.
anyway i dont think there is anything wrong with protecting yourself - i think its a load of rubbish to jump into relationships - i did and ive paid dearly for it ever since. take care and i hope things get easier now you can come on nmp and chat:winks:
Hi again ben............Ha i have said i dont like to play mind games .........because i dont want the guy to know that..... i really am playing them. I know what im doing and i suppose i am doing it for a reason too, a sort of self protection reason. I know i shouldent though and should be open and honest about my feelings towards a man. The thing is... because iv been hurt in the past i feel i cant afford to allow myself to go through that again therefore i hold back in telling them things they would like to hear from me. This is a ongoing circle and im finding im doing it to men that i really like. My parents have been happily married for many years so i have good role models regarding relationships ....although ........my wall wont allow any males in anymore. I think the reason she emailed that test was either to let you know she might have a problem and is wondering how you would be towards her knowing this OR she has clicked on to your insecurities the way a womans intuition does and is fishing for info about you. One way around this is to mention the test on how good it is and wait for her reaction. I have missed out on a good few oppertunities by not letting my wall down and going too far with my games as in not repling to txts........ignoring the calls..to see how much they are determined to chase me, I know i wont find anyone by doing these things but i still do it, maybe to prove a point to myself. .....................Hope all goes well...and dont forget there are a silly few of us who dont admit to playing mind games........but really are on the sly. Take care. Angie x
Hi Angie,
All I say, is right now, I PRAY that she's you - well, you know what I mean!
I text her last night, asking how her day was - she didn't reply. I've got to be honest - that rang some serious alarm bells.
But I thought, "nah I'll leave it for now, give her a chance to email me/text me tomorrow - maybe there was a good reason?" But nothing.
So about 2pm this afternoon, I text to say "Hi. Fancy meeting up/doing something over the weekend? X" - nothing.
I really, really hope she's exactly like you. And that everything you've described is what's she's doing. But I really do fear the worst now.
Either way, if I haven't heard from her by later this evening, I'm going to ring her and ask to meet for a chat. Because if she is like that, I'm not going to let her throw this away - I maybe would have with girls in the past, but I like her and I want this to work. So I'll ask her if she's still interested, if she says "no", then.... well I deal with that then I guess. If she says "yes" and I can tell she's being sincere then I'll dig deeper. Because if she's playing mind games this badly it clearly is a self-defence thing. So I'll tell her that I know what it is that she's doing (as she might not tell me if I ask) and then I'll tell her that I have the same problems, but that I really care about her and want to make this work. Therefore, what can I do differently etc and tell her that she really does have to be honest with me.
Right now, I feel like I could vomit. I just want this to be over - one way or the other. Even being heartbroke and knowing it's over is better than this wondering feeling (as with my anxieties it's the worst sort of wonder as it's only negative feelings and thoughts). At least if I know it's over I can start picking up the pieces.
I'll keep you all informed though. As I said - I really fear I'm right now... and was all along.
Thank-you once again throughout all this though. I know I've been harping on and sometimes looking back at what I had wrote I felt stupid. I guess things don't seem so stupid when you're right though huh? :(
I hope this works out for your Ben, I have been following this thread recently. Any progress?
xx
hi ben, im wondering how its all going hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey guys. Sorry I've been quiet the last couple of days - I've been out spending time with my mates.
Well I don't know how I've done it, but I seem to have met another really nasty person! She seemed soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lovely when I met her. But Friday night she text me saying "We need to chat, I'll speak to you on Sunday x". So I text her back saying "Ok... can we not meet tonight though? x" (just to get it all out of the way). She said "No, sorry sweet. I'm out x". So I text her back saying "Ok then, Sunday it is. It's over though yeh? x". And she then text back saying "It's Friday - go out, have fun and I'll speak to you on Sunday x". What a mean thing to do. I mean, I'm sorry, but if it wasn't over, unless you really want to hurt someone, you'd say "No, no, no! You've got the wrong idea! Nothing to worry about like that, but we do need to have a chat nonetheless". So, that fact that she didn't say "no" shows that it is indeed over. The thing that annoys me the most though, is why didn't she arrange to see me before she went out on Friday? Or why didn't she find 5 minutes during the whole of yesterday to see me? It's incredibly mean leaving it until Sunday.
But still - it gets worse.
I text her when I woke up this morning saying; "Hey. We still meeting up for a chat today? x". She text me straight back saying "Hi, yeh but a bit later if that's ok? x". So I replied straight away saying "Yeh ok. What time roughly though so that I have some idea? x". Again, she text me straight back "Um, about 7? x". SEVEN!?!??! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!? I'm not being funny guys, but she had no time on Friday, no time at all yesterday and now she has no time until 7? Talk about torturing someone! Anyway, so I text her straight back saying "Well, personally, I'd like to meet up as early as poss? x". That was 2 hours ago and she hasn't even had the decency to text back either to say; "no, sorry - really does have to be 7 as I'm busy/out all day" or "ok I'll try and make it earlier - will text you a bit later". But no - nothing, which seems a bit horrible to me?
Anyway, back to the point. I guess she's not as nice as I thought she was which makes this a lot easier than I thought it was going to be a few days ago. But my biggest concern is how do I meet these people? Girls who are so horrible to me? I'm a nice guy and I just want to make someone who makes me happy feel the same way... but everyone I meet just seems intent on hurting me - and worst of all - enjoys it.
I know that until we meet "the one" this is all just practice... but I'm kind of scared to meet anyone now as, if my trusting capabilities were lacking before, they're certainly shot to pot now!
Ben xx
You know what - you might be right actually. She doesn't deserve closure or whatever it is she's after. Furthermore it wouldn't surprise me if 7pm comes and goes tonight and I haven't seen her or heard from her anyway. I've got some family coming round for Sunday lunch now so I have to go - but I'll be back on to update you later.
Thanks guys :bighug1: x
hi ben, i am sorry i really thought from wot u had said that it all sounded great but obviously not, i too agree if she messing u around i would tell her you not interested or just dont meet her.
there are decent girls matey the same as decent guys and u just have to b fussy until u find them or they find u lol.
hugs and dont waste life worrying about it, go have fun xxxx
BEn just been reading your posts,i have acute relationship anxiety too and now after 40 years i have now given myself a well earned rest,ive been married twice and had alot of dates and in my experience that you should definetely listen to your intuition which i think you have been,if you think something is not quite right then i think you will find you are right,i know not everyone will agree with me but as one who suffers from this awful anxiety i know just where you are coming from.Its not just the ones that have treated me badly its been just as bad with really nice guys as well(few and far between).I did have two very traumatic marriages so i know where alot of mine has come from but to be honest i was like it from when i had my first boyfriend even thought my parents had a very good marriage.My mum however never had a good word to say about any of my boyfriends ad still to this day she hates me seeing anyone and puts the negative on it all right from the start.I have now stopped telling her if i see anyone!I had a particualrly nasty experience with a guy a few months ago that has put me off relationships for a long long time but i am actually enjoying not having to keep putting myself through it,i feel relaxed for a change.
I do hope you can give yourself a bit of peace,don't beat yourself up about meeting bad people,unfortunately there are a few around ad you have to learn how to protect yourself.Don't loose faith yet,you're only 23 and sound like a lovely lad with lots of friends.
Ali xx
Hi guys - thanks for all the support.
She ended it yesterday - although it was like trying to get blood from a stone!
As I mentioned above, we had arranged to meet up yesterday and have the "chat". However, around 4pm she text to say she was "feeling rough and therefore could we meet up Monday night?". I said "No. I've been waiting since Friday and feel I've been patient enough." She sent a couple more trying to delay it/dodge around it, but then eventually text me saying it was over. God knows why she couldn't have just done that Friday rather than hang me out to dry across the weekend!
Still, I'll be honest. Had she have broken up with my Friday, I'd probably be really gutted still now. But the way she treated me the last few days I guess she wasn't the lovely girl I thought she was and that's helping to make this all a little easier.
I'm not feeling too bad to be honest. Yes, it's a real shame but I'm quite relieved it's all over to be fair. Just in the sense that I thought it was over/going to end as of Wednesday/Thursday and on Sunday I was still waiting to find out for sure - which was pretty horrible.
I'm certainly not in any rush to meet someone new for a while though - I remember now why it had been a year since my last relationship! :doh: Lol
Thank-you all so much for the wonderful support though. It really did help me through it all. And even though I'm now out of my relationship, I still intend to log on to this site and perhaps try and help offer others support like I have had given to me. :hugs:
Thanks again,
Ben xxx
Hi ben........been offline trojans virus etc so been wondering how it all went. To be honest your well rid, I really thought she was a genuine mind game player but obviously not the same as myself. Dont let this set you back in anyway because there is genuine women that you just havent met yet. Donnt start building walls because youv been hurt in the past like iv done its not worth it.........im living proof ha. I think the longer you spend not taking up oppertunities the worse it becomes in letting anyone into your life. Good luck and hope you meet that special someone soon. angie x
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