loo-be-lou
11-11-08, 23:23
I just couldn't believe the similaries when I read Nicola's story. My panic attacks started in almost exactly the same way. I've never been comfortable driving on motorways, but it was driving on the motorway on business when I had my first real panic attack. It was so bad that two colleagues had to come for me and one had to drive my car home. I just couldn't bring myself to get back on the motorway and drive once I had managed to get off. I completely identify with Nicola's story of the feelings of panic building up as a certain part of a road is approaching. My fear is not of rational risks like what another driver might do or car problems or my own driving skills, it's the fear that I will surely feel panicky and that I will faint and cause an accident. I shake like a leaf and my heart feels like it will burst out of my body. I cannot force myself to drive on a motorway now, as I know that I would feel panicky and have to stop and it might be 20 miles to the next junction when I need to get off IMMEDIATELY. A couple of weeks ago, out of nowhere I got the same feeling on a short dual carriageway close to home and I only just managed to keep it together to where I could pull in and I had to sit in the layby for an hour, alone in the dark, until I felt able to get back in and drive the half mile to my turn off. Like Nicola, I've been prescribed beta-blockers, so I took one and that did help a bit. I was so close to home I felt like abandoning the car and just walking up the embankment and going home. (I think being very tired and drinking two cans of Relentless had triggered that attack - my blood sugar had just crashed down to nothing and the caffeine made me so jumpy - won't touch those energy drinks ever again!). Anyway, I tried to go on that dual carriageway again this week, and got to the roundabout, but chickened out and turned back. This is ridiculous - I used to drive 1000 miles a week on all the motorways in rush-hour and now even the thought of driving to my parents from Bucks to Sheffield on dual-carriageways at Christmas seems beyond me. One issue for me is that I now rarely have occasions where I need to drive long distances, as I work just 12 miles away and have found a role where I don't have to go out on site anymore, so it's all too easy for me to avoid motorways completely most of the time. I know that the more frequently I face fears, the easier it becomes, but motorways something I never do now, and even if I did become comfortable through practice, I would have to find time to go on them every week for the sake of it to maintain it enough to be OK when I had a real reason to go e.g. on holiday or visiting relatives. I have the same feelings on big escalators, and nearly lost it when I had to use the underground abroad. But I kept using it every day for three days, and the third day was so much better than the first. Trouble is, it might be a year or so before I come across such big escalators again, so by that time, my frequent-flyer confidence will most certainly have waned, and I'll remember the fear again.