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kate
04-12-03, 21:17
Although I suffer generally from anxiety and, at times, depression, the main reason I avoid places is due to something that causes me great embarrasment. My life is totally ruled by my fear of violence, either towards me or just witnessing it happening to anyone. This first started when I witnessed a large fight in a pub and it has escalated from there. I also worked in a canteen at a college and for the last 2 years that I was there, myself and my workmates endured verbal abuse, a lot of fights between students, and 2 students were stabbed. I also had a firework set off behind me in a coridor. I eventually could not cope with the violent atmosphere and left,I now work in a school with no problems at all. However,my fear of violence has grown so large that I avoid so many places, as you can never be sure that you will not encounter it at any time and anywhere. I have had CBT, medication, seen a psychiatrist and a psychologist but unfortunately, this has not been successful.

I have also searched for phobias regarding this problem, and although there seems to be phobias for almost everything, I have never come across any information for my particular problem.

Today, when my daughter was walking home from school with her friends,they passed a group of girls from another school close by to my daughters. Their was a bit of an argument and one of my daughters friends was hit in the face by one of the girls from the other school. I am now worried about my daughter going to school tomorrow in case something happens to her. My son has also been set upon twice by kids from this other school and I was terrified for him for weeks after it had happened.

I just cant see any way to overcome this problem, and I feel so desperate.I have been like this for the past 10 years or so but it has got worse the last few years and I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope with it.

Sorry that this post is so long, but I am really at my wits end. Is there anyone out there who has any experience whatsoever of the kind of anxiety that I have got?

Thanks a lot for reading this

Kate x

benoo5
04-12-03, 22:32
hello kate,

this fear,is a rational fear,that not only affects you,but millions of people in this country.

ask ten senior citizens,if they leave the house,when its dark,and nine will say no,ime too scared of violence.

there are housing estates,that i will not take my ambulance into,unless i am given a police escort.

your fears are the same as your neighbours,but unfortunately,unless you move to a peaceful country village,there is not an awful lot we can do about it.

i dont think this is a phobia kate,i think its just a sign of our times,but its also a great worry,that should not be carried on your shoulders,its obviously worrying you a lot,and perhaps your husband can help by taking some of the chores off your shoulders.

sorry ime not much help,but i wish you well..bryan.

nomorepanic
04-12-03, 22:33
Hi Kate

Good to see you back here again. Sorry to hear about your problems - this is the first time you have opened up and told me about them and I am pleased that you have.

I can sympathise with you but have no real experience of this type of phobia so I will see what other people have to say first.

Kids are quite tough and they will probably bounce back a lot quicker than you realise so don't worry too much about them. Sit them down and ask them how they feel, are they scared etc? If so then it needs to be reported to the school.

You need to move on from the past as much as you possibly can - try to tell yourself that was has happened has happened and you can't change it now. We all have ghosts in our past that come back to haunt us but we need to put them to bed and move on the best we can.

Your fear is no different to anyones elses - we are put in a situation, we are terrified and from then on we avoid the situation and it develops into a fear.

The more you face the fear then you can keep re-affirming that it just that - a fear - and it has to be hit face on to get over it.

I am not sure this has helped but please keep your chin up and you will get there in time.



Nicola

twister
04-12-03, 23:00
Hi Kate

Do you think maybe this is a a kind of fear of not being in control? You are fearing situations on which you can have no bearing.

I disagree with Bryan in that it is not just a sign of the times, it does sound like a real fear just like agrophobia or claustrophobia. I live in inner city London but I dont fear violence when I go out - anything that makes you avoid doing something is I think a real fear and we all focus on different things....

Emily

benoo5
05-12-03, 00:00
emily,

i have friends who work high up in canary wharf,since sep 11th,they have become anxious,and two of them are ,for the first time in there lives,receiving therapy...they cannot leave their jobs,they are mortgaged above there heads,and because of their high wages are in a catch 22 situation.

times have changed emily,london,where you live is a target for terrorists,we are told to be vigilant,and we are,but that also makes us anxious,all ime saying ,is this is not a phobia,its just part of living in the 21st century...bryan.

twister
05-12-03, 00:07
we have been talking about this in the chat room tonight. I agree with you that fear is common, but Kate says she fears violence even in sleepy villages and that she feels her fear is above normal anxiety thresholds.

I just didnt want Kate to feel that her fear of violence is something not that bad and that everyone feels the same, because to her it is the main focus of her anxiety, i.e she says her life is ruled by her fear of violence and she avoids many places because of it. Do you agree Kate??


Emily

kate
05-12-03, 00:23
Emily is right. Although I appreciate that most people have fears of violence to a certain extent, they do not run their lives by it. A lot of people I know wouldnt go into dodgy areas in the city but they wouldnt let a general fear of violence stop them from living their lives.I couldnt begin to list the places that I have to avoid due to the fact that, in my mind, a violent incident might occur. How many people would avoid the motorway due to the possibility of road rage?This is just an example of the way in which it totally rules my life, so I do think that my fear is very excessive.

Kate x

benoo5
05-12-03, 00:46
kate,

just yesterday,i was travelling at speed,approaching a roundabout,we have to stick to the law,and give way to the oncoming traffic from the right..normally because of the blues and twos they stop...but this beat up old transit didnt,and so i reluctantly cut him up...the two guys in the van chased me for about two miles,breaking the speed limit, so they could swear at me,try to spit at me..i had to call for police asistance...for gods sake,my job is to help people that are ill...yes its road rage...but it didnt happen years ago.

my youngest is 18,so i can remember worrying about her ,when walking to school and back,on her own,i would see all the horrible things happening to young kids,on the tv news.

i know kate,you have suffered for many years,and i know if you write a post about how your feeling,you are not exagerating...i never meant to start an argument...i tried to support you,by saying that most people have the same fears as you,best wishes..bryan.

Meg
05-12-03, 17:31
Hi Kate,

This is so difficult to cope with , yet so common.

Everyone has genuine concerns about this and that those could become real without any fault of your own, it's simply the wrong place , wrong time thing.
I would challenge anyone who said that it never crossed their mind at all but most people can rationalize and actively risk manage it to the point of simply not being an issue to them.

Once someone has experienced violence and abuse first hand those fears grow and can escalate out of perspective. People react in various ways - they get scared and avoid or they get angry and confront.
There are lots of angry people out there and many of them have been in a terrifying situation previously and now react to daily life with anger in order to get through. Often the worst bullies, once stood up to, shrivel up before your eyes. Also 'pack' mentality carries a huge power, remove the pack and the leader is a puppy.

The real difference to this is in how much time, effort and energy we give those worries. We worrywarts will analyse it and not only think about the reality but also about the infinate amount of possibilities and the 'It might , what if's' .

These are situations where we are not in primary control but often by our actions if the situation shpould arise, we either fuel the situation or can diffuse it by the way we react and act.

The media fuels this by heavily reporting on all of these incidents and issuing enormous time to examining each possibility
Ie when the anthrax thing was on in the US we all had days of the entire media explaining all about it and how to minimize our risks, when in that particular case, the reality was that , the risk to us as individuals likely to get an anthrax envelope through the post was miniscule but we each could have felt like our turn was imminent ...

BY contrast the media only gives a tiny airing or column space to people who have done wonderful things in times of adversity for each other. Many of these go unreported.

Kate, it is a phobia in that you have a fear that is now out of proportion to the reality of daily risk to you and one that you have been a genuine victim of and now are, by no fault of your own, continuing to play that role because of your fears.

As with all phobias , exposure and time without incident is the key. However, if when exposing someone to snakes and they got bitten - nobody would be suprised if the snake phobia worsened and this is the case with you, as your children and those close to you have been 'bitten' or you hear about people who have been bitten.

I don't know of a magic answer.
I would suggest a couple of things though- in order to try to be more in control

Teach your children and remind yourself how to diffuse a situation rather than fuel it.

All of you learn some form of self defense - tai kwan do or something else that's fun but also useful should you really need it one day.

Avoid reading every bad news article in the paper or watching CNN or local version and dwelling on the fine detail of the stories.

Lessen your own thoughts of vunerability by being strong and really making yourself go places that you would prefer to avoid but which you know are realistically actually low risk and keep going there until it feels a safer place than it did.

It's quite like getting over agoraphobia- you just have to do it and see that your fears don't happen each time you go there.

Was your Mum protective and cautious and perhaps taught you to be careful and you've grown this further ?

Know when avoidance is absolutely fine and a very rational decision indeed.

I hope that makes some sort of sense.
Apologies for rambling a bit .

How are you teaching your children to cope with the situations ?


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

kate
05-12-03, 20:23
Meg, I am sitting here in tears having read your reply.You understand my fears so well. It has taken me years to actually admit the extent of my fears and to know that people actually understand them is such a BIG relief to me.Thank you so much.

My children do not even think that the incidents that have happened to them are a big deal. They just say, well its happened,move on. Its me that is left with more fuel to add to my own fire.

As Emily said, and also my psychologist,it could be a control thing, in so far that I have to feel in control of everything that happens to both myself and all my nearest and dearest.If I do not feel in control then I have somehow failed (well thats what the psychologist says!).

Thanks again for your caring words everyone.

Kate x

kate
06-12-03, 11:31
well, I have woken up this morning and I actually feel proud of my self that I have opened up and shared my fears.I have got so used to hiding it cos it causes me such great emabarassment.

I have finally realised, after reading these postings, that my phobia is no different from any other, just that my fear is out of proportion to the actual risk, and that all my anxiety is focused on the violence issue.

Although I am still feeling the same fears, they no longer seem to embarrass me thinking about them. Hoorah!

Tomorrow, we are going to visit my hubbys auntie. This involves a motorway journey of about 10 minutes and I am determined to do it. Small steps eh!

Anyway, thanks to you all for listening and I really feel that I can now begin to take steps to overcome this.

Kate x

sarah
06-12-03, 15:00
Hiya Kate

Im glad you are feeling proud of yourself this morning. You should be!
I remember you asking me in the chatroom last week what i panicked about and when you said that you panicked about the potential violence, I was actually a little jealous almost that you had a 'real' fear as opposed to me who feels a bit barmy that I just fear the fear which is nothing solid and real to fear...lol - does that make sense?
Anyway, really good luck with the trip to aunties tomorrow, im sure you will be fine, just remember take something to drink with you and sing like a trouper to the radio...lol
love Sarah
xxxx

nomorepanic
06-12-03, 18:14
Kate

It was lovely chatting to you last night cos you seemed like a different person and I was so pleased to see that.

You seemed much more positive and I am pleased that things are looking better for you.

Good luck with the outing today :-)

Nicola

Meg
06-12-03, 20:18
Dear Kate,

Welcome to the world of lightbulb moments !!

The first for you was actually deciding to spill the beans and then another this morning when you realized that you felt ok about it . Very well done indeed.

I urge you to take steps to challenge these fears now. Think of a few places/things that you avoid but know are really low risk and - go there just for a few moments to start with , then for longer etc until you feel more comfortable. Let someone know what you're doing so you don't feel abandoned.

I'm pleased about your childrens responses. Great that they are growing up to be very independant, self aware and streetwise.

Looking forward to hearing about your motorway trip to Aunties.

Take care and be sure to let us know of the next light bulb moment...





Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

kate
06-12-03, 20:32
Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement. I will report back tomorrow night how the motorway trip goes!

Kate x

kate
07-12-03, 17:47
Well, I am back from the motorway trip! Took 2 squirts of Bach Rescue Remedy before I set off, sat in the back of the car and picked imaginary bits of fluff off seat for the whole journey! On the way back felt less anxious and actually looked out of the window! Wow, I'm a thrill seeker hehe.

Although I felt dead panicky I am so pleased that I did it! Here's to the next challenge!

Kate x

nomorepanic
07-12-03, 18:16
Kate

That is great news :D Don't you find that you come back and feel more positive when you achieve something like that.

Next time you go, take something to do in the car to take your mind off it - a book or magazine to read maybe?

All you need to do now is get back out there and do it again so don't leave it too long.

Take care

Nicola

sarah
07-12-03, 18:28
Hiya Kate

Well done you!!!!
I knew you could do it mate!

love Sarah
xxxx

Meg
07-12-03, 19:49
Fantastic !!! Well done Kate.

Absolutely - onto the next challenge now - Whats that going to be? Remember - Small steps and repetition is the key to it all.


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

twister
07-12-03, 21:26
Well done on your progress Kate!:D:D

I hadn't checked the board all weekend and I am so happy to hear that you are making positive steps. The car journey on the motorway is great, make sure you try and make plenty of them and the fear will gradually ease.

Emily

kate
13-12-03, 17:54
whoops, forgot to update you all on the latest achievement! How could I have forgotten????

Well, after the motorway journey on Sunday, I decided I had to do the Asda trip, for the weeks shopping, on my own. I either send hubby usually or we will go together. Well, the kids went to school at 8 a.m and I decided to go then to beat the crowds. When I go as a rule, I hate the bright lights, the piped music and the way you have to go up and down the aisles looking for things that invariably they havent got. The last time I went on my own, about 6 months ago, I started having a PA at the checkout and this had put me off ever since. So, anyway, to cut a long story short, I managed it! No panic, no shaking and sweating, I just got the shopping, paid and went home!

Unfortunately, I have been off work from Wednesday with a temperature and a bad cold so have not been out at all. But, tomorrow, we are going to Focus DIY shop , another shop of bright lights and piped music! But I am determined to do it!

Will report back tomorrow how it goes!

Kate x

Meg
13-12-03, 17:59
Kate,

I am so pleased for you !! Well done , you must feel so much better about yourself for having not only achieved but mostly for having overcome this hurdle yourtself.

Congratulations. I think this should be on a success post , please !!


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

twister
13-12-03, 18:17
Well done Kate!

This is definitely a success post:D

Emily

benoo5
13-12-03, 18:34
well done kate,

you really must post this ,as a success story....my god,you really have come on,leaps and bounds,great stuff......best wishes..bryan.

nomorepanic
13-12-03, 20:11
Hiya Kate

I am so pleased for you mate - keep it up and each day you will achieve more and more

xxx

Nicola

kate
15-12-03, 19:05
Hi Everyone

Well, we were all ill over the weekend so we didnt do the DIY shop but will be going next weekend.
BUT tonight, I needed to post a Xmas card in the mail, the post box being about a 5 min walk. I never, ever go out in the dark unless it is in the car, and then only if I really have to. Well, I just decided to go and mail this card, and didnt even really give it a thought! So, I set off, anxiety at about a 1 out of 10. Made myself walk real slow, no running allowed! Sauntered to the mail, posted the card,walked back. On the way back, stopping to post cards into 4 neighbours houses! By the time I arrived back home, the anxiety was at about half out of 10!
This to me is a MASSIVE achievement and I dont mind saying I am so proud of myself!
By the way, I never saw another living sole on my journey!

Kate x

Meg
15-12-03, 20:23
Yabber dabber do......

Yet another fabulous story today !!!!!!!

Well done Kate.

Many congratulations indeed.



Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

nomorepanic
15-12-03, 22:04
Nice one Kate

You are doing so well and each time you do it you will better and better.

If you don't manage to do something, however, please NEVER see it is a failure. Just try again the next day.

Onwards and upwards

xx

Nicola

Lilith
16-12-03, 00:10
Hi, Kate. I am so happy to read of your successes. I, too, am learning to take little steps, and overcome my fears bit by bit. Congratulations!

kate
16-12-03, 00:31
Thanks again everyone for your kindness.

Kate x

stimpy
21-12-03, 01:34
Well done hun !
Many congratulations.

Even little stuff is a huge step. Well done!

liz and Steve xx

kate
29-12-03, 17:33
I've been feeling quite low since I broke up from work on 19th Dec. On that day, we have to wait on the teachers, serving them Christmas lunch. I absolutely hate it and felt keyed up about it and had all the unreal head feelings. Anyway, it all got served up with no disasters and me and my workmates all sat down to have our Christmas dinner. My hubby then phoned me, just as we were leaving work, to tell me that my son had been in a fight on the way home from school and had got a black eye.

Anyway, came home from work, had a go at my son, as it was his own fault (got involved in an argument which was nothing to do with him) and settled down to enjoy my 2 week break from work.

The next day, Saturday, I was due to go to my parents house, a 20 mile trip, but I was panicking so much that, I am sorry to say, I cancelled. Stayed in and got a whopping headache and just felt SO panicky all day.

Unfortunately, I have felt like this ever since, and have hardly been out over Christmas. My anxiety has been extremely high and I just havent been able to motivate myself to get out there and confront the fears.

Today, my hubby had booked the car in for a service at 9.30 am (who on earth books anything for that unearthly hour!). My daughter came with me and we picked up the courtesy car. We set off when I suddenly noticed that the petrol gauge was reading "red" and dropping, and I am sorry to say I just lost it. I was shaking, crying, imagining I would run out of petrol and my poor 11 year old was trying to calm me down.

Anyway, managed to get to the petrol station, surprise surprise,and filled up.

I felt so embarassed about this. Why do I react in such an over the top way? I had been doing well before Christmas, but I feel that I am now back at square 1.

Any advise anyone how to drag myself back up and start being positive again?

Kate x

Meg
29-12-03, 18:44
Dear kate,

It's been a stressful time and cumulatively things have got to you. That's ok. It's an out of the ordinary time.

You do need to look after your health and anxiety is included in that .
Are you on Vit B and Omega 3 ?
Are you using a relaxation tape/CD ?
Are you exercising ?

or are you mooching about feeling bad, get a symptom and then it gets worse ??

You need to get back to doing something each day for you . It will feel yuk but as you know the more you do the better it gets .

You will not go back to square 1 unless you choose and allow yourself too . You know too much but this bit does take courage and determination to take those small steps daily.

Actually, the things you did participate in went fine - the lunch went fine, and the petrol thing went fine. (I really hate it when I'm low on petrol- I consider it an unnecessary risk and possible inconvenience) As if we haven't got enough to cope with already - I'm totally with you on that one Kate.

I expect that had you not had a whammy each day you would have been able to pick yourself up earlier - now it's a small step each day Kate and you do know that you can do it as you have been doing sooo well.

Set the intention now that tomorrow will be a better day and totally ignore ' what if ' thoughts or anything else that gets in your way. Be selfish and do something during the day just for you. Not mooching about though .


Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

nomorepanic
29-12-03, 22:13
Hi kate

Sorry to hear that. If you read back on some posts a few of us say that you should be careful of set-backs cos they make you feel really bad and you are having a small one of those.

Ok - we all have them - not a problem! But like Meg said, you must focus on the positives too - look what you have achieved, you will not be back at square one you will just need to get back some of that "high" that you had before.

My setback when I started panicking again was a low point - but I am rebuilding my life again slowly and I will not let this beat me.

Please hang in there and keep looking forwards - you can get those feelings back and you will!!


Nicola

kate
29-12-03, 22:44
Nic and Meg,

Thanks for your replies.Firstly, Meg I am doing the mooching about bit feeling bad and making myself feel worse by thinking it! The whole of Christmas I have been doing the "what if" thoughts, even so far as crying cos I was thinking this could be my last Christmas as I might have some deadly disease.

Nic, you are absolutely right regarding the setbacks. Instead of thinking that it is only a setback, I have a bad day and immediately think that I am right back to square one.

I know that I have to change my thinking to positives again but when you get too low it is so hard to pull yourself back up.

Still, will keep trying!!!! Thanks again both!

Kate x

Meg
30-12-03, 13:36
Yes Kate, it is so hard but you have done it before extremely well and got on a roll, you just need to do something small and achieveable to get you back there.

It's not always gleaming positives that are needed, I don't expect us all to walk round 24/7 like Pollyanna (although she did have a very good point) - realistic and rational will do instead of worst case scenario every time .....

Mooching about moping and dwelling on it is very unhelpful and adds to the length that this episode will last - if all else fails get some chores done, but curling up with a good funny Video or long bubbly bath and a relaxation CD, or a brisk walk will help instantly - if you're feeling sad and plain miserable an oil burner with Mai Chang in it is really great. Get out your journal and write and write ...If you don't have one yet now is the time to start.

We're rooting for you Kate. I know it's tough but just take that first step..





Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

kate
30-12-03, 22:48
Today, when I woke up, I decided I was not going to just mooch around feeling rubbish.

So, after my cuppa I swept and mopped all the downstairs rooms. Then had a shower, using my "best" Ghost shower gel. Got dressed, decided not to wear the usual shapeless tracky bottoms and put on my sparkly jeans (wow they have got a bit tight cant remember the last time I wore them!)

Put make up on, and perfume,and decided to head off to Asda for some retail therapy, dragging along the long suffering daughter with me.

Bought a multi vit in Asda and when I got back home dug out the extra strength vit B tabs that I had bought about 2 months ago and had never seen the light of day.

Ate healthily all day and drank plenty of water. Also made sure that I had a kind of schedule for the day, only little things, which meant I wasnt just wandering about doing nothing.Also played Hip Hop music LOUDLY til daughter asked me to turn it down!

Still felt real panicky when I was out, and hate constantly having to make a big effort not to think negatively, just wish the good thoughts would come naturally.

I know that the low mood will pass but at the moment I just feel that the world is going by and I am not a part of it, merely an observer on life.

oh well, lets see what tomorrow brings!

Kate x

sadie
30-12-03, 22:59
Hi Kate,

Well done..you did great today, you should be proud of yourself...all these little steps will eventually pay off.

I do know what you mean about not feeling part of life..and feeling like a spectator. I feel like that too and its so fustrating because I feel I just want to be like everyone else..but just cant somehow.

Well things will get better for us all...next year will be better. We can all help each other along the scary road to recovery..passing on our experiences both good and bad..till eventually we no longer feel scared.

Take care

sadie

Meg
30-12-03, 23:35
Brilliant Kate..

It won't be long before you're back on a roll. It takes a good while for it not to need a huge effort every day . But it does happen

Meg

benoo5
30-12-03, 23:40
hi kate,

sorry,youve had such a sxxxxxy xmas,but ime full of admiration,for the way,your fighting back...going to asda today,took a lot of guts,be proud of that.

youve had these horrible feelings,for many years,and you know better,than i do,that they wont go overnite,but as meg says,this is just a setback,in your recovery...its a slow process,its two steps forward,then one back....now use your maths,it means,if you carry on like this,yes its a slow pace,but it means your going to eventually see that lite shining,and when you do,grab it ,my friend,cos its time our kate,started to enjoy life,and she will...best wishes..bryan.

kate
31-12-03, 11:35
Sadie, Meg and Bryan,

Thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I have woken up today and thought "oh no, I've got to go through all that hard work again just to get through the day". I know that is the wrong attitude but that is how I feel.

The anxiety and panic thing I can just about live with, although the limitations are a bit frustrating, but when the depression kicks in as well it all becomes 100% harder to deal with.

I kept a journal a few years ago when all the trouble was going on at work and I found it and re read it a couple of weeks ago. I have decided to start it again from today, it is so helpful to log all of your feelings and get it all off your chest. I always keep my posts on here fairly short, especially when I am in a depressed frame of mind, as I dont want to make everyone else feel worse as well! But in a journal, I can really let rip and the only person who has to read it is me!

Sorry everyone that my recent postings are so negative but your feedback is so important to me, makes me feel that I am not so alone in my feelings.

Kate x

Prettyface110
31-12-03, 15:34
Hi Kate,
Sorry that you have been having a tough time lately. I have also been low for the last couple of weeks and like you I find keeping a diary of all my thoughts, fears and feelings really helps. So, I went out yesterday and bought a new notebook which I started last night. It's a great way of releasing your negative thoughts and it really focuses your mind, I also doodle in my journal which you might like to try.
Don't feel you have to apologise for the way you feel, get rid of the guilt and share yourself with people who know what your going through.

much luv,
prettyface110

kate
31-12-03, 17:02
Hiya Pretty,

Thanks for the reply. I will be starting a new journal tonight and hopefully I will find it useful. Will also try the doodling!

Kate x

nomorepanic
31-12-03, 20:17
Kate

Well done on the positive day mate.

Don't worry about what you post on here - that is why we have the message forum. Tell us how you feel - let it all out on here - we can take it - lol.

Seriously though, you are doing so well and keep on in there please. Little steps each day and just look how better you are than a few months ago.

Happy New Year to you :D

xxxx

Nicola

mico
06-01-04, 01:03
Hi Kate, I'm new to these boards and came across your post. I was really surprised when I realised that you have almost Identical symptoms to me, I also fear violence. I haven't always been that way, I started suffering from panic attacks about six or seven years ago but have really only feared violence for about the past two or three years. Like you I witnessed/got involved in violence a couple of times and a fear just came out of nowhere and began to escalate. It's strange because I remember the days back at school when there used to be a fight and everyone would crowd round to watch (including me) and it was never a big deal, But now if I see violence anywhere I get really anxious.

You are the only person I've come across that suffers these symptons to this degree and although I feel for you, in a way I was really pleased to see your post, to see that I'm not the only one with this problem. I can fully understand your embarrasment too, I'm a 25 year old, well-built male with what some would call an intimidating appearence. And with my size I could probably handle myself better than most within a violent situation, yet I'm like a sheep in wolf's clothing. I too fear going to many places, although I have battled a long time with anxiety with a positive attitude (I felt like I'd almost overcome it until the fear of violence set in) I still fear simple situations. I fear going to pubs a lot because of how rowdy people get, I was fearful of walking round city centres when I was Christmas shopping in case I was attacked, etc. Everytime I hear someone shout I feel a wave of anxiety.

You mentioned the 'control' element of your dissorder too, I think that is true of me. I don't like to be out of control, knowing that things can escalate to an extent where it is no longer within your power. I suppose I fear the outcome. I always think the worst too, everytime, Like if I was attacked or whatever in reality the result would probably be a black eye or whatever, but in my mind it would be fatal. There was actually an incident not long ago where a couple of people were drunk and decided to instigate some violence with us. At the time I was very surprised how relaxed I felt during the whole incident (maybe because there was about 5 of us and 2 of them) and the whole thing never came to any violence, just confrontation. But afterwards I dwelled on it a lot and developed an even bigger fear and certainly haven't been back to the place yet, and when I think of it a huge fear wells up inside. The strange thing is that the fear wasn't almost as strong when I was actually in that situation.

For a while I believed my fears of violence were completely rational until one day I came to the conclusion that they just wern't, it is just another part of my anxiety. Since then I have worked on blocking out my fears (a lot easy knowing that they are completely irrational thoughts) and again have come quite a long way, although I still have a long way to go. I find relaxing helps, you could use meditation to do this, listen to soft music etc. Sometimes I believe soft music has an edge over meditation because it can take you away from your thoughts. Just knowing that my thoughts are irrational has helped me a great deal, helping me to focus on more positive thoughts, I done so well with my symptoms before but as soon as these new symptoms came I sat back and played the victim again without even knowing it.

I feel like I've got a lot to say but it's late and my mind is blank. Anyway, congratulations on your recent achievments and I'm sure your set-backs won't stop you, you know what they say 1 step back and 2 steps forward (something like that anyway). From your posts it sounds like your on the right track you just gotta stay on it. I know how it's difficult to stay positive at times but if you keep at it I find I normally get good results in the end, even if you don't think you will. Anyway, look forward to hearing your replies and I hope your doing well, good luck.

later :)

kate
06-01-04, 09:41
Hiya Mico,

I have read and re read your post with tears streaming down my cheeks. You have no idea how good it is to read of someone else who suffers from the same phobia. I have never, ever spoken to someone who has any idea how this effects your life.

You say that even when you hear someone shout you get the waves of anxiety start, I am exactly the same as well.

Whenever I am out, at the shops, anywhere, I am scanning the area for any one who even looks like they could cause violence. I made myself walk to the shops yesterday, only about a 5 minute walk, but very hilly roads round here. I was very panicky and walking back up the hill to home, a woman crossed over to my side of the road and I was convinced that she was about to attack me.I started mega panicking, and wanted to run, not easy when climbing a hill and breathless through panicking!

I started walking as fast as I could and needless to say, she was just crossing the road, cos she needed to!

I got home and just sat down, usual heart racing, overbreathing etc.

You have sussed out the reality of any attack, looked at it and reached a conclusion that the outcome would never be as bad as your anxious predictions about it. But it still doesnt stop the dreadful all consuming feelings of panic does it?

Pubs are my ultimate no no due to the high incidents of violence, I haven't entered one in years.

My parents live in a lovely village but even when I go out when at their house, I still am on the look out for potential violence, although the risk there must be minimal.

I know that most if not all people fear violence to a certain degree. In this day and age it is understandable. But the degree to which we feel it is a totally different ball game altogether isn't it? It totally rules our lives. We dont just take precautions not to go into obviously high risk danger areas, but EVERY place or situation is classed as dangerous.

Thank you so much for taking the time to post your experiences. I feel like I am not so alone now in my particular anxieties.

Hope to hear from you again soon

Kate x

mico
06-01-04, 18:48
Yeah, I know my thoughts are irrational but I still feel the panic. You say that you get thoughts of violence in a quaint little village, sometimes I can go to the middle of nowhere, miles from any civilisation and still have thoughts of people driving past in a car and kidnapping me or something, it's ridiculous! I can't believe my thoughts sometimes, the're almost comical when you think about them from a realistic viewpoint. I totally understand you scanning the area too, it's like I have a radar which points out each and every shifty looking character within a 1 mile radius.

One of the things that holds me back sometimes is the simple fact that I think too much. Like, I mentioned a situation in my last post were I was invloved in violence yet felt little fear at the time (I think that situation was one of the big triggers to the way I feel now) but afterwards I dwelled on it, even though it was in the past. I would mentally go back to the situation then exlpore all the what-ifs, how would I deal with the scenario etc, over and over again using all different what-if situations. The more I thought about it the more fearful I felt, but I think it boils down to the control thing. For example, I often feel I have to think of every scenario and then work out how I would deal with it, so If I were ever in that situation again I would know exactly what to do. The reality is that I rarely come to a decent conclusion and just wind myself up in the process. Then, if I ever was to come to a good way of dealing with a specific occasion the chances of you being in that particular situation again are probably about a million to one. The whole process is just completly counterproductive really. I don't know if that's the way you think, but I think when I realised that this process of thinking was counterproductive, that was when I was able to let go of it a little through time and it is helping me immensly. I would be really pleased if I thought it could help you too.

Anyway, I keep writing too long, I've been going like Stephen King at his typewriter for this past couple of days.

Sorry to hear about your experiences going to the shop too, hope your not to upset with yourself about that, it's important not to get yourself down. Stay positive, that's been one of the most important things to me since I have had this anxiety. Hopefully one day it will be the thing that breaks me free from it. I know how it is, I hate set-backs but it's all part of the way forward. Keep going.

[8D]

kate
06-01-04, 20:13
Hiya Mico,

Whenever I have been involved in any violent confrontations or indeed my kids have, I have also gone through every possible scenario and reached different outcomes in my mind each time.

On one occasion, about 18 months ago, my son and his mates were set upon on their way to school by some kids from another neighbouring secondary school.

I worried about it all that evening, these were my thoughts:- That I would take my son to school, in the car, and drop him right outside the school. Then I would pick him up on the night but I couldnt park right at the school at night cos what if I had asked him to meet me and I had seen some violence when waiting for him and had to get away? Ok then, I will park some way from the school, tell him where I will be, and he can meet me there.

These were the horrible, out of context, runaway feelings after 1 minor incident. As predicted, my son, who is after all 14 years old, wouldn't even entertain the idea of me taking him to school, let alone pick him up afterwards. So I spent the next 6 weeks or so worrying about him making the school journey.

As you say, no decent conclusion is ever reached and you just end up feeling worse.

Today I decided that, as I had felt so awful going to the shops yesterday, I would go in the car. But then, I did a complete about turn and made myself walk there. Although I felt panicky, it wasn't half as bad as yesterday and luckily no poor, unsuspecting woman crossed the road to make me feel threatened!

Anyway, keep in touch and let me know how you are doing

Kate x

mico
07-01-04, 00:31
Hi Kate

Sounds like you've had a productive day, you sound like a strong character. I know I take the car everywhere and now I feel a little trapped by it, I feel uncomfortable travelling any otherway. I deal with it and I think I have done well to be where I'm at now, it mostly depends where I'm at really, I feel more threatened by some places than I do others. I actually get out quite a lot, although much of the time I need to force myself to some extent. I said in my first post that I felt like I'd almost conquered my anxiety at one point, I really had. But then I was ambushed by this fear of violence. I don't want to sound like I was playing the victim, it's just that I didn't recognise the symptoms and never related it to anxiety. I thought these thoughts were completely rational and that I was within my rights to be thinking them. I'm glad I realised they wern't so rational.

Why do I write so much, surely I could have put all that into one simple sentence, I think I've got some disease or something!

It's good to be here though, you all seem like a really positive bunch of people. All the other boards I've been to have been pretty depressing. I really don't want to sound bad when I'm saying that just I can't think of a better word, I was never blessed with the gift of the gab.

I don't feel like I've got much to say today really, must be writers block, although you wouldn't think it judging by the length of my post. Speak later, keep up the good work your doing well by the sounds of things.

kate
07-01-04, 12:09
Hiya Mico,

Good to hear from you again.

Dont worry about the length of your posts, to me they are proving very helpful!

You are right, there are a good deal of friendly, helpful and positive people here who have all been through it and are therefore very supportive.

The chat room is also a good place to visit. Most people there from 9 pm onwards. Panic IS talked about but really anything goes! Good time to be had there, lovely bunch of people.

Are you, or have you ever been on meds for your problems? I did have anti depressents at the beginning but at the moment I am trying to cope without.

Also, do you manage to work? If you do, how does the violence thing affect you there?

Just a short post cos I'm just about to leave for work, dinner lady at a secondary school.

Hope to hear from you soon

Kate x

mico
07-01-04, 15:10
Hi Kate,

I'm pleased to know that my posts are of some help sometimes I just write a load of gibberish, I'm never good at explaining things and it usually takes me twice as long as everyone else.

I've never took meds, always wanted to do it without. I wouldn't criticise anyone who uses them it's just that I personally prefer to go through this naturally. I feel like I need to learn how to reduce my anxiety, which could be more difficult if you have meds doing it for you. I did ask for them once, when my anxiety first introduced itself to me, and of course I had no experience with coping with it. As it happens the doctor wouldn't give them to me as he thought this would just be a temporary condition. Now I'm pleased that he didn't. The Doctor did send my to a psychiatrist though but I didn't find it a great deal of help. I've never been back to the doctors about my anxiety since.

Dinner Lady... I used to love school dinners, maybe you could e-mail me one sometime, you could just put it in as an attachment. These days I'm a university student, quite stressful sometimes but it's good. I actually feel quite comfortable about the violence thing much of the time when I'm there, students arn't usually the most violent of people so it's good in that way. It helps me get out into the city too, which can be intimidating at times but I feel it helps me in the long term. I try to keep on top of it all really, since I 'almost' cured my anxiety the last time I refuse to go back to where I was. In a way I don't have the huge panic anymore compared to what I had then, I think I've learned to cope with it quite well. I don't know, it's hard to explain, I still feel it, I suppose it's just manifested itself in a different way. I mean I still get panicky. Ok I'm going to stop now I'm beginning to lose myself.

Maybe I'll visit the chat room sometime, but I hate the fact that I always end up sitting at my computer still at 3am looking like this[|)], they're far too addictive.

later

Lottie32
07-01-04, 15:22
Dear Kate

Please do not worry too much about your blip over Xmas. If its any consolation, I have been absolutely terrible from the weekend before we broke up to the Sunday before we returned. I only had three days where I felt "normal". The rest of the time, I felt truly awful. At one point I really thought I was going mad, I couldn't see how I could go on etc. etc. etc. Then I remembered everything that I learnt on this web site, and although it didn't get rid of my symptoms, the sheer fact that I knew it was a physical response to my mental anxiety made what I was going through so much more bearable.

I even managed to visit some friends and do a few of the jobs that I wanted to get done over the holidays. Which was a great feat, as when I am like this, I normally avoid anything, and everybody.

Please don't be disheartened. I'm sure that within the next week or so, you will be right back up there, with the memory of Xmas blurring into the background

Take care

Charlie

kate
07-01-04, 20:19
Hiya Mic,

Hope you received the apple crumble and custard that I mailed you!

Glad to hear that you are coping well with University life, good for you. It does help to give some structure to the day doesn't it?

You sound very positive and I feel sure that with your attitude you will keep going forward and conquer this in time.

Speak again soon

Kate x

kate
07-01-04, 23:03
Hiya Lottie,

I am sure you are right. This is just a small setback.

I dont feel quite so low but I feel as if I am just going through the motions of life at the moment.

Get up, see the kids off to school, do housework, go to work etc etc. I dont seem quite so panicky, just as if I am on auto pilot, just doing what needs to be done. Does this make any sense at all????

Anyway, lets hope the mood lifts and I can get back to more positive thoughts.

Thanks for your reply, Charlie

Kate x

mico
07-01-04, 23:40
hi Kate,

That apple crumble was delicious, I'll have to get you to send them more often, had to pop it in the microwave for a couple of mins but it came out a treat.

The structure in my day does help immensly... I really do hate these pop up ads, "Hi my names Sarah, I'd love to talk, oh and what do you know, I have a webcam! It'll only cost £44.99 for my services!". Every 5 minutes, you could set your watch by them! ...So Anyway, Yeah structure helps, the first job I got after the anxiety got to me was a big help, although I didn't think I was going to cope with it at the time. It's like now, Somedays I'll not really feel like going out, but I have to so I do, and a lot of the time I feel better for it at the end of the day. And once you get into the routine of doing the same thing you tend to get used to it to a degree and you can feel quite comfortable whilst your there.

Oh dear, hear I go again, hehe. I've just looked at the length of what I've just written, thought it was only a couple of sentences. I swear these past few days I've been like a novelist (ahem, without the skill) on all sorts of message boards these past few days. Oh well, I've started so I might as well finish.

I really believe in postivity Kate, you seem like a positive character yourself and I hope we can both get through this, I really do! The more the merrier. I've been to the doctors, looked at numerous books but deep down I know all I have to do is put some real effort into getting better. I know we all do this already but we need more. I know it's hard too, otherwise I would've been cured years ago. I always forget to relax, which I believe helps you a lot in the long term even if you don't notice it much in the short term. Sometimes I don't push myself enough, and sometimes I shy away from certain things that are well within my power to do but I'll justify it by telling myself I've been doin all these other things. I don't want to sound like Mr Brain and that I know everything or anything (I could be wrong) but I think effort put in will reward you. And to give yourself that motivation you need positivity.

Have you always suffered from this fear of violence Kate since your anxiety started, or did it come afterwards?

I find myself to be quite a paranoid/self conscious person too, do you think that is true of you?

Hope your still coping well, you know you'll be fine, I'm sure you will. :)

Later

kate
08-01-04, 10:45
Hiya Mico,

Glad you enjoyed the pudding! :)

I always worry about going to work. The kids go out to school about 8 am and then I dont leave for work til 11.30, so I have too much time on my hands, before I go out, to sit and worry. But once I actually get to work, I am a lot better.

You have hit the proverbial nail on the head. You can read as many books as you want, get as much information as you can, but at the end of the day,you have to actually push yourself to face the fears. It is really the only way of overcoming it.

Unfortunately, some days you can feel so low that it is a real struggle and it is easier to avoid the situations isn't it? But, if we can at least attempt to face up to it a little at a time, then we will eventually conquer it.

I am a very self concious person, and have very little self esteem. I always feel inferior to others and will not express my views etc if it will "rock the boat" and make people think badly of me.Instead, I go over things in my mind, imagining what I would have liked to say and just end up getting more and more angry with myself.

I think if I could overcome that particular hurdle then I may be able to progress a lot faster.

I had my first panic attack when I was 19, I am 41 now. I then had depression as well as the anxiety. The violence thing never really came to the fore until about 10 years ago and then I was only avoiding kinda high risk violent situations, such as some pubs.

The violence thing got real bad when I was working at the college and was encountering physical violence and verbal abuse on more or less a daily basis. I was having terrible nightmares about it all and feeling so ill that in the end I had to cut my hours and pay and take the job in the school, where I have been for the past 18 months.

Although I do not have the daily violent contact anymore, I think it
has affected me so much that it is taking a long while for me to get over it.I just feel so vulnerable every time I leave the house.

I just read MY post back, which I thought was only going to be short! But I find it so good to be able to talk about exactly how I feel and know that at last someone knows the degree of the feeling and understands it.

Hope to hear from you soon

Kate x

twister
08-01-04, 14:37
Hi Kate and Mico

Sorry to hear you have been feeling so bad over Christmas Kate - I am glad you have found someone to share you fear with though. Talking through things with someone that understands is the best form of therapy.

Cant wait to get back in the chat room - brand new laptop should be arriving in a few days!


Emily

kate
08-01-04, 16:07
Good to hear from you Em!

Look forward to seeing you in the chat room soon :)

Kate x

mico
08-01-04, 18:54
Hi Kate,

Quote:
"I am a very self concious person, and have very little self esteem. I always feel inferior to others and will not express my views etc if it will "rock the boat" and make people think badly of me.Instead, I go over things in my mind, imagining what I would have liked to say and just end up getting more and more angry with myself."

You described ME pretty well there. Sometimes I think my fears now are a little to do with my innability to deal with people, I've never liked confrontations because I cannot defend myself verbally.

You were saying you have too much free time on a morning which leads you to worry. Have you tried to use this time to relax? It can take your mind off your worry. I know that sometimes it is easier said than done and it's a difficult process to block out your thoughts but if you can do it I think it will be a big help. I found in this situation I relax well listening to soft music. I use music because I find it hard to block out thoughts using any other techniques. When you have music on you don't need to 'block out' your thoughts, you just concentrate on the music thus creating new thoughts. Listen to the sounds of the notes, the structure of the rythem, the words or whatever you like. It takes a lot of concentration, which I must admit isn't one of my strong points (sometimes it will take me hours to enter a relaxed state if I'm wound up) but it blocks out your thoughts and replaces them with more relaxing ones. If everyone has gone to work/school then it would be a great time to do it and if it works for you it would be a great start to your day.

I have been feeling a lot better about the violence thing these past few months by using techniques like these, just using every thing in my power to block out my thoughts. You've gotta keep telling yourself that the're not immediate dangers, just irrational thoughts. The difficult thing though is when you try to block them out and you think about them more, sort of like if your on a diet and try not think of food, there's soon thoughts of pizza and chocolate popping into your head. You need to look at the way you think and work out how to control your thoughts in other ways. You gotta be clever and get them when there not looking!

From your posts you seem quite knowledgable on your anxiety, I hope I don't come accross as explaining the obvious. I try to explain things, then I get half way through and start to find it increasingly difficult to put into words. Oh well, I try.

Hope your having a good day.

Later

kate
08-01-04, 21:00
Hiya Mico,

I had never thought of relaxing in the mornings, always instead rushing round like a maniac, doing jobs around the house, desperately trying to stop myself having panicky thoughts.

So, tonight I will select some nice relaxing music, and tomorrow will give it a go.

You say that you are feeling better about the violence thing. You seem to have a very logical and positive approach. Do you still avoid places?

I avoid loads of places still. If I do make myself go say for a meal in a restaurant in a pub, I am so on edge, scanning the other customers etc, that I never enjoy myself and can't wait to get home.

This then makes me not want to go again because of the lack of enjoyment. I do think, however, that I should make myself do these things more often.

I can assure you that although I do know a lot about anxiety, I should do cos I've had it for 20 odd years!, you definately do not come across as stating the obvious. Like the relaxation, sometimes the most simple of suggestions can make a world of difference and be something that you had not thought of yourself.

Hope your week has been good, and I look forward to hearing from you soon

Kate x

nomorepanic
08-01-04, 22:09
Hi Mico and Kate

Just catching up om posts from 2 days ago now.

Mico, I am so pleased to see you here and helping Kate. I have known Kate (through the chat room and website) for many months now and I have tried to offer her advice the best I can. What I see here is that you are the saviour she needed and I am so pleased to see it.

She has been waiting for someone like you to come along that really understands and I want to thank you helping Kate.:)

Kate - you hang in there mate and I am sure you and Mico will have some great conversations and help each other immensely.

Good luck to you both in your recoveries.

xx

Nicola

mico
08-01-04, 22:10
Oh I stiil avoid places all the time, not fully recovered yet. It's just that I feel better about it now than what I did a few months back. I don't have as many niggling thoughts through the day now when I feel I'm in a secure place. A few months ago I used to think of nothing but violence, I used to even find myself watching TV documentaries on it, not sure why, maybe so I could get some tips on avoiding it. All the time it would just pop up into my head. But now I feel like I can relax a little when I don't feel I'm in a threatening situation. Obviously situations that arn't threatening to others do feel threatening to me, but if I'm in quite a safe place I generally feel quite ok.

Escaping from the violent thoughts has helped me a lot, it's just that you've got to let go of them. Tell yourself that you don't need them. What helped me was when I realised that not just that they were irrational but that they wouldn't help me even if I did get into a violent situation. They are of no value whatsoever, other than to wind you up. And thinking this helped me to let go and make way for something a bit more cheerful in my head.

Techniques that work for me may not have such an effect on you, but there will be ways for you to control your thoughts, you just need to find the best ones. Relaxing with the music I think worked well for me, if you get nasty thoughts popping up then just concentrate on the music again, don't think of stopping your thoughts just think of the music.

If you don't feel like the relaxing thing isn't for you then you could maybe consider some sort of hobby, I don't mean sky-diving or anything, but maybe painting or something, just to take your mind off things. It's just concentrating on something else really so there is no room for tormenting thoughts. Although I wouldn't like to see you giving up on the relaxation after just trying it once. Every time you relax it can be a completely different experience, and I've found that it becomes easier over time, then you get into the swing of it.

I know what you mean about the lack of enjoyment when going to certain places too, when you just feel tense all night. But if you like going for meals maybe you should see if you can find a more relaxing place, a nice country pub/restaurant for instance. I'm sure there would be somewhere to suit your tastes. If you found one you could maybe go regular becoming more comfortable at each visit.

Ok, that's the end of another 'short' post! Good look with your relaxation, hope it helps. :)

Later

kate
09-01-04, 12:16
Hiya Mico,

I am completely the opposite to you with the violence on telly. I cant stand to watch ANY amount of violence at all, avoidence again.

When I go for a meal out, it is always to pubs in the country because I feel that the violence is less likely to happen there.I wouldn't ever go to a pub in the city, haven't been there in years!

But I am still anxious at the country pubs so I think a bit more work is needed on that.

I am also suffering quite regular panic attacks at the moment, which is getting me down. I had to do the weekly Asda run on my own today. hubby wasn't able to come with me unfortunately. Only in aisle three when the panic struck. Shaking,heart racing, thought I was going to either pass out or run!

Stood panting over my trolley until worst of it past then took a couple of squirts of my rescue remedy. Took the edge off but the panic kept rising all round the shop.

I wouldn't mind, but I had gone there at 8.30 am so it was empty. I just can't seem to tolerate the bright lights, and going up and down the aisles, looking at the shopping list, just seems to set me off.

Oh well, off to work now,I will post again later

Kate x

Laurie28
09-01-04, 13:01
Kate,

I must admit to be scared of violence on the TV and avoid it at all costs. However it does not 'affect' my life so quite happy to do it!!

Well done for staying in ASDA's the easiest thing you could have done was get out of there!!

But you didn't you stuck it out so that is definetly an achievement. Think of it as a success Kate.

Take care
Lucky

mico
09-01-04, 14:14
I wouldn't get yourself down about your experiences today Kate, you went on your own and that has to be an achievement in itself.

stimpy
09-01-04, 14:39
Well done Kate.
You did it. You didn't like it, it scared you to death, but you did it.

I'm another one who hates all this violence and confrontation thing.
(as you may have seen on "PA taking kids to school thread")

I'm not a huge fan of violence on tv or in films, slap stick comedy violence and cartoon violence I can cope with, but Reservoir Dogs .. No thanks, I'd rather watch Cartoon Network.

Lately I have kept well up to date with soap storylines, and if something is due to happen, and I don't like the sound of it(little Mo's rape in Eastenders for example.) I will make sure I watch another side.

Yeah okay it makes me sound like a big chicken [:I] But I think it is one of the ways us panic monsters cope with things until we feel strong enough to face up to them.

Love and Light

Liz xxx

kate
09-01-04, 16:08
Lucky, Mico and Liz,

Thanks so much for your postings.

I got back from Asda and was feeling such a failure AGAIN! But your posts have made me realise that I DID achieve something, and I didnt take the easy option and just run away.

If I watch anything remotely violent on TV, even people shouting at each other, I get the panicky feelings start and have to turn over. Maybe though I should make myself watch as it might help in the long term with the general violence thing. Just makes me feel so bad that I always turn it off.

Anyway, went to work and that was fine, but still felt shakey following the panic in Asda. But I am going to make sure I go on my own again next week, will NOT take hubby along, because if I dont, it will turn into yet another place that I avoid going to.

Anyway, thanks again for your kind words, they really helped lift my spirits!

Kate x

mico
09-01-04, 16:34
Hi Kate,

Good to know your feeling better, by the looks of things it's given you a little motivation to push yourself a little more next time too, that sounds pretty good to me. Another productive day.

Did you notice the length of my post this morning...one sentance!...I'm getting better.

I don't really think you need to watch violence on TV. I know I said I used to watch it, but it never made me feel better, always worse. It just brings it to your attention really, then you have all 'what-if' thoughts about what's going on on the TV. I can see your point of not wanting to avoid it, but if you tackle your problem in other ways once you feel more relaxed about it these TV programs won't have such an effect on you. Don't worry about not watching them, and definately don't put yourself down. Us people see enough violence just walking down the street (even if it is just imaginary!!) without watching it on the telly.

mico :)

kate
09-01-04, 17:07
Hiya Mico,

Yes I noticed your very short post, thought you must have fallen out with me! hehe

Hubby is dead pleased that I am going to go on my own to the supermarket next week, he can't stand food shopping!

Having read your coments on watching violence on TV I think I tend to agree with you that it would just give me more violent things to worry about!

I have sorted out some soothing music and will be trying the relaxation out later tonight. I probably should have tried it after the panic in Asda morning, but I was too busy panicking to remember to relax!!!!!!!

How are you doing at the moment anyway? I seem to be constantly talking about ME. Hope you are feeling good!

Look forward to hearing from you soon

Kate x

mico
09-01-04, 22:30
Hi Kate,

I'm doing ok, not my best of days today, but not my worst either, I'll just have to pick myself up again tommorow. Should have been doing work today but I came on the site and started looking at some of the posts here, some of them made me feel quite sad...Then I kept looking and needless to say I didn't get much work done.

Hope your relaxing goes well, I normally find it best on a night, just thought with your time through the day that might have been ideal for you. I'm sure you'll find a time to suit you though.

I don't really talk about myself much do I? Never really been that way, I don't mind though, much of the time I just like listening to people. I'm quite a quiet person generally, which is probably what gives my mind all this time to come up with ridiculous thoughts that I don't need.

mico

kate
09-01-04, 22:54
Hiya Mico,

I never really talked about myself until recently when I decided to come clean about the violence thing.

I have always kept my problems mostly to myself, due to embarassment, but after reading the posts on here, I decided to share my feelings.

It has been the best thing I have ever done. No one here has judged me, or thought that it is the most weird fear ever, which is what I had thought it was.

If I hadn't have posted, I would never have received a reply from yourself, which has been real good as you have exactly the same feelings.

I'm not sure if I would class myself as a quiet person or not. When I am with people I am comfortable with, I can talk for ever. But when I'm with people I don't know or feel uncomfortable with, I just clam up and don't say much at all.

I played some music tonight as I was on my own and it really did relax me. I will continue with it on Monday.

I agree with you that a lot of the posts are sad.I think we all see ourselves in them.

Well, hope you have a good day tomorrow, enjoy your weekend

Kate x

stimpy
09-01-04, 23:32
Well done Kate !

Being brave enough to tackle Asda again is excellent.

Okay, so your last trip to Adsa wasn't perfect, it doesn't matter.
You did it and that's the main thing. Too often we beat up ourselves up and tell ourselves we are a failure, when really what we've done is quite an achievement. Don't feel shame and disappointment be happy and proud that you had the nerve to try it.:D

Just because the last trip to Asda was awful, it doesn't mean the next trip will be awful. It might be perfectly fine.

The violence thing on tv - The best suggestion I have, is to get a good tv guide, and use it to help you decide what programmes you maybe able to watch in comfort. If something is build as "a hard hitting drama tackling the world of drug running" (or similar you know the kind of stuff I mean), the chances are it's going to be a bit on violent side.
Just because something is on tv, it doesn't mean we have to watch it, that's why tv's have an off switch. Again, don't beat yourself up about it. Nothing wrong with choosing what you watch on tv. [8D]

kate
10-01-04, 11:34
Hiya Liz,

Thanks for the post. I will be going to Asda next Friday but I will try not to think about it until I actually go!

I am driving to my parents house today, they live in a village between Lichfield and Burton Upon Trent. It is about 20 miles and although I have done the trip dozens of times, I still get anxious before I go. Once I am on my way though, the anxiety seems to subside a lot, although I am always glad when I get there in one piece!

I have decided not to worry about what I decide to watch on telly, if I don't like the look of it, so what? I will stick to nice, relaxing programmes!.

While I am here, I would just like to congratulate you on the tremendous progress you have made. It isn't easy to start climbing out of that black hole is it? But you are doing SO well. Onwards and upwards!

Kate x

mico
12-01-04, 18:10
Hi Kate

How's your weekend been? I hope it's been good to you. Just a quick post really to see how you're getting on.

mico

kate
12-01-04, 19:28
Hiya Mico,

Well, on Saturday I drove to my parents house and we went for a walk around the village. I was feeling panicky but carried on walking and quite enjoyed it!

Drove home in the dark, along unlit stretches of the A38, feeling very panicky and gripping the steering wheel very tightly!

But I got home unscathed and lived to tell the tale!

Sunday, I stayed home and a friend from work visited with her kids. Had a nice, relaxing day.

I just still can't seem to lift myself up out of the depression that has been hanging around me for several weeks now. Everything is just such a big effort and I find that I am worrying about everybody and everything.

Anyway, enough about me! Did you have a good weekend? Did you get to go anywhere? How has your anxiety been? How is University going? (See, you have got to talk about yourself now!)

Look forward to hearing from you soon

Kate x

mico
12-01-04, 20:15
Hi Kate

I'm fine really, just tottering along as normal. I suppose I'm a little like you at the moment, wouldn''t really say I was depressed, maybe a little, but I'm finding it hard to pick myself up sometimes and really get going. You know, no motivation and whatnot. I'll get myself out of it eventually though.

Haven't been back to uni much yet, that's the advantage of being a student, long holidays! Got lots of work though so that's keeping me busy/stressed!

I think half of my weekend was spent in the chatroom or at least a good 5 or 6 hours of it, was there till 4am after you left! That's why I don't like them. So I didn't get up too early on sunday.[|)]

Good to hear you enjoyed your walk sounds like you had a good weekend or at least most of it.

Are you still relaxing? I know it's hard to get into a routine or even remember to do it a lot of the time, but i do think it's beneficial.

kate
13-01-04, 16:31
Hiya Mico,

I am still doing the relaxing just find it so hard to make my mind go blank and actually enjoy feeling relaxed! But I will persevere with it!

Last week, a friend from work said she was going to visit another friend who used to work with us. She asked if I wanted to go too. I said yes I would go with her.

Last night she texted me to ask if I was still going and I said that I would if I felt ok ( just in case I had a dose of the panics!).

Anyway, this morning I decided I would go. Got there at 9 am and I am pleased to say we had a great time!

I left at about 10.15 and decided than rather than going to the local shop I would pop into the dreaded Asda, I hadn't been back since THE panic attack last Friday.

Anyway, went in and didn't even think about panicking and it was fine!

So, by 11 o'clock I had accomplished two things!

Anyway, went to work at 11.45, felt a bit strange and a bit panicky but I survived! So all in all not a bad day!

What have you been up to? Are you back at University yet? Have you been out anywhere?

Hope to hear from you soon

Kate x

Meg
13-01-04, 17:02
Well done Kate..

I'm so pleased you went back to Asda and all was well. Congratulations.

Meg

mico
13-01-04, 17:59
Hi Kate

I find relaxing quite difficult sometimes too. That's why I use the music so I can put all my concentration into that. I must admit that it's still difficult though. It's much easier if you have plenty of free time, then you can spend as long as you want trying to get into a relaxed state - sometimes it can take 2 or 3 hours for me if I'm wound up. But I swear once you are completely relaxed you will not want to come out of it! The restlesness goes and so do the niggling thoughts and you feel completely at ease. And if you keep at it, it should become easier within time.

I haven't been out a much lately, mainly because of the huge pile of work that is sitting on my desk! Sorry, but I just haven't any more interesting stuff to tell really.

Sounds like you've been doing pretty good though, you seem to have been doing quite a bit over the last few days. Keep it up, you'll be full of confidence in no time! A few weeks from now you could be walking round Asda looking like this :D.

mico

kate
16-01-04, 10:06
Hiya Mico,

Haven't heard from you for a few days so, how you doing?

I got to confess, hubby offered to go to Asda yesterday so I gratefully accepted his offer! Bit of a cop out, I know, but just couldn't face it this week.

I am so churned up at the moment, have been like it all week really. Just feeling so low still. I find when you feel like that, it is SO hard to feel positive and pull yourself back up to challenge the negatives.

I am going to the library in about half an hour. Doesn't open until 10 am. Then I will go to the shops, before going to work.

I am still feeling like I am going through the motions of life, doing what has to be done, but unfortuanately enjoying nothing and fearing everything.

Sorry, just read this post back, blimey I'm depressing.

So, onto you! How you been doing? You been out anywhere exciting?

Hope you are doing good and look forward to hearing from you soon

Kate x

kate
16-01-04, 12:06
Well, I just got back from shopping and library trip.

Library was fine, only me in there. Went into the Co-Op, bit of a queue going on but I joined it cos I needed to get some shopping.

Was feeling generally shakey but not too bad. Then noticed old geezer in front of me kept looking at me. Then he said "I used to have lovely eyes like yours".

I just froze, and carried on looking at the ground. Thinking "just don't talk to me, I am invisible ok".

He then paid on his card, which also took ages, while I was getting hotter and more panicky by the minute.

Finally, he was served and went. I paid and flew out of the shop.

Why do complete strangers feel they can just comment on you? I hate it, hate anyone drawing attention to me.

Still, I suppose I survived, just left me feeling panicky (for a change)!!!!

Kate x

mico
16-01-04, 14:21
Hi Kate

Don't worry about being depressing, all of us have our ups and downs.

I haven't been doing much I'm afraid, still working and barely been out the house for the last few days. I think I've been picking myself up a little though even though I've hardly been out.

I know what it's like to feel stuck in a hole that you don't feel like you can climb out of, but keep going you and you'll get there in the end.

I'm sure that old geezer in the shop didn't mean any harm, just paying you a compliment. You should think of it as a positive, your shopping trip was made more difficult by a stranger talking to you yet you still got through it ok, so going to the shop without anyone talking to you should be easy! And you recieved a compliment, that's good. Don't worry about it some people are just really talkative that's all.

Actually I just thought of something. Maybe when you go out, shopping or wherever, you should try to make an effort to talk to people whenever you get the chance. You probably think I'm mad now suggesting this but bear with me. You said you stood looking at the floor hoping he would go away, I Know that feeling I'm guilty of it myself from time to time. But when you look at the floor you are not really looking at the floor, you are looking in to your mind and your mind is full of negativity. Do you get me. Say, if you talk to people like this then it will distract you from your thoughts, you are concentrating on what you/they are saying as well as body language etc, leaving your mind less open to your own negative thoughts. Just a suggestion really, I don't know if you really feel up to trying it but it's worth some thought.

mico

kate
23-01-04, 19:18
Well, last night me and hubby had a "discussion" about who would be carrying out the weekly shopping trip to Asda this week.

He had the day off today, but was playing golf in the morning. I said I would go, if I was feeling okay (yes ok another cop out lol!).He said if I hadn't gone to just leave the shopping list at home and he would go when he was back from golf.

So, this morning came, and I said for him to take the bigger car to golf and I would take the crappy metro to work. We always go shopping in the big car anyway cos all you can get in the metro is a pack of toilet rolls and a bag of crisps.

So, he then said "well just admit it you have got no intention of going to Asda have you?".

Well, I actually was bottling it, as usual,but I was so annoyed with him having sussed me out, that when he had gone to golf, I went to Asda myself.

I was so annoyed with him that I even forgot to panic. Well, almost anyway, although my unreal head feelings were still very evident.

Anyway, I charged angrily round Asda, snarling at anyone who got in my way, queued in mega checkout queues, paid and went home.

So, the moral of the story is, if you are avoiding places, get someone to annoy you over it, and you will find yourself not only going there, but forgetting to panic too!!!!!

Kate x

Meg
23-01-04, 19:24
Nice one Kate ! Well done for going and doing it whatever the motivation

Now who gets to cook tonight ..

Meg

mico
23-01-04, 23:31
Hi Kate

Good post, you'll love ASDA before long!

Good confidence builder though isn't it. I think you can keep it up, I mean really when your hubby sussed you out you wanted to prove to him that you wern't a wimp, cop out or whatever you want to call it (whatever you call it it isn't true) so you psyched yourself up and went. You picked yorself up and done it, no problems, and if you can do it once then you can do it again!

I suppose once you've had a pa dissorder for any length of time, then much of the time it's not the actual anxiety that sets you off, it's your thoughts, you've got to keep blocking them out Kate, hard I know, but it can be done.

Anyway hope you've been doing good.

later

mico

kate
25-01-04, 01:01
Hiya Mico,

It definately IS the thoughts that start it all off, every day.

I wake up and immediately start the negative thoughts.

It is so hard to switch them off, they have unfortunately become automatic.

I bet everyone is sick to death of hearing about me and my Asda tales, seems like all I post about is either panic in Asda or non panicking in Asda!

Trouble is, when the only places I seem to go are work, Asda and to my parents, there doesn't seem to be anything else for me to post about!

Oh well, will have to think of something new to post about next time!!!!

Kate x

mico
25-01-04, 17:16
Hi Kate,

Maybe you could write a book about ASDA, it could be called "Anxiety and ASDA" or something. It's quite a big place though usually, maybe we could have more detailed talks about it...Do you find you panic more in the grocery section or in the cafe area? I mean it's like 5 shops rolled into one isn't it.

But anyway your not going to have to post about ASDA anymore because I've got the solution to your problem..[^]..Only go to work, ASDA, and your parents you say? Well the solution's simple (well, kind of), your just going to have to set some new challenges and go elsewhere!......Sainsburys perhaps? Or how about Safeway? :D You could start doing surveys on all kinds of different shopping centres and keep us posted about which ones are best. You'll be able to keep us entertained for hours! :)

later

mico

kate
25-01-04, 20:54
Mico,

Your helpful comments may have a slightly humorous twist to them, I am thinking!

I have a better idea to stop me posting about "Kate's adventures in Asda". I will just send hubby!!!

I actually do go to Safeway when I have the time, but it is further away than Asda, so I have to go there most often due to necessity.

Not too keen on the shopping centre surveys idea. Not too happy when surrounded by lots of people, so might give that a miss.

So, I am aiming to do a post fairly soon that doesn't mention the word Asda, that will be a success story in itself!

Anyway, how are you Mico?
Been shopping to any supermarkets lately???????

Kate x

mico
26-01-04, 22:40
Sorry Kate, I don't do the whole shopping thing, I go to the chip shop once in a while but that's about it.

I'm still picking myself up, doing pretty well actually, full steam ahead (well, almost). Just trying to be positive. Noticing my thoughts before they get out of hand and dealing with them, planting more peaceful thoughts into my mind. Just generally putting a little more effort in than usuall and it's working out pretty good so far.

Anyway, hope your next ASDA trip goes well :D.

Post about whatever you want Kate, I'll read it.

mico

kate
27-01-04, 10:07
Hiya Mico,

Wow! So glad to hear that things are going well for you at the moment.

It must take a lot to be able to nip negative thoughts in the bud and replacing them with positive ones.

I KNOW that is what I should be doing, I know how to do it, when to do it. But, I just can't seem to put it into practise.

If I am feeling a bit better, I worry that I am tempting fate by feeling like that.

If I don't worry about things, then bad things WILL happen. It's like the worry is a kind of safety net against bad things happening.

Does that make any sense whatsoever??

I also seem to be adding new things to worry about to the already massively long list of longstanding worries.

I read posts on here of people really doing something about their fears and that makes me feel even more of a failure as I just do not seem to have the motivation to change things.

I think after having the fears for a long time, they just become a big habit, and you can't really remember how you thought or acted before panic.

I think maybe I am a little scared to be a non panicker as well as that would mean that the whole of ME would be different.

Does that make any sense?

I have made slight progress with the assertion and self worth. I am putting my point of view across over things. Not great, big massive things but just small incidents when I felt that people were taking advantage..

I still worried a bit about what they thought of me, but overall, I felt better about myself for having my say!!

Well, yesterday, was real worrying about silly little things day. I needed to get a bit of shopping from a certain large place (?) and I was worried I wouldn't be able to go cos it might be icy.

Well, in the end it wasn't so I went! What a waste of time the worrying was there!

Then, I had the unreal head feelings. Was I getting a headache? Worry, worry, worry.

Writing it down on here just makes it look more stupid but my mind was just whizzing with worrying thoughts.

Well, looks like I have done another uninspirational post! Sorry Mico!

Take care

Kate x

kate
27-01-04, 10:58
Hello again Mico!

Just a quick line to tell you I just did something a bit more POSITIVE!!!

Freezing cold, but sun shining, so decided to have a walk to the shop (no, not THAT one!!!).

Just got my coat on and went, without giving myself time to think about it!

And, guess what? Only tiny, tiny bit of panic, and overall really enjoyed it![8D].

Got me out the house and gave me some much needed exercise!

Not much, I know, but at least a bit more positive!!;)

Catch you later

Kate x

mico
27-01-04, 14:09
Hi Kate

Don't worry, every sentance in your post makes complete sense to me, none of it sounds silly at all. I have had each and every one of those thoughts and I still have many of them now.

I think the 'safety net' is quite a big one, you need to learn to let go of that bit by bit, before you can really start to progress.

It is VERY hard to let go of these thoughts sometimes. Really it's a basic survival instinct, that's why it's so hard to let go as your mind thinks these thoughts are completely necesary to your well being...but you know as well as I do that these thoughts are irrational. That is when things picked up for me, when I began to challenge the 'safety net'.

The thing is, you feel like you would be tempting fate now, but when you start to build confidence your fear will lessen and you won't feel so much like your tempting fate.

I read a book called 'feel the fear and do it anyway', don't know if you have come across it before. There are many things in that book that make a lot of sense, here is a quote from the book, "Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness". You may question that but I think it is very true. Much of the time you are more scared just worrying about things that are going to happen than when your actually doing things. There was a post recently about someone who was scared of going to the dentist, they went and realised it wasn't half as bad as what they imagined it to be.

Do you read many self-help books Kate? I think the're really helpful, always get me ready to tackle my anxiety, like I always feel more positive whilst I'm reading them.

I think it's always good to read these books anyway, you may think it isn't doing anthing for you but you get little bits that make you realise things, usually just little things but they help enormously. I truly believe that the more knowledge you have, then the more power you have to deal with this.

I'm still learning all the time, like the other day I noticed how many negative thoughts are entering my head and I was shocked. I mean, I've made good progress with the big ones that haunted me 24/7, but I noticed these little ones, almost as if they are deep in my subconcious and it's just the faintest little whisper creeping through, barely noticable - well it's took me 6 years of looking to find them! Does that make sense? But they are there almost constantly.

Does any this make sense?

Anyway, you seem to have managed to block out some negativity when you went to the shop, so that's good. You can't expect it to all go at once, step by step and you'll get there.

mico

kate
28-01-04, 11:35
Hiya Mico,

Yes I do read self help books. But I find that my concentration level is so bad that I read a page and none of it has sunk in.

I had a dreadful night last night. My son had gone to the Aston Villa match. He goes with 2 mates and one of the mates dad. Just before they set off, his mate rang and said that his dad was going to have to leave before the end of the match and could my hubby pick them up after the game. My hubby agreed.

Well, I kept on thinking hubby would go to pick them up and would either have an accident or break down on route. That would then leave the lads stranded there and hubby would phone me to say what had happened and I would then be responsible for picking them up.

Crowds and crowds of football fans = BIG PANIC.

So, this was how my mind was going. Anyway hubby sets off to meet them about 20 minutes before the end of the game. When the game finished, I phoned hubby to make sure he had got there without having an accident or broken down. I was too embarassed to say why I was phoning so I just said to him that the Villa had lost. He said he knew cos he had been listening to the match on the radio!

I then had to ask where he was, just to make sure he was parked up waiting, which of course he was.

So, I had nearly 3 hours of analizing and analizing again. And, guess what? Surprisingly none of my predictions came true.

I would add that during this time, I was continually trying to block these thoughts, trying to think rationally.

But the little voice kept popping back up and saying "yes, but it all MIGHT go wrong".

When they finally arrived back home, I was absolutely exhausted.

What the hell am I supposed to do? People give the advise of replacing negatives with positives. What if it just aint happening?

This all makes me look as though I don't put in any effort to get better. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I am just absolutely worn out with living this way. I am not progressing at all. I feel like a totally feeble,whimp.

Why can others get better? what am I doing so wrong?

catch you later mate

Kate x

kate
28-01-04, 11:37
Mico,

I am so sorry. I have just read my post back, and all I have done is moan on and on about ME.

You are doing SO well at the moment,don't let me pull you back down.

Sorry mate

Kate x

mico
28-01-04, 16:50
hi Kate

Don't worry, your not pulling me back down, it's good to think about these things in a way, sometimes it makes me think about how I deal with these situations and the more I think about it the more it becomes clearer in my head - well sometimes anyway - then I know how to deal with these situations better in the future.

I think you can be forgiven for the football match scenario - there's nothing much louder and more intimidating than a football crowd!

Maybe you should try relaxing before reading, it can improve your concentration a lot. I know your having difficulty relaxing but it's worth a try. I find if I relax one day then it is easier to relax the next day. I can have the same trouble at times I know what it's like.

Your not a wimp Kate, we all find it hard and we all try hard. Sometimes we get nowhere and sometimes we do, the trouble is there is no easy answer to get ourselves out of this. One big thing is a good understanding of how the whole thing works.

You mentioned blocking your negative thoughts...Something I have realised over the past six months or so is that you can't 'block' negative thoughts, even though I have been told many things along these lines over the years it is only in recent times I've understood it a lot better. If you have a negative thought in your head you can't challenge it, that would just make you think of it more and bring it closer to your attention. Then you start arguing with yourself trying to push in positive thoughts, but your subconcious doesn't believe them because it is too used to sideing with the negative which is showing it's dominance in your mind, simply because you decided to chalenge that thought...Wow, this is going deep, do you understand any of this?

Instead you have to introduce the positive by itself - without challenging the negative. As you go through the day, try to see the positive side of everything. If you put enough focus on the positive then the negative gets pushed out without you even realising it - theres only enough room in there for so much of one or the other.

I've mentioned before about relaxing and using music, that is a good example of this type of thought in practice. You put every ounce of concentration you've got into the music, listen to the rythm, structure, the beat, the notes, vocals, everything. The important part is not to challenge your thoughts, all concentration must be on the music. I know you'll probably have trouble with this just as I do at times - my concentration can be very bad at times - but I think it works.

You need to introduce this type of positive thinking to normal everyday situations of your life too Kate, things you may not be scared of but if you can be more positive about these then it can become easier to become positive about bigger things.

I know I'm repeating a lot of stuff that I've already said in previous posts, I just think there is some sort of answer in there somewhere for you. People talk about lightbulb moments on these boards and I think you just need one of them.

Sorry Kate, I don't think I'm too good at describing these things, so if you've got this far thinking 'what a load of waffle' then I must apologise. :)

And if you've got any questions just ask

mico

Meg
28-01-04, 22:23
Hi Mico,

I've been an advocate of rationalizing worrying thoughts rather than forcing them out, I did this by using these questions and found it very comforting and it did me heaps of good when I was in the 'getting better but not quite there mode.'

I found once I'd rationalized the same thing several times , the next time it came at me it wasn't with as much force and power and the next time was almost like a shadow of its former self ...

I'm interested in your opinion on this

How rational is this thought.
Is it a true thought
In percentage terms how likely is this to happen
Show me the evidence that its true
What else could it be ?
Is it new to me
If not did I cope last time and survive ?
Anything changed ?
Can I do anything to improve the odds from anything I’ve learnt in the meantime.

Worst case scenario ?
OK , I’ll manage that.


And then the final reality check
Are you sure about this ?


What do you think ?






Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

mico
28-01-04, 23:52
Hi Meg

I try to rationalise my thoughts and it has helped a lot. I do find though that it does take a lot of questions to really get to grips with how irrational my thinking actually is.

I'm not too sure about the worst case scenario though, I'm a highly imaginative person, my worst case scenarios usually involve me being seriously injured or killed!!!:(...Although I know I can handle those scenarios if I was feeling confident, it's just I don't feel I can cope with them when I'm feeling anxious.

I used to worry about violence a lot, and think along the lines of 'the world's such a terrible place, why is there so much violence?' or 'The world would be a better place without violence why isn't something being done about it?' I used to think about these things all the time, now I realise that the world isn't such a bad place and that 99% of people are good people. My thinking was heavily distorted and because I didn't realise it was related to my anxiety I fell victim to it.

Since then I've had to rationalise my thoughts a lot and introduce new positive ones like I explained (well tried to explain) above. All in all it has been working well for me, and I feel my perception is becoming clearer and closer to the truth, which isn't half as bad as the world I was seeing a year ago.

But yeah Meg, I think it's important to rationalise your thoughts, I suppose then it becomes a lot easier to put them to rest, then it becomes easier too introduce positive thoughts. I suppose when I've talked of letting go of negativity and 'the safety net' and so on I've had to rationalise those thoughts before I could do that.

Does this all make sense to you Meg? I mean I know how I deal with my anxiety but I find it very difficult to put into words, which probably explains the length of this post. But I tried anyway.

Thanks for the input Meg.

mico

kate
31-01-04, 13:22
Hiya Mico,

Thanks for the advise, all of which I know to be true.

I do try to think positively, but every time I think that way the negatives still shove their way to the fore.

Reading your advice just makes me realise that I am not making any progress and that it is all my own fault that I'm not.

I have stuck myself in this mode and am doing nothing about it.

Anyway, thanks for all your advice over the past few weeks and I hope that you continue to make progress, I'm sure you will as you have got the right attitude towards it!!:D

Kate x

mico
31-01-04, 20:35
[:0]
It's not by any means your fault if your not progressing Kate!! Not your fault at all.

I have things all the time that I don't want to face, and I must admit sometimes I just don't, I know I could do more to help myself but sometimes it just seems too difficult/uncomfortable/scary or whatever. No ones perfect.

Seriously Kate I'm a wimp, the dictionary definition of the word 'wimp' is me! So if I can do it, so can you!

I know how diificult it is when you try so hard and never seem to get any rewards from it, but they will come eventually, it just takes time.

You WILL get better Kate...even if I have to make you!:D

mico

kate
31-01-04, 20:52
Hiya Mico,

Thanks for your reply.

Over the years I have had medication and also councelling.

The anti depressents helped me enormously to overcome real bad depression twice in my life.

Nowadays, I suffer mainly with anxiety, this is 24/7. I also sometimes have depression, which I would class as mild to middling, and which usually passes in 2 - 6 weeks.

I have had group anxiety councelling and also CBT with a psychologist, and meetings with a psychiatrist.

What I'm saying is that I have been given the tools to do the job but I just can't silence the negative thoughts long enough for any positives to take over.:(

This does make me feel like a failure, not in a self pitying kind of way, but from a totally truthfull kind of way.

I found it real hard to explain my thoughts to the psychologist and got the impression that if I was not making any progress, then it was my fault.

But, at the end of the day, I know that only myself can make me better and I'm not challenging anything. That is why I have failed.

Anyway, sorry to be so negative, AGAIN [xx(]

Cheers mate

Kate x

mico
31-01-04, 22:10
You haven't failed Kate, your doing good. Haven't your shopping trips to you know where, and your trips to your parents been challenging you? Or where they too easy :D?

Everyday you go to work is a challenge, I couldn't work for a long time when I began to suffer from anxiety.

There is a knack at thinking more positive, it's not something that someone tells you how to do then all of a sudden you can do it. What you need is a few of what you guys on here call 'lightbulb moments'. The more you think about your situation and try to look at it from different points of view then the more likely one of these lightbulb moments will happen. You just have to keep at it.

Maybe you can't silence your negativity, none of us would be here if we could do that. You've just got to keep working at your anxiety in any way you can think of.

Are you feeling depressed now Kate? You sound frustrated. I know I was sooo frustrated with my anxiety before Christmas, thinking I wasn't getting anywhere and it was killing my enjoyment in everything I done, it was just really getting me down. But you can't let your pitfalls get you down, it's all part of the way forward.

Keep your chin up Kate, you can do it, and I know your trying hard even if you think your not.

Here's some friendly little chaps to cheer you up...
:):):):):D:):):):D:):):):D

mico

kate
31-01-04, 22:46
Hiya poor long suffering having to listen to me, Mico!!

Thanks for the friendly little chaps they made me smile!

Yes I think I am depressed at the moment, and have been since Christmas really.

And yes, I am frustrated with it all, feel like I'm going backwards instead of forwards.

Hopefully the depression will lift soon and i will be able to start positive thoughts again.

Thanks again for your kind words.

Kate x

kate
20-02-04, 10:54
Hiya everyone,

I have reactivated this thread as I have another problem!!![:0]

We have been off on half term holiday this week.

On Monday, my son had to go into hospital, as a day patient, for a small operation.

We were told that he would only have a local anaesthetic so just my hubby took him.

He ended up having a general and my hubby phoned me from the hospital to inform me of this.

I, as usual, over reacted. I felt guilty cos I hadn't gone with them, even though I couldn't have known he would have a general etc etc.

The operation was fine and he came home again in the afternoon.

So, that was Monday over with, one worry down, several more to go!

Our house is also on the market and we have had viewings all week which means that I have been stuck here most of the time either tidying up or waiting for the viewers to arrive.

Anyway, to the main problem!!

I have been having trouble getting to sleep and have been waking really early worrying about Sunday.

My son has a season ticket for Aston Villa and on Sunday they are playing Birmingham City at Villa Park.

Big derby match, always a lot of trouble, and I am terrified for him.

He went to the fixture last season and it was a night match.

Hubby was at work and I was just SO scared all night. I couldn't sit still, cleaned out the fridge, did housework, was shaking, felt sick, the whole works.

As usual, all the worry was for nothing and he arrived home safely [:0]

So, here we are again, same worries, not sleeping, tearful.

I keep trying to convince myself he will be alright but the nagging panic fairy keeps whispering in my ear "Oh but he might NOT be alright" and all the associated panic thoughts that come with it.

So, I have decided that I will go to my parents house for a few hours during the match, hopefully to slightly take my mind off the worry.

I am absolutely shattered due to the lack of sleep and the worry.

I come across worrying situations and my mind still works in the same way.

I can't be positive and BELIEVE in the positive thoughts.

Anyone got any ideas?:)

Thanks to anyone who has read this, I just think that the fear of violence thing is never going to abate and it feels even worse when it is a fear of something happening to my loved ones.

Kate x

Laurie28
20-02-04, 11:03
Hiya Kate,

It is a mothers natural instinct to worry I am terrible for it!!!

You do not have to belive the positive statments just keep on repeating them (write them down and stick them on the fridge)and eventually they should stick - you are listening to your gremlin (chatterbox) and you are believing it so try and drown it out EVEN IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE what you are saying.

you will always worry about your kids that will not go away but if you are making yourself ill over it then surely anything is worth a try!!!

Hopefully someone will give you better advise but in the meantime why not write a few positive statments and give them a try!!

Take Care
Lucky

kate
20-02-04, 12:05
Hiya Lucky,

Thanks for replying.

You are right,I do listen to the negative thoughts and I DO believe them.

I will do as you suggest and write down the positives and stick them on the fridge!

As you say, anything is worth a go even if you don't believe them!!

I thought it was stressful when the kids were young but now they are older, 12 and nearly 15, it's even worse.

Anyway, thanks again, Lucky

Kate x

Laurie28
20-02-04, 12:14
Hiya Kate,

Mines are 6 (nearly 7) and 10 months. The 1st time my oldest was allowed out himself I was a wreck (even though it was just in the street.) My partner had to talk me into letting him out or I would keep him in foreve. I still check his breathing at night!!!!

I can imagine the older they get the worse it will become as you have to allow them more freedom, but I'm sure they will be fine.

Keep Positive Kate and don't listen to that horrible gremlin anymore

Take Care
Lucky

mico
23-02-04, 19:29
Hi Kate

How did it go? Hopefully you'll be feeling a little more relaxed now.

Keep it up though, these experiences can expand your comfort zone, even if it isn't you going out of the house.

mico

kate
23-02-04, 19:49
Hiya Mico,

Well, I was feeling apprehensive up until Saturday morning, slight stomach churning etc.

I woke up Sunday morning, the day of the match, and I felt surprisingly calm.

I have been taking the homeopathic remedy Aconite and also reading the book "Feel the fear and do it anyway" and feeling a lot calmer overall.

My son left for the match at 11 am and I took my daughter and niece for a meal at a nice restaurant at a garden centre near my parents house.

I was looking at my watch occasionally, thinking ok the match has kicked off now, its half time now but I wasn't unduly worried.

I went on to my parents and listened to the rest of the match.

At the end of the match I was a bit worried as my son would be on his way back, but I can truly say that I continued to say he would be ok and I believed my words.

About 10 minutes later, my hubby texted me to say my son was back.

I felt relieved, I would be lying to say I didn't, but I truly believed that the risk to him was very, very small.

I was back to work today after the half term break. Before I went, I did the food shopping, no anxiety.

I stood in line at the post office, paid a cheque in. Again, no anxiety.

Went to work. That was fine too.

So, overall, soemthing seems to be working at the moment.

Every negative thought or sentence that pops into my head I am replacing with positive. Even if I don't believe it 100% I carry on doing it.

There are still a LOAD of things I will not do. But I still feel that things are a lot, lot better than they were a few weeks ago.

Anyway, Mico, how are YOU doing???

Hope to hear from you soon

Kate x

Meg
23-02-04, 20:51
Hey Kate,

That is brilliant news. What huge progress !!!

You deserve a medal the size of a platter as I know this has been so hard for you, yet you've perservered with all adversity and suceeded in so many things .

Keep it up Kate . Well done !!





Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

pauline
23-02-04, 21:35
Hi Kate


I just wanted to say how great you did and you should be feeling so very pleased with yourself. Now remember next time you start to worry so badly over something remember how well you did and i can tell you it really works. My son is a blues fan and his girlfriend is a Villa fan she was at that match on sunday so i do understand how you were feeling as you say there is usually alot of trouble at the local darby matches so anyone would have been anxious let alone you who suffers with anxiety. So don't be so hard on yourself. My children are all older now and i do not worry so much about the boys 17 and 22 but my daughter i worry about alot as girls cannot look after themselves as well as boys i don't think and there are far to many nasty men out there. You never stop worrying being a mother but it will get easier.

Well done you.:)

Take care
Pauline

sarah
23-02-04, 22:33
Hita Kate

Really well done mate. Im dead impressed with you and all you have done.

Is it the book thats helping do you think? Would you recomend it?

keep at it, you are well on your way!!!!

love Sarah
xx

kate
24-02-04, 09:30
Meg, Pauline and Sarah,

Thanks for replying with your words of encouragement.

Sarah, I don't really know if it is the book that is helping.

I have read a load of self help books, as we all have!, but this one I found to be extremely easy to read and to relate to.

The general overall sentiment is that the only way to get through the fear is to go out and do it.

Also, that pushing through the fear is less frightening than living with the fear of helplessness.

It also points out that a lot of the time we blame others or outside influences for our fear. But, in reality, we must take responsibility for our own fear.

It also says that there is never a right or a wrong way of going about things. If we make a decision that does not turn out the way we hoped, there is always another way of looking at it and another road to take to rectify a situation.

Anyway, I have found it to be a good read. If you are interested, it is called "feel the fear and do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers. I got it in paperback and it cost £5.99.

Thanks again everyone!

Kate x

stimpy
24-02-04, 09:52
Well done Kate! Great progress.

Keep up the good work

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

mico
24-02-04, 15:25
Hi Kate,

It's good to hear that you coped well, your sounding very positive too, which is good. I hope you can keep it up, if you can keep some of that positivity you will keep moving in the right direction. Sure, you'll have setbacks, you've just got to remember that that's all they are, 1 step back 2 steps forward.

As for me, well, I'm just the same as usual, lol, never got much to say about myself. Not been feeling great for the last week or so, but I'll pick myself up, the only way is forward.

'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' is a good book, lots of truthful points, I like it. She brought another book out too, 'Feel the Fear and Beyond' which covers pretty much the same material but it is based more around doing exercise to help you. Basically there is a lot of space in the book to write down your 'own' feelings rather than just reading someone elses. Just helps you think about it more really.

Anyway your probably sick of hearing me rabble on aabout nothing.:D

mico

kate
24-02-04, 16:25
Mico,

Thanks for the info, I will get the next book as well.

I coped so well last week and then, today, I have been real panicky again.

But, I survived it, so here's hoping to a better day tomorrow!!

Sorry to hear you haven't been too good. Let's hope you can pick yourself up and carry on moving forward.

Try re reading the "feel the fear" book!! LOL

Kate x

mico
24-02-04, 17:17
hi Kate

I must have read that book about 30 times by now, lol, normally it comes out when I'm feeling really down and it usually gives me a new lease of positivity. But I'll be ok, just a glitch that's all, be back on track in no time. Even though I'm not feeling great at the minute I'm very positive, I have no idea where it comes from, for a negative person I've got positivity coming out of my ears lately, lol, obviously not that positive or I'd be cured but still... I never used to be like that, mostly just the last couple of months, must be all these years of training in positive thinking finally building up...well, hopefully anyway. Still got a way to go yet but it's better to look forward to it than hide away from it.

Anyway, don't worry about being panicky today Kate, happens to all of us, all part of the way forward, you did cope well last week so you should be congratulating yourself for that, and if today's not too good then there is always tommorrow.

mico

kate
24-02-04, 20:23
Thanks for the reply, Mico

Went to work and feel a bit better now.

Hard work innit being positive!!!!!

Thanks for your input anyway and keep reading the book lol

Kate x

kate
08-03-04, 09:46
Hiya Everyone,

I haven't been feeling too bad lately.

The depression seemed to have lifted to manageable proportions.

Still avoiding things but felt like I'd kind of levelled off and was getting on with things.

As some of you will know, we put the house on the market a few weeks ago.

Although I really would like to move, I have started to feel stressed out about it.

These feelings only started this weekend. We know where we want to move to and all my friends from work live around there.

But I'm now starting to doubt whether it will be the best thing for us all.

I'm worried that we will move and I will be even more unhappy than now. Everyone I have spoken to have assured me that everyone, non panickers included!) has the same doubts.

Trouble is, in a panicker, this gets totally out of proportion.

I have found that my worries about violence have also increased over the weekend obviously fuelled by the general anxiety.

I woke up on Sunday morning, came downstairs and started having a PA.

Took myself back upstairs, sat on the bed and calmed my breathing down.

Felt totally spaced out for about an hour but managed to then get on with things.

Anyway, sorry to have bored you all with my panics AGAIN. I always seem to be posting about the same thing and never moving forward.

I just really needed to get this off my chest, I'm feeling so anxious and stressed and keep bursting into tears.

Thanks all for listening

Kate x

Laurie28
08-03-04, 12:54
Kate,

Post as often as you like abuot this. That's what we are here for.

You are right moving house is a really stressful time for anyone!!

I'm an avoider as well and even though I know by avoiding things I make myself worse I'm just so scared of the things I'm avoiding (and they can be very silly things)that I really can't help avoiding them until it becomes a major phobia!!

How are you feeling today??

There is nothing like a PA to knock you back but you are doing fine Kate remember u don't have to be moving 'forward' all the time soemtimes u do have setbacks (i done a post a few months ago about it called one step forwards 2 steps backwards (i think that's what it was called!)) and everyone was feeling the same as me!!

Keep us updated and don't worry about posting !!

Love
Lucky

kate
08-03-04, 16:23
Hiya Lucky,

Well, I'm feeling real panicky, have been all day.

This violence thing is making me have bad panic and causing me to lead such a restricted life.

I can be going along quite nicely, coping and having few panics. Then, wham.

On Friday my daughter came home and said that there had been a big fight between some kids from her school and another secondary school in the area.

You will probably find this real hard to believe, but all weekend I have been worried about them going to school today. I am completely off my head aren't I?

They went off this morning and my hubby popped to Asda which involves a journey passing both the secondary schools in question.

He said the deputy head from our school along with another teacher were waiting on the corner of the road to my kids school, obviously to watch out for anything happening.

This made me feel better because I knew they would have got to school ok.

I'm now sitting here, the kids would have got out of school some 10 minutes ago, and I'm panicking like anything.

SO worried that something will happen that will involve them getting hurt in some way.

This is doing me no good and its doing them no good.

Everytime I hear about something violent that could involve them in any way, I am back at square one.

I try to think positively, think that nothing will happen to them, but in my mind, it already has and I can't convince myself any differently.

I can't live my life like this anymore. I'm so anxious and panicky all the time. I just don't know how I can overcome this fear.

I'm sure this all sounds so stupid to anyone else.

Sorry to have gone on so much, Thanks for listening, Lucky

Kate x

Laurie28
08-03-04, 16:41
Kate,

You don't sound stupid at all!!

I hope by the time you read this the kids are safely home from school and you are a bit more relaxed.

it is a mothers job to worry but you are right when it starts interfering in your life the way it is yours then it is a problem.

I think between the media and the grapevine we are told far too much!!!

Kate I'm sure your kids have been brought up to be sensible and stay out of trouble but I do understand why you worry about them.

Do you see a counsellor or anything about this Kate?

lucky

kate
08-03-04, 16:46
Hiya Lucky,

They aren't back yet, but should be within the next 10 minutes or so.

I saw a psychiatrist and a psychologist last year.

Although I explained fully to the psychologist that the main fear with me was the violence, I didn't ever really feel that she appreciated the extent of my feelings.

I had 20 weeks with her and then that was it! I'd finished my allocated sessions,end of story!

I was nowhere near "cured" but she just said that I knew now how to deal with my anxiety and that was it really.

I have told the kids to stay out of trouble but I just worry that they will be picked on for no reason. Mad innit?

Anyway, thanks again, Lucky and my son has just walked through the door!!!

One child down, one to go!

Kate x

Laurie28
08-03-04, 17:00
I'm a bit like that Kate, at the end of my CBT I said I was okay and could deal with things!!! My therpaist did say however that if I needed him again I could phone direct and he would see me (instead of going through GP who would tell me taht I had had my course!!)

Try the doctors surgery to see if there are any notices etc that will direct you to anxiety classes!


Or how about phoning the samaritans etc to see if they can find you anything in your area (it might not be the samaritans you will have to phone but something along that line!)

This fear must be horrible Kate I know how I feel if my wee one is late back from anywhere. but to be fearing this all day everyday must be heartbreaking.

You are in no way being silly Kate it is a geniune fear but you must get some help as you are really suffering

Hopefully someone else will come up wiuth better advise re organisations you can contact but there MUST be someplace out there that can help you and help you properly

take Care
Lucky

kate
08-03-04, 17:12
Thanks Lucky,

I think I will go back to doctors anyway, see what else is available.

Kids now home, surprisingly safe and sound.

Thanks again for being there, Lucky. Same again tomorrow????

Kate x

Meg
08-03-04, 17:43
Dear Kate,

With house moves come all kinds of uncertainties and things beyond our control.
Most of us are creatures of routine and change is scary . It also brings opportunities although these are sometimes not as apparant during the build up.

Moving house is classed as one of the top 5 most stressful life events.

Remember excitement is portrayed in exactly the same way as anxiety.

Good luck with it Kate



Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

mico
08-03-04, 20:32
Hi Kate

I imagine the house move is going to make things stressful for you over the coming weeks, but in situations like this I believe the best thing is to look forward, not back. 'The best way out is always through'. You know it's just your mind playing tricks on you when it's trying to talk you out of it, so try and keep focused on the good things about moving and keep moving in that direction, don't hesitate or look back, just put all your energies into the future.

As for the violence, I know what it's like, you start improving then you hear about/see something that disturbs you a little, then the thoughts are back. Try not to take much notice of the things you hear though (difficult I know) and definately don't go out of your way to hear about these things, say if you hear someone talking across the room about violence, don't go over and liten to it, if you have the choice to walk away then do it. Even things like watching the news can often start off a new train of thoughts which you can't get rid of. I know it's all pretty tough to deal with, but we will have little setbacks, all part of the way forward so don't worry if you feel your going backwards, you'll be going forwards again in no time.

Good luck with the house, infact try and put more thought(positive) into moving and it may even take your mind off other things a little.

mico

kate
08-03-04, 21:55
Hiya Mico,

I avoid the news LOL can't cope with all the horrible things on there.

Although I really do want to move house, now we have actually had an offer on it, all the negatives are coming to mind.

I'm now worrying that I'm not making the right decision, what if I'm even unhappier in the new house?

I keep coming over all melancholy as well. Looking round the house, rememebering things we have done here.

But, even though I'm thinking all these daft thoughts, I still think that the way forward is to make a clean break and start afresh elsewhere.

My mates from work all live in the area where we are hoping to buy. There is also some nice countryside within easy reach and I'm hoping that this will enable me to take some nice walks.

I think once I find the exact housse that I want, then I will be much more positive. I feel at the moment like I'm in limbo.

The violence fear really seems to get stronger when I'm anxious about other things. It's as if the fear just grows and grows and it has totally taken over my life.

Another good thing about moving is that the kids will not have to walk past the other secondary school, they will approach their own school from the opposite direction, which will remove another fear from my mind.

I just feel totally drained today. The constant anxiety is really taking it out of me.

I bet you are all totally bored of reading my constant battles with the same old problems and the fact that nothing ever changes with me.

Do you still have the violence fears, Mico or have you managed to overcome them?

Thanks for listening Mico, AGAIN!!!!

Kate x

Laurie28
09-03-04, 09:55
Kate,

How are you doing today?
Have you made an appointment with your doctor yet?

Lucky

mico
09-03-04, 22:00
Hi Kate

Don't worry about your posts, that's what these boards are here for.

And yeah I do still suffer from the thoughts, but definately not as bad as I used to. I don't think about them 24/7 like I did, infact to be honest I don't think about them much, just if I want to go somewhere or if I'm avoiding situations. Say, if I am going somewhere, and I think they may be some kind of threat of violence then it'll worry me, but if I'm just in the house then I won't think about it at all anymore, whereas before my head would be spinning with violent thoughts all day.

Anyway, stop putting yourself down about not getting anywhere, your doing good, your sounding more positive than you did a couple of months ago, and your moving house! That's a pretty stressful thing and if you can get through that then you'll be a stronger person by the time you move into your new house.

Have you ever tried something like yoga Kate, if these thoughts are getting worse as you're getting more anxious then it sounds like you could really benefit from some form of relaxation. I just thought of yoga because you have to concentrate on your movements and such which could take away some of your worrying thoughts and I know you find it difficult to escape your thoughts normally. Could be worth a try, especially when you have all this extra stress at the moment.

mico

kate
09-03-04, 22:35
Hiya Lucky,

Thanks for thinking of me!!

I didnt have any time to post today, had to go food shopping [V]

My anxiety levels have been sky high again. Hubby went to play golf and said he would go shopping when he came home.

But I decided I would go. Can't give in can you???

So, armed with large bottle of water, for comfort blanket, set off round the supermarket.

Managed to make it round there and came back home. Phew, what a relief!!

I didnt get time to phone doc's today so will do it in the morning.

Thanks again for posting

Kate x

kate
09-03-04, 22:40
Hiya Mico,

Thanks for replying.

Had an offer on the house today, which we have accepted, so now the challenge is on to find somewhere that we all like!!

We are viewing two houses tomorrow night and one on Thursday night.

The anxiety is still mega high! Still worrying about the kids going to and from school.

I've offered to take them but they just look at me as if I'm mad! (as if!!!).

Can you get the yoga on a video or a DVD? I can't go to a church hall or the like cos there might be people hanging about outside that could cause trouble. I know, mad innit?? [:I]

Anyway, didn't actually have a PA today, just constant anxiety.

Cheers again, Mico.

Kate x

Laurie28
10-03-04, 12:45
Kate,

You said your anxiety levels were high but YOU DID IT

Surely on the road to 'recovery,' you did not avoid it when you could have you went for it!!

Keep us posted
Lucky

kate
11-03-04, 12:01
Hiya Lucky,

Just to let you know I phoned the doctors and asked to see the female doc, I requested a morning appointment.

First available one is next Wednesday!!!

Oh well, just another week to go LOL

Kate x

Laurie28
11-03-04, 12:59
Write everything down Kate to tell her or you might forget some things (i know what i'm like when i walk into doc's surgery!)

let us know how you get on

Take care
lucky

kate
11-03-04, 17:41
Hiya Lucky,

Good idea!! I always seem to clam up when I get to the doc's and just walk out, 2 mins later, with a prescription!

Thanks Lucky, will start my A4 size list asap!!!!

Kate x

Laurie28
12-03-04, 13:19
I'm the same Kate I go in and mumle for a minute or so I leave out the most important information and leave with a little prescription - even when i'm walking out the door I know the prescription is going to be no use because i haven't explained myself at all!!

If u have a piece of paper you can look down and recite it all off without having to get emotional (hopefully) and not having too look at the doctors face!!!

Lucky

blossom
14-03-04, 17:44
from Blossom. Kate I have just been reading your postings on the forum, about you moving, well love you can imagine how I am feeling, we have signed all the contracts now, and just awaiting the final dates etc., to be sorted out. I am so afraid of the move, and it is making me so weepy, and wondering whether I have dont the right thing in wanting the bungalow. The negative thoughts in my head is really frightening me about it all, what have I done? They say it is one of the most stressful things one can do is move,and I am very down to start with, I keep thinking I am afraid to go out as you know with agoraphobia, What am I going to be like on the day we move, It was what I suggested, so when I mention it to the family, I get told, you will be alright when you get there, but I hate change, We are going from a 3B/room house to a 2 bedroom bungalow, there is so much we will not be able to take, and have had to buy a smaller suite of furniture, A new bedroom suite, as the one we have is too big to fit in, so we are leaving most of the furniture.
Can anyone try and give me a positive thought to keep thinking, I am really scared, just the thought of it starts me panicking, I wake in the night thinking about it.
I am sure if things had not gone so far, I would pull out of it, it is worring me that much. I feel so guilty, as the men did not want to move in the first place. They are clearing the loft, and bringing down things that remind me of the happy days in the past, but all I do when I see them is weep, they laugh at me, and tell me not to be so soft, but then thats the way I am made, they dont understand, there are photographs of my son when he was small and at school, and I wish I could turn the clock back.
I should be happy, but I am sure some of you will understand, its the FEAR, My head is so unreal and woozy keep thinking, I hope you can give me something to stop this horrible negative thinking. What have I done, lets hope its the right thing, so WORRIED from Blossom

sarah
14-03-04, 18:27
Hello Blossom

Well, what can I say, you are in a tizz arent you?
Try to think about it in a positive way..this could be a way of starting a new life afresh. You can start some new memories in your new house.

You might have some really nice neighbours who want to pop round for a cuppa and a chat which would be really lovely.

All the lovely new furniture you have bought will look great and you will be able to decorate any way you want too (if you need to).

You have had to get rid of things - well thats less things to sort through and collect dust (if you know what I mean)

NO STAIRS to hoover - thats got to be a great plus hasnt it? and also no stairs to negociate when you are feeling woozy (believe me, if I didnt have stairs when I was at my worst I wouldnt have spent 2 weeks hiding in my room scared to walk down the stairs as it seemed too far).

If it comes to it on moving day and you cant deal with it, why not go to your sons and let the men get on with it, tell them the first thing to do is get the bedroom sorted and the kettle in its place and when they come to pick you up its all ready for you to have a nice cuppa and a destressing nap.

Blossom, I dont know what else to say so I will leave it there but I wish you all the best in the world and im sure everything will be fine for you!

love Sarah
xx

nomorepanic
14-03-04, 18:40
Blossom

Sarah has summed it up perfectly really.

Make sure the boxes are well labelled so the men can put them in the correct rooms and you can easily find the things you need immediately - kettle, medication, tolietries etc.

Go to your son's if you need to and make sure they get one room ready for you before you go over there. I am sure they will understand and help all they can.

Good luck ok.

If need be then I can call you on the day and have a chat to take your mind off it ok?



Nicola

kate
15-03-04, 11:51
Hiya Bloss,

Of course you are worrying about the move, everyone does.

Us panickers have to have something to worry about and at the moment, as the move is the biggest thing going on in you life, you are placing all your anxieties on it.

Everyone, panickers or not, worry about moving house. I don't think anyone can go through it all without any worries whatsoever.

It is the anticipation of the move that is causing you the stress.

Once everything is packed up and you shut the door on your old house, the anxiety will decrease.

All your energies can then be put into making the bungalow your home.

Think about it very carefully, Bloss. You haven't been happy in your present house for a long time.

Think of all the reasons that made you want to move in the first place.

Think of how nice it will be to have new neighbours, different shops etc.

Think of how nice it will be to be nearer your son and the grandchildren.

I know it is so hard to think positively, Bloss, but you are not happy in your present home and if you did pull out of the move, the situation will be the same and you will definately regret it.

Talk over your worries with your hubby and tell him how much you will need his support up until and including the moving date.

Any worries,Bloss, just post again and we will inundate you with positive reasons for this move!

Take care, Bloss

Kate x

Laurie28
17-03-04, 11:22
Kate,

If you haven't already left good luck at the GP's (have you got your bit of paper with you?

let us know how you get on eh!

Lucky

kate
17-03-04, 16:46
Hiya Lucky,

Went to the doctors, waste of time in my opinion.

Had waited nearly a week to see the female doctor. Went in and started explaining about the anxiety/ depression over the last 20 years.

Got my list out and started reading off it. Through all this she just sat looking at me, not encouraging me to talk at all.

I decided I was getting nowhere, so put the list away. She still never said a word!

She has decided that it is more depression than anxiety. I said I thought that the depression was only a side effect of the anxiety in as much as my life is totally ruled by the anxiety so this pulls me into depression.

Anyway, she said that I've got to have a blood test to rule out any thyroid problems, though she doubts whether it will be positive.

So, I've got to go for the blood test a week tomorrow, then wait for the results, THEN book another appointment to see her.

I came out feeling like a silly little kid who has wasted the doctors time totally.

Wish I hadn't bothered going in all honesty.

Thanks for thinking of me anyway, Lucky

Kate x

nomorepanic
17-03-04, 20:56
Oh Kate - sorry to hear it was not very productive for you.

Perhaps it is depression instead and a few months of medication may help. I know that you are against that idea (like me) but it may just give you the boost you need.

Let us know how the blood tests go ok?

Nicola

kate
17-03-04, 21:30
Cheers Nic,

I was just hoping that this doctor might be the "approachable really interested in how I'm feeling" type.

The blood test doesn't bother me but I just didnt feel that she was at all interested in my symptoms.

I'm not against using meds, have used them in the past when I had a couple of episodes of really intense depresson.

It's just that I can't seem to tolerate any of the more recent ones I have tried, and believe me, I have tried a variety!!

Anyway, will let you know how the tests go and what the next step is!

Kate x

nomorepanic
17-03-04, 22:16
Kate

Did you go at the end of the day - they can be rather less interested then after a day or moaning patients and the same old problems.

Maybe she just wasn't in the mood for it - who know's eh?

I can't tolerate drugs either as you know. Have you tried any natural things like Kalms for eg?

Nicola

kate
17-03-04, 22:32
Hiya Nic,

I went at 10 am! I just think she wasn't interested.

I've tried St.John's wort, Kalms, which just seemed to make me tired and aconite which didnt seem to do a thing.

Oh well, just got to wait for the blood test results I suppose and see where we go from there.

Kate x

nomorepanic
17-03-04, 23:24
Oh sorry Kate

Wish I could help more mate - give you a hug and make you all better maybe?

Nicola

kate
17-03-04, 23:26
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Thanks Nic!!

Kate x

Laurie28
18-03-04, 10:48
Kate,

I'm sorry you waited a week to not get an satisfaction. When your blood tests come back (hopefully all is well) ask your GP for counselling - she can only say no. I must admit when reading your posts they do not seem to me like depression is your main problem, i would say the constatnt worry about your children etc is getting you down but depression is not what is making you worry (if that makes sense). Although I'm not a big fan of meds others have proved on this forum that they do work in conjunction with lifestyle changes and CBT. Anti-depressants may well help you out things into perspective as they are not just for depression (as I'm sure you know). I remember when I asked them to check my thyroid etc I was disappointed when the tests came back clear (sounds crazy i know) because I was still hoping at that point there would be something physically wrong with me and not just my brain going weird!!! I was still in denial that it was my brain doing all this too me and I was just stressed up to my eyeballs!!!!

You on the other hand know it is anxiety and it is very frustrating that the doctor (it seems )has done little to help, but hopefully when the results come back she will take more positive action

Take Care and Keep us posted
Lucky

kate
18-03-04, 11:14
Hiya Lucky,

I know when I've got a bout of depression and when it is anxiety.

At the moment, as I tried to explain to the doc, it is anxiety only.

Due to the restricted lifestyle, caused by the anxiety, of course I am feeling low.

But I'm not depressed.

I had councelling about 12 months ago. I had it for an alloted period of approximately 6 months.

At the end of the alloted period, although I had been given the tools to help myself, my problems are so deep rooted and all engulfing that, to be honest, we had merely attacked the smallest tip of the iceberg.

I don't mind that she has recommended a blood test. But I do mind that she didn't seem to LISTEN to what I was trying to explain.

I think it is hard enough and embarassing enough just talking about how we feel.

When feedback from the professionals is not forthcoming it just makes you feel more inadequate.

Thanks for thinking of me, Lucky

Kate x

Laurie28
18-03-04, 11:24
Kate,

Hopefully when the results come through she will give you more help. How about seeing a different doctor for the results?

i know you plumped for a female doctorv (possibly thinking she would be more understanding) but I was surprised when the young male doctor (that no-one seemed to like) gave me the best advice. My own dr ( a slightly older but nice dr) is also male and even though he did say to me 'whatever it is you wil get over it' still pushed for my CBT.

I agree you would know if you were depressed and as I said looking at your posts I agree with you!!!!

Take Care
lucky

kate
18-03-04, 11:48
Hiya Lucky,

There are 4 docs at the surgery I attend.

Have seen the other 3 as well and they all seem disinterested!

When I had the therapy, I actually had to request this, it was never just offered to me.

I opted to see the female doc as I had never seen her before and thought I might get more joy there.

Just had a thought! Maybe its just me and the doctors are all fine!!!!

Kate x

Laurie28
18-03-04, 12:07
Nope kate not you - the doctors!!!

Request counselling again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lucky

kate
18-03-04, 12:08
LOL Lucky!!!!

Ok, will do!

Kate x

Laurie28
18-03-04, 12:39
Was it CBT you had before kate? or the other kind. the reason i'm asking is hopefully you can get a form of counslling you have never had and it will work better for you?

Lucky

kate
18-03-04, 16:19
Lucky,

It was CBT.

What else is there available?

Kate x

Laurie28
18-03-04, 16:23
I don't know what it is called Kate but when the doctor was refering me he said he had to decide what kind her was referring me too. He decided on CBT. maybe if your doctor said no to CBt (as you have not long had it) you can ask about the other kind

Lucky

kate
18-03-04, 16:53
Hiya Lucky,

Thanks for the info, I'll ask when I go back to the doc's.

Kate x

Laurie28
29-03-04, 12:05
Hiya Kate,

You might have posted about this (if u have i haven't seen it!) have you had you results of your tests back yet???

Lucky

kate
29-03-04, 15:09
Hiya Lucky,

Got to go back 5th April for the results.

Will let you know!

Thanks for thinking about me

Kate x

stimpy
29-03-04, 23:19
If you are working, I'm sure you can request councilling through work.
I've got the number of a private company, near Birmingham, the only problem is, it is £30 a session.

Still, as a short term stop gap I guess it is worth it.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric

kate
30-03-04, 09:10
When I was attending CBT, on two occasions I caught my psychologist sneaking a crafty look at her watch!

I was so annoyed that on both occasions I said "Oh am I going over my allotted time?"

On another occasion, she was trying her hardest to stifle a yawn. So I said to her "Am I boring you????"

No wonder I would prefer to go private.....

Kate x

kate
31-03-04, 11:00
Does anyone else feel that they are constantly walking a thin line between holding it together and totally freaking out?

Today, I had popped to the shop, got back and found the postie had been.

I had received a bank statement and wanted to see whether a cheque I had written had been cashed.

I was looking and looking at the statement and it was as if all the transactions were merging and I just couldn't see what I was looking for.

I started sobbing and saying "I just can't see it" over and over again.

I feel so stupid now, looking back at it, but this is how I am all the time.

The smile on the face, laughing and talking with people at work, playing at being happy.

BUT, one tiny, weenie little thing, and I just lose it.

Does anyone else feel like this????

It's as if I'm on a tightrope and one little push and I fall off and lose it big time.

Any input anyone?

Kate x

me
31-03-04, 11:51
oh kate bless you, im very much the same, if i cant find something i want, i freak ive been known to turn the house upside down to find what ever im looking for, i am really bad with money i have to know everything down to the last penny and if i cant sort something out i feel im losing control... my husband is the total opposite to me he is so laid back never worrys about anything when i go into panic he sits me down and goes through everything with me making me understand its not a big worry like i see it is... easier said than done i know x deep breaths and a clear head helps me. your not losing it at all, you are human if you are worried about the cheque give the bank a quick call to put your mind at rest x take care love from mary x

Jules31
31-03-04, 11:54
Hi Kate

I know just how you feel. I have symptoms virtually all of the time. Sometimes I can tolerate them well at least give the impression that I am and I can get on with doing other things. Other times I just can't cope and end up in tears or really angry for no apparent reason.

I've only just read this thread but I would chase some counselling if I was you. I've had CBT and am doing it again but my dr has now referred ne for psychotherapy counselling because he thinks my anxiety stems from stresses that I have several years ago. So it might be worth a try for you too. I've always paid privately before but this time I'm going to give the NHS counsellor a go.

Hope you are feeling better
Jules

kate
31-03-04, 15:24
Hiya Mary,

Thanks for the reply.

It isn't even a problem really with the cheque. It's just me overreacting about everything in general.

I always worry that when the bank statement comes it will say that we have over spent. But, it never does!

It's just another stupid fear I have!

Kate x

kate
31-03-04, 15:28
Hiya Jules,

I feel as if I'm just playing at being normal! Does that make any sense?

It's all such a big effort to keep up the front and then if the slightest thing goes wrong, it is a major catastrophe to me.

I have lost sight of who I actually am. I put on such an act all of the time.

Don't know whether more therapy is the answer, but I'm going back to doc's on 5th April so will see what the outcome of the blood test is and then see where we go from there.

Take care, Jules

Kate x

Jules31
01-04-04, 14:12
ok Kate

Well keep us posted and good luck

Jules

kate
05-04-04, 17:25
Hiya Everyone,

Well, went back for the blood test results today and, guess what? I'm NORMAL!!!

Oh ok, I'm not normal, but my thyroid is LOL

Anyway, doc then says it is up to me what we do next. Could have sworn that she was the one being paid to advise me.

She said I could either have anti d's again or the alternative was.....to not have anti d's.Hmmmmmmmm.

I asked her if she could chuck a few valium my way, just to tide me over when at my most anxious. But she wouldn't.

Bearing in mind she has never asked me to fully describe how I'm feeling, what my symptoms are, what exactly was causing the anxiety etc, how could she then expect to correctly diagnose me?

Anyway, she said it was entirely up to me what I wanted to do (!), apart from valium obviously.

So, I might just as well have diagnosed myself and ordered the relevant drugs online.

Well, the long and short of it is. I said I would prefer not to take anti d's if at all possible so she said for me just to go back to see her again if I felt any worse (don't really think that could be possible).

So, I'm back to how I was 3 weeks ago. Oh, apart from knowing I have a well functioning thyroid.

Feel totally demoralised and don't now know what to do next. Any suggestions?

Kate x

nomorepanic
05-04-04, 21:15
Kate

Great news that you are ok but I can completely understand that you are upset cos they didn't find anything.

I remember all the tests I had and seeing the neurologist etc and all of them coming back negative and I was thinking "oh great, so I have to continue feeling like this".

What we should be doing, of course, is thinking "great news, I am well".

You imagine a "normal" person going to the docs and the results coming back negative and them thinking "oh thank god" and here we are complaining cos we are ok. Weird isn't it but I think we are all alike.

We want to find something that is curable and that can be treated - nice to have a name to put to an illness rather than just panic/anxiety.

I know that you are against the anti-depressants and you know how I feel about them but maybe (just maybe) you could give them a try to see how it goes. It could kick-start you again. Look what a difference they made to Charlie.

It is hard Kate I know but have a think about it and see whether you can take them for a few months just to give you a bit more positivity in your life and put you back on the road to recovery.

Take care mate ok?

xxx

Nicola

kate
05-04-04, 21:30
Hiya Nic,

You have completely hit the nail on the head.

I WAS hoping it might be something physical that could easily be rectified.

I'm not totally against med's, they worked really well for me when I had the first mega depression and also when I had PND.

The problem seems to be when it is more anxiety than depression.

I stick with them for about 4 weeks but feel so tired and "out of it" on them that I give up.

I find it so hard carrying on with normal life ie looking after the family and going to work etc, when I'm on the med's.

Don't really know what to do yet, but will see how I'm feeling in another few days.

Kate x

Meg
05-04-04, 21:43
Dear Kate,

You could try a natural mood lifter if meds seem too potent

A lady that emails me regularly from the USA said recently :

I have been taking 1000 mg of Tryptophan in the
evening and it is raising my Serotonin levels enough
to make an appreciable difference. I have decided not
to take on the risk of going on an antidepressant.

An informative www on this seems to be

www.naturallyhigh.co.uk/mood.asp

I've no direct experience of them myself .




Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

red
06-04-04, 11:39
Hi Kate
I was sad to hear of your 'bewilderment' and your being unsure of what to do next - it is a terrible dilemma which we must have all felt at some time. Take comfort in the fact that we must have allfelt like that at some time.

Taking the advice - to the letter almost - on the forum and main pages of this site have taken people through the state you are at time and time again, yet you still have problems and that is a shame.

However, Would you ike to ask yourself the following?

1. If you were your doctor, what would you do?

2. How would you when you are not bewildered, and what would you be doing?

3. As in Dr Claire Weeks book - under discussion eleswhere - are you being impatient with your 'cure' time? (Have you read this book?)

Just food for thought.

Good luck.

Red
x

kate
06-04-04, 13:57
Hiya Red,

Thanks for the reply.

If I were my doctor, I would have asked me direct questions. Such as, do you feel anxious in certain situations? How exactly does the anxiety show itself? and questions along those lines.

I think most people with anxiety find it very hard to talk about their feelings and find it much easier to answer direct questions.

Secondly, I can't remember how I felt, pre anxiety! I know I used to go anywhere, anytime and not even give it a thought.

Thirdly, do you mean am I being impatient with the cure time with regard to the med's kicking in?

I have read everything on the forum. Read loads of books, had CBT and I still can't overcome my problems.

I know that this is all down to me. I don't put in the necessary effort in challenging myself. I am just TOO SCARED to face the situations which cause me the most trouble.

People here all sound so positive and that makes me, in a lot of ways, feel even worse about myself as I am the complete opposite.

Number 1 failure, eh?

Kate x

Meg
06-04-04, 14:30
Kate,

Just another suggestion to think about

I once asked to see a community mental health nurse. I thought I was on the right track in knowing what I needed to do to make me better but wanted to discuss it with someone with more specialist knowledge and time than a GP .

In a few weeks this CPN appeared at my home and proceeded to spend 3 hours asking me all about everything and essentially did a full assessment.

Her initial response was meds but once I said that I didn't want to do that again she was willing to discuss other options and did have quite a lot of useful things to say.

She kept in touch for a few weeks but we soon agreed that I was doing fine even though I did call her a few times saying it was all too awful to even contemplate and I was sure it was all getting worse again etc etc and she was supportive and more importantly reassuring.

I wonder whether someone like that might be useful. Not for any specific therapy at this stage but for an assessment and some pointers.

It was good for my confidence if nothing else.

I also wondered whether a star worker like Lizs who would actually do things with you would help. In some ways - like at Asda's you have improved enormously in the recent months but think perhaps your life is so full with work and family matters that making the effort to so something different and scary which you know will cause symptoms - is just too much in hassle factor especially when you know the way forward is to do it several times.

You are NOT a failure Kate.

You go to work, you bring up and care for your family. Many people lose everything they hold dear to them for a period of time that is particularly difficult when they are ill (with anything)and some even when they are not ill.

I know it must be hard to read people making progres and feel that you haven't but you have if you read back to some of your original postings.

I've seen you get more assertive, stronger and more confident in your postings and in expressing your opinions !

We are here with you on this journey.







Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

sarah
06-04-04, 14:37
Hiya Kate

Dont put yourself down mate 'number one failure'? I dont think so!!!

You have come on great with your supermarket challenge since I first met you on here.
You look after 2 children.
You WORK which is way more than I do...I may seem to be cured(ish) but I never go anywhere I cant escape at a moments notice.

Sometimes when I write positive things on here its not completely the full story, I go to hypnotherapy but dont tell you all about how sick i have felt to the point of nearly fainting etc.

I think that by writing positive things on here and getting the 'well done mate's' are the best thing you can do for encouragement and it eggs me on to do more so I can 'show off' how good im doing (if that makes sense).

Anyway mate, I think you are great!!!!

love Sarah
xx

kate
06-04-04, 14:57
Thanks for your kind words,Sarah, you show off!!!!

Meg, I just desperately need someone I can talk to more than anything.

I can't talk to my hubby about the extent of my strange thought patterns. He just worries too much about me.

I need to say how I'm feeling, without necessarily any input from someone else, just to get it all off my chest.

It's like I carry these feelings and thoughts around with me all day, pretending to be coping, pretending that I'm not dying inside, pretending that all is well.

It's like a great, heavy parcel of anxiety weighing heavily in my head which I can't share with anyone else cos they don't "get it" or they judge me or they want to tell me how to deal with it.

I KNOW how to deal with it, I KNOW what to do, I KNOW it's down to me.

But, I can't do it.

Yes, I can now do the supermarket and cope with it. So, I'm pleased about that.

But, that is just the very tiniest tip of a very large iceberg.

I have very strange fears, very strange thoughts and totally overwelming feelings that literally stop me doing even normal everyday things.

I also know that people here are suffering worse than me and I should start to overcome the anxiety and face up to the scary situations.

That is why I think of myself as a failure.

Kate x

sarah
06-04-04, 15:04
quote:But, that is just the very tiniest tip of a very large iceberg

to get to the top you have to start somewhere :)

love Sarah
xx

kate
06-04-04, 15:07
Sarah,

How true![:I]

Kate x

Meg
06-04-04, 15:12
What can we do to help Kate ?

I will happily come to see you/ talk on the phone and you can off load it all on me and I promise not to judge or advise.

You could ask to see a CPN

You could ring a helpline

You could write it all down and then burn it

There are many - you coulds - but you say you'd like to talk to someone. The question is : Who would you like that be ?

I completely understand about not telling husband . I think my partner would freak if he knew some of the things that went through my head.




Meg

"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.
And they flew.

- Guillaume Apollinaire

red
07-04-04, 09:06
Hi Kate

Apart from coming to see you - don't know where you live! - I will echo Meg's message, we can help and there are things that can help you and listening - properly - is a key to helping you. "Hearing does not necessarliy mean listening" maybe you have experienced just the hearing bit from the people who you have ssen already? Yawning and looking at watches would suggest that.

We may be better taking this "off line" - and can publish the success story later! If you would like my help - mail me. I promise I won't charge you!!:D

Red
x

Jules31
07-04-04, 14:44
Kate

You are not a failure, you are just as afraid and confused as all of us are or have been at some time. I know just where you are coming from and like everyone else has offered, I'm happy to do anything I can to help.

Don't you just hate that there's no quick fix to this. If someone told me when all this started two years ago that I wouldn't be better by now, i would have probably decided to hibernate for several years.

Take care and use us if you need to.That's what this board is for.

Jules

kate
07-04-04, 16:55
Hiya Meg, Red and Jules,

Thanks for your offers of help, you are all so caring.

But now I'm faced with having to decide what happens next and I really don't know what to say.

Kate x

red
10-04-04, 12:02
Hi Kate

When you say that you have to decide what happens next - do you mean generally or what to do with the offers of help? With the way that you are feeling, what to say / do next isn't something that can be decided on right away. Take your time and when you are ready for more help, please ask for it - or guidance on where to go for it. We are all here for you when you are ready, but please don't suffer unnecessarily.

Take care

Red
x

kate
11-04-04, 11:47
Red,

I meant I didn't know what help to accept.

I can't seem to make even the smallest decision at the moment.

It also causes me big embarassment when people offer to help me cos I always think I should be able to cope on my own, even though I need help BIG TIME.

I am down in the deepest pit at the moment and there doesn't seem to be any way out.

I am constantly panicking and anxious as well as crying at the drop of a hat.

So, as I said, I don't know what to do anymore.

Kate x

stimpy
13-04-04, 12:20
Hang in there Kate.

There is no shame in needing help, Everyone needs help from time to time.
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. It won't be forever, will it, just till you are back on your feet again.
If people didn't need help, then we wouldn't have social services, the samartians or nurseries - would we?

The big pit you are in, isn't going to be there forever, you will get out of it.
I hate making decisions, and when you are anxious all the time, even the simplest thing is impossible to decide. Steve used to decide for me. "We are going for a walk, get your shoes on, wear these, wear that ... lets go".

Being confident enough to decide for yourself, and being able to cope will get better in time.

Hang in there hun.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Laurie28
13-04-04, 13:29
Kate,

I'm sorry you have are having a bad time at the the moment.

How was your weekend? Are you feeling any better?

I hope you are. Please believe you are not a failure just going through a bad time at the moment.

We are here for you. let us know how you are

Love
Lucky

kate
13-04-04, 13:46
Hiya Liz and Lucky,

Thanks for your postings.

It's hard, don't you find, when you are feeling so down.

You want to get it all off your chest on here but realise also that people don't always want to hear the moaners.

I don't feel good at the moment, strange thoughts in my mind that I can't seem to get rid of.

But I wont go into details. Thanks for the support though.

Kate x

Laurie28
13-04-04, 14:24
Kate,

We are here to help you pls don't think of it as moaning. Would it help if you sent me these thoughts on e-mail, I promise I will not judge you, we have all had 'thoughts'.

Anyway if u want then pst your e-mail address and we can have a 'private' chat. Even if u don't want to tell me the specific things you are thinking then we can also talk about it !

Love
lucky

stimpy
14-04-04, 00:14
Nothing wrong with a good moan.
It helps to get things off your chest, if they are worrying you.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

kate
14-04-04, 10:24
Lucky,

I'll e mail you. My addy is kate_r44@hotmail.com.

Kate x

Laurie28
14-04-04, 11:58
Hiya Kate,

I've sent you an e-mail

Lucky

romanpc
14-04-04, 23:27
"Trouble is a tunnel through which we pass, and then we emerge into the sunshine!"

nomorepanic
17-04-04, 18:26
Kate

You know that you can always talk to me and I don't see people on here as moaning, I see people that are reaching out for help. You moan away mate ok?

Take care

xxx

Nicola

kate
17-04-04, 21:52
Cheers Nic ;)

Kate x

Laurie28
19-04-04, 09:58
Hiya Kate,

How was your weekend?

Lucky

sal
19-04-04, 17:49
Hiya Kate

How you feeling today. I having a bad one. Started thinking of going back to work but then panic about been on the wing and if trouble breaks out. Not a good environment for me to be in but cant just afford to jack it. Need to find me a RICH man!!!! It was good talking to you the other night it really helped me. Why when you have a good day does the next day have to be so S***!! Its like 1 step forward and 10 bad. Really sick of fighting this today. Feel like running away but where to. No looking forward to my 1 can and only 1 glass of wine. Think i might need couple of glasses of wine the way im feeling. Sorry for twisting. Speak soon.
Lots of love Sal xxxx

kate
19-04-04, 19:25
Hiya Sal,

I've had a not bad day, ta.

As you say, maybe not the right environment for you to be in at work at the moment.

Is there another job that you could maybe transfer to within the prison service?

I find it a real battle on most days to get myself motivated to go to work. But I must confess that once I'm there I actually enjoy it.

We have a laugh and there is always someone to talk to to take your mind off how bad you are feeling.

If a job transfer is not possible, could you drop your hours for a while just to get you back into the swing of things again?

I do believe that the longer you stay away from your work the harder it is to go back.

Failing that, how about a complete change of career, something less stressful?

Just a few thoughts anyway.

Enjoy your 1 can and 1 glass of wine LOL

Take care

Kate x

kate
25-05-04, 21:31
Ok, this isn't strictly an extension of this post but saves starting a new one!!

We sold our house a couple of months ago and found one that we are buying.

To put it in a nutshell, I thought that it was what I wanted. But, as the time is going on, my feelings have changed and now I dont know whether I want to move!

No, that isnt strictly true. I KNOW that I no longer want to move.

I keep looking round me wondering why I ever decided to move. I want to pull out, but I'm scared to do that as well.

Scared of the reaction of the solicitors, the estate agent, the people buying our house.

I thought I could deal with it all, but I can't.

I can't sleep through worrying, I keep crying, I feel deeply insecure.

Why did I ever think I could cope with such a stressful, life changing decision?

What with the hassle at work, the house and a few other problems at the moment, I feel that I am tottering on the edge of losing it.

The wife of the couple who are buying our house, is pregnant and I keep thinking that if we pull out now she might lose the baby through all the stress.

I am worried that the couple might come round here giving me hassle.

The thoughts are in my mind all the time. I cant think straight at the moment and I keep waking up all through the night.

Reading this back all looks so over the top, but it is in my mind all the time.

These are just some of the feelings I'm getting. There are loads more but I just needed to get it all out instead of keeping it all in my head.

I know another member here backed out of their house sale for the same reasons and I know exactly how they felt.

I feel so stupid, but this is how I feel.

Just needed to share with someone who is not involved with it all!

Thanks for listening

Kate x

sal
25-05-04, 22:48
Hi Kate

Firstly let me remind you that what you want comes first. If you have got that gut instinct that you dont want to move, then dont. Losing a house if she is pregnant is not the biggest stress she will feel and never feel responsible for that at all hon. Your happiness comes first and remember you need to live in a home not a house. We all get disappointments in house sales, dont think i no anyone whose has gone smoothly but you need to remember your house at the moment is your home and to other it is bricks and mortar and maybe could be a home but they would never know that until the had it. So you go with what makes you happy and although easier to say than do, dont worry about the people who want your house, there are thousands more on the market, there is definately no shortage. You are coping so well with H at work dont put added pressure on yourself if it isnt what you want. Kate you come first with your family and dont forget that.


Take care

Lots of love Sal xxxxx

stimpy
26-05-04, 09:25
Kate,
If you have decided you really don't want to move then it is better to pull out now before everything is signed and sealed.
Make the call and tell them you have changed your mind.
You don't have to tell anyone anything, other than you have changed your mind.

Who cares what anyone else thinks, your happiness is the most important thing.
You have the right to change your mind.
The family wanting to move in will find another house. There are millions of them out there.

Things do seem over the top at times, the trivial can drive you up the wall. Sometimes it is impossible to see what to do for the best because you are wrapped up in the situation.
It's good to talk about things, it can often stop you worrying yourself to death over an answer that is right in front of you, but that you just haven't seen.

Good luck.


Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Meg
26-05-04, 12:18
Kate,

Is it that you've decided that you don't want to live in the other house or that you don't want to 'move -and all trauma that it brings - to get there ?

Meg

kate
26-05-04, 22:07
Meg,

It's the not wanting to live in the other house, different area, too scary scenario.

I haven't even though ahead to the actual move, fear of that hadn't entered my head.

It all just about sums me up. Indecisive, needing to make the absolute right decision, not taking a risk etc etc.

Kate

kate
01-06-04, 09:41
Well, hubby has made the call.

Told the solicitor that, due to personal reasons, we are unable to proceed with the move.

Although I now it's the right decision for US, I'm feeling guilty cos of the couple who were buying our house.

I'm also worried that they will come round here giving us grief.

Oh well, all my own fault, should never have started it all in the first place.

Kate

nomorepanic
01-06-04, 12:22
Kate

Don't beat yourself over it ok?

We were in a similar situation before we bought this house. We were going ahead with a house buy until the survery revealed some problems and the people we were buying off lost their other house because we pulled out. We felt bad about that but we had to look after our interests.

The buyers did call us a couple of times to try and get us to change our minds but we just stuck to our decision.

I doubt they will come round pestering you - she has the baby to think of and won't want the added stress.

You did what you had to do for YOU ok?

Take care

xx

Nicola

Caz Fab Pants
09-06-04, 14:00
Kate,

Its so hard when you have to make a decision when you're feeling so ropey and insecure because you feel so scared that you almost always go for the least risky option. I know I do, even if it means missing out on something. However, that means you ultimately feel guilty and rubbish for not biting the bullet and taking the leap.

Basically whats done is done and theres nothing to gain by mentally torturing yourself and feeling guilty about it. Move on, in your head not from your house :-)

Cheer yourself up by doing some decorating or DIY to make you feel glad you stayed put.

Caroline
x

kate
27-01-05, 08:29
Hi all,

I've reopened this old topic as it's all relevant to this new posting and it will give people some insight into the problem.

I had been coping with the violence issue reasonably well although still avoiding "high risk" threats, imaginery or not!

I remember Meg saying at sometime that with a specific fear it is time without incident which enables you to keep going forward.

Unfortunately, with my particular fear, incidents seem to pop up when you are least expecting them which makes it even harder to deal with in a way.

It all started a couple of weeks ago with someone at work saying something bad to me about my mate who recently left our place of work.

In one way I did well. I tackled her about it and asked why she had said it, there was of course no reason that she could give, she was obviously just being horrible. She is now not talking to me (!) which bothered me for a couple of days but now I don't care at all.

Then, last week, we heard that the school that we work at was striking for the day yesterday, Tuesday. Our boss said that we would be going to another unit for training as we couldn't use our school. She then dropped the bombshell that we were having the training at the college that I used to work at and that I had to leave due to the violence that occurred there on an almost daily basis.

I went to bed on Monday night and I was so scared about having to go to the college. Thoughts that I had filed away in my mind all came flooding back. It was as if all the bad things that had ever happened there were playing away over and over.

Anyway, Tuesday came round and I was a wreck. Took tons of rescue remedy and went to the college. We had to pass through the canteen where I worked and I was shaking visibly [:I]

We started the training and I was so on edge I couldn't concentrate and I was just wishing that it would all be over and I could escape!

After about an hour and a half, the boss said we would break to have a drink and a fag but I'm embarassed to say that I went round to the toilets and started crying. My mates were lovely, but I just felt like I'd failed by not keeping it all together.

Anyway, we restarted and after an hour we were finished and on our way home :D

I felt so drained and hubby said I looked totally washed out!

THEN, my daughter came home and said that there had been a big fight between her school and another close by, which has happened on previous occasion. She also told me that girls from the other school have sad stuff to her and her friends on other occasions and even kicked her bag.

It has all brewed up again and I'm right back to feeling anxious all the time. All the good, positive feelings have gone and I've got butterflies thinking about my son going to school today. My daughter is off as she has an academic review day, so no worries about her!

How do you overcome it when incidents keep happening to propel you back to the beginning again? I can see no way out of it. As the kids get older it becomes harder as they go out more and want to lead independant lives.

We don't live in a rough are, it's just that the kids who go to the other school are bussed in from other areas.

How do I learn to live with the fact that s**t happens and I can't prevent it, no matter how much I try??

Kate x

mico
27-01-05, 15:41
Hi Kate

I'm sorry to see this thread come back up, but I can completely understand the situation.

You're very right about the 'time without incident' not working too well with this fear. Unfortuanately, whether we like it or not, it seems we are going to at least witness some sort of violence at some point. And when that happens it creates a set-back, I know all too well.

I'm trying to think how I deal with this myself. I guess one of the main things, is in the way we percieve things, and if you percieve things in a negative way then it's got to change. I think I just had to create new mental scenarios and develop new ways of thinking through practice.

Say, you see a dodgy looking bloke walking down the street, I would look at him (well, depending on the circumstances, if I thought I might be caught staring I would be looking at the floor and walking to the other side of the street :D) and try to picture him in a positive way. The truth is, that most of these people arn't that dodgy at all. I know people who look very intimidating, yet wouldn't dream of instigating any sort of violence in any way. That dodgy bloke may well just be the same, off to the shop to buy presents for the kids or going to do some voluntary charity work. I had to consciously look at these situations and look at all the different perspectives. See that what I was thinking wasn't always the thruth.

You need to rationalise the thoughts and then swap them for more positive ones. Once you begin to feel a little more comfortable and realise that you're being irrational, then it makes it easier to make the swap.

I think I've mentioned this before. But you say you're worried about your kids at school, etc. They've had a little trouble at school and whatnot. Who didn't? It's all quite normal, and most of it is just mindless threats. I know it's hard to see it that way, but it's the truth. And even so, maybe if the worst comes to the worst, then your son comes home with a black eye one day. It stings for a bit, but aside from that he feels fine. That's the end of all the drama. That's the reality of the situation, and that's one of the worse secanarios, the chances of it actually happening are still slim. It's the fear in your mind that blows this all out of proportion.

Sometimes you've got to just look at it as it is. black eye one day, fine the next. And you've got to be able to see past that. When you're so anxious about this stuff, any scenarios you have of your son or daughter getting into trouble at school are the be all and end all in your mind. It's like this is the climax to the situation and nothing happens after that. I know that's what it's like for me. I develop to much focus on what actually could happen at the time, and forget that afterwards, should something happen, then apart from the fear I may have, I would probably feel fine aside from a few aches and pains. What are a few aches and pains? people get them all the time from various things. We even bring them on physically through symptoms of anxiety through worrying about these things.

I had to work on a lot of practice to overcome a lot of this. Training myself to think in a more positive way when it comes to these situations. Anytime you have any of these intrusive thoughts, find something positive about it. But try not to think about them too much, that's the important thing. It's just that I found I had to change my perceptions a little in order to let the bad thoughts go.

And yes, I'm not completely cured, I still have these thoughts a lot. Just not half as bad as I used to, I don't obsess over it 24/7 anymore. I still avoid many places but I feel a lot better than what I did.

Another example of swapping your thoughts. Say if you're going somewhere, say the pub [:O], you're going to be understandably anxious. I would be. You probably know all to well, that if you try not to thinking of something then you'll just think of it all the more. What you need to do in such a situation is to picture all the people you are going to meet, all the smili

kate
27-01-05, 16:23
Mico,

My thought processes with regard to the kids are worse than those to do with my own safety.

I want to be able to take them everywhere in the car so that I know that they get there safely. I want to take all necessary precautions to ensure that nothing bad ever happens to them. If something bad DID happen, I would feel responsible even if they had turned down my offer of a lift etc.

I think I should move us all to an area where I would feel safer, don't quite know where that would be, but I'm just trying to explain how my thoughts go.

I then also travel further down the line of something bad having happened and me getting a phone call and having to go and deal with whatever had happened. It is even worse if hubby is at work and I know that I would be the one with the responsibility of sorting things out.

Reading it back it all sounds mad, but this is how my thinking always goes.

So how do I read positive instead of negative into something that I have no control over?

Kate x

mico
27-01-05, 17:32
Kate

I know exactly how you think, I do the same. A nice area sounds good doesn't it? I'd like that too, a nice little quiet place where nothing ever happens. Does such a place even exist? I don't know.

If you did move to one of these quiet areas, then maybe, just maybe, you would begin to feel better about the whole thing. Like you said before about meg's quote, time without incidence certainly helps, and if you can find that time, then I guess that's sure to help. At the same time, you can't guarantee anything, unfortuanately we don't have any control. The downside is, that, say, you move to this quiet and nice area, there's still going to be times such as going back to the college where you worked, etc. It isn't necesarilly a cure. The ideal sollution is to find peace where you are. I know that may sound impossible, trust me, I have all these thoughts myself. But other people do it. You've probably got someone lives near to you, who is always outside, greeting people with smiles all day long, making general chit chat and just generally looking pleased with life. Every street seems to have one, even in the roughest of areas. These are people who see the positive side in everything. You've got to be more like that person.

Unfortuanately, I don't have any miracle cure for this. There doesn't seem to be one. A lot of hard work and practice is the only way to go. But you can start off by being positive and telling yourself that you're going to set off on that journey and take on all the challenges that it's going to throw at you. People are very resiliant when they need to be, and if you want to get through it, then you can. Everytime you have a negative thought, try to think to yourself what is positive about it. Again, this is seemingly impossible at times, and much of the time you'll struggle to find anything positive, and even more of a struggle to believe it, but like I said before, just keep trying and it'll get better. You need to make conscious efforts to put a stop to these thoughts.

Sometimes it's hard for me to explain because I don't always know what I'm doing myself, it's just things that I have learnt down the years and I just do them. But I don't think I can stress enough about changing your perceptions on the things you see in your day to day life. I'm not just talking about really scary incidences, little things too, all the time, make an effort to see things in a different way. See how much good is in the world. You can read a newspaper and it'll just be bad, bad, bad, page after page, you've got to be the opposite of that. Then when you come across some good things, think about them some more. I know I went on in my thread about not thinking at all, but sometimes you need a distraction, which is where the good thoughts come in. once you get into the habit, everytime you think of a bad thought, you should automatically be telling yourself to think good thoughts. Wow, this is hard to explain [:P]. Going slightly off, sometimes you have to go back to rationalising, although this can be the same as thinking positively. You can make a conscious effort to shift to a more positive way of thinking, and it can help you. It won't happen overnight, it may take years even, but it helps.

You can call me a hypocrit if you like, I still want to live in that nice area where you can just wander about without a care in the world, I really do. I still avoid many places and situations, and sometimes I still struggle a lot. The truth of the matter is though, that nice place, the one where you can wander about without a care in the world, is in your head. And that's the only place you'll truly find it, if you want that feeling, then that's where you're going to have to go to dig it up. Again, not the greatest of answers, but it's the truth.

mico

nomorepanic
27-01-05, 20:15
Kate

Sorry you are feeling down about this.

Try and weigh up the odds of anything bad happening. Unless you haven't mentioned it, I don't think there have been any bad incidents for months and months have there?

The kids are fine - they are tougher than you think and they are sensible so will be ok at school.

We all had fights at school - it was normal playground behaviour.

If they see you worrying over them then it will rub off on them and may make them worry too.

Try to see that there is nowhere perfect in the country to live. There will be trouble in every town, village, city etc.

You can do this so just keep telling yourself that you can and they are fine. If you don't then what will happen when they leave home? It will take over your life with worry.

Hope things work out ok mate

xxx

Nicola

kate
27-01-05, 23:27
Thanks Mico and Nic for replying.

Unfortunately, I don't know what else to say. I know that both of you have given me sound advice but I find it impossible to think positively about this.

I've managed to change in a lot of ways, but this one is proving to be a none starter.

Thanks for your support, both of you always take the time to reply to my posts.

Kate x

andrew
28-01-05, 00:43
hi kate
hope your well.
you done really well to get yourself back into your old workplace building, its not easy facing a situation that you know will cause you anxiety.
obviously from your reaction, those memories/ thoughts/ feelings hold alot of anxiety for you and seem to have overwhelmed you again. maybe at some point it would be sensible to talk about these real experiences you had previously and try to lighten your anxiety that way.
tc andrew

mico
28-01-05, 13:49
Hi Kate

Don't worry about it too much. It's very easy for me to give advice on here, but I know just how hard it is to put into practice. If I were in the same situation, then I'd be in a bit of a pickle too. The visit to the college has obviously knocked you back a little, but you'll probably find that you get over that over a little time. I get exactly the same from time to time, certain situations arise and they bring all the old thoughts back, which can be very overwhelming. Give it a little time and you'll probably start feeling a little more relaxed.

For the positive thinking and such, just don't expect to suddenly turn into a glowing ball of positivity, it doesn't happen like that. I do these things, and I try to be positive, and most of the time just can't see where the positive side is. I do think though, that it may be beneficial if you at least try it, even if you don't think it's going to work, like I say, it's a very slow process and you may not even notice any change until one day when you look back and you can see how far you've come.

I've had a few set-backs like this lately, and I can tell you that they've annoyed me no end, but I've come out of them and I hope that you can do the same. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself, you're doing fine.

mico


And can someone remind me to spell check before I post these, It seems I have to edit every single post I make lately :D.

kate
23-03-06, 22:26
I can't really believe that I am now back in a situation that I was in nearly 4 years ago.

As mentioned in the first page of this post, I had to leave my job in a college canteen due to the violent atmosphere that I was working in. I managed to get a job in a secondary school about 3 miles from where I live. Nice area, surrounded by fields, nice kids. It was such a relief for me after the environment that I had worked in at the college. But, all this has changed since Friday last week.

At morning break, I serve in the teachers staff room. On Friday when I returned to the kitchen after break, there had been total bedlam in the dining room. A "discussion" between 2 pupils had got out of hand, the other kids had all been standing on the tables watching, and the teachers on duty had been powerless to stop the mayhem. This immediately brought back horrible memories of the college and I felt unnerved all day.

Tuesday evening my friend phoned me to ask me what had happened that evening after school. I wasn't aware of anything having gone on as I leave work at 2.15pm and the kids don't leave til 3.20pm. When I went into school on Wednesday I found out that there had been a mass fight that started at the school and had carried on in the roads around there. The police were called and it was total mayhem again.

Tonight my workmate has phoned me to say that the kids were kept in until 3.45pm tonight as there was a 50 strong gang waiting outside the school, the police were called yet again and arrests were made.

Right, now to the problem. I am now feeling exactly how I did when the trouble all started at the college. I'm having trouble sleeping again and I'm apprehensive and on edge whilst at work. It's like history repeating itself and I just can't believe it's happening again.

I cannot and will not let myself get as bad as I was nearly 4 years ago. I have been seeing a counsellor for the last 5 weeks and he is helping me to realise that I can chip away bit by bit at my anxieties regarding the violence but then something like this happens that puts me right back again.

I have several options here. My son has told me to just leave as it isn't worth me going backwards when I'm starting to very, very slowly learn to change my thinking. I could also go on the sick and try to find another job. Or I could just stay put.

I just really don't want to go back there tomorrow, I'm scared of what might happen next, I've got butterflies just thinking about tomorrow and I'm very tearful.

But, if I don't go back, will I be avoiding again and will I never learn to face my fears? Is it worth it though if I'm making some small slow progress in other areas to then be dragged back down by something that I don't really have to do?

Has anyone got any opinions on this?

Sorry this post is so long, but I wanted to give all the facts.

Kate

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

trac67
23-03-06, 22:53
Hi Mate,

You have to do what you feel is right, you are the best person who knows how you really feel.

If you feel that it may make you go backwards again then staying at your job really isn't worth it, not after all the hard work you have put in to come as far as you have.

Maybe it would be good idea to have a few weeks 'time out' and see how you feel after that.

Take care mate

Lots of Love

Tracey xxxxxx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

kate
24-03-06, 00:00
Hi Trac,

Thanks for the reply.

I've decided to have a sicky tomorrow and see how I feel on Monday, so will look out for you on msn!

Love Kate xx

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

Piglet
24-03-06, 10:28
Other than what happened yesterday are you in general happy in that job???

I think if the answer is yes then I would give it another chance - if the answer is no then I would use this as an opportunity to have a change altogether. Would you prefer to change school environments by going to the infants/juniors age and/or possibly working with special needs.

Love Piglet x

trac67
24-03-06, 11:03
Hi Kate,

Good for you mate :D I will be about most of the day, so we can put the worlds to right as usual LOL.

Big Hug

Love

Trac xxz

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

mico
24-03-06, 17:46
Wow, haven't seen this thread for a while, all the way back from my n00b days. In fact, that was my first post in here, almost brings a tear to my eye :D

Sad to see it come back, but I do know what this situation is like, it's difficult to overcome a fear of violence when that's all you see everywhere you go.

I don't know what's best for you in terms of your job, but have you ever thought of working somewhere that isn't a school/college? I guess that's a stupid question, I'm sure you have, but as the old saying goes, 'boys will be boys' (especially when they're at school), and constantly seeing the boyish antics obviously isn't a great help to you. You've done well with this in the past though, and you've always coped, even if you think you haven't, so I know you could stick it out, but it might be worth considering other job options if you think this place is detrimental to your anxiety.

I know that you've been through a lot of this and I know that you know that this is just your thoughts and anxiety going crazy. Just remember that. The one biggest thing that helped me with this, was realising that by thinking about these situations I wasn't actually getting anywhere, because there's no way to control them. In a nutshell, the more you think about them the more anxious you get. You believe this is helpful because you'll get to a solution, but you never will find a solution and the very act of thinking about these situations is completely detrimental to yourself. There are absolutely no positives to it.

That was by far my biggest realisation, and that's where I started to change my thinking. Instead of looking out the window for burglars on a night, I would stop myself on the way to the window and think' 'sod it', remind myself that the whole process of looking out of the window was nothing but negative and consciously decide to think about something else.

Didn't happen overnight, and by all means I'm still woking on it 2 years later, but I feel a lot better. I know I've told you stuff like this before, and I know it's difficult, but it's the direct answer to your problems with this. As I say, it'll not happen overnight, so it's not an immediate answer, but over time it works.

Anyways, I'm sure you'll plod through this just like you plodded through all the other bad stuff that you've had to plod through, and eventually, the plodding may just get a little easier again.

Good luck



mico



'Security is mostly superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding Danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.'