what to do next ?

[jodie]

hi guys

i was thinking maybe some of you have been were i am at now and can tell me how you dealt with it!!

one of my best friends is ill and has to start chemo next week again (she has been through it once before)
things are not looking good for her right now and the she means the world to me and i want to help her but i dont want to wade in there and make her feel uncomfortable.
she has children that know nothing at the moment but she is going to have to tell them at the weekend and it is all a bit upsetting for her frends and her family.
and as selfish as this sounds it is also making me feel all over the place my ha is bad and i am trying hard not to let my anx get to bad.
i know it is going to be a long road for her and at the end of it no cure but more time
do i wade in and say ok im here what do you want me to do .
or do i back off a bit and let her ask me :shrug:

jodiex:weep:

[titchjd]

Hiya hun ..
sorry 2 hear about your friend :hugs:

I would offer my help but state that only if and when she needs it ....let her know that you are there for her and if she needs anything doing or just some1 to talk 2 then you are there .
People react differently when faced with an illnes so wading in could make her feel a bit useless and not asking could make her feel you dont care so just let her know your there and then at least she can make the decision xx

You arent selfish with regards 2 your HA hun as it is natural for you 2 start feeling all over the place and start worrying x

Big hugs m8 x
Titchjd xxxxxxxxxxxxxx:bighug1:

[bottleblond]

Jen

The others are right mate! Offer to help in what ever way you can and be there for her

I know how sad this is making you feel huni and it's completely natural. You are a brilliant friend to her.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that everything goes well for her.

Loads of Love
Lisa
xxxxx

:bighug1:

[samc100]

She is going to need help... what is happening with her kids e.g. getting them to school and home again, looking after them if the chemo makes her ill?

You could help out entertaining them e.g. a DVD and popcorn afternoon at your place to give her space and time to get her energy back.

And filling up the freezer with shepherds pies and Spag Bol would probably help out.

Ironing, sweeping leaves up in the garden, cleaning the bathroom - when you ill you always like a neat bathroom!

I agree with Spaced - it's the practical stuff that really helps not the flowers in vases. I think you'd be good at that xxxx

[jodie]

hiya guys

thanks for all your replys .

i do understand this is going to be hard and how the chemo will make her i have no idea,she had a fab hubby but he works and will have to keep working i guess so that he can provide for the kids ect.
see me being me i would wade right in there and do alllll that i can,but i am not going to i think i will hang on and maybe hint at doing stuff for her but let her ask me as and when she needs to ,i have told her i will go with her while she gets her chemo and make her laugh ect like a girly hour or so lots of coffie and cake and mags !!!

lisa your right it is making me very sad to see her so upset and wanting things to be ok when they are not and to think she has the kids to deal with this weekend it is just all to much for her i am sure .
she is a top lass she will do anything for anyone allways laughing and doing daft things
why is it allways the good ppl who suffer
thanks again
jodie xxxxx

[EmmaJane]

Hi Jodie,

Sorry to hear about your friend. Try and keep strong for her.

xx

[pinkpiglet]

Hi Jodie, what a lovely friend you are! It must be so hard for you at the minute and it will make your HA worse.
What I would be inclined to do if this was one of my friends would be to write them an heartfelt letter with messages to boost their moral (if this is possible under the circumstances) and also to tell her what an amazing friend she is and how much she is loved, then add that you want to help she and her family as much as you possibly can, in any way at all. Tell her that all you want to do is give back what she has given to you. It is such a difficult situation as she will want to do as much as she can for her family while she can and will not appreciate interfering well wishers (put yourself in her shoes). It is important though that she can ask for help if she needs it. I think a letter will be lovely because for one it won't be awkward to get your point across and secondly a letter is a personal touch where you are telling her what she means to you. Find a really nice, personal friendship card to put it in and focus on the positive things.
Hope i havent babbled too much and this advice helps. I will be thinking of you, your friend and your beautiful friendship.
Good luck x:hugs:

[jodie]

thanks x

pink i will have a think about that one it sounds like a good idea.

thing is right now she is not ill and i have no idea what this chemo will do or anything i know it is for 12 weeks then she has a op after that :unsure:

jodie x

[debera]

hi jodie
just tell her you will be there when ever she needs you. i honestly think thats all you can do hun. what a good friend you are
love debera:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[pinkpiglet]

Hi Jodie, tell me to shut up if you need to, but do any of us really ever do little things like this for our friends like writing them soppy 'i love you' cards and telling them how much they mean to us. Its not something i do (apart from when i am drunk) but i love my friends dearly & I should tell them. You don't have to write a letter as if it is a goodbye, write it more of a 'good luck with your treatment, i will be with you all the way' sort of message. Then put something like 'I know you like to stand on your own two feet but if i can do anything to help you then you MUST let me know'.
Sorry Jodie, i will leave you alone now, good luck with what you decide xx (mwoa) xx