View Full Version : Fear of Death/Dying
PhoenixGrey
16-11-08, 12:11
Hi,
I've never ever been good with death or dying at all - I'm an atheist which doesn't exactly help lol.
I recently had a health scare - which turned out to be nothing, and rationally thinking about it wasn't even that much of a scare.
But ever since I keep thinking about death and dying - either about losing my family, or myself dying.
Ive even accepted that currently i'm absolutely fine and that my symptoms are just things that I'm creating in myself - but now i'm thinking about the future, and I can't concentrate on today cause i'm panicked about the future - what may or may not happen! Does anyone else have these thoughts? I generally find I get better throughout the day - but it's at night, I wake up at like 5 in the morning and spend the rest of the morning obsessing about it whilst i still try to sleep.
Does this happen to anyone else? What can I do to stop it? I'm getting better with the acceptance of what may or may not happen, but I just want to stop obsessing about it! It's driving me and my friends crazy! Someone please help! I am seeing a counsellor during the week - but it feels unbearable that I've got another 3 days to wait!
Thanks x:(x
I have a fear of death and dying because there is a big NOTHING.
When I was in my 20's growing old seemed too far away and we all said we don't want to get old
However, I am in my 50's now and instead of adding the years I have left I subtract them - like if I live to I am 70 I only have 20 years left. I am fit now and do not have any health problems (I do have emphesnia) but gave up smoking 4 years ago and my chest is so much better now.
I wonder also about how I will die. I have a fear of cancer as it is silent until problems arise and then if might be too late.
So no you are not the only one. Try not to obsess about death though as it can eat up you whole day thinking about it. I think is normal, as we get older, to ponder on death.
I was brought up a strict catholic but now I don't belive in the bible. but for some reason I still want the last rights to absolve me from the badness in my life. I wonder if it is a last ditch attempt to make sure I get into heaven:yesyes:
sheena
PhoenixGrey
16-11-08, 19:25
Hi Sheena,
My worry is knowing it's coming - I'm a total control freak, and what scares me more than anything is being told that I'm not in control of what's going to happen to me.
Having just quit smoking I've suddenly gotten this panic that it'll be that what gets me - particularly as it was a big secret from all my family and I don't want them finding out my little secret. I only smoked for 4-5 years - not particularly heavily, but being quite young it scares me.
I'm not scared of dying - but I want more than anything not to die young, I want a chance to do something with my life as I feel up to now I've not done a whole lot. But more than anythign right now I want to stop crying and worrying, and getting no sleep - cause while I'm here I don't want to be having such a crap time of things!
I'm glad other people are having the same experiences (oh joy, the crying has brought on a small panic about a nosebleed).
I'm so overjoyed that i'm healthy at the moment - but the future scares the life outta me. I'm so so so grateful I found this site - I honestly don't know how much it has helped me get better!
Thanks :-)
Blimey I can relate to this post big time. My fear of cancer and dying I think is the control thing. I like to be in control.
Your reply post sheena was like I had written it. I was brought up a strict catholic, but since leaving school and having it all shoved down my throat, I don't really have any faith. I do wonder sometimes, that if I did maybe I would feel better in myself and be able to accept death and illness?
I'm fighting a lymph node in my neck at the moment and I'm convinced its lymphoma, then death. I don't think my background has helped, but its annoying to be like this.
:-)
PhoenixGrey
16-11-08, 19:38
I completely understand where both of you come from, but in many ways I can enjoy the fact that being an atheist I can live freely from restraint of 'do this' and 'do that' (obviously not completely - but I can live much freer than many do).
I think it would make things much easier.
I too could have written these posts. I think that the majority of people have these fears, but not many talk about it. I believe that when we die it is not the end, and that we go to the spirit world with all the people we have loved and lost, yet I am still afraid of death.... I have been to see mediums, some have proved to me that there is with out doubt another life beyond the death of our physical bodies, yet still I am afraid to die. I think that may be it is just a survival technique, planted deep in our souls so that we strive to live and carry on. After all, the spirit world sounds pretty damm fine, so we need something to keep us all here for our allotted time span :winks:
Sounds so lame but try to make the most of each and every day, easier said than done I know, I wish we could all find peace of mind xxx
I completely understand where both of you come from, but in many ways I can enjoy the fact that being an atheist I can live freely from restraint of 'do this' and 'do that' (obviously not completely - but I can live much freer than many do).
My view of death has changed somewhat over the years. I used to think it was definitely the end, but a few years ago I experimented with altered states of consciousness, and that convinced me that, at the very least, consciousness does not begin and end at the level of the individual.
The more I've read about science, the more I've realised how little we know. Our perception of time is subjective, not absolute, and I wonder if even our understanding of it as linear has more to do with our brain chemistry than with ultimate reality.
Maybe this all a bit "huge" for a Monday...
I think it is very gratifing if you have a belief in an after life. I belive in a God of my own understanding.
When I was young I used to go to church and Sunday school and was taught, through fear, that if I was not a good girl I would not go to heaven but would burn for ever in Hell.
Something I found even more disturbing of this all bountiful God was that if a baby was not chrisened before they died that would go to limbio. This was a place between heaven and hell :ohmy:
In my late teens and early twenties there was a lot going on in my life that was not good and at one time I thought that I was so bad that God did not want to know me any more.
I have no idea what will happen to me when I die. I do not believe in funerals as once again people are making money on people that die:ohmy: .
I want to be placed in an eco friendly casket, Have a the people that love me say a few words, if they want and to be buried in a place that I want. Still not sure where ye:ohmy: t.
Both my children were christened Church of E ngland and had the chance to go to Sunday School. When they said that they had had enought that was fine by me.
Food for thought or too deep?
Sheena
I believe in reincarnation and this is a video of the books I have read http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6MXCxlq8qB0
Do not watch it if it will make you upset
Thanks Trixie. I shall have a look later. I have an open mind and reincarnation is not something I have researched.
Sheena
Hmmm. I am a bit skeptical. She got a lot of coverage and wrote a book.
Sheena
I believe in reincarnation and this is a video of the books I have read http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=6MXCxlq8qB0
Do not watch it if it will make you upset
How do you know if it will make you upset?
How do you know if it will make you upset?
Well it is about children and their mother that died etc but it has a happy ending.
ElizabethJane
18-11-08, 15:45
I used to be afraid of the actual act of dying. I am a Christian so I believe that I will have everlasting life with my God. If anyone has watched somebody who is terminally ill die in a distressing way then I can understand where theirs and my fears lie. My Mother had MND and died choking to death and had a heart attack. She died in absolute fear and agony. If I knew I was dying of the same illness I wouldn't want to die like that. There is no way that I can tell whether I will die at relatively young age as she did. I'm less afraid now but the immediate years after her death were horrible. I had trouble with swallowing and acid indigestion which I thought was MND. Today I am less worried. If when the time comes I can let go and let God then I will be happy.
ElizabethJane
18-11-08, 15:47
What I am trying to say is that the research into MND does not rule out a hereditary link.
Well it is about children and their mother that died etc but it has a happy ending.
You didn't say that though! :)
Well she has now lol
Sheena
I think that is what most of us fear, the actual moment of death. I have this fear that I will die making a fuss, I would like to think I will die with dignity but knowing me I will be shouting and screaming for help, rather like when I had my kids, sooo embarrassing:blush: But as my partner pointed out, I wont be around to be embarrassed, good point:D As a spiritualist I believe we choose our earthly path with all its ups and downs, all the joys and sorrows. Boy am I going to have a stern word with myself when I pass over:yesyes:
Love to all x
PhoenixGrey
18-11-08, 17:26
I actually don't fear the moment of death - it's like going to sleep, I have a fear of that knowledge of death being something I can have no control over - something that I do not want to see coming - I want to die without knowing it's coming, hence the enormous fear of cancer (particularly if it was one I could have prevented ie. lung cancer)!
ElizabethJane
18-11-08, 17:51
If you have stopped smoking then there will be health benefits from that. We could all die from something that is completely unrelated to the illness that we fear. It is important to talk about death and dying especially if we have fears about it. Then it is time to concentrate on living. Take care.
If you have stopped smoking then there will be health benefits from that.
Personally I feel as though the tension when I don't smoke is doing me more damage than the the cigarettes ever did :(
I used to be afraid of the actual act of dying. I am a Christian so I believe that I will have everlasting life with my God. If anyone has watched somebody who is terminally ill die in a distressing way then I can understand where theirs and my fears lie. My Mother had MND and died choking to death and had a heart attack. She died in absolute fear and agony. If I knew I was dying of the same illness I wouldn't want to die like that. There is no way that I can tell whether I will die at relatively young age as she did. I'm less afraid now but the immediate years after her death were horrible. I had trouble with swallowing and acid indigestion which I thought was MND. Today I am less worried. If when the time comes I can let go and let God then I will be happy.
I believe in God, or a higher power, but a cruel one.
"As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods:
They kill us for their sport."
- Shakespeare, "King Lear"
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