I NEED support today

[chucklehound]

I am feeling really low today because of family problems. I had hardly any sleep because of an argument playing on my mind. My husbands ex is ruling our lives. She is stopping us seeing his daughter again and i dont know what to do. We were going to move to wales right away from her and when she found out she decided she was going to as well. I feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown and it is racing round in my mind. I feel i cant cope with anything else going wrong. Advice please...

All the best

Feel free pm me if you want to chat

steno -x-

[florence]

Hi Christine..

I am sorry to hear that she still causes you problems.. I don't know how to advice you on this as I haven't been in that situation..Can't your hubby tell her to back off?
Anyway you know you can call me anytime if you need a chat.
Take care for now.
Florence.

**Don't believe everything you think .**

[chucklehound]

He can put it behind him and get on with life because he has had to put up with this for the past 12 years but i cant leave things, i feel i have to fight for him and i have been for the past 6 years.

All the best

Feel free pm me if you want to chat

steno -x-

[Meg]

Steno,

If she still has this sort of total control over his daughter I presume she is still a fairly young child. When they split up what were the agreements for access and visitation times- even if they were agreed out of court he can still take it to get it legalized.

* i feel i have to fight for him and i have been for the past 6 years* Umm - its his issue and responsibility and as you say - its making you worse which may impact badly eventually on your current family life.

Ultimately you have no means of control over this situation with his child and ex wife which is probably why you're so frustrated, but it is one scenario you cannot control and win by your strength alone so try to accept your limitations and recognise where your influence is better used.

I do hope it gets better for you all.






Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[chucklehound]

With them never marrying he has no rights as her dad. The daughter is 12 and although the mother says its the daughters decision if she sees her dad it isnt because she has told the daughter that she isnt happy with her cin her dad. the thing that bothers me is that there doesnt have to b an argument for the mother to stop her from coming. I understand that its out of my control but that is what i cant except-Im not a control freak she is and I want to show her that she cant control me.

All the best

Feel free pm me if you want to chat

steno -x-

[Meg]

Oh Ok, not something I know much about, I was under the impression that if hes recognized as the biological Dad he could go for parental rights without any marriage.

She is certainly showing obsessive/possessive behaviour by saying she will follow you to Wales and using the daughter as a pawn in her control tactics.

Sorry its so tough on you ..


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[Piglet]

Hi Steno

This must be so upsetting for you both.

I'm not sure I understand why the wife would want to move to Wales too though, if she isnt really wanting dad to see their daughter - what would she gain from that?

Is there any way relations between you all could be improved?

I know from experience how hard this can be but the benefits can be enormous. When my ex and I split I didn't want his girlfriend anywhere near my children as I felt so hurt by them both.

After a few years though I realised this was hurting us all and it was not what I wanted to teach my children about. My children were very little at the time and I've always been over protective but I knew this wasn't really me, so I let them go. The first few times it tore me up and I cried endless tears in the bathroom thinking would they be ok without me, everyone would think she was their mum and she's 10 years younger than me sob sob sob (this was selfish thinking as it was more about me than them).

It got a lot easier though and the reward is my kids have a reasonably fair outlook on life and I now have a pretty good relationship with my ex and his wife and their two new children. There are moans of course but it also means whenever there are family do's to go to there is no strain attached. It was a humbling experience and I don't do humble well.

I really hope it all works out as ultimately I'm sure you all want the best for the daughter.

Love Piglet[8D]

[Sue K with 5]

Hi

I have two children from a previous relationship, and I know from my husband nows point of view what you are going through.

This woman sounds very bitter at the break up of her relationship and is using the daughter as a go between in making sure that you and your husband canoot move on with your lives which is absolute hell for you.

Your husband can apply to the court for parental rights as he has paid maintenance and has made every effort to keep the relationship between him and his daughter. You can also approach social services about your concerns and request family mediation.

If she is still determined to keep them apart then it is down to your partner to go direct to the courts to fight for access for her.

You do have rights and you have the right to live your life as you feel.

the one concilation is that one day the daughter will be old enough to make her own decisions and that will not involve his ex.

Dont let this have too much effect on your marriage I know its difficult but you are stron and you can get throught this


Take care



Sue

scknight

[zena]

Wow is all I can say.

You have got alot to contend with honey.
I just wish my brother was like him.
I think you will find that your hubby has got rights over his daughter. My brother wasn't married to the mother of his children, he had to apply to the court for parental responsabilty to get a say in their growing up. (even though this sometimes doesn't work).

I can't see her moving to Wales just to follow you, thats just bravado in my opionion. She knows she can upset you and she is doing her best to do it.

Move to Wales...best thing I've done. More relaxing for a start. That will really get the other woman down because then you will more relaxed to deal with her.

Agree with Piglet though at the end of the day it's whats best for the girl.
Hope this helps. Good luck honey

with good wishes

Zena