escapology
15-06-05, 12:41
For the past 12 years I've had to fight to become what I feel comfortable with and to get where I am in life. It's been an uphill struggle, with hurdles to overcome at every possible opportunity. There have been times I have wanted to give up but I haven't, so far!
So far in the last 12 years I have had to cope with.....I came out to my parents at the age of 21, took on an 11 year old daughter, coped with my partners abusive relationship and husband, divorce, giving up my career to earn money for us all, seperation from said g/f, moving, changing jobs, a new abusive (physical and mental) relationship, moving homes again, splitting with abusive partner, stalking, redundancy, being the 'other' woman, re-locating to London, changing jobs again, always being put second (Im the other woman), being lonely in London, find new friends, my relationship splitting, friends discarding me as I couldnt support them with their problems, a bad car accident, losing my job............. this list is endless....
Today, I don't think i can cope much more. I feel so belittled in life and on the edge that I feel if pushed that i could explode and head for the gutter. I've been there before. I've stood on a bridge and wanted to jump in front of a train. I'm heading that way again. the simpilest of tasks make me want to cry and head back home and hide under the duvet.
Where has the real me gone?
What can i do to get the real me back?
How do you all cope with day to day life and then also deal with the biggest hurdles thrown at us?
UUrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! [V] Im sitting here in tears and I just dont know what way to turn!
RANT OVER!
So far in the last 12 years I have had to cope with.....I came out to my parents at the age of 21, took on an 11 year old daughter, coped with my partners abusive relationship and husband, divorce, giving up my career to earn money for us all, seperation from said g/f, moving, changing jobs, a new abusive (physical and mental) relationship, moving homes again, splitting with abusive partner, stalking, redundancy, being the 'other' woman, re-locating to London, changing jobs again, always being put second (Im the other woman), being lonely in London, find new friends, my relationship splitting, friends discarding me as I couldnt support them with their problems, a bad car accident, losing my job............. this list is endless....
Today, I don't think i can cope much more. I feel so belittled in life and on the edge that I feel if pushed that i could explode and head for the gutter. I've been there before. I've stood on a bridge and wanted to jump in front of a train. I'm heading that way again. the simpilest of tasks make me want to cry and head back home and hide under the duvet.
Where has the real me gone?
What can i do to get the real me back?
How do you all cope with day to day life and then also deal with the biggest hurdles thrown at us?
UUrrrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! [V] Im sitting here in tears and I just dont know what way to turn!
RANT OVER!