Four days...

[Mudskipper]

That's all I lasted! Between getting some reassurance on my last worry (wifes' persistent cough) and finding something new to worry about! Channel hopping last night and I just happened to hit a local news programme at the end of an item about CJD, closely followed by another one on oral cancer. Now I'm worrying about the burgers I fed my kids last night and the small sore patch on my gum. My dentist apparently is far too busy to be checking on things like this unless they're painful or causing real problems, which kind of goes against the old prevention being better than cure ethos, but I guess I've no choice but to wait and see if it improves on its' own. Do doctors generally know about oral health? Maybe I should just make an appointment to see him instead.
Generally I'm beginning to feel that this is it, I'm stuck like this until something finally finishes me off. Just brief interludes of relief and happiness before something else inevitably rolls up to disrupt my life again. Sometimes I look at older people in their 70's and 80's, sat on a bench watching the world go by and I feel quite envious. Little left to worry about, take each day as it comes and enjoy it and, hopefully, slip peacefully away in your sleep one night. Just seems like I'll be very lucky to get that far and, if I do, I won't have enjoyed the journey. Anyone else feeling this way?

[PhoenixGrey]

YES! Thank you. I have felt like this every single day for a month now, but mine concentrates solely on cancer - everything I eat, drink or breathe I worry if it will be the thing that gets me.

I look at everyone around me thinking how lucky they are to have reached that age, terrified that I won't.

I know it's horrible, but I've just been put on prozac and had the best night's sleep that I've had in at least 5 weeks, not waking up once, it was amazing.

I hope there's others with this issue and maybe we can find a way to get past it.

[Jan63]

Yes I'm the same - cancer phobic.:weep: It's the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning. I have had these feelings a few years ago when I thought I had throat cancer when I couldn't swallow properly but my doctor gave me an examination and told me everything was fine and I was just stressed because my mum was in hospital and very ill. I was fine afterwards and although I had small worries they went away but now I'm finding that I'm constantly worrying about it all the time. The other week I was feeling my breasts constantly for lumps and got paranoid there might be one somewhere even though I couldn't feel one. Now I feel it might be bowel cancer because my bowel feels sore inside. I can't eat properly - just eating ready brek cos it doesn't smell bad. I have lost nearly a stone in weight in the last couple of months or so which is good in a way because it brings me down to my ideal weight for my height but it does worry me that I have no appetite. I feel bad keep bothering the doctors because I know they have people who are more ill than me to see.

I think what doesn't help is all the 'advertising' about cancer these days. Every tv programme, paper, posters in the doctors etc seem to focus on cancer and it's in my head all the time. This morning my local radio station even had an advert about a man with cancer - you just can't get away from the word no matter how hard you try.:weep: I just wish they would stop going on about it because I'm convinced this isn't helping people who suffer from anxiety problems.:weep:

I also found myself looking at old people the other week and thinking how lucky they were to get to that age. I don't think I would mind if I got it when I was very old but it's so hard to think about leaving your family when you are younger.:weep:

[Rootytooty]

Yes, I could have written that post myself.

Before, I used to worry about getting older, looking older.
Now I look at old people, and wonder what their secret is. I so desperately want to stay alive until my children have grown up, I couldn't care less about wrinkles, saggy bits, as long as I am healthy.
I feel like cancer is an inevitability, like the odds are stacked against me. I want to enjoy my life, but feel like I can't.


So sorry to hear that you feel like I do, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[PhoenixGrey]

Yes - I mean the awareness is great - but its that fear of not finding the cancer in time, I'm very aware that most cancers can be sorted if you catch them in time - but its this constant fear of not doing that then being told you have x long to live. I'm 20! I do not need this worry in my world.

I'm glad to hear other people have the same experience - but sad as well cause I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I'm feeling far better today than I have in a long time, needing to remember that the main cause of cancer is still ageing, I can cope if I get it when I'm 70, but I want some chance to live first, that is my ultimate fear.

I've just been put on prozac cause it had taken over my life, I wasn't eating properly, couldn't sleep - had the most horrendous nightmares!, couldn't concentrate at work (i spent all day on here or on various websites giving me info about cancer), it became an obsession, I think I'm pulling out of it though at the moment, maybe not completely, but maybe to the point where I can function normally, how old was everyone when this happened to them?

Do any of you know what triggered this health anxiety? I think mine was triggered by quitting smoking and a minor health scare.

[brokeninpieces]

i am so sorry you are struggling, you can get through this. i feel the same i am always worrying if i will ever get to my granny age. and if i will always be like this. it can be really scary. *hugs*

Louise x

[Jan63]

What also worries me about it is that once the doctor knows you are prone to anxiety do they just not bother looking for anything else? I saw a doctor last week and I asked her if she would just mind checking my tummy as I felt there was something wrong (I don't really feel that I should have had to ask her) she just laughed and said 'I doubt I will find anything' She just did a quick feel round and said no it's fine. I feel if I go again they won't take me seriously and will just put it down to anxiety all the time so cancer may be missed.:weep:

[Mudskipper]

And again! Only caught 5 minutes of that Survivors programme last night whilst channel-hopping. Now I'm worrying about flu pandemics and my kids being left alone without parents...

Utterly, utterly sick of this. If I could flick a switch and erase my ever having existed, I wouldnt hesitate for a moment.